No contact rule does work - Ex has called

[jw32802]

Hmm....but if you don't have chemistry with the new one, do you really think you could make it work? U sure you aren't just settling for her right now? I couldn't be w/ someone if theres no chemistry and you cant force it. So shes clingy? in what way? always asking what you're doing, etc??

[fishman3226]

Nah.. she is wanting more than I can give to her - like moving in and so on. She wants it all without lay th eground work I suppose.

 

There is some chemistry there - but it is like I can hold a conversation with the ex for hours - I mean literally hours - but the gf maybe half an hour. She is also a bit too forward about sex - sounds odd, but too aggresive.

 

It is like chalk and cheese - I know if i did not have the option of the ex I would have a fair dinkum go - I am distracted I suppose in what I want to do.

[jw32802]

I guess i am asking because im in a tough situation too; it's kinda long, so you dont have to read but im hurting so bad.

My ex has some mental issues also and i told him he had to get some help or i couldnt do it anymore, he would do the same as your girl; tell me how much he is in love w/ me one day and then the next day pull away. All in all, he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and that that is just how he is, hes got issues. i ended up breaking if off

he would cry to me saying he wish he'd get help but he was scared. afterawhile i couldnt take it and i broke it off, thinking hed change but instead he just got mad at me. one night i got mad and told him i was dating someone else....well he was like "i have a new girlfriend" after awhile and i was like fine. everytime id be like "all i wanted was for you to change and instead you get a new girl" and he was like "you were the one who dated first, you are the one who dumped me"

I just couldnt talk to him if he was with someone else, but June 21 he text me and said "i have been thinking aboutyou all day, god i miss you" i didnt respond to it so the next night i get another text that says "F off, i never likedyou to begin with i have a new girlfriend"...well i was really nice and called and said "i dont know what that was for, but theres nothing i can do about that, im sorry thatyou are so mad" well then he writes "i didnt write that, that girl i am dating did when she saw all your texts; dont worry, i wont be seeing that FREAK anymore". why would he write that if he's with her still? he texted and called me every single nght and then he cameout thurs night to where he know i was, because he said " i had to seeyou" and the whole night he was by my side and myfriends said he stared at me all night, he came over and said "i miss you" and " i thoughtyou were gone forever, i wantyou back" well stupidme goes to his house and when i wakeup i find pictures of the new girl hanging up and a card from her acting like they are in love.....he took her to see his whole familyalready and took her away to florida and they are in LBI this weekend. all he keeps saying is " I thought you were gone forever, i thought you moved to california, i didnt know you'd be back" but he seems to tell her the same things he told me. i actually called her and she said that they were going to get married, she said she put up the pictures and all......shes like "we;re in love, who areyou?" i feel so hurt right now, because all he does it text me every day saying "i still love you, and i cant move on, my friends ask me "what is it about jen? you could have any girl you want and you cant stop talking about jen" and he just says "i dont know i just love her so much". he texted me 3 nights ago saying "i still love you". and the one about "i have been thinkingabout you all day". he said "when i jer* off, all i do is think of you" but i know he is with this new girl? what isgoing on? i finally said to him after i saw pictures and talked to her, he called me and said "I cant believeyou called her, what did you say? I aid "I cant believeyou lied to me all this time, you say you want me back butyou're with this girl" and i said "i wish you luck but i am changing my number" and i changed it. Why did he do this to me? why would he take her to florida 2 times in 3 months and she met his family and his dad in florida and they goi away all the time, she said "are you jen? he said he only dated you once" i cant believe this i am dying in side. thurs night he kept calling saying "i need my cable box can you bring it over" and i did. he hugged me in the doorway and said "you look so good" then i left to go hang with my friends and 5 min later i get a call saying "i have to seeyou, i just have to see you" and he came there and stood by myside all night long, myfriends said he just started at me. he kept switching spots with people so he could stand next to me and hold my hand. he kept holding and hugging me saying "god i missyou" kissing me on the forehead. he had told me before that he was dating someone but i thought he said it to make me jealous. hes like "i want you back baby, i thought you were gone forever, theres no girl anymore, i want you back." if he tells me every day he loves me why wouldh e be with her? thats when i went to his house and we made love all night and he told me i was so beautiful and then i wake up to all of this (he had left for fishing though)....what do i do about this pain? do i call him and make closure (blocking number of course) , i changed mynumber and deleted my email account....do you guys think he is in love withme but needs her as a diversion; he always said that he is lonely. but why take her to meet his family when he didnt even introduce ME to his family because they are a bunch of rich snobs and he was embarrassed of how they might treat me. the new girl seems like she could be that type, like a girl who is out for money ya know? but i dont know, she might not be....

