freedom 43 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I did that and it is marked yes. However, on the main profile, where it says, "contact Freedom 43", there is nothing on that line. My e-mail address is [email protected] if yoou want to e-mail me. Thanks! Freedom 43 Link to post Share on other sites
freedom 43 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 dreamguy: Now I went back to my profile and the place where you can send me a private message is active. Ghosts I guess!! ha! Freedom 43 Link to post Share on other sites
freedom 43 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 dreamguy: I sent you a private message. Finally got it to work! Sometimes I am a little slow. ha!! Freedom 43 Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Just remember guys look after yourself - move on and if they decide to come back - as you are completely removing yourself from their lives by using 'no contact' on them - then they are yours. Got to remember that if they come back then you have to be strong an make sure they dont use you up - yu have to be stronger to make sure they dont think that you are a possession and that they dont put in their side of the partnership that is a relationship. All of you hoping for them to come back - stop and ask yourself this - "will I be able to have a healthy and content relationship with this person? Can I trust them to look after my heart and my soul and will I be able to trust them?" Think about it all - is it worth the pain and angst of waiting for something that may not be coming back - what about making yourself stronger and moving on? You can practice no contact, better yourself and appear stronger than what you are right now. And to be honest - no matter what - you deserve someone that will look after you and RESPECT you. No one wil walk over me. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Fishman, that helped!!!!!thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 "will I be able to have a healthy and content relationship with this person? Can I trust them to look after my heart and my soul and will I be able to trust them?" No, no, and no. But I don't want him back. I just want to win and know that he regrets what he did to me. Ultimately I would like to reject him someday in return, but I suppose I could leave it all up to karma since all the bad stuff is heading his way. dreamguy, your post to me made a lot of sense. It did, and I am slowly pulling away from him. The only thing that could screw it up now is if he called me for sex, but he won't. He leaves that up to me and I'm done with that. I haven't had time to think about him much anyway, except late at night. I started my new job this week and I'm way busy, which is a good thing. I know I'll meet someone soon, it's a question of when and letting it happen. I'm still debating that letter I wanted to write him. I haven't had the time or felt like expending energy to write it, and I suppose that's a good thing. I'm not consumed. Link to post Share on other sites
freedom 43 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Lonestar: I don't know what you have been going through with your guy but I could relate to the post that you left for dreamguy. I'm having a really hard time tonight. It has been almost 4 weeks since I've talked to my guy and it doesn't look like he is going to call. It is taking everything I've got not to pick up the phone to call him. I'M NOT!! I keep telling myself. Freedom 43 Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Well I did it I sent a text message to my ex after a month of dying everyday, why???? I wish I knew, I wanted so mush to hear from her, I told her this was hard without her....no reply! now I feel worse than yesterday! My insides are dying with hurt! Link to post Share on other sites
freedom 43 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Hurt: It must be in the air!! I have been on the verge of doing the same thing all day. Everytime I almost give in, I just pray and ask for strength and contentment in my life. So far . . . so good. Try it and see if you don't get relief too. Hey, and this forum has been great too! Freedom 43 Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 You know freedom, its not worth it and then it is in a way, somehow I am dying inside and something else is telling me that after a month it may be over, I sent an email two weeks ago saying "I hope you are well" and no reply!! I am done, I need to move on and stop this constant hurt that wakes me up at 4am and wont let me sleep until after 12am, its not worth the pain, I broke up with her because she would not stop seeing, emailing her ex and for the last month I have felt that it was my fault! I will try and start living, this is the only life we have, one go around, in the end all these endless waste of feelings and sorrow no one will remember but us! Life is not a dress rehearsal!!! There is some one out there who will not hurt me and I will find that person one day, until then this ex will not give that woman any more free rental space in my head! All I have done for one month is feel that I left this poor little lamb in this world, she treated me like **** for 10 months, lies, name it, I am done! I left her because she could not be honest I need to remember that and not only think of the good times, if they were so good we would still be together. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 No contact is a game, a waste, why not get tp the point so you can breath and enjoy life in the moment and not live in the past or wait for that endless phone call in the future! Link to post Share on other sites
freedom 43 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Hurt: It seems like you may have reached the point where you are angry and mad enough to move on. I was married for almost 20 years and my husband came in with a pregnant girlfriend. All of this after me having 3 kids and putting him through law school. Hell yeah I was pissed, but very hurt too!! Finally, after I had cried my eyes out and mourned the entire demise of my marriage just like a death (the stages of grief really do apply) and I really started thinking about all of those bad times too, I was just pissed enough to get on with my life and I haven't looked back. Get a piece of paper and divide it in to two columns - label one PROS and the other CONS - unless the PROS outnumber the CONS - get back into circulation - women who will lie to you will do it again and again. They have no respect for you and you don't want to live the rest of your life always wondering where she is and who she is with and what she is doing. You are so right - there is a great girl out there for you who will love and appreciate you. However, you won't find her staying in and mourning your ex. Get on your knees and thank him for showing you the true person BEFORE you married her!! Now . . . get out there and . . . Freedom 43 Link to post Share on other sites
