No contact rule does work - Ex has called

[TommyGirl]

Crazydawg, I would like to ask, why did you break up with your ex-girl of two years? Was it just because your new girl was more attractive? Do you want her back now, after what your current ex did to you?

[crazydawg]

Crazydawg, I would like to ask, why did you break up with your ex-girl of two years? Was it just because your new girl was more attractive? Do you want her back now, after what your current ex did to you?

 

I was upset with her because we didn't spend as much time as i wanted to i felt like she wnated to be with her friends more at times but i wasn't exactly happen, and yes partly because this girl was more attractive. Do i want my old ex of 2 yrs In a way i do because she's the only girl that cared except for not spending time with me she really was a good person but if it were an emergency she would be there i remember my ex ex was with me when i got in an auto accident and my current ex couldn't make it. So that shows who really cared more that meant alot to me untill i saw her with her ex.

Do i want her back no after my ex did that to me. I say no thats not the reason because my old ex ende dup with her ex bf also lol i want her to be my friend because i love her as a person i just dont think i could b more then that for now.

 

 

oh as an update my ssister broke the no contact rule she imed my current ex and she wouldnt even respond untill she found out i got a new web designer job heck thats one of the reasons i think she left me for her ex because i was always financially dependent he has money

[fishman3226]

I went out into a shopping centre today and happened across a long time ago ex (I am talking 8 years or more) waiitng in a queue and it made me think - I feel nothing for this girl AT ALL. No hate, no love - complete apathy.

 

In years to come if my ex dont come back (and I dont think she will) I may see her and not care what she is doing in her life either. She can do who she wants - I know she lost out.

 

I choose not to care now, for she cares not for my well being - as evident by the lack of sympathy for my feelings. Karma I suppose instigated by me.

 

Time heals wounds it appears so every minute that ticks by is one step closer to forgetting and moving on.

[mrbubbles]

after reading quite a few replies on this site or forum id just like to mention something which i find abit controversial but il say it anyways. Most of the time ppl will just give support in the way of "i moved on " "forget about the ex" but lets not forget sometimes in long term relationships 2 year + that alot of love was involved so sometimes ppl shouldnt always take the advice of some ppl on here regarding letting go and forcing urself tomove on. yes i agree this is a way of protecting oneself, but i believe u can do that whilst also tryin to win ur ex back.If uve been broken up for 6 months and nothing has changed then i fully understand ppl's points of view but try not to just use the term "get over it" "ignore her etc" when different circumstances require different ways of dealing with it in the correct manner.Alot of ppl's threads ive read has been "i want my ex back" "pls help me change her mind" and the majority of ppl (to which i understand) have told these ppl to get over them , ignore them when sometimes i just feel,"wait, all doesnt seem lost, u do seem to have a chance, but u might have to try this and try that etc" so lets just all take a few mins to just analyze each persons situation bcos most of them have different circumstances and it isnt always the best solution to walk away when u know your heart is still with them though i will also say that yes alot of the time it is the best advice that you should take, but lets give it some room for thought , yes be strong no matter what but lets not lose all hope when all is not lost at all.

[estakado]

Hey guys:

 

Ya'llRaised some good points there and yeah its true, it is hard to move on and it is hard to forget about your ex especially if you have invested your life in it. The main thing is to No Contact so that you can get some time and space to survey the situation and plan your life without your ex in the picture. In a perfect world/situation your ex would want to work things out and will rationaly deal with the way you are but people change and ex's do give out red flags to let us know that something is wrong. On our end, we are so happy and content with the relationship that we are fooled into thinking that things are alright. Somehow, someway communication has been broken and or our ex's have chosen/gotten into something else that seems to be better deal.

 

You gotta ask yourself after you have given a month or 2 or grieving and trying to reconcile with your ex that can you forgive them? Can you work with them to help them understand your point of view? Can you work with them to understand their needs? Are you willing to do the things that are possible to change/maintain a new environment that will support you both? Are you willing to compromise/change things about yourself to please your ex? Will your ex's lover let your ex go? Can you ever fully trust your ex after she has moved on with another person? Can you ever put this all behind if you ever do get a 2nd chance?