i called that sunday, july 4th and left a closure message, just saying "i cried for 2 days and now im ok...I think i really built myself esteem up in the last few months and i know i was good enough, and i will miss you but you have some issues to sort out....i really wish you well and i hope you and this girl can make it work. there were other things i said but i hope this didnt sound too bad that i did contact him. AFter that i changed my phone number. 5 days later i got an email from him (july 7 in middle of the night) and it said "Bye..luck" I just deleted it and didnt answer

It hurts bad to think about the one you love so much and were planning on marrying being with another girl, its killing me. Last night i was doing ok and then this morning its like a living hell.

i guess i was just wondering if maybe he does think of me even if hes with her. He always said i was different than any other girl and that there was no one like me. I wonder if this is just a rebound.

[fishman3226]

Mate, I see what you say. My ex is getting help thankfully and it does appear that way. In my heart I want her back, my head is sort of saying is the effort worth it?

 

In my opinion I think you need to let him stand on his own two feet - he ois dragging you down into his mess - I found that my ex's depression and her own confusion was in a way causing the same thing in me. I went to counsellors and all to get thru this s**t.

 

If I saw the same thing as my ex was in her tonight I would have ended all mmy hopes and dreams - comes to it that is this what you want from your life long partner? Do you want to be worried about what is going to happen if he has an 'attack' again? What about kids and so on.

 

I know it is hard, but ou must protect you - ignore him - though tell him to ONLY come back if he seeks help. Only the person with the problem can get help, you can only encourage them.

 

I thought my situation was bad, I feel for you jw32802.

 

And yeah, I know I am on the rebound. Sucks hard and I know I am going to potentially REALLY hurt someone soon.

[jw32802]

Yeah i guess, but it hurts me so much that he is so serious with this rebound, but still calls me and tells me that he cant get me out of my head. i feel like if he loved me he's have gotten help, but all he says is "you have to accept me for me" hes afraid to get help because he doesnt want to be on medication that makes him a zombie or something. i hope that this is just the newness of the rebound and that he realizes what i mean to him later and gets help .

[fishman3226]

OK, I am a touch 'removed' from this but this is how I see it...

 

If he was so serious, why is he contacting you? This girl would also be getting mixed messages too you realise.

 

I can understand what you say but not all help involves medication - maybe he needs some therapy in the sense of talking to someone professionally? Plus, if he is that scared, surely he could investigate other avenues of help?

 

Remember to protect you.... you are important in the long run. You sound a good person to stay by his side when he needs help and that is very honourable. It must hurt - a lesser person would run away. But remember to look after yourself!!

 

Give him the ultimatum - get help or dont coe back.It will hurt, but that may be the only thing to help him.

[Nozmo]

To the people (and Dasani) for the replies-AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Let me tell you, you did the right thing. Fayebelle, I hate playing games (or having people play games with me), and vowed a long time ago that I wouldn't be involved in that. But, as it turns out, I've tried to be the "good ol' girl" by being honest, submissive, etc. and have gotten my heart broken, all because I didn't play "The Game" and didn't have the self-esteem to stand up for myself (when it came to love and relationships, anyway.)

