No contact rule does work - Ex has called

[kodiak]

Miggsbucks,

 

 

So i guess i kinda screwed up by calling her back. Its just that she really seemed that she wanted me to call her so i did. Oh well i guess i will no better next time. So you said that you are in the same situation with the LDR. Whats your story and how are things with the ex, i would love to hear about it if you wanna share. There are not alot of LDR stories that i hear about. Thanks brother....

[miggsbucks]

it is total human nature to want what you cannot have. we dumpees know this all too well. it is all about making them see that they cannot have us. yes, the primary purpose of moving on as best as we can, is for us to accept that our ex will not come back. its the only way to go, its the only way we can move forward.

 

the earth never stops spinning, life goes on. do we all want to be stuck in the past and never move forward. there are plenty of people out there who will make us happy. why spend your time being miserable thinking about your ex. think of all the lost opportunities your downtrodden face is creating.

 

happiness needs to be a state of mind that you are determined to stay within. if you ever feel down about your ex, say to yourself "i will think about this later, i need to concentrate on life as it is right now" and say that every single time. we'll all get thru this. we have to.

[miggsbucks]

well i'm english, and my ex is american. we chatted for 3 months on the internet, and by fone, and we fell in love big style. we declared undying love for each other prior to meeting when i came over to the states in apr/may for 3 weeks. i know you may think its no big deal, but we were really in love. she said that she was desperate to be pregnant from me and i felt the same. she was torn apart when we parted crying and sobbing and didnt want me to go and said that life would be so dull without me. i guess that you will not sympathise with me now when you think an english guy could woo one of your american gals lol.. but when i got home she changed, and perhaps got a reality check in that things are far too complicated for things to progress.

[miggsbucks]

but kodiac,

 

you havent screwed up by contacting her. only you know what the best thing to do is. all my comments i ever make are just generic, and can be applied to maybe any situation, but maybe not yours. i just think that no-contact needs to be applied in its truest sense, and its never too late to start that process.

 

i replied to my ex's inevitable contact, just like you have, but now i have decided that there will be no more response. i even deleted my yahoo profile that she contacts me on, as i was sick to death of logging in to see if she had left me any offlines (which she was, every week or so) but all the contact was "hope you are well" etc.

 

a couple of weeks ago she said "would like to get the chance to chat to you online soon" and i replied when she was online and we had one of them "neutral chats" were nothing was mentioned about our relationship. and i just found it all too hard and it got me back to square one, and undid all the positive steps i'd taken moving on.

 

i think that we need to give them total space. no doubt they think of us, but we are not helping them truly evaluate their feelings about us by still being there. at least us LDR's have that freedom. think about the poor soul who posted here earlier who works with his ex.

[Lonestar]

nikki - Just read the link to your post about the phone call you made to your X. Good for you that his reaction made you feel good and the no contact worked out for the best. Like everyone else said, we want what we cannot have. Plus you posted a few days ago that you were dating someone you really liked, right? How's that going? What did you tell your X when he asked you to meet him next week? Are you going? Or do you seriously feel you are all done with him?

 

 

 

What should I do here, everyone? I haven't spoken to or seen my X since last Wednesday night, and based on what a loser he was that night, I think I snapped the lid shut on romanticizing the past. He is nothing that I remembered him to be, and I kinda wonder if that person ever existed. I have no desire to sleep with him again. He's such a miserable man that even the sex was tainted with negativity. So here's my issue:

 

I have many many things I want to say to him that were never said. I have left out the horrible way that man treated me in my posts here, because I needed to make this trip to the past with him, and I didn't want to hear "why would you want him?". I had to find out if it was me... if I was the reason for the ultimate rejection a woman could experience (he walked out on me while I was pregnant and then for good two weeks after the baby was born). I found out by going back that it wasn't me, but I needed to see it for myself. In order to put further closure on this, I want to write him a letter telling him how I feel about the things he did to me, why I slept with him, and what I think of him now, etc. I don't want a response from him, no reaction, I just want to know that he heard me say these things, and since he'd never sit and listen to me, a letter is the next best thing.

