Tony, what should I do?

[RON]

Tony, I've found the perfect woman. We have fun together, we spend alot of time together, everything is perfect. The thing is, we haven't had sex. I haven't pushed it a whole lot, because that's not what I'm all about. BUT, I am getting to the point where something has got to happen. We've talked about marriage and I think that I'm ready for that with her. Now, here's the problem. I've hinted around about the whole sex thing with her and she never bites. She will change the subject or figure a way to get around the conversation. All my buddies have told me I should just lay it on the line and tell her. I have been avoiding that like the plague because I don't want to run her off. Well, this morning she called me and asked to borrow some money. I basically said that I'd loan it to her if she would give it up.(I know.....Classy). She then told me that she didn't like sex and that she thought it was gross. After about a 5 minute awkward silence I told her I'd call her later. I'm in shock. Should I continue my relationship with her? We are talking about marriage here, so am I being selfish? I feel like calling it quits. Help me out here, I don't want it to be over, but what's going to happen after we're married and she won't make love? Am I putting too much importance on sex? ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!

[Luci Lu]

I'm not Tony but as a married woman of many years, I speak from experience when I say continuing a relationship with someone you might be considering marriage to who does not like sex and thinks it's gross is not a good plan for the future.

 

My husband's interest in sex is so minimal you could say it doesn't exist. I knew this when we married and thought it would be ok because everything else was good.

 

It is NOT ok. Sexual intimacy with a life partner is, and should be, part of the package. It's not everything, no, but it makes a marriage and life in general much more pleasant to know that you are wanted and desirable by the one you have committed your life to.

 

You are not putting too much emphasis on sex nor are you selfish, you're a normal guy with sexual desires for someone you love - if that desire is not reciprocated now, it will be a dismal marriage for you in the future. If she wants to wait until you are married, that's one thing and is commendable in many respects. However, if sex to her is gross, it probably always will be and you will be one unhappy married man.

 

However, another way of looking at this could be that perhaps she has had extremely unpleasant sexual experiences in the past. Can you be the one she might open up to if this is the case? If you feel you can approach this possibility with her, do so. You may find out that she says it's gross because of something you don't know. If you love her, it's worth the effort.

[Tony T]

You obviously enjoy sex and she has told you she doesn't like sex and she thinks its gross. Sex is a very important component of a relationship, it is an very intimate expression of the love between two people. You would be wrong to sacrifice sex for anyone. The love with go pretty quick anyway.

 

Don't you dare loan her any money, either. I doubt she would be good for it.

 

If she is really a nice girl, she will stop seeing you anyway for asking for sex in return for a loan.

 

My personal feeling, just between you and me, is that she is having sex with someone else who is broke and is trying to get money from you to give to him.

 

A woman will ALWAYS have sex with the right person. How can it be dirty to her when that's what got her here in the first place. You should have reminded her of that.

 

This is just not a pretty scene or a healthy relationship. Get out of it. I can smell it from here.

 

DROP HER BUTT THIS MINUTE!!!