 

My childhood sweetheart and I have been on/off for 2 years now, and were living together for almost a year, until we got into a fight and he decided he needed his space and left. For a month I only spoke to him twice (by accident) and never tried to see him/contact him on purpose. Well, I had my moment of weakness and felt like I needed some closure of all this and invited him to visit me one night. I did what I've always did-told him I was sorry, that I loved him, I missed him, etc.etc. While he opened up a little, it wasn't the same. He led me on by saying that he would see me this weekend and would call me, but the call never came. I feel like he knows he has "control" over the situation, and it pisses me off to no end because I feel like I have NO input/say-so in the matter. I tried to be honest and felt like I should at least try to patch things up, so that I could move on, but instead I opened the door for him to LEAD me on.

 

YES, doing the No Contact thing sucks a big one, but I've tried my best to stay busy and call other people instead of him (I also deleted any phone numbers that have anything to do with him, so the temptation wasn't as strong since I had no digits to call him.) After reading your replies, I realize now that I have got to take control of MYSELF and MY ACTIONS, and play "The Game" that this guy so loves to play with me (this crap has been going on for 12 years now- on and off.) I feel like I made the first move to try to reconcile, and if doesn't try to contact me, etc. then that will be the closure I need to really move on with my life.

 

I am encouraged by all of you and your strength it took to help you get over a touchy situation with a loved one. I know with time things will get better for me. You guys are great-keep up the wonderful replies! PLEASE feel free to give me more advice on how to deal with this guy.

Nozmo (aka Very Heartbroken and Tired of Crying Over the Same GUY!)

[fishman3226]

I gave mine this email today:

 

M*****,

 

I need a resolution one way or another.

 

I need to know this and I want to know, are we going to try getting back together.

 

Comes down to this. I want to try and see what will happen with us because I love you – I know you know this - you either do or you don’t. Again last night we shared an interaction that shows how well we fit. You also keep on coming back to me, not the other way around.

 

If you are worried about what COULD be (bad things) then think about the fact that I have had six months to realise what I stuffed up. I told you where I did and I know what I did wrong. Everyone changes M*****, you included.

 

I cannot cope anymore with this going on – I don’t want to push a resolution but it needs to be done. I spoke to my counsellor after speaking with you who advised me this is the best decision.

 

If you want to try our relationship then I give you until Monday 19th to make a concrete decision. After that if you say no then I cannot see you anymore – it is too painful and to be honest it will do nothing for my own life to have it hanging over my head.

 

If you say yes, I will leave J*** and we will work out together the best way for us to pick up where we left off – be it thru counselling or whatever.

 

If you say no then over the course of the following month I will make a move to give back your stuff so I can move on with my life.

 

I will say that I am doing this for I love you and I need to look after me. I will lose J*** if it is not resolved and it will hurt my relationships with my kids.

 

I cannot promise anything more than my heart and soul and a determined effort to try. You know who I am, you don’t know how much I have improved. You cannot see what our future would be without living it.

 

A****.

 

Then I will either get her back or move on.

[dreamguy]

Nozmo,

 

A relationship that lasts 12 years is not easy to let go off ! It's a huge part of your life, of who you are and who you became as time passed by.

But there's something you have to realize, maybe you need to go out there and see what the world is made of. Meet new people along the way, fall in and out of Love and perhaps get heart broken a few times before you settle down for this guy (if you end up with him).

How old are you both ?

Give him the space he is asking for and claim yours. Yes, claim your own space because whether you admit it or not you need to breathe ! You need to see the colors of the world. You need to taste what life has to offer, the bitter and the sweet. Only then will your personality be complete and will your decisions be certain and final when it comes to matters of the heart.

Don't cling to him. You made your feelings clear when you invited him to visit you. Move on ! It's the best thing to do. Reveal your feelings and continue your way. Never hold on to him because it sure won't make him change his mind. It would only re-enforce his initial decision to have some time alone.

[junegloom]

Three weeks have gone by and we didn't speak. Finally he called me last night. We had a great conversation and fortunately I was having a "good day", so I was bubbly and chatty. It appeared as though I was doing just fine.

 

He invited me to an outing this weekend with some friends, to which I accepted. I thought this meant that he wanted to start making ammends.. I thought he was trying to tell me what his decision was - to stay together.

