my engagement ring is not diamond </3

[princess89]

my boyfriend proposed to me in the most romantic way i can imagine... we were at a beach surrounded by mountains in south america it was a beautiful place like out of a movie! one night, we went for a walk along the sand and i saw a towel covering the sand two tiki lamps on each side champagne and our songs playing from his ipod and speakers. we sat down.. after a while of him convincing me that that is actually all for me lol. and the song marry you bruno mars came on and thats when he proposed. the thing is i realised later that my ring is not diamond. its Swarovski crystal....beautiful...just not diamond. im not sure if im sounding spoilt..i dont want to come across that was at all. i appreciate everything i loved everything...but i cant help but feel sad and disappointed that its not diamond! for me... an engagement ring symbolises how much u cherish the most important relationship in your life. i could understand if he didnt have the money...im not saying hes a millionaire but he could have afforded a diamond...even if it was tiny. im just traditional like that....my ring cost $115 but it was ok for him to spend £700 on a new iphone! some one help. i dont know if i sound like a brat... i dont want to hurt his feelings...i know he was so excited about the whole thing and i know he loves me very much hes shown that in more ways than one. what do i do?

[GardenDiva]

How do you know it's a crystal? Did you talk to him about it?

[RiverRunning]

I really think the engagement ring is something that needs to be discussed beforehand, and it needs to be taken in context of the relationship. I don't blame you for being ticked if he recently spent several hundred dollars on a phone...and barely more than a hundred dollars for yours, especially if he knew it was important to you.

 

I'm not at all in the camp of women who wants a diamond or an expensive ring, but I'm not going to knock someone who does want that. Did he go light on the engagement ring because he's planning to save some of that money for a house, the Honeymoon, the wedding itself?

 

You'll have to ask him, inevitably.

 

But you do say that the ring is beautiful. Isn't that what's most important? This "it has to be diamond" mentality is awful. It's awful for men, who sometimes feel pressured to buy $5k (or MORE) rings...when I looked, honestly, I couldn't tell the difference between a $1k ring and a $4k ring.

 

Having a diamond, or not having a diamond, does not mean a guy loves you or cares about you any less, no matter what de Beers would have you think. My cousin proposed to his wife with a ring that had a "speck" of a diamond, as the sales lady called it.

 

And that aside, you now have one of the engagement rings that's not exactly like everybody else's.

 

For anyone else who's curious, search for "white topaz" engagement rings sometime, or insert any other stone with "white" beforehand. Unless I were examining it, it would never occur to me that these rings aren't diamonds. But they certainly are beautiful...and a fraction of the cost.

[Gulf-Delta]

It's the thought that counts.

 

The ring I proposed with was free (heirloom) and it was emerald and 2 tiny diamonds in gold.

 

If you love him, you won't care.

[MaybeMilitary]

I can understand why you are upset. An engagement ring is usually a diamond or three small ones and most of the time worth more than $115. A trip to the vet for my dogs is dearer! having said that if you like it and it looks pretty does it really matter? If you think it's beautiful and like it then it doesn't matter what stone it is. It's the symbol that counts.

However if you really aren't happy then talk to him about it. Maybe he didn't know and just picked something he thought you would like?

[pink_sugar]

You can definitely tell the difference between a crystal a diamond. However, telling the difference between a simulated diamond, such as cubic zercondia is a lot more difficult. Usually you don't see many crystals inside a gold band, more likely CZ, but how do you know for sure if that's the case?

 

I wouldn't fret too much. My engagement ring was $176 and not diamond. It was a topaz heart with matching emerald gemstones and I loved it because my husband picked it out. We didn't have much money at the time. An engagement ring is only an engagement ring unless it's part of a set maybe? Now the wedding ring is the real deal, if he's willing to spend more when it comes to the wedding ring I wouldn't worry. A lot of people just have simple bands. Diamonds actually aren't worth as much as they are out to be, it's the brides in the wedding market driving up the demand and therefore the cost. It's the gold is what is worth money. Rings are just as bad as buying a car. Once you spend thousands of dollars, it's only worth a few hundred once it's on your finger. I do understand your point about him buying an expensive phone and spending far less on the ring. But the wedding ring is the real deal and unless he's cheap about that too, I wouldn't worry too much.