 

It won't be a mean letter, just very truthful. I still have to deal with this man for many years, and I'd prefer to get along but I'm not afraid to tell him how I feel either. Is this a bad move? He must have feelings for me, he slept with me several times, so a letter like this should have some impact, no? I'd like to hear reasons for and against it. Thanks.

[miggsbucks]

lonestar,

 

i dont think a letter is the appropriate way in which you should communicate with your ex. actually... i don't think ANY situation merits a letter / email. Its something that you will send without being exactly sure whether the words you wanted to say are the ones you wanted to.

 

Your situation is on helluva situation! i think yours unfortunately comes under the "no trail" situation, where you will have to talk things thru with your ex??? i dont know?? has anyone else got any ideas?

[nikkicam71]

Originally posted by Lonestar

nikki - Just read the link to your post about the phone call you made to your X. Good for you that his reaction made you feel good and the no contact worked out for the best. Like everyone else said, we want what we cannot have. Plus you posted a few days ago that you were dating someone you really liked, right? How's that going? What did you tell your X when he asked you to meet him next week? Are you going? Or do you seriously feel you are all done with him?

 

Well, until today, the new guy was working out fairly well! I haven't seen him since last Tues (we both have crazy schedules). He had a wedding yesterday and had off today...we both did. he told me he'd call me Sun or Mon to make plans, but here it is 10:00 pm, no phone call. Oh well...kinda bummed about it, but if he calls tomorrow I'll make sure I wait a couple of days to return his call...unless he had a valid reason for blowing me off.

 

The invite with my ex came up out of a conversation re. this sushi restaurant we used to frequent at least twice a week in his hometown. It is an INCREDIBLE sushi place...and it really kinda sucks that I haven't been able to go there since the breakup. Anyway, he told me he went for sushi for the first time the other day (since we broke up); he said they gave him the third degree...where have you been? yadda yadda...he said things have kinda changed, so he hasn't been in...I said, yeah, the one thing that really sucks about our breakup is I don't get to eat sushi there anymore! so he says, I don't know how you feel about hanging out and stuff, but maybe if you have time in your schedule, we could go for sushi there next week? Maybe lunch? I said, I'm cool with that...let me know when you're free and we'll work it out.

 

I feel entirely comfortable going to lunch with him. I don't know if we are "entirely" done...forever is a long time, but for right now, yes, it's over. At least on that level. I don't know how I will feel when I see him, but I DO know that I will never ever in a million years humiliate myself for him ever again. If anything is ever going to happen between us in the future, he'll be the one making the moves. I am completely happy and secure with my life the way that it is...WITHOUT his craziness and his drama. As much as I love him, I'm starting law school in a week and a half, and I cannot allow my emotional/mental state to get all mucked up again. Until/unless my ex reaches a place in the future where he 100% KNOWS what he wants, without the up and down, back and forth insanity, I will keep him at arm's length...where he belongs. I don't deserve that and I don't want to deal with it anymore.

 

 

 

What should I do here, everyone? I haven't spoken to or seen my X since last Wednesday night, and based on what a loser he was that night, I think I snapped the lid shut on In order to put further closure on this, I want to write him a letter telling him how I feel about the things he did to me, why I slept with him, and what I think of him now, etc. I don't want a response from him, no reaction, I just want to know that he heard me say these things, and since he'd never sit and listen to me, a letter is the next best thing.

 

It won't be a mean letter, just very truthful. I still have to deal with this man for many years, and I'd prefer to get along but I'm not afraid to tell him how I feel either. Is this a bad move? He must have feelings for me, he slept with me several times, so a letter like this should have some impact, no? I'd like to hear reasons for and against it. Thanks.

 

I see nothing wrong with writing out how you feel....BE CAREFUL not to come across as angry, vindictive, etc. I wrote my ex a letter...FOR ME...a few days after we broke up. It wasn't sappy or pathetic or begging...I didn't even ask him to come back. He treated me terribly during the breakup and it was ENTIRELY undeserved, and I felt that he needed to recognize that...he needed to be brought face to face with his deplorable behavior. Throughout it all, I was gracious. I have this HUGE karma thing going on...I like to end on a positive note, no matter the circumstances. I need inner peace like I need air to breathe...

That letter made me feel TREMENDOUSLY better...as did my declaration five weeks later that I couldn't be friends with him at that time. I laid things out there, I was honest about what I needed for me. I needed to say the things that I said, I needed time and space to heal. I feel a desire to be friends at this point, if that doesn't work for me, or complicates things for me, I will back away without a fuss. My concern right now is me....so if you want to do this for you....go for it! Just do not let your hurt and anger dictate your actions. Those actions are most often the ones that we regret.

 

~Nikki

[Lonestar]

No, miggs, talking is not an option. You see, you would be a normal human male who knows how to communicate. This guy cannot and will not communicate at all. He shuts down and runs from this stuff. A letter he will read out of curiousity, and even that will take a few sittings before he gets through the whole thing, but if it show up in his mailbox, there's no way he'll be able to keep himself from seeing what I wrote.

 

Again the essence of the letter is not to change anything, but more for me to know that he heard how I feel and what he did to me as a mother, etc. There is no reasonsing with him, or trying to get him to see the light. I already know I can't do that, but my words might hit a chord somewhere and that's good enough for me. Still a bad idea??

 

Oh and I plan on taking a very long time to write and send this. I want nothing in there that I will regret later, so it will be edited by myself many times and read by others before it is sent. I'm a good writer and get my point across better with words than verbally most of the time. I can't leave this be now. I've waited two years to say something to him, and he opened that door when he agreed to have sex with me, no? Using each other or not, it's still intimate contact, and you don't sleep with someone from your past unless you're prepared to face your past.

 

And it's not just him leaving. That I probably could have buried a long time ago. This guy ripped my heart to shreds after he left me because he wanted to win or prove something. To this day I still don't know why.

 

 

nikki

 

He treated me terribly during the breakup and it was ENTIRELY undeserved, and I felt that he needed to recognize that...he needed to be brought face to face with his deplorable behavior.

 

And that quote from you, dear nikki, is exactly why I want to write this letter. I will remember your advice and keep it as straight as possible without anger or vindictiveness.

[jw32802]

Lone star

 

I tell you what. I pondered a letter a bunch of times, mostly in my 3rd week of NC. I wrote so many and saved to my computer. today, its been a month and today has been my best day, the day where i thought about him the LEAST, and now i look back and i honestly am glad i didnt send a letter. BTW he did contact me one month TO THE DAY after i stopped contact. i never answered him, that was 2 days ago. ITs weird but today for the first time, Im just like "who cares, im good and i dont need to do anything more." and im just letting go. its been the easiest day so far. Id say wait a few weeks to send that letter. you will prob change your mind. I read something on here a few weeks ago that told me that and i was like "no way, i wont change my mind" and boy do i feel different today!

[filmmaker]

I want thank dreamguy for starting this incredible thread, and the many contributors - it's been 3 months since the girl of my dreams just up and walked out on a beautiful 1.5 year relationship and it's been absolute hell. Nearly everyday for the last month I've logged in to be rocked again by the descriptions of feelings and turns of events by dreamguy, fishman, nikki, lonestar, and others. It's weird not having any idea who everyone is, and yet feeling so in touch with people that are in fact dealing with the *exact* same nightmare.

 

I've come to believe in NC as the only way to regain my sanity, as well as the only way she might ever come back, if it's meant to be. Like just about everyone else, nothing else has worked...I thought she was completely gone until about 3 weeks into NC - she started e-mailing, and then we met in person - it was a day of pure bliss, yet it turned out to be a false start as I made what I recognize now as the classic mistake of jumping right back way to soon, calling, chatting her, etc....without her giving me her 'exclusive committed love and respect' and so on until it went south in a big and extremely painful way over the ensuing weeks.