 

^ ^ Theres alot of questions and issues that need to be resolved before you can really be sure that it can get back to the love that you once had. I am still dealing with this loss, and it sux....everyday I move farther and farther away from my love and it hurts my heart to know that somehow I will almost completely forget her smile, her smell, and her laugh.....I miss her talking, her touch and all that.

 

But I know that right now, I gotta re-focus and try and make it through day by day. I also know that I've told her how I felt and I did the No Contact to let her know how it is without each other and how it is for me to deal with the reality that she aint gonna be there anymore for me. I mean yeah anyone can play the "game" where we can hang around and be seen and try to put up a front that we are alright but only the dedicated can really pull that off, plus there is no real gaurantee that you will ever get your ex back. I mean it might take a long time for her to realise again that you are the one, shooot look how long it took for Harry to finally get to Sally [Harry met Sally] it took forever and It is never like how it is in the movies or songs....the reality is much worse.

 

The best thing to do is No Contact, clean house, keep busy, lean on friends/family, and concentrate on doing some things that you want to do and try to improve yourself. Keep talks short with your ex, decide when you want to talk about getting some real answers and then decide whether or not you want to feel sad and hold out for hope and/or if you want to move on. Moving on doesnt mean that you stop loving them. Moving on doesnt mean to give up all hope.Moving on means that you want to move away from this problem and gain control of your life back. The world will not stop for you.

 

Yeah it is better said than done, but it takes time to heal a broken heart. Give yourself time and space, reward yourself, indulge in something else that you wanted, start to love yourself again. Try and feel good.

 

Yeah its hard, but if you try little by little to make your day better, then you will eventually get past all of this.

 

I hope I helped a little....

[junegloom]

Can people force themselves to fall out of love?

 

Can people love someone even if they don't see a future with them? Or do people only fall in love with those they see their future with?

 

What do you all think?

[prodigy_khaine]

Junegloom

 

I'll give you my situation about "falling out of love"

 

After a rather mild argument about god-knows-who-can-remember, I think it was work or something - the topic isn't important - my now ex-girlfriend said that she simply came to the conclusion she didn't love me as much as she used to.

 

It was exam time, so I was studying hard, so was she, so we didn't see much of each other, if any, for about 3 weeks. She had 3 weeks of minimal contact, except for the few messages and phone calls, but she said she lost the feeling. She stewed on her feelings, all the negative input of herself, and not much positive reinforcement from me, but I was also told it would not have changed anything. Even when i did see her, she acted like she did when we we're in a relationship, did the things people in relationships do etc... So, she stopped loving me, and it didn't hurt her, so she knew her decision not to love me was the right one

 

She told me, that if it hurt her not to love me, then she knew it was wrong not to love me. So it wasn't quite forcing out of love, but a realisation...

 

(Of course, she dumped me after exams, which showed me that she had some decency, and still thinks about me, which is why i thought i had a second chance...)

[rd1978]

JUNGLELOOM- i dont think its all that easy to just FALL out of love,,, ,, there is loving someone,, and BEING in love with someone,, i mysf have never fallen out of love before,, i have fallen out of being in love,, when all the fun and excitement left..... i havent had many relationship's just a long term one,, as for loving someone you dont see a future with,, im sure you can,, but if you went into it not seeing a future,, it prob isnt a strong love,, IF further on in the relationship im sure it would be easy to love someone and not realize you could spend the rest of your life with them,, i suppose it depends on a lot of things ,, i mean i will always have a love for my ex,, but realizing we arent right togethor is another thing.....

 

DREAMGUY: you replied to my post's before ,,, ok so i have played no contact since day 1 of us breaking up... {proud of myself} But at this point in time i dunno if i should switch things up slightly,, since i have started to accept her calls and instant messages ,, we have talked quite often for the past month or so? like i said she was sooo happy to talk to me when we first started talking.... And everytime she is online and i am online she will write methere was a point in time when it went for 10 out of 13 days between the phone and computer,,,and the days we didnt talk i wasnt around ,,, now its not that i am not busy ,, she will call first thing in the morning or right after work,,,,, and she will write me whenever im online