[samsungxoxo]

Ahh does it really matters???? As long as he choice to spend the rest of his life with you that's what counts. Be happy he at least asked you: some of us don't even get that.

Edited May 9, 2012 by samsungxoxo

[samsungxoxo]

OP should not say anything about it. Chances are the man might then reconsider it and she'll be back to gf status in no time.

 

I don't really get it. Some women get proposed already and yet still complained.

 

I wouldn't say a word if I were she.

Edited May 11, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[climbergirl]

My husband proposed with a titanium ring that he made and we got married with wedding bands, titanium, that he made. Price tag? $0 He's a welder and had access to that material.

 

I want the man, not the diamond.

[Ursa]

I can understand feeling put off by the fact that he spends freely on his personal technology, but put such extreme price restrictions on a symbol like an engagement ring. However, I'd wonder what kind of symbol the ring was to him: the symbol of a woman who cares for him more than money, possibly? Many men misunderstand what the ring means emotionally to some women.

 

Are you sure it's Swarovski crystal? That would be a problem for me, as it's not very durable, not something you could expect to wear every day for years without it being damaged. Cubic zirconia seems more likely.

 

My own engagement ring wasn't diamond either--and I didn't want it to be. My now-husband and I discussed it and went ring-shopping together, and we chose to go with sapphire. The almost-exclusive use of diamond in engagement jewelry is a relatively new phenomenon, started in the 20th century and perpetuated by the diamond industry itself. With all the violence, misery and controversy around diamond mining, and the understanding that diamonds are actually not that rare and their price is artificially inflated by ruthless corporations, I just couldn't reconcile myself to having a diamond engagement ring, even though like most young girls that's what I imagined my engagement symbol would look like someday and I don't fault the women who do choose diamond. For the record, we also threw away the silly "2 month salary" rule--I hear in some places, that's become 3 months now. Preposterous, in this economy, or if you are trying to save up for a house or pay off student loans. And in our case, it would have been ridiculously ostentatious, as my husband has a high salary.

 

It's possible that some of these concerns were also affecting your fiance's thinking. Also, as others have said, perhaps he was thinking of saving for the wedding, or the honeymoon, or your marital house together...have you discussed any of these plans with him?

[pteromom]

When you look down at your engagement ring, you should feel warmth and love, and you should LOVE it.

 

You should not think "he spent more than this on his phone" and be sad.

 

Since this is the case, I do think you should talk to him about it - gently.

 

"Honey, I am so excited about marrying you, and keep thinking about how beautiful it was when you proposed. But since this ring is crystal, it won't last long, and I want a ring I can wear for the rest of our lives together. What do you think about picking out a permanent ring together?"

 

I think you should have a ring you love.

[PlumPrincess]

This seem to be an American thing. I don't think women care that much whether it's diamond or not. The problem is with comparing what you have with what other women have. Since other women get an engagement ring with diamonds, a lot of women feel they also must get a ring with diamond as a proof that their fiancé loves them as much as the other women's fiancés love them. Engagement rings with diamonds have kind of become a standard and it's putting a lot of pressure on everyone. Frankly, I'm glad I don't live in the US. It's a really materialistic country and it's difficult to not let your environment influence you.

[MissBee]

I don't think the OP is someone who is simply materialistic and wants diamonds. It is evident that she feels awkward about this, and it is understandable. If a man spends more on his phone than his fiance's engagement ring, that is quite off putting! It is one thing if he is a guy who isn't materialistic at all and doesn't spend much on ANYTHING...then it would be less insulting. But if he bought some gadget just last week for $700, clearly price is not that big of a concern to him, and therefore, I'm sure it makes the OP wonder how he went about choosing her ring.