 

He asked me how I was and I told him all the things I've been doing the past three weeks, but didn't mention anything about my feelings about "us". When I asked him, he went right into it. The shock was that he said he's been struggling getting used to "being single again". And that he eventually told his mother that we were broken up and that she was upset over it. And that he told one of our friends (who I'll see on this outing this weekend) that we were broken up but to "keep it under his hat".

 

I was shocked because he's been operating with the impression these past three weeks that we were broken up. While I was listening to him I thought to myself, "HUH?! Did I miss something in our last conversation??" I was dumbfounded, but didn't let on. He went on and on about how he's left all my things around his place to "remind him of me" and how I can leave my things there for as long as I like. He said he's had some "down times" thinking about us and missed me, thought we are both such nice people and how it's a shame, blah blah blah. He also said how it still feels unreal that we're actually broken up.

 

(I saw his best friend this past weekend. He was telling someone in front of me what a great couple we make. I just kept my mouth shut, smiled and laughed nervously. You gotta love stuff like that! Anyway, it's obvious that he hasn't even told his best friend yet.)

 

Then he asked about how *I* felt about "us". I didn't want to answer this question.. I really was trying to stay upbeat and wasn't sure how I would be able to improvise a sensible answer when inside my heart was crushed that he's decided we were broken up all these weeks and I didn't even know it.. Before the conversation got to this point I even tried ending the conversation as you do with things like "Well, it was nice talking to you" or "I hope things goes well for you". But he just kept talking.. so he painted me in a corner and I was forced to answer his question. I hesitatingly answered that I thought it was "a shame that we broke-up but there's nothing I can do about it" and that "it will be okay".

 

He said loads of other things but it all just points to the same things: mixed messages and "come here, go away".

 

I asked him the reason why we broke up because I wasn't clear about it and he said because I wanted a committment or a plan from him for a future together which he was unable to give me because he wants "flexibility".

 

I said that I thought it was either because he didn't want to *ever* be married, he didn't want to marry *me*, or he was fed up fighting about it. He answered immediately he was fed up fighting about it, and added that he couldn't take the pressure.

 

Then he said there were other little things, too, and I said "Like what?", which I asked very gently I might add because I didn't want to make it sound like I was unable to hear the truth. So he paused and said "um.." and "well, no it was just the pressure." I thought it was wierd that it was almost as though he was looking for other things wrongs with us. I mean, I was in this relationship, too, and I know we had something that was rare and very special. There simply was nothing else wrong other than the question of his intentions.

 

Now that I know we're broken up, I don't really want to see him this weekend. I can't feign friendship, not right now. How can *he*?? How could he even want to be friends after what we had?? It's so unnatural! We've always been lovers.

 

Maybe I must be open to this new relationship we'll have now.. I don't know. I suppose I could do it, it's just.. I don't believe this. It doesn't feel real to me either. I didn't tell him that.

 

He says he really wants to remain friends and wants to help me in any way possible. (I'm moving soon and I'm assuming he meant helping me move, but who knows.)

 

I miss him so badly and I want him back. I can tell he still loves me, but he did say that he thinks this break is for the best.

 

What's going on in his head? What can I do to get him back?

 

How can I expedite his realization, which I'm sure will hit him, that what we had was much better than "flexibility"? Which, by the way, he had in our relationship.. I never kept him from doing anything he wanted to do.. NEVER. And he never complained that he felt trapped in any way. We both grew as individuals over the years, but it seems our relationship could not.. not when he has this odd idea about a "flexibility" that's out there beyond this relationship..

 

Thanks for your advice, dreamguy. I would REALLY love your perspective on this, as your last post helped me out immensely.

 

I'd also appreciate anyone else's advice too!

 

[fishman3226]

Mate, I would refer to what I did - basically say to him that it is all or nothing - if he wants you then 'take' it or go away so you can grieve and move on.

 

Simple as that.

 

I kind of am a bit jaded, but hell, you deserve better than that as do we all - especially when getting conflicting messages. Theyeither lov you or they dont. If they respect you they wont hurt you - if they dont respect you then they will.

 

Basically tell em to "s**t or get off the pot."