 

so over the past 2 weeks ,,, on a fri,, we talked and she was asking me what i was doing that night,, and said she didnt want to do any of her options so far ,, and asked what i was going to do,,,said she was kind tired ,, so i was like why dont you just go to sleep.... yeah i know i wasnt to smooth But i didnt want to give in or anything,,, so i didnt go on instant messanger ,, at all after that day and she called the next wensday,, asking what i was doing like 3 times,, and then asked if i had a tennis raquette,,,,, saying she was bored,,, she made a comment that i probally wouldnt play with her ,, i told her i would play if i could use my baseball bat since i didnt have a raquett,,,,she laughed at that.... then this girl came up that liked me ,, and she went nuts saying how ugly and what not she is ,, and then accusing me of hooking up with her because she wanted me,,, { thats her insecure side}....

so then on that fri ,, she calls and asks me if im going out on my boat and she is at this bar right by the water or if im going to the bar,, being al friendly saying she is with a friend and asking me what im doing that night.. i told her i was busy and would call back,,, well i never called back,,, went away for 2 days,, then she wrote me when i got back asking where ive been i havent been home for 2 days etc.etc.

 

so i was kinda shady on my replies and ,, she told me it make her angry to talk to me because,, im doing all these fun things without her,,, and because i still dont tell her everything,,, { well we are not togethor so i feel its none of her buisness,, i didnt say this though } so i old her its not fair because friends shouldnt get angry over things like that,, and she was like FRIENDS?? ,, then she said i dont think i could be your friend its just not that easy,, and i said no it isnt easy,,, and she said is that what you want to be my friend? so i said i dont want to be your enemy.....then she asked if i thaught i could be her friend,, i said i dont know,,, And that was about the end of the conversation she was on her way out,, and she told me to have a fun time whatever i end up doing..... she is telling me how much ive changed and grown up also.........this is the 1st thing ive done to show anything,, i sent her a 4th of july email card just saying happy 4th

 

She was really starting to ask alot of questions,, i dont know if it was to ease her curious mind,, so she could continue acting the way she is or because she might want to work things out,,,, now i havent talked to her since sunday,, its now thursday i havent signed online at all..... im not realy showing alot of interest,, just being neutral...

i havent braught anythign realtionship wise up ,,,, im assuming she is hanging out with this other guy,, and she hasnt asked about any other girls,, she just knows i get shady when certain subjects come up,, i cant figure it out i read alot of posts on here and dont really see anything that is close to the wacko im dealing with

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK from this,,,, remeber i havent called or wrote 1 time,,,,, she has called around 12 times and wrote at least 2 dozen times and thats not including the times in the begining when i wasnt awnsering,,,,, thats in the past month and half........

 

everything seems to point to her wanting to make up ,, am i not showing enough interest? doesn she not think that ill want her back? it seems she made some attempt to get me to hang out... And i dont see her dropping anyone she is hagnign out with unless we are going to work thing out,, do i feel it out and see if she wants to do something,, do i just wait untill she makes an attempt again?

 

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST

[EC]

hey dreamguy I'm dying to know how everything is going and if you saw her at the beach and what happened? w/b

[dreamguy]

Well, I saw her at the beach on yesterday as expected. She was there with her sister and some friends. I had to pass by them because this was the only path to get where I was going.

They said hello. I said "hi, hot day ! crowded too." My ex said "yeah it's too crowded today". Then I said "anyway, enjoy your time... see ya" and I walked by. I swam for like 10 minutes then I went for a walk (didn't want to sit where she could see me). Then when I got back from my walk my ex and her sister were getting ready to leave. I saw some friends (a guy I know, he was with a ******* hot babe !!) lol so I stopped and I talked to him for a minute or two. Just as my ex was leaving she passed by me and said "bye bye" to which I replied "ciao".

That was it. There's something weird about my ex though. She did it last time as she was leaving and she did it again today ! As she left with the other girls, she was walking around the swimming pool. She walked slightly faster than them so she was ahead and she had to turn her head back to talk to them but in reality she was looking straight my way !

[dreamguy]

rd1978,

Dont' call her as long as she's calling you every few days. Why would you want to start chasing her when she is chasing you.

If she stops calling for more than 1 week then I'd say give it a shot by calling her but stay cool. Also, if she asks to see you in a clear and obvious way then don't turn her down without giving her other options. Turn her down but propose an alternative. Say something like "Sorry I already have plans on that day but how about day x..."

As long as she hasn't said "I want to be with you" then you should consider her actions as testing the waters. Slowly drag her in without letting her realize what's happening but don't pull her in all of a sudden.