 

Yup, it turns out that as much as we're dying to be with that person - being only half-way in a relationship is SO much more painful, incredibly more painful than NC - well maybe not the first day or two, but after that it does seem to get better, kind of relatively stabile low-grade depression, rather the incredibe mood swings, pain in my chest, constant worrying, incessant checking of e-mail, the wailing on the floor and all that fun stuff...

 

I'll share more details of my story later, but I did want throw a question or two out there two everyone... I'm very curious what the family histories are of those that have suffered the most during their breakups. While I was generally quite happy before we met, the waves of pain have been so overwhelmingly intense at times that I've questioned how much of this is just from the relationship. In my case I suspect that her sudden withdrawal of love while horrible, is also acting as a trigger for deeper childhood abandonment feelings. My childhood was far less than ideal and while I have a good relationship with my Mom today, the simple fact is she was rarely there to protect me from the insanity of my violent father, and later my jerk-ass step-dad.

 

Has this notion of 'triggering' come up with anyone else?

 

Your comments would hugely appreciated.

 

Peace.

[dreamguy]

filmmaker,

 

I completely agree with you when you say that not contacting your ex is far less painful then being in a half-way relationship. When you're in such a relationship then you feel used and abused, you feel someone is toying around with you and stripping you from your pride and, worst of all, you might linger there for months... not to say years. So it's always better to cut all forms of contact when the person who dumped you doesn't give you their exclusive committed love and respect when/if they decide to come back.

[Kanejd]

How is everone? I posted this on the main page but didn't get many replies. I have spoken to Lonestar and Dreamguy before and I am hoping they or others would help me again.

 

I finally have the power, but I don't know what do I do with it?

 

 

I find myself in a situation that perplexes me completely. As you may know, I was with my girlfriend for a year. We broke up because I screwed up with my finances and some other stupid stuff (not cheating). Pushed her for two months and she pulled away. Left her alone and then she came back. Moved 4 hours to be with her. Acted needy and had no life. Went on vacation adn it didn't work. She said we need to be apart for a while and I have to feel like I'm loosing you to really know you are the 1 and we need to date other people because I'm 26 and you're 33 and I don't know if I can commit right now. Took that as b.s.

 

Three weeks later we were suppossed to go to a concert and I felt uncomfortable going with her because I wasn't ready for anything like that. I dropped the tickets off and wrote my peace in an indifferent way and left. Today, the sister called me and said that my ex said..."He wouldn't end it like that...I have to call him...I only wanted to have some fun." I was needy and had no life and was at her bekon call for 6 months and she got used to having me when she wanted me. It seems like I got the power back and she's getting nervous because no guy has ever done anything like this to the beautiful princess.

 

I want to have it out tonight. I'm going to tell her I'm not a doormat and she can't have me when it's convenient for her. That either she wants this or she doesn't. I wouldn't put it like that on the first break up, but the second time warrants this. I am willing to walk away. I am not going to go through the no-contact again. It worked the first time for me, but I'll be an idiot if I don't stand up for myself this time. At least if it's over, I can walk away with dignity. What do you guys think??? I appreciate anything you can offer...

[miggsbucks]

kanejd,

 

ive read your posts, and i think that this girl is seriously messing around with you. it sounds like she is getting her sister and her brother to tell you stuff. why can't she tell you this herself?

 

if you want to stick with the strategic route of making her think youve moved on, and let her come to you when she feels like she's missed you enough or whatever. then you MUST NOT contact her and demand an end to all her b.s.

 

the ball is already in her court, by your return of the tickets. i wonder whether you are making the wrong assumption here when you say that you have regained the power in this battle with her.

 

i'm not sure that you have. i really get confused by the contact her brother and sister are making with you. i think that you need to get back on the no-contact path and move on, without issuing the ultimatum.

 

i've already made several statements on this thread about ultimatums being the wrong thing to do. i think they are wrong in a situation, where somebody wants to stick with a strategic way of getting them back. i guess its because i have learnt to be able to let that little flicker of hope stay alight, while also moving on. but then my situation is eased by the fact ours was LDR, and we are never going to bump into each other.