[Nozmo]

Your email was good to your ex. Last night I made the decision to set a date for myself as well. I'm not telling my ex when it is, but it's plenty of time for him to "get his priorities" straight.

 

My ex has children, and though he fails in trying to contact them or see them, he has put them first in his list of priorities. I would like to be at least up there at the top of his priorities, but he told me that I would always be "second" to the children. I would NEVER want him to put his children anywhere else but first, but felt like since I lived with him for 9 months and gave everything I had to offer to our relationship that I would be considered somewhere "at the top of his list", but I doubt it seriously that will ever happen.

 

I probably wouldn't have given your ex or told your ex what date she needed to respond to you, because then she'll wait purposely after that date to try to get you back, to see if you're really going to be true to your word (I know because it's happened to me.)

 

Please keep me informed of how it goes and thank you for your advice!

 

Nozmo

[Nozmo]

Thank you, Dreamguy, for the advice! I am going out on my "first date" this week with a really nice guy, and like Fishman, have given a date for my ex to get his act together. I will not tell him when it is, but it gives him plenty of time (and me, too) to see what we need to do.

 

He told me he needed to get his priorities straight, so I decided to do the same for me. I'm eating healthier, going out more (thanks to my awesome friends), joining a band again, trying to work on my spiritual life, etc. I am NOT sitting at home having pity parties for myself, and I haven't tried to contact him or try to see him (except for inviting him over) in the time we've been apart. Yes, I agree. I laid out my feelings for him, so now it is his move, but I'm not waiting around for him to do so. Everything is on HIS shoulders now. But he just doesn't know that hope is slowly fading away, while I'm moving on quickly. Maybe this is the best thing for us. I guess time will tell.

[fishman3226]

Well done Nozmo - look after you and if it is meant to be it will.

 

You should be proud of yourself.

[dreamguy]

junegloom,

I asked him the reason why we broke up because I wasn't clear about it and he said because I wanted a committment or a plan from him for a future together which he was unable to give me because he wants "flexibility".

Now how exactly would you define flexibility in this case ? Could it be the freedom to be with you without promising you anything ? How old are you, how old is he ?

 

Now that I know we're broken up, I don't really want to see him this weekend. I can't feign friendship, not right now. How can *he*?? How could he even want to be friends after what we had?? It's so unnatural! We've always been lovers.

Then do not contact him for the time being and focus on yourself as fishman said. That's the purpose of no contact: to take the necessary time for yourself to heal so you can contact your ex again as a friend while keeping your emotions at bay.

So many people on this forum misunderstood me when I advised them to follow the no contact process. They thought I meant: When a person dumps you then you should not contact them at all. No, that's not what I meant and, in fact, I'm thinking of opening a new thread about this to clarify my point of view.

It's ok to contact your ex every now and then on three conditions:

1) they sound happy or at least neutral when talking to you. They do not sound pissed or cold.

2) you have reached a point where you can TOTALLY control your feelings for them. By that I mean you should not sound depressed or sad, you should not talk about the past, you should not talk about your feelings for them, you should not ask them who they are seeing and you should not tell them who you are seeing. Any negative emotion you show will be an instant buzz killer.

3) always make your contacts as pleasurable as possible without overdoing it. Joke with them, laugh etc... These pleasurable moments will eventually build up and their cumulative effect might be enough to rekindle the flame.

 

We both grew as individuals over the years, but it seems our relationship could not.. not when he has this odd idea about a "flexibility" that's out there beyond this relationship..

Then I'd say the time has come for you to give him some space until the relationship's maturity catches up with your maturity as individuals.

 

Nozmo,

Glad to see you're doing better, that's right you should focus on getting yourself back before you can even think of getting back with you ex !

[fishman3226]

I actually tonight told my current gf that I want a week to sort out everything and then I told the ex that is what the situation is. I told her that I broke it off with my gf so as I can resolve me and her.

 

I made some hard decisions tonight about where I am at - bugger it - I am sick of playng all the games and lying and wanting and all. Comes a time when I have to make a stand. I may edup with no one out of this but I will have my resolution.

 

As a sidenote, if anyone out there has access to it, I know in Australia they have online free phone counsellors you can call. I strongly recommend it - saves alot of problems.

[fishman3226]

As a post script to - I believe in my head that I wont have her make a decision and that I will have to make it for her. I know what she feels inside, but I think she wont admit it to herself.

 

I gave her until Monday, but I plan to ring her Sunday night and ask to meet up with her for dinner - dont care where - and get her answer. Hardest thing will be to walk away (assuming that will the result.)

 

I know she deleted my ultimatum email to her - I am not going to contact her until Sunday either - leave her think - though I plan to 'accidently' walk past her (she works in the same building as me) one night to guage what is happening.

 

I may have a good story to tell, or a final resolution. I just hope I made the right choice.

[Nozmo]

Fishman, do what YOU need to do to help you get closure!

 

My friends all thought I was C-R-A-Z-Y for contacting my ex and asking him for a visit. But it was something I needed to do for myself. And now that I look back, I'm glad my ex came over-we talked and I got answers to a lot of questions that I needed answers to-but in a way I feel like he kinda led me on (you know, telling me he loves me, that we'll get back together soon, etc.) The last thing anyone needs is false hope. Today I really wanted to call him, but got on here instead, and reading others' posts helps me tremendously.

 

I am proud of you for trying one last time. Don't say that you might end up by yourself forever. You never know who you might meet that will be the most wonderful person for you. I've always loved my ex even when I was with other people, but I'm getting to a point to where I am physically and emotionally TIRED of chasing after him and fighting so hard to have him. Do you REALLY have to do all that just to be with someone?

 

I hope all works out for you, Fishman. As crazy as it may sound, sometimes we have to do things for ourselves to get the resolution we need to move on. If I had to work/live by my ex, it would be excrutiating to see him and not run up to him to talk to him.

 

Keep me posted!

 

Nozmo

[liberty66]

I just spent an hour reading this thread and you all have some interesting things to say. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my ex-husband - read my post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t42989/

 

I've stopped initiating anything or calling as of Sunday except for a couple calls I had to make that concerned our kid, but I did not discuss anything but business. An hour after my phone call today, I get a call back asking me if I had just called him again. I didn't and he has caller ID so why that weird question with a delay that followed? I told him no I didn't and nicely ended the coversation. Ya think he's getting a little lonely LOL? For the past two weeks he got all sorts of attention from me and man did his ego inflate and the grin grew from ear to ear. Then I ripped it away, partly because I've grown way too much to be a one-side relationship person and truthfully, he doesn't even deserve me back around. I feel like I've done enough, his turn now. Or should I make a different move? I suspect he'll call me for sex the first night this weekend that he gets drunk. Advice please because I've already done the chasing and I'm done in that respect. He told me flat out that he likes it this way and he's enjoying the attention, because since it was my idea to use each other, I should be the one to call anyway. I think that comment pissed me off and his ego needs deflation.

[Brian83]

Just wanted to wish you luck on your situation, Dreamguy. You seem to have quite a bit of worthy advice. I appreciate the suggestions that you made for my situation. I'd be curious as to what your profession was, or maybe if you have a background in this sort of thing, other than personal experience. Take it easy and again, good luck. - Brian

[Nozmo]

Hi there!

 

While me and my ex were never married, I did the same thing you did. He left me after 9 months because he needs his "space." So, I didn't try to contact him after a month of not seeing/hearing from him. For me to have some clarity, I invited him over one night. We talked, and ended up doing the deed (even though I was fighting back the urge to do so.) Here I am thinking that by being intimate we would get back together before the weekend ended, and he said he would call me, but the phone call never came. So, I know what it feels like to be used, and I feel like the ex is doing the same to you. Isn't it hard to not be with someone you feel so close to, both physically and emotionally? Sex is very powerful-God intended it to be "the tie that binds." And man, does it ever!

 

By allowing myself to sleep with my ex, I allowed myself to be used and to be led on. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize that, but I felt like if I didn't try to extend the peace pipe, I would never get any closure for myself. Dreamguy said it best: it's easy for us to give advice to others, but when it comes to our own situations, we're like "WHAT TO DO?" Now I know that the next step is his, and I've set a future date for him to decide on what he wants. As Fishman said "S**t or get off the pot." Maybe you can do the same thing, but if you do, STICK BY IT and don't let the ex know when the date is. Put on your calendar or keep it to yourself.

 

You guys shared a life together, and have a child together, so right there he has ammunition to use against you to get you to "be" with him. All I can tell you is to be STRONG! When I feel weak, I get on this forum and read others' advice, and I feel like I can overcome this. Hopefully, you will as well.

 

Your guy (like my ex) "thinks" he has control, so let him know as soon as possible that he doesn't. He is stringing you along, just like my ex, and now when I think about what he's doing to me, it makes me mad as a wet hornet! It also makes me mad to think someone would do that to another person after giving up so much to make his sorry butt happy, but that's another story.

 

Liberty, just be strong, girl! You can do it! Talk to your friends, get on this chatboard and pour your heart out. I am so thankful for finding this forum, because it has helped me see how others handle the same situations we're going through.

 

Go back and read what Dreamguy and Fishman have to say about their situations-some pretty awesome stuff to read and go by!

 

Nozmo

[Nozmo]

How are ya'll doing? Thanks, Dreamguy, for the words of encouragement. Are you some kind of licensed relationship counselor? If not, you need to be, darlin'! Your responses are dead-on. You just keep being strong-that ex of yours may come around, but it may be too late. You may find someone tomorrow who has more potential and love to give than she ever did. I believe what comes around goes around, so she'll get her share, don't worry!

 

Fishman, hang in there, buddy!

 

Nozmo

 

KEEP ME INFORMED, WILL YA???????

[dreamguy]

Brian83 and Nozmo,

 

First of all thank you both for your kind words.

Unfortunately (or fortunately ) I'm not a licensed relationship counselor. I'm just a normal guy who has been through a lot of relationship problems in life.

I've had my share of winning and I certainly had my share of losing.

Like I said in a previous post of mine, I've been dumped and I have dumped, I've been in and out of love and most of all I have always tried different approaches while trying to salvage my relationships. Maybe this is what broadened my horizons about this matter.

One last but important thing: I have also learned a lot while reading posts by other people on this forum so I have to thank everyone in return.

 

Today, I can say that I still have my moments of doubt, moments of weakness because I'm human but I have reached a stage where I am simply keeping in contact with my ex while moving on with my life.

There's a saying that goes like this: "God give me serenity to accept what I cannot change, courage to change what I can and wisdom to differentiate between both !!"

I cannot change my ex's decision and/or feelings

I can change my life and improve myself

And I have really reached a point where I can clearly differentiate between both. Come what may !

[fishman3226]

Guys, hav a look at this - I feel this way you can clarify to yourself your own values and beliefs.

 

http://www.aetaustralia.org/nnv.htm

 

HONOUR yourself and your beliefs that you are doing a good thing for YOU and not the ex.

 

have COURAGE to face this until the end and to make some reallyhard decisions in the end.

 

Show TRUTH to yourself your beliefs.

 

Understand that you need to PERSEVERE until you have the COURAGE to find out the end of it all - be it good or bad.

 

Have DISCIPLINE not to contact the ex and to what you feel is correct- not what is convenient and impulsive.

 

Above all, show self reliance that you will be stronger, more learned and a better person one way or another. Use the opportunity to discover what you want and how to confront the possibility of the ex never coming back to you and what you can do to better yourself for the next one (unless they come back then you will know about what it is to make it work.)

 

Myself I am resigned to not getting her back - I aim to get over her and pickup my own life and release her for her own. She dont want to come back then nothing. Hard as it is, I showed COURAGE to give the ultimatum, DISCIPLINE to implement it and I HONOUR my feelings for her and my own feelings for me. I amsick of it to be honest.

[fishman3226]

I just got an email from the ex to chat about what I have said in my email and to resolve things - not about getting back together but to talk about the whole thing.

 

OH MY GOD.