 

Talking about testing the waters, you know there's an experience that's performed on frogs.

If you drop a frog into boiling water then it will automatically jump out because it senses the sudden change of temperature around its body.

If, on the other hand, you put a frog into cold water and then you heat the water very slowly until it boils then the frog is likely to stay in the water until it can no longer get out... and it dies as it's trapped without feeling the slow change of temperature around its body.

[rd1978]

yo DREAMGUY ive jsut about *****n had it ... she wrote me again tonight ,, she wasnt even online for a minute before she wrote,, we talked for a while and she asked what i did for the 4th,, i told her i went to a friends house,, then this girls house that im friends with ,, ok this girls lives with her boyfriend of 6 years,,, but at 1 point in time me and her were somewhat "talking" when i was on a break with my ex ,,and she was on a break with her man,, and i told her this .....

so she made a comment like i bet you go over there all the time now dont you ,, so i was a wise ass back and was like no only when her boyfriend isnt home,, and she was like yeah i bet,,, then she said oh its to bad she is so {ugly} she calls all of my friends ugly but they are all damn cute..... then she was like i have to eat ,, so i was like see ya,, and not even a mintue later she was back she said she was done and didnt like whats was for dinner,, so we talked for a minute and she was like i have to shower ,, so i was like bye and she said bye,,, now w/t/f is she such and a**h*** for,,, she doesnt want to see me with anyone else its obvious,,,she is putting up a front and acting like a bitch to be tough.....ANd last week she had asked me to hang out 2 times how funny is that... I swear she could be like i had great sex last night and i be like thats nice,, and if i said me to she would go off on a rampage...

 

now im ready to tell her to piss off,,,,I cant take it its annoying and wearing on me,,, i think i need to find out her reasoning on her calling and instant messaging.. because if she isnt interested in trying she needs to cut the SH*T out because its a waste of my time i swear it would be totally different if she didnt call or anything then i could move on easier,, not that im not looking for anyone else,, but i would make myself lose any hope i have ,, i would bet everything i have on the fact that it wouldnt go any longer than 2-3 weeks if i asked her not to call me if she doesnt want to be with me.....

 

OR should i just freaking disapear and block her on instant messaanger and have her blocked on my cell phone ,, its really annoying ,,,i just cant stand it because i havent called or wrote her 1 damn time ,, and she goes writing me and asking questions ,, and cant take the awnsers so she gives me an attitude..... and i dont even tell her have the stuff because i know what kind of immature/ unfair person im dealing with..... I need to give this girl a reality check,, she never gave herself anytime to get over me before hanging out with her new boy and it obvious { ANY IDEAS}

[dreamguy]

rd1978,

now im ready to tell her to piss off,,,,I cant take it its annoying and wearing on me,,, i think i need to find out her reasoning on her calling and instant messaging.. because if she isnt interested in trying she needs to cut the SH*T out because its a waste of my time

 

There's something you have to keep in mind. You might feel strong now and you might feel you don't miss your ex at all because she's calling/messaging you a lot. You might start missing her again if you break all contact with her.

So what I'm saying is, if you want to block her or ignore her then do it without insulting her or being rude in any way. Because you will regret those words later on when she stops contacting you and you start missing her. She would also lose any respect she has towards you. You would shoot yourself in the leg and it will be too late to fix things.

So always keep a cool and respectful attitude. You'll come out as a winner in the end no matter what.

[rd1978]

yeah your right telling her where to stick it wouldnt be a good idea because in 4 days ill be wishing i didnt say that,,,,, as far as upper hand goes even though im pretty sure she is seeing or with this guy i believe i still have it,,,to her im mysterious right now,,, and i show no anger or anything along those lines when she tells me she is doing stuff,, on the opposite side she show's me she is angry from the fun stuff im doing..... I honestly swear she is acting in such an unfair way because she feels like she is losing me and is really confused, and she knows when she used to be bitchy to me i was nicer to her,,,,

 

plan {a} Id really like to sit down and ask her why she is contacting me so much,, and what her reasoning is towards it,,,, and say well you dont think you can handle being friends ,, so what do you want then???-------- And maybe tell her how much she means to me ,, and how much id like to have her in my life,,,,,

 

plan {b} or just keep playing the game ,, because it def. seems to be wearing on her,,, and ME But she IS contacting me on a somewhat reg basis..... and just try to suck her back in,, although her talking to me keeps her in that comfort zone,, but then again it also makes her more comfortable with me.....