 

i've realised that some people's situations need the ultimatums, like NIKKICAM cos her ex was constantly contacting her all the time, and FISHMAN's b/c he works with his ex. But most definitely not in your case, unless of course you feel you have to do it because its the only way you think you'll be able to move on.

[fishman3226]

Nah, mine too was because she kept coming back and contacting me. She would give me mixed messages all the time. After six months (including 3 months no contact) I gave her the ultimatum - put up or piss off.

 

It was in the end for my own mental health and also to know that I did all I could.

 

I am dating someone new - who is infinetely a better choice in all aspects - yeah, i still love my ex, but I dont like her. I will always love her and I know she will regret her decision one day, but I now look after me.

 

I strongly believe in taking back the power - make them the person 'not in control.' Do what you want, see who you want - but dont take their crap anymore. If they come back then you they have to be someone that treats you as an equal - because that is what you should be in a relationship. When they treat you with honour and respect then you begin doing the same.

 

A person's heart is one of the most important things - you open that up and let someone within your soul when you do. If they dont respect you enough to treat your heart well by treating you poorly when they leave then they do not deserve your respect nor honour. They steal from you in essence. DO NOT allow them to control you - you only live this life once. Move on when you are finished grieving, but ont cling to hopes that you wish were there - do NC whilst you move on - if they contact you play along for a while (how long - not bloody long or you slip back into grieving) and if they play outright ask them - "what do you want? I want you back. If you dont want me back then seeya later!"

 

And then walk away.

[Lonestar]

Good post, fishman I know what it's like to "slip back into grieving." Does it ever friggin end, I wonder...

 

filmmaker, I did have a rotten childhood and my parents were emotionally nonexistant most of the time, so I suppose it is possible that being dumped as an adult can trigger childhood abandonment issues. I do think that had I been raised with more love, I would have higher self-esteem. Then breakups would be much easier. If I had that support system as a child, then it would still exist as an adult unless my parents were dead. I also can act on the flip side and put up an emotional barrier to most people. The problem lies in the few that can get in.

 

... one week and no contact with the loser. Still trying to figure out what I'm going to do -- and I have crazy glue all over my fingers

[nikkicam71]

Just realized...how important my alternative dating life has become in my recuperation/recovery post-breakup.

 

You know why everyone tells you to keep going out, keep dating others, even if you don't want to and you don't think you like them when you first date them? ANY of us on this thread has been there...the first date with someone else. Your own disinterest toward that person, the inevitable comparisons that are unreasonable and unrealistic. I met this incredibly nice guy a month ago. Went on a couple of dates with him....REALLY wasn't very into him, but he's funny and unbelievably NICE. Stable. The antithesis of my ex. So I kept hanging out with him. And I began to find things about him that were/are quite endearing. He cuddles. He doesn't push for more. He doesn't have intense highs or lows. His life is fairly...complacent. He's a fairly complacent kinda dude. It's like a breath of fresh air after the intensity and depth between the ex and me. Anyway...so I guess I am beginning to realize that my newfound strength and resolve have something to do with this person. He has given my ego a boost...he has made me feel better about what happened...he reaffirmed that I am still ATTRACTIVE...the one thing we all question after we are dumped So now I find myself in a difficult situation. I know why I like being with him...and I don't want to give that up. He didn't call for a couple of days and the old lonliness and insecurity started to creep back in. Don't get me wrong...we only hang out like once a week; we are taking things slowly. BUT...when he calls I smile, when he calls I feel better, stronger. And then that old Catholic guilt seeps in....am I just using him? I'd like to think that I'm not. I truly do like who he is as a person...and I've been honest about wanting to go slow. More honest with myself about the fact that I don't want to jump right into another relationship right now. We agreed that the dating situation is casual so long as we don't cross that ultimate line of intimacy (we've slept together...but we just cuddled...we haven't SLEPT together). So I have a tentative date set up for next week with some other guy. But I kinda feel bad about that too. I know that this new one isn't seeing anyone else. I try to tell myself that right now I'm just dating...that I don't owe anyone anything, that I was honest with K (the new guy) about my recent breakup, etc. BUT...when I'm with K the last thing that we talk about is my ex. I don't obsess about him, I hardly think about him when we're together. So I doubt that K realizes how involved we really were...or how much I loved him. I'm not sure that it's something he needs to know.

