His Mom thinks Poetry means I'm dumping him

[CupcakeCrisis]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about four years and living together for about a year. I have always liked his family. They have always been polite and kind to me. I'm not super-keen on his sister, who is a known gossip and wants to meddle in our relationship like nobody's business (we're not friends. Yet she'll randomly message me or call me to know about the state of our relationship over random, benign things).

 

I am a writer...so, believe it or not, I write. I'll often post my work on Facebook for friends to read. This has never been a problem. I've been into writing poetry a little more often lately and posting that. Two of my recent poems were about love and breaking up. I could see that being more peculiar if I WEREN'T a writer.

 

I knew something was off when his sister messaged me and started demanding to know if I was going to leave him. Earlier on my Facebook wall, I had mentioned that I needed to take my job search out of our immediate vicinity (half hour range) because I can't find anything. I mentioned off-hand that a company from another state, in a city about 4 or 5 hours away, had called me for an interview to a friend. I didn't say if I was going to go interview or not.

 

That was mentioned and his sister demanded to know if I was moving. I was annoyed, feeling like every little detail was being watched and scrutinized, but I gave her a polite answer and told her no. I started laughing when she thought that my poem meant I was surely going to dump my boyfriend.

 

(I don't talk about my boyfriend on Facebook really - just because I hate the people who can't stop awing over theirs).

 

In any case, my boyfriend came home last night and told me he had to make a pitstop at his parents. I was concerned, so I asked why. His mother called him at work and asked him to come over, apparently refusing to discuss it by IM or by phone. He got there and she explained to him that she thought I was leaving him because of my poetry.

 

For what it's worth, the poems included at least a few allusions to indicate that it obviously WASN'T about us.

 

I'm very annoyed that she pulled this. His mom and I have ALWAYS been close. We even go to the gym together a few times a week and hang out. Now I feel like I have to watch my every word. If conversation comes up about getting a job a little bit away from here (this has happened before even about jobs less than an hour away!), I'm leaving him.

 

She has pulled something like this before - while working, I find a geneaology site about a family with the same last name as my boyfriend's. I asked on Facebook, to his family, if the family had been in Pennsylvania around the 1800s. His uncle was answering about the family tree. Then his mom came into the commenting and started ripping on the uncle, explaining that "no one needed to be talking about the family."

 

WTF?

 

I deleted the threads, then got to read a message from her chronicling how stupid her brother-in-law is, etc.

 

I always thought MY mom was the one to watch out for, but at least I know what I'm getting with her. His mother, now? Oh boy.

[january2011]

Thing is, you've allowed her into your 'inner circle' and both she and his sister feel that they're entitled to voice their opinions about your relationship and meddle in your decision-making.

 

My gut tells me that you have to choose and nip this in the bud now. Either remain close and accept that she thinks she's entitled to have a say in your relationship, or put some distance between the two of you - limit her view of your Facebook profile if you can. Tell her that you appreciate her concern but it's between you and her son. Similar message to his sister.

 

I'd also suggest that your boyfriend actively supports you on this rather than acting like a casual bystander - which is what I'm reading from your post.