 

plan {c} just come out and say i dont think this is going to work ,,, we are suppost to be friend's here and your getting mad and making rude comment's to me ,, you ask what ive been doing and im telling you and your getting angry at me and making rude comments about my friends ,,, there is no reason to call my friends ugly,,, etc.etc.

she wasnt very happy about me saying friends ,,,last time and she said she didnt think that she could be my friend, because she couldnt handle it,, well it seems she cant handle whatever she is to me now either......

 

IT so funny because during most of this breakup its been like,,, I broke up with her,,,, with all her contacting me ,, and me not contacting her,,, all the differnt ways she is trying to make me jelious,, which i can seem to understand,, and im not breaking,,, and all the ways she is getting jelious.....her trying to ask me to do something,,,,, and down to her even saying well that was about the time you left me,,, or you stopped talking to me at that time......

 

it just doesnt make sense,, i think if i tell her how i feel then ill be starting from point {A} again,,,,, But if she see's that side of me she isnt used to things might be different,,,,, MAYBE she is trying to make me jelious so i ask her to do something? she made it pretty damn obvious she wanted to hang out last week,,

 

sometimes i feel i need to just talk to her face to face and tell her how i feel ,, or try and hang out with her little by little to show her a fun time

 

my friends tell me to just talk to her and find out what she wants ,, out of this ,, otherwise ill just keep holding onto a false hope

 

the posts would have stopped long ago ,, but this situation seems so much different than everyone else's because she seems to be contacting so much,,, i swear if i told her to stop again,, i dont think she could,,, it just doesnt make sense,, its almost like she doesnt want to lose me for good ,,, but wants to have her fun,,,,, or something along those lines,, its coming to it i have to make a decision {so i can leave you guys alone and stop posting so damn much}

[dreamguy]

on the opposite side she show's me she is angry from the fun stuff im doing..... I honestly swear she is acting in such an unfair way because she feels like she is losing me and is really confused

You got it all wrong. If we have to evaluate the situation from your side then she is acting in a fair way ! When she is angry from the fun stuff you're doing it usually means she still has feelings for you. Otherwise she would show nothing but complete indifference.

I'd say you should use a mixture of all 3 plans.

Here's how:

Do not answer all her calls so this way she won't be in the comfort zone but keep on answering most of her calls so she will finally come out and say what she wants. Most of all be VERY patient if you really want this girl back.

 

she wasnt very happy about me saying friends ,,,last time and she said she didnt think that she could be my friend, because she couldnt handle it,, well it seems she cant handle whatever she is to me now either.....

That's what you want ! You want her to lose balance by not being able to handle her hidden feelings for you anymore, if she has any, and apparently she still has a lot of feelings otherwise she wouldn't get mad at the thought of you having so much fun.

 

MAYBE she is trying to make me jelious so i ask her to do something? she made it pretty damn obvious she wanted to hang out last week,,

Hints do not count. Did she explicitly say "how about we get together" or "let's go to this place" ?

You don't want to assume anything as long as it hasn't been clearly declared. One small mistake and you'll be back to square one.

Now, if on the other hand, she specifically asked you to hang out then you should go for it but stay cool all the time. It will be your turn to test the waters, to see what she's up to.

 

my friends tell me to just talk to her and find out what she wants ,, out of this ,, otherwise ill just keep holding onto a false hope

DO NOT tell her how you feel or talk about your past relationship. Talk about generalities and wait for her to crack ! It may take longer than you thought but she will eventually crack. She's been chasing you like crazy lately. Give it some more time, what have you got to lose ??

[fishman3226]

But do you really think that though Dreamguy? I mean, if she is chasing him, she may also be sared of the 'rejection' factor.

 

IMHO, if you wanna know ask. If you feel for her, either one or two things - you could sit around for months hoping she cracks and then get back - or you could finally after ages find she was not interested and be hurt again.

 

Me, I would say to her thru whatever way you find easiest to get your point across a simple message of "look, what are you after? I believe you may want us to get back together. Is this right? I have thought about it and if the opportunity came up I would consider it.'