wolvie666 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Well, I was on my way to the video store tonight (takes me past the trailer the guy lives in with his grandma) and I saw my ex's car was there. So... I don't know what that means but I'm not gonna worry about it either. I'm still not gonna call her and if she's still with him that's fine, I don't care. If she does want to start working things out she's gonna have to make an effort to do so. She told me to call her after I get off work on thursday so we can make plans, but I'm not going to. If she really wants to see me she will call me. I guess it was a good sign that she called me today and was saying she missed me was sick of his crap, etc. But I'm not going to play games and I'm not going to allow her to go back and forth between me and him. It's all or nothing at all in my book. I admit I was pleased with her telling me she couldn't stand him anymore and dumped him, but now that she was at his house tonight... It just messes with my emotions though not as bad as it would have a few weeks ago. I really am at the point where a future without her is an acceptable thing. So, whatever... I refuse to be a part of any kind of indecision she might be having. If she wants me back, fine we'll work on it, if she's unsure I wish she wouldn't call me and act like she wants to get back together only to be back with the guy she's supposedly sick of later the same day... Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Thats what I am going to do, pros and cons, I know what the outcome will be, type in search on Hurt and you will see my story, I loved this woman who in the end was not over her ex, I am tired of trying and trying for these months, I took care of her 3 and 4 year olds, I did all the right things, but still was not enough! We were talking about getting married??? Jesus! There is a God as I am a true believer that God takes care of me when I am not able to. I still love this woman, but I also love myself more. Life is for the living and we sit here day in and day out mourning another and waiting for results, in the mean time the right person will walk right by you.......the no contact is ok, but somewhere in there I see a game, its like chest pains, if your chest hurts, somthing may be wrong get to a doctor get to the truth ASAP its about our lives, hurt and pain are part of living, but there is too much life out there to wait for that jerk who hurt you and allow them to take a great day away from us. We sit here and cry and they are out there dating and living, are we waiting for these people to get done and then come back to us??? what a waste! I am glad I wrote her, it reminded me of what it was really like, it was lonley, sad and always waiting for that reply as i did tonight! I am hurt, but I am now reminded that moving on is healthy and tomorrow as they say is the first day of the rest of your life, that is the only thing I have control over, and that is how I am going to spend it. If I went and got her back, what would really change? like they say, the people that created the problem cannot solve it. Her ex will still be there, I will still not know where she is, and my life would be a mess of emotions I do not need to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 For every door that closes another door opens! Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpion1691 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Wolvie666, & Hurt I have enjoyed reading both your last comments , It shows we have to go through a learning process unfortunately it's one that is very uncomfortable. I am getting ready to go through the same situation. I have 4 kids left at home. I too have done what I thought was the right thing. What I found out was I was doing everything, she was able to do what ever she wanted while I was at work. To keep up with her spending, purchases for the kids, I work 24 to 48 hour shifts. I work on the house, cook, clean, do laundry , coach soccer and go to my other kids events. I enjoy every bit of it. Until I found out She did not love and loved another at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 For every door that closes another door opens! Damn true. Alot of people would have said this to you in the early days of your break up. But hey! It is damn well true! You can do one of two things - wallow in self pity and hope they come back using whatever method you chooe too or you can use this time to grow yourself and become a better person. Choice is yours - no one elses. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 This helped me make a choice Fishman, will I be able to have a healthy and content relationship with this person? Can I trust them to look after my heart and my soul and will I be able to trust them? The bottom line is that this person was sucking out my life, I was at her beck and call, taking care of her two kids, etc....all the things we do for another is good if the other person loves you and respects who you are and what you do for them otherwise, your comment would be too real and I would be angry and upset as I was for such a long time, she can have her ex.....she wont have me....I woke up this morning feeling better, more like myself... Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 mai girl, havent been on for awhile,,,,,,,,,how long had it been since u contacted him?? Link to post Share on other sites
freedom 43 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Hurt: Are the two kids with her ex? If so, she will always have a bond with him and it will be a constant reminder to you and to her that he is still in the picture. If she is as weak as it seems when it comes to her ex, he might continue to manipulate her for the rest of her life. Is that what you want? You know we always want what we can't have, which might be true in her case. It seems like her ex does not want her but does not want anyone else to have her either because they continue to stay in contact with each other - more than just over the kids! I've been in a situation like that before and when an ex manipulates someone - they never seem to get away from each other. I think she is weak where her ex comes in and if you are with her you want her to forget about him and concentrate only on YOU!!! Until she can do that and really make a clean break with the ex - you are going to continue to have more heartbreak. I say you are better than that and you deserve better than that! Freedom 43 Link to post Share on other sites