 

I care more about a good man who loves me than a nice diamond, but a part of my requirement for marrying a man is that he knows me well and knows what I like and don't like. So if I like silver more than gold or diamonds more than crystals, so long as it is within his means, then I'd want him to be the kind of man who would take that into account and get something I'd like . Within his means is the key component. I do not want a man to break his back and go broke and hungry to buy me a ring. I don't NEED a diamond. But if he bought a $2000 computer last week, or bought $400 shoes and then gave me a $100 ring that isn't anything I've ever said I liked, then I'd really wonder about his priorities. But yea....I do think you should ask him about how he chose it and why. You don't have to say you wanted a diamond. You can do as someone else suggested and mention you want something you can wear forever, but I'd kind of ask him "Hey honey, how'd you go about deciding on my ring?"

[FitChick]

Didn't couples shop together for both their rings after the proposal was officially made? That way they would get what they both wanted. Am I imagining this?

 

I saw a very informative documentary about the De Beers family and how they keep the price of diamonds artificially high. From that point on, I never wanted diamonds. I prefer sapphires but in a necklace or earrings. I only want a simple gold wedding band.

[RiverRunning]

I have to admit. After dating my ex for so long - about 4 years - and never getting a proposal, the idea of getting ANY kind of ring solidified as an engagement is so sinfully amazing.

 

I think if a guy I was interested in gave me a ring made out of Play-Do, I'd hit the moon.

[Radu]

my boyfriend proposed to me in the most romantic way i can imagine... we were at a beach surrounded by mountains in south america it was a beautiful place like out of a movie! one night, we went for a walk along the sand and i saw a towel covering the sand two tiki lamps on each side champagne and our songs playing from his ipod and speakers. we sat down.. after a while of him convincing me that that is actually all for me lol. and the song marry you bruno mars came on and thats when he proposed. the thing is i realised later that my ring is not diamond. its Swarovski crystal....beautiful...just not diamond. im not sure if im sounding spoilt..i dont want to come across that was at all. i appreciate everything i loved everything...but i cant help but feel sad and disappointed that its not diamond! for me... an engagement ring symbolises how much u cherish the most important relationship in your life. i could understand if he didnt have the money...im not saying hes a millionaire but he could have afforded a diamond...even if it was tiny. im just traditional like that....my ring cost $115 but it was ok for him to spend £700 on a new iphone! some one help. i dont know if i sound like a brat... i dont want to hurt his feelings...i know he was so excited about the whole thing and i know he loves me very much hes shown that in more ways than one. what do i do?

 

Your problem is not the ring.

The ring just put something else into focus, it's the light shining on that big pink elephant in the den, that nobody talks about.

 

So, why don't you give details ?

- how much is a diamond ring

- how much did the trip cost

- how much planning did it go into it

- what culture/society are both of you a part off

- what are his spending habits like ?

- how much do you make ?

- how much does he make ?

 

PS: And yeah, on surface you sound like a spoiled brat, american ?

Edited May 22, 2012 by Radu

[samsungxoxo]

Yes Radu the OP sounds like the typical spoiled American woman. Imagine how many of us would die for even a play-doh proposal ring?

Edited May 22, 2012 by samsungxoxo

[Radu]

Text is emotionless, and many posters have a tendency of providing too little information ... maybe we missjudge her.

 

PS: I would love to be proposed to.

[BrandiBroken]

My boyfriend proposed to be white a white sapphire ring. He smiled and said knew it wasn't much and he was sorry but when the timing came up he'd get me something better if I so chose. To me, the ring didn't matter. What it was made of, where he got it, the fact that I couldn't even wear the actual one as it was too bit so was using a temp sterling silver one to hold it's place.

 

The fact he asked me, not for the first time but for the first time in person and face to face and meaning it, offering to spend his life with me........ in the end, that was all that mattered.

 

I might have a dream in my head, ring Ive oggled over, so on... but it's the guy that maters

[Sw3etdev1L]

I've seen the swarovski rings that look like proposal rings!, they are so beautiful!!!... before my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to marry him, when I saw those rings I was like... Oh , please at least give me one like that!!!... so beautiful.