 

Simple message saying I think this is what you are at and I would think about it if you are. No commital, no "please, please, please" just a point where you find out her motives and then you have the opportunity to make a decision based upon facts rather than hope.

 

I have done this to my ex who constantly contacts me and well, I have not got a reply yet - one way or another I am goig to find out which way she is heading.

 

I can then find out if I can have her back (or at least aim at it) or if I move on.

 

As we all would have heard, there are more fish in the sea. This way you can find out if this one will bite or not. Sucks, but allows you to finalise and resolve the relationship and where you stand in it.

[shellen]

they often say girls tend to be very curious abt who their exes are hooking up with lately...

how abt guys? do they also persist in asking such questions just to satisfy their curiousity?

i recently talked to my ex on the phone, he called...it's been a month since our last phone conversation..

and one week since any sms...

i think he had fun chatting coz i usually made him laugh with the crappy stuffs i say...

and the next day i got a sms fr him asking what i was doing....

as i was on my way home i told him so and he started asking me where i went, what did i do, with whom, guy or gal...

even when i told him it was not sombody he knew, he continued asking who was it and guy or gal...

on one hand, i feel like i should just answer his questions like it's no big deal coz I just want to treat him like a random friend who happens to be very inquisitive..

but on the other hand, I feel like why should he wanna know so much...

i mean i am the one who still has feelings for him and would definitely want to know more abt him and his current gf, but even then I feel kind of weird to ask too much.

and it's strange he does not feel it's inappropriate to persist in getting his answers even when i tried to change topic a few times....

i really wonder does he feel anything when i tell him who i am hooking up with or does he just wants to satisfy his curiousity....

and if it's the latter, should i let him have his way?

[dreamguy]

You don't have to tell him who you're hanging out with.

Keep the mystery going. Let him think about it all the time. He broke up with you, you are not together now so you're free to do what you want with no regrets !

Of course don't tell him what I just said. Just ignore the question or try to change the subject when he asks "who are you seeing ?" and if he persists then calmly tell him "I don't think this is of any relevance now that we're friends."

[prodigy_khaine]

Guys and their curiosity

 

This can be viewed from two different ways shellen. In your case, where you've been pursuing him, he may want to know that you're moving on from him. If you can show him that you're moving on, he may feel more comfortable contacting you more often, because he knows you're involved with someone else, and he's involved with his gf obviously, so there won't be a lot of sexual tension between you both, because you're both committed to a third party.

 

But on the flipside of the coin, in my case, where I'm the hunter and she's the hunted, I don't particularly want to know. If anything, I'd want to know how well the new guy treats her - she's more likely to realise how good things were when we were together if he treats her badly.

 

Which brings me to another point - no one wants to hear about their ex getting treated badly, unless they themselves got treated poorly by their ex. If you're still talking and communicating on a personal basis (ie, not professional - eg. work) then there is some care in there, and if you're on the phone for a while, then the care is obviously reciprocated by both parties. You're going to be more content if your ex is going out with a pleasant guy/girl, who treats them well, gets them flowers etc. If you can't make them happy, then you'd rather have them be with someone who does No one wants to hear about their ex who has rebounded onto the first piece of trash that presented itself that doesn't care a whim as to what they want.

 

Although I was dumped and in the worst of ways, one of the worst things I feel my ex could do at the moment is go out, and so soon, with someone else who treated them badly. Shellen, I'd say your ex is just being compassionate, making sure you're doing okay, in good hands. If the situations were reversed, wouldn't you want the same for him?

 

And just because he has got a girlfriend, doesn't mean that all hope is lost. Its probably better you see more people in the meantime, because that way, you've had a few more experiences with different people, and you will appreciate each other. Most couples I know that have gotten back together (I love happy stories), the two people have gone out and had relationships with other people and realised that they were not as happy as they were in the initial relationship.

 

Have faith, tell him the truth, whether you're happy or not, just don't go into explicit details. Guys don't want that, trust me on that!!!

[jw32802]

prodigy_khaine

HI, you really have seen this? YOu said "Most couples I know that have gotten back together (I love happy stories), the two people have gone out and had relationships with other people and realised that they were not as happy as they were in the initial relationship. "

My guy dated a new girl RIGHT AFTER we broke up and he was still calling me telling me he thinks about me all day and loves me so much; but i can't even talk to him because i found out about her. What is the % of these rebound relationships that last, from experiences of people you know? It has been 3 mths since shes been dating her so maybe he IS in love with her now.