Stringfellow Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I have read your posts and like what you have to say, so I ask that you read the following and tell me what you think, PLEASE??? Well I am the one who got dumped, she said it was my insecurities, she said that I always needed my ego stroked, but listen to what happened and tell me if the insecurities were warranted. I had been dating a gal for 7 months, when we first started dating she told me that her first marriage ended becasue she was having an affair. Her marriage ended and the affair lasted another year. She was dumped by the man she was having an affair with wh she still works with even today and within 1 months time after being dumped she was married to a completely new man. That marriage lasted 5 yrs. she said all he did was yell at her so that marriage ended as well. We had been dating for 5 months and all was going extremely well when I asked her to marry me, she said yes and then 2 days later she came back to say no, her reason she gave was that she said yes becasue she wanted me to feel good while she was out of town on business. She played with my emotions so badly and I started to feel insecure. The relationship continued and I was feeling insecure with it, we were seeing each other pretty close to daily, and about a month after that she said to me the she loved me but she now only wanted to see me on the weekends, I tried for a compromise of one day during the week but was turned down and she said that she wanted the cake and wanted to eat it to. Now I really was feeling insecure. Her Brother in law is a drug addict and alcoholic, I suggested to the family intervention after he crashed his truck through the garage door and trashed the house. I suggested that in month 5. Month 7 and he does pretty much the same thing after getting drunk and stoned and this time he ends up in jail. She was feeling sorry for him and I asked why she and the family did not listen to me 2 months ago, that maybe now he would not be sitting in jail and he would be getting the help he was needing. I then asked what else she was not listening to me on. I know that this was not the best idea but I was only trying to help 2 days later she broke it off with me, she said I had tried to come between her and her family, that I was too insecure and she was tired of stroking my ego. I need to add this, after my X tells me she is through my friend gets involved, he says that she needs to feel the pain that she is causing me, he threatens to write a letter to her children letting them know that their Mom cheated on their Dad, ( I guess they still dont know and they are 14 and 12). I talk to my friend and told him not to and I get the letter from him and tell him to NEVER get involved again. What he did was wrong and I told her I was sorry and ensured that he will never get involved again. So with this all said I wonder if i will ever get a second chance. If poeple can cheat and get second chances why cant I if I stop something from happening that could have hurt her. Does anyone think she will ever call me again? Or did my friends actions of trying to protect me or stick up for me ruin it? Please tell me, should I just let this go, I cant seem to stop thinking of the what if's that I should or could have done and this is driving me insane, PLEASE HELP Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Freedom, Her ex broke up with her 7 years ago, she was hurt as they were engaged, on the rebound she married another guy and had 2 kids, thru her marriage to the other guy, she continued to see the ex, when I met her we were freinds and she told me she was still in love with the ex, she was leaving the husband. She then told me she was in love with me and that she was over the ex of 7 years ago, lie! it was an ongoing thing, she for some reason wont let go, I was ok with the father of her kids as I understand the connection, I was not ok with an ex of 7 years ago. I am hurt, angry, I sent her a message yesterday after a month, told her I was hurt, and she did not reply as I expected. A friend once told me "listen to your partner in the first 6 months of courting, that is when the trith comes out" she told me when we first started dating that nothing would come between her ex and her! and it didnt!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I should have left 7 months ago when she lied about a plan she had made when in fact she was on her way to her ex! This is my fault!!!!!!!!!When she told me on a wed to fall for herand I told her i did not want to be hurt, she told me she would not 3 days later she is lying to me and seeing her ex!!! I should have let go then and today I would be better off!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Stringfellow Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Tell me what you think about my situation? Link to post Share on other sites
shellen Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 dreamguy you noe, my ex used to say such things too... "by the time i make up my mind, you will be with someone else..." or "will u want me back if i were to be alone in the future...." or "what if i broke up with my current bf/gf...." why do they have to say such things? are they reallie feeling such insecurities? And if they do, why dun they act on it, instead of worrying this and wondering that... I jus dun get it... or if they dun mean those words enough to do something abt it, then what is the point of voicing them out? maybe they just wanna make it easier for them in case they do decide in the end to come back to u... or worse..they just wanna appear less of the bad guy, by acting confuse and still having feelings for u... i dunno, but it's reallie selfish, coz it jus messes up ur head, giving u false hopes... and is it reallie that confusing? sometimes i think it is humans that make things more complex than they reallie are... if you love the person you would do all you can to make things work.... i think that's how all of us here who wants a second chance feel...(pardon me if im too presumptuous) we love them and now that we know what went wrong the first time we wanna try again... we dun think abt how it may be a waste of time if things still dun work out in the end, we dun think abt how we may end up alone (for those who are already seeing someone else) and for me, i dun fear having to endure pressure from family and relatives. to me, all that is worth a second chance because i do truly love him... maybe im irrational and illogical, but i just wish to simplify things.... to use love as a foundation and with that foundation, slowly work through other things... isnt that how it is suppose to work? maybe im wrong.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts