MaiGrl Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 jw32802 It had been 9 days since we were in contact Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Stringfellow Your friend had no right to do what he did, I would be pissed at my mate as well as the friend! It sounds like she is just not ready to commit to a real relatioship, yes ahe wants the cake and eat too, is that what you are willing to settle for?????? Hurt Link to post Share on other sites
cword Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 dreamguy, does the no contact work IF you've been seperated since Feb. 04, but have been intimate 3 times since the seperation? also we have a child together. he has moved on, he moved on by getting into a relationship in march, then in june she moved in with him, he thinks i've moved back to mass, but i'm still in ohio. Will the no contact still work? could someone please help me? mind you, we've been battling back and forth for the entire 6 months now about our daughter because i dont want my daughter around this chic. Link to post Share on other sites
Stringfellow Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Would you, would anyone after the proposal, then turn down, the weekend issue, then she did not want to take the time to get to know my girls! You think it is a good thing we are done? Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 stringfellow, Would you give up the girls for a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Stringfellow Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 No way, if they are to have a step mom she will take them as her own, I think love to her is just a word and nothing more! Love to me is words back by actions and doing whatever it takes to let the other person know how important they are to you, not just to say it but to show it. I tried to show her and she was not intrested. I am starting to geel that this is her loss and my gain!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamguy Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 Stringfellow, You did a mistake when you allowed the relationship to continue after she toyed with you by saying yes then saying no about marriage, and for what reason ? She wanted you to feel good while she was out of town on business. Give me break ! Do you honestly think this woman cares about your feelings (or anyone else's feelings for that matter) when she does something like that ! How can you believe it ? Then things got worse, a month after that she said she loved you but she now only wanted to see you on the weekends ? What's that ? an M-W-F or a T-TH relationship ? Perhaps a part time relationship ? So she could see another guy during the week ? Get real man ! No sincere woman would act like that. I'd change Hurt's line "she is just not ready to commit to a real relationship" to this "she will probably never ever commit to a real relationship". Forget about what she said about your insecurities. People like that tend to redirect the blame at their partner to take the guilt off themselves. They just cannot accept the fact that they are responsible for a mistake so they throw it in your face. This is immature and selfish. I have a feeling she was the cause for the failure of her past three relationships. But she didn't tell you that. How could she tell you what she doesn't want to admit to herself ! I don't know how old you are and if you can do this but you should RUN away from her as fast as you can and never look back ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamguy Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 cword, No contact is basically a way for you to lessen the damage your own emotions can cause within you. It's not usually used to make the other miss you. It's for YOU. When you don't contact/see someone you can usually become able to control your emotions as time goes by. So, speaking from this point of view, yes it would work. If you want to use it to make your ex miss you then I'm not sure it would do any effect. It might, but nothing is guaranteed. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 My girlfriend who was seeing her ex, also called me insecure etc.... they do that when they do not want to take responsibility for their behaviour! We are all insecure at some point, but people who play on that are not good for you, you come first!! I was called that a couple of times and it made me stop and question myself, that is why they say it, I agree, she was the cause for other breakups for the same reason! My GF in the beginning told me her ex had her phone tapped, then her husband had her followed, I lowered myself to look in her email once and died at what I read, emails to her ex BF talking about love etc....was I insicure? or was there a red flag I needed to see? We dont need that in our lives, if something makes my partner insecure within reason such as seeing an ex , then I dont see the ex! I dont have kids, but they are a package deal!!!!! take it or leave it, let her go! I let mine go and it hurts to no end, I cant sleep,eat think, smile! but the pain in the relationship came from her issues and lack of understanding bounderies!! Bounderies is the glue that holds it together. Link to post Share on other sites
Stringfellow Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 So I need to run and fast, I feel she casued my insecurities by her actions or what she said or did not say, maybe I am too good for her, maybe she was right in saying that she will never find a better man than me(not to take away from the rest of you guys). My feelings were not right, so I questioned them and we argued, I hope I can do better, I hope she really is out there becasue if she is I would treat her with all the love and all that stuff that a woman that wants a real relationship wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Stringfellow Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 So, do you think she will call again and if so what should I tell her, remember what my friend threatened in your answer if she will call again. I want to tell her how she hurt me, how she jerked out my heart and then handed it back to me. How I thing that she toyed with me, but I want to do it politely, So what do you think??? Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I also want so much to send an email, saying you hurt me, you used me, you lied to me etc....problem is, I think she already knows that.. Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 GUYS!!! COME ON!! I know at the minute you all feel bad and miss them and so on - hell, I still in a way miss my ex. But guys and girls all I am reading is: "What does he/she think or is is doing...etc?" Who cares? Look I do feel bad thinking about what the ex might be doing but it comes to this - you cannot control the unknown. You cannot make your ex fall into your line. I think like this now - I am near 31 - I knew my ex and had a relationship for just over a year. That means I did NOT have my ex in my life for 29 odd years. I will exist for just as long if not longer. I have to look after myself, as no one, not her - just me will make my life complete and fullfilling. Since she left me for her empty and shallow rationale then continually came back I have been promoted at work, cleared my finances, and now are doing relief work as a manager. I am fitter, stronger and have learned alot about myself since she left. I have a life philosophy - you could call it a religion - now and at the end of the day I am a better person. If she comes back, she does. I dont know if I would take her back as I am far ahead of her as a person - and not just now. I see her for what she was and is. A statement I like to think about is this: everything bar one thing dies - and that is a person's reputation and deeds. In ten years if I look back on this I will still know she stuffed up. But I will have done more things in a better way as I know I have not wasted my time pining over someone that does not deserve to be respected by me. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 well said fishman, on our garve stone a hundred years from now people will see the date of birth and the date of death, its the dash in between that was our lives and how we lived it inside oueselves! 1962-2030 and that is what is important. Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Hurt and stringfellow I did send the ex an email saying EXACTLY what I thought - nothing else, not 'oh i want you back' or anything just outright told her. Now this is only after writing and rewriting it about 20 times and having a clear enough conscience and understanding that I know what I want - if you are confused wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 can you share a little of what you said? Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Alot is personal but I basically said my take on the relationship and what had happened since - no 'oh poor me' just me getting of my chest how she made me feel and what everyone else saw. I questioned her honour and respect for me and her. I basically included that I think she is quite immature. I told her I still loved her but at the end of the day did not like as a person. And most importantly I also made a point to tell her the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Fishman, In a moment of pain I sent a text message that said, This is very hard for me and it hurts, she never responded, I dumped her because of an ex ahe would not stop calling, emailing and going to his house, what I would like to say to her is, I asked you to stop the ex relationship and you continued, you just did not care enough. What do you think? or should I never send another note? I know if she came back, she would just do it again.... Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I asked you to stop the ex relationship and you continued, you just did not care enough. There is your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I do not know your whole story, but I realized that after I sent text msgs and emails and he ignored me that he really did not care. The more I sent the more he still knew he had the control. THe more he knew I was taking time out of my day to think of him and make an effort. Don't send anything! You deserve better and don't you want to be with someone who would care if you were hurt-and not ignore you? I am going thru a tough time too, so I should prob take my own advice. Easier to see the problems in other's relationships ya know. Love blinds you. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 thanks Beth, I will stop, you are right, it was my second one and at this point it is very clear, if its a game great, if she moved on great, both ways, I do not want a person who would lie and hurt me anyway, type in search and see my story on hurt, tell me what you think froma womans perspective? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I cannot find it??? What was it called? Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 go to search at the to and a page will come up, look to the right asee the box, type in hurt Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Ok I read it and I do not feel that you should have let that go on...it would have really bothered me too. The fact that she kept it from me worried me. Did you ever meet him? You made the right choice. You will find someone who will wan to spend all their time with you and no one else! Esp an ex? I know it hurts. It does not seem fair, but when you meet the true love of your life, you will look back and say "THank GOD I sent that email to her or I never would have met _____." Trust me. It is hard I know. I was with this guy 2 yrs and he just decided to stop talking to me for no reason? That is hard. I just have to accpect that I deserve better. I think you made a greeat choice. No one should have to put up with that. Hang in there. If she decides to come back, then she does and maybe by then you will have no interest? Just try not to contact her. That is what I am doing. It only shows that he could come back if he wanted. GOod luck. Sorry I rambled Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 it really hurts, the fact that i never met him and she never told him about me. She cried and told me she had made a mistake a month ago, and and I still said good bye, this contact never stopped, the emails etc..had me spinning with insecurity, I am hurt and a part of me wants to have her, but I just would never believe her again and i would always wonder and that alone is unhealthy, I begged her to stop, three days prior she had broken up with me for some stupid reason then she came back on a monday and said she loved me and would never leave me again, two days later she tells me she is going to his house because he was in town!!!! I told her to go that it was over, she then cancels with him emails me and says it was an innocent mistake??? I said good bye! I still dont get it, she says she loves me on Wed and asks me to love her back, I tell I need to get over the hurt of a few days ago, but that I do love her and then she turns around and is heading to his house? Link to post Share on other sites
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