 

I guess right now I'm just really confused about what my responsibilities are in this situation. I don't want to hurt anyone...but at this point in my life, wouldn't the situation be what it is no matter who I dated, or how often??

 

Not sure anyone can help me on this...I guess maybe I just needed to vent.

 

~Nikki

[nikkicam71]

Oh yeah...as most of you know, I spoke with the ex last week. We are supposed to get together for lunch next week. He's supposed to call and set the date. Do I have some obligation to this guy I'm hanging out with/dating to tell him that I plan on seeing my ex? FYI...the ex and I are honestly and truly just going to lunch as FRIENDS. I have NO intentions beyond that. As you've probably all read, I don't think I could deal with more from the ex at this point in my life. I'm not sure anymore that I even want it. BUT...I do realize that I cannot predict what I will feel when I see him....IF he calls to set the date for the lunch.

 

I don't really want to tell K...things are going well and I see no reason to concern him or upset him. He has never stayed friends with an ex...we did discuss that. And I don't think he'd understand. I guess I just don't want to throw a monkeywrench into the deal. I like having him around, and he's a great person. I realize that maybe that makes me seem like a selfish person, but I think right now taking care of ME should be my first priority. I have no intention of hurting anyone.

 

dunno...let me know what you guys think, okay?

 

~Nikki

[miggsbucks]

Nikki,

 

Stop agonising over whether youre doing the right thing where other people are concerned. You just do what you feel is the right thing for YOU to do for YOU.

 

Its natural after coming out of a break-up for the person who was dumped, to worry about doing something to someone else what has been done to you.

 

But in all seriousness, it is just casual dating that you've done with the first date since your ex. You don't have to tell him about meeting up with your ex. You don't have to feel guilty either about having a date with another guy either.

 

You haven't yet got intimate anyway with the first guy since your ex, not that even if you did, you should worry.

 

This is YOUR life nikki, and you have to live it looking after number 1. Thats exactly what all our ex's did when they dumped us. Stop feeling guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are young free and single with no commitments.

 

Hope the second date goes well too!! Keeps your options open anyway doesn't it?

 

I've got a date myself on Saturday, and had another one a couple of weeks back (which didn't go that well, but wasn't too bothered) I'm not that bothered either if the one on Saturday doesnt go that well either. I'm just going to try and enjoy being single again while I've got it back, and not get too heavily involved with anyone for a while yet. Take it slow, just like youre doing.

[fishman3226]

Completely agree - if in 20 years you dont get back with your ex are you going to regret not spending more time with your current 'date' more?

 

Myself, if I had held back from my current girlfriend and concentrated on my ex I would have lost any opportunity I now have with someone who I will potentially have a great and satisfying relationship with.

 

As miggs said "LOOK AFTER YOU!" Be truthful to him and be honest to you - you want to sleep with him then do it - you want to marry him - do it - but do what YOU think is RIGHT - not what your ex may think is a good/bad thing.

 

Besides - has he done the right thing by you? Your best way to win him back or make him realise what he lost is to have a good life. Simple as that.

[Lonestar]

You can date WHOever you want WHENever you want. I do understand why you're feeling the way you do. You're worried about being upfront with others and not hurting them. That's a great thing, but don't go overboard with it to the point of caring more about others than yourself. In fact, make it a goal to never put yourself in that situation again, because we all know how much that can hurt. Make sure you protect Nikki this time.

 

Until you are in an exclusive relationship, your business is your business, and when you start overxplaining your actions to someone new in your life, you tend to look over-accomodating. That will only let them know that you're not secure with your own choices.

 

I'm so happy things are going well with this guy, and I hope your next date is as much fun. Please let us know how it went, but make sure you post if you meet up with the ex.

[Dumbgirl]

OK....I am losing hope and patience. This is my 4th week of NC. My ex bf broke up with me and then told me that it was too hard to talk for a bit and that he would contact me when he was ready to speak with me. I got 1 IM from him a week after that conversation, and 1 1/2 weeks ago he called up my friend. She said he sounded like he was in pretty bad shape and he ketp telling her that he needed to know how I was doing. I have not initiated any contact with him over the past 4 weeks.

 

I really want to now though. I think 1 month has been long enough to leave him alone. I am worried that perhaps he secretly wanted me to do things to try to win him back, and now that I haven;t he thinks I have moved on. I am seriously thinking of calling this weekend and asking if he wants to do soemthing. What do you think???

 

Thanks

[nikkicam71]

You did the right think by NOT pursing...what you need to figure out now is how you might feel if he still doesn't want a relationship w/ you. I contacted my ex after a month of NC, initiated by me. BUT...he broke it off with me three months ago. I am completely happy with the level of contact we have presently, and I am not seeking reconciliation. If things were meant to be, they would have been. Or they will be, if things are meant to work out in the future. If you only want to contact him b/c you hope to get back together, then you aren't ready...take more time to heal.

 

~Nikki

[nikkicam71]

lonestar, miggs, fish...thanks for your input! I guess I just needed some reassurance. FYI though...I haven't just been on one date with the new guy; we've seen each other quite a bit over the past month. He's leaving for a week on vacation, so that should put a comfortable distance between us for a bit. I like spending time with him, he's really cool, but I don't want to hop into a fullblown rebound romance right now. Law school starts in a week! That's what I really need to focus on!!

 

~Nikki

[Lonestar]

Honey, once you start law school, you won't have any time to fret about all this stuff anymore. You're life is going to be about school, and law school has been known to kill a TON of marriages and relationships. Only the real good ones make it through those three years, so you are much better off going into this single.

 

Think of all the new people you're going to meet there, who also have the same interests as you. I suspect you'll find the love of your life there. Be happy. You have many things to look foward to. Your ex was a fool to give you up.

[dreamguy]

Update on my situation:

Almost 45 days after having started this thread... I still firmly believe that, when someone has wronged you and messed with your trust and love for them, then no contact is the best way to put them back in their place. In the eventual case where it doesn't put them back in their place, then you're better off without them because they can never learn to respect you.

Here's a quick reminder of my story, for those who haven't been following this thread from the beginning (and I had no idea it would be such a long one when I started it ).

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago claiming her old ex was back in her life.

I didn't beg, I did not plead and although I still loved her, I didn't contact her for 3 weeks. This is when she called and after that we kept calling each other for about 1 month.

She was showing up with her old ex at the beach and they were kissing in front of my eyes ! Still I was able to contain myself and I never showed any signs of sadness or weakness. Instead I met new people there and I had some great time (although I was torn apart deep inside). It doesn't matter what you feel inside, what matters is that you NEVER show it to them. They can't know what they can't see or hear.

So this went on for about 1 month until one day (on Saturday the 17th of July) I told myself "enough is enough" ! I called her up that night and told her we couldn't be friends anymore because I still had feelings for her. So she admitted having feelings for me too and she said "You know, eversince I broke up with you I have regrets every day of having made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving you".

We talked for about 20 minutes about a lot of things and then I said "have a good life, I'm moving on with mine, you take care now." and I hung up.

I felt so bad during the couple of days that followed but then I became determined to get her out of my life and my system. I don't want someone who walks away with a stupid reason stating "my ex is back in my life !".

Call me "radical and extremist", but I was so convinced I didn't want her anymore (after what she had done) that it didn't matter to me if she would call again or not !!

FLASHING NEWS: She called tonight, about 2 hours ago, 19 days after we had our last phone conversation. I didn't answer and I won't call her back. I still hold on to my decision: She's out of my life and my system and IF we are ever to get back together then she will have to chase me like a lion chases a gazelle at lunch time ! She will have to prove she is not just testing the waters and messing up with my mind again.

What do you guys think ? Give me your feedback because I'm interested in your take on this.

Do you think I should have answered her ?

Do you think I should call her back ?

Do you think I should answer if she calls again ?