 

I can understand what you are saying about not having what merchandising or commerce sell as the great idea... but, trust me. I am getting married too.

 

If you are gonna have a beautiful wedding, and a honey moon. I'ts gonna cost, a lot!... maybe instead of having a beautiful diamond ring you will have an awesome honeymoon!.

Or you could ask ur boyfriend, why?

[FryFish]

I think the OP should let the fiancé know how dissappointed she is in the ring so that he can find someone who isnt a ..... to propose to...

[zengirl]

I hate diamonds personally and had no real 'engagement' ring --- that's how I wanted it, Hubby would've bought one --- and generally wear my platinum band around a necklace, because I have bad knuckle joints.

 

HOWEVER, I've been proposed to twice before, once with an heirloom, back before I hated diamonds (long story), and once by a man who KNEW I hated diamonds who bought one anyway. That was the end of that R, really. Someone who didn't know me at all or care about what I wanted in a symbol that was so important . . . how could I consider marrying him?

 

My point is twofold: One, OP, you don't say how you felt about the ring when you first saw it. If you feel it doesn't reflect you AT ALL, I'd think long and hard on that one. However, if it's just the material/money, then that point does not apply. Two, I understand the point about the cost of the phone v. the cost of the ring. I think people spend too much on rings (and weddings!) personally, BUT I get how you feel perhaps it wasn't a high enough priority. I don't think he necessarily thought that way -- many men don't understand the emotionally-charged nature of the ring and they just do what is practical in their minds, whether that be spending the requisite amount on the requisite ring or spending a bit less.

 

Honestly, I feel like if you don't feel comfortable expressing yourself and your feelings, then you shouldn't get married. You should be able to express that you would like to -- in the near future, at some point -- replace the ring with a diamond, as it has symbolic and emotional value to you, and you don't feel a crystal ring is life-lasting. You are allowed to have your own priorities and values attached to the ring, too.

[Jethro]

I proposed to my wife with a flawless cut, 2.25 carat, white gold set ring that cost almost $22,000. That whore cheated on me with the worlds biggest waste of skin that will be in a wheelchair within 10 years, can't get an erection (let alone a job), and lives in his parents basement at age 42. So guess what I have to say to the OP? Get your priorities straight.

[hotgurl]

You can definitely tell the difference between a crystal a diamond. However, telling the difference between a simulated diamond, such as cubic zercondia is a lot more difficult. Usually you don't see many crystals inside a gold band, more likely CZ, but how do you know for sure if that's the case?

 

I wouldn't fret too much. My engagement ring was $176 and not diamond. It was a topaz heart with matching emerald gemstones and I loved it because my husband picked it out. We didn't have much money at the time. An engagement ring is only an engagement ring unless it's part of a set maybe? Now the wedding ring is the real deal, if he's willing to spend more when it comes to the wedding ring I wouldn't worry. A lot of people just have simple bands. Diamonds actually aren't worth as much as they are out to be, it's the brides in the wedding market driving up the demand and therefore the cost. It's the gold is what is worth money. Rings are just as bad as buying a car. Once you spend thousands of dollars, it's only worth a few hundred once it's on your finger. I do understand your point about him buying an expensive phone and spending far less on the ring. But the wedding ring is the real deal and unless he's cheap about that too, I wouldn't worry too much.

 

this is blatantly wrong, Diamonds as well as all gemstone and gold gain value over time. I have an antique diamond ring is was bought for 2 grand in 1930 and it is worth 10 grand now.

[setsenia]

It really depends on the diamond. Say you have a flawless diamond (meaning no inclusions whatsoever) these are really rare, so you can make quite a bit off these. However, a lot of the time you will spend a few grand on your ring, and you'll only end up being able to cash it in or re-sell it for a few hundred for a reason. There is nothing rare about diamonds. They are only highly desirable for wedding rings because of their durability, (Extremely difficult to break) and society's pressure that all husband's who really love their wives should get them a diamond.

Edited June 1, 2012 by setsenia