[jw32802]

Oh and how long did it take for those people you know to realize it?? a few mths?

[prodigy_khaine]

Dreamguy does have a valid point

 

I especially like the bit about the mystery, but I guess it all depends on the person. I'm just giving my point of view as to why I'd ask my ex who she was seeing...

 

But I do have a question for the board...

 

I've self initiated 5 weeks no contact, and after going a massive 3 days, i was cornered in one of the pharmacies I work in, with no chance of escape. The staff gave me exits as my ex entered the store, but in the end, instead of hiding behind the dispensary counter, i decided to be the bigger man and face my problems head on. She initiated conversation, saying "Hi" with a what I can only assume was a friendly poke in the back. She went on to ask how I was, and I answered with short, precise answers, making it quite obvious I was not in for conversation, but she pursued anyway. I never looked at her while answering, but kept doing what I was doing. Eventually I cited I had to start work elsewhere and I left.

 

Is that in the rules? I felt a little too cold and quite frankly, like a bit of an prick, but at the same time, I felt a warming glow in me, like a coffee at the snow.

 

I spoke to people at the second work, who know the situ, and they said she'll contact me for sure within the next week. Whats everyone elses views?

[prodigy_khaine]

jw32802

 

I probably overused most and implied a lot. In truth, I've seen about half a dozen situations, and the time has ranged from a few days, and the most excessive I've seen was 8 months. In all of the situations tho, they never really had a significant relationship, one night stands, flings lasting a few weeks etc.

 

I really haven't actually heard of a rebound that worked. I believe they are for the wrong reasons (revenge, hurt, jealousy, carnal sex) so true love can't spawn from that.

 

The relationships came back tho, because one or the other wasn't happy, usually the one that dumped, as opposed to being dumped. They saw something better, but it was fools gold. The 8 month situ tho was a cry for space, he'd been f*cked up by a previous girlfriend.

 

In one situ, they would have gotten back together if the guy wasn't so damn pushy towards her. His problem was he acted irrationally, he got chased by the cops for punching walls, thrown out of pubs, and I dare say would have got a restraining order unless we'd calmed him down.

 

But I don't know every situation where people have gotten back together. Just don't lose hope that because your man has now been dating some girl for 3 months that its all over, that he's automatically in love with her and forgotten about you. Make sure he still knows who you are, but don't make yourself known so much that he doesn't have time to miss you. If he says he loves you, i don't really see how this relationship that he's having at the moment can work: he can't love the both of you. Its a bit like some TV show I was watching once upon a time:"You can be a Beatles fan, or a Rolling Stones fan, but not both"

[jw32802]

thank you.....you really helped. I know you say you've never saw rebounds work, and i didnt think so , but who knows. last week he kept bugging me to drop off something and so i did and he just hugged me and then i left; he ended up asking where iwas going and ended up showing up there. He said "i have to get up at 5am to go fishing" and i said "oh why did you come out?" and he said "i had to see you, im glad i came, i had to see you." it was such a fun night, he kept switching places with people so he could stand next to me, he told me he never saw me look so good. he kept talking to me the whole night and then at one point he pulled me aside and said "Jen i want you back." i said "arrent you dating someone" and he was like "there is no one but you, its always been you. i miss you, i thought you were gone forever, i didnt think you'd come back to me, i wont be seeing that freak anymore. you started dating other people first!" well stupid me went back to hhis place and the next morning he went fishing and then i woke up and saw pictures of this girl and him, in florida, pictures of him and her that i think she put up; a card from her saying its been the best 2 mths of her life, etc. killed me like nothing else in my life. I ended up callnig this girl to find out and she was like "he told me he only dated you once, and ive met his family and we've gone to florida a few times". i couldnt believe it. she said "we're in love, we talked about getting married!"

Why is he telling me these things then? Only a few days before all of this i got a text from him

"I have been thinking about you all day. i hope you are well, god i miss u." so do you think he is just with this girl to get over me? I am crying right now.....

[jw32802]

I guess I just wonder if he thinks about me still. i feel like if he's with her, maybe he doesn't really love me.