Starnette83 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 anyways for those who dont know..heres a lil about it..been with my bf for 3 years and 6months..had small breakups cuz of me being jealpus and him putting his pic on rate sites trying to hook up with girls while with me , and also cuz he hasnt said he loves me since feb, and actually told me he didnt anymore..but i remained.. but last week on MOnday i realzie i couldnt do this anymore..and i broke up with him, i told him i was bitter cuz he didnt love me anymore and that i still loved him alot and i felt that i had to just be on my own...and he was ok with it " hes like ya i agree, i told u how i felt about u but we remained cuz u stil wanted to and u would come looking for me"-which ya i did.... anyways we hung up and i cried...but i knew in a way i had to do this..i was tired of being unloved... anyways today was 6th day of no contact, i had blocked him from my aim, and didnt call him at all...i guess i needed time to just UGH ...anyways yesterday i saw he put his pic in HOTORNOT.and got me so upset and i started to cry cuz i had hope still...so anyways TODAY he calls me 4 times..but i dont pick up...until he l;eaves me a message and got me a lil concerned saying he had to tell me soemthing, so i called him and asked him normally.."i got ure message, what is that u need to tell me" and he just sais like though hes smiling cuz i called.."i just wanted to see how u were doing"..and then i said i was doing fine and then asked "is that all? as though i had to go"..and he said "no, also that i miss you"...and i just said "Oh, and said i was at the gym"...and we talked a lil bout that - not mroe then 2 min and i excused myself and said "well ill call u later, imma go back inside" and we said bye.. i wasnt at the gym, i just said that cuz i didnt know what to say, talkign to him felt awkward and i guess im being a lil more distant..if he cares about me..he needs to prove it now..did i do good? should i call him back?? or should i keep this uP???Umm whats next??? i do love him but he put me through alot..so i dont know anymore. is he realizing his loss??? should i keep this up? confusing! i still luv him Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 You handled that call PERFECTLY!!! Don't let him know you are upset. If he will come back, that is the way to do it! You did a heck of a lot better job of handling that than I would. Hooray for you!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamguy Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 "and we talked a lil bout that - not mroe then 2 min and i excused myself and said "well ill call u later, imma go back inside" and we said bye.." wasnt at the gym, i just said that cuz i didnt know what to say, talkign to him felt awkward and i guess im being a lil more distant..if he cares about me..he needs to prove it now..did i do good? should i call him back?? or should i keep this up??? Eventhough you said you'll call him (and that's the beauty of it) DON'T CALL HIM BACK. He will be expecting your call and will probably be dying to know why you're not calling. Trust me, he'll call even if takes several weeks (although I think it will take a lot less). So stay strong and don't mess it up now that you're starting to regain that control you had lost !! It's your right to demand that respect back !! Again, I don't want anyone here to misunderstand me. I'm not saying it's good to play games in relationships but when someone dumps you then you have every right to play tricks and games because they rejected you after you have been honest about their feelings !! It's suddenly all becomes about self-preservation (and you have every right to defend yourself). "had small breakups cuz of me being jealpus and him putting his pic on rate sites trying to hook up with girls while with me , and also cuz he hasnt said he loves me since feb, and actually told me he didnt anymore..but i remained.. " On a lighter note, I'd say the main reason for you to refrain from calling him is because he put his pictures on rate sites while with you. That's a pretty low thing to do for someone who has been in a relationship for 3 years and 6 months ! As for him not telling you he loves you... just remember "Actions speak louder than words". So you shouldn't really care that much if he says it or not as long as he treats you right (meaning he shows his love and respect with everyday gestures and behavior). Good luck and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted June 23, 2004 Author Share Posted June 23, 2004 [color=red]ugh i gave IN!! anyways people i never called him back and then he called me again and told me for us to hang out that day, at first i said no, and he said why? and i said cuz i didnt want to...then he kinda like whined about it "Like come on, i know u want to" and im like "no, u want to" and he said.."ya but u 2..."...anyways i kinda gave in and he picked me up..anyways i was distant in the car, but i couldnt help but smile..i tried to make a strait face..but i couldnt!!! anyways when he would hold me or something..id make a weird face like"what r u doing?" and then even asked him...anywasy we ended up making out..and later i asked him why did he call me and he said cuz he missed me and it was cuz i hadnt contacted him and that made me miss me and that if i would have called him maybe he wouldve gotten annoyed and been like "get over it"..i think thats weird..and hes weird..anwyays i gave in to kiss him and now he think things r back to the same..but im scared cuz i dont want him to be in control.i wanna show him that im in control..so how do i go about that????[font=arial][/font][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
dasani08810 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 i wanna show him that im in control..so how do i go about that???? Well, take control! Control you're bounderies and what you will or won't do. If you want to hang out with him, then hang out. If not, then just don't. If you want to kiss him, then kiss him; if not, then don't. You can't control him; but you control you and that controls part of the relationship or even if there is a relationship in the first place. Just say no and let that be it. It's like a kid in a grocery store crying over not getting a piece of candy. Sometimes parents give in and give to them just to shut the kid up. But the next time, the kid is going to be that much worse to shut up. Giving in just makes it harder to stop the next time. Know what I mean???? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamguy Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Starnette83, "and later i asked him why did he call me and he said cuz he missed me and it was cuz i hadnt contacted him and that made me miss me and that if i would have called him maybe he wouldve gotten annoyed and been like "get over it"..i think thats weird.." I'd say that's a success story about the "No Contact" (or very little contact) process. What's even better is that the break-upER said those words. They were not made up by a break-upEE: "he said cuz he missed me and it was cuz i hadnt contacted him and that made me miss me and that if i would have called him maybe he wouldve gotten annoyed and been like "get over it" Great example Starnette, I think it should help convince a lot of people that most of the time, N/C is the best option. is he realizing his loss??? should i keep this up? confusing! i still luv him To answer your question and since he is the one who initiated the break-up I'd say YES. Your intentions are not to confuse him (as you think you should do). We need to do the contrary, we need to force him to come to a conclusion about whether he wants you or not. So I'd say: Yes by all means, keep on playing hard to get. It's really up to you to decide how hard to get you should be because it all varies from one relationship to another and from one person to another. Another thing, try to avoid all physical contact. If he kisses you or tries to, give him a kiss on the cheek instead. It would surely baffle his feelings. It's simple, when someone dumps you and then comes back then you should keep on playing hard to get while leaving a door open for them until they admit they want you with words and enough actions to back that up. If you really Love this guy then don't lose faith and don't give in too soon Starnette, you're almost there !! Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Good job but the no contact thing isn't that for you? You aren't doing this as a means of making him realize he lost a good thing are you? A few more days and that awkward feeling is going to turn into something else because you would have had more time to recall incidents where you should have walked and you didn't. And slowly but surely you'll find that you aren't as much in love with him as you thought and then strength and then TADA it's been 6 months and you don't cry anymore - you find that you are laughing out loud again and life isn't so heavy and when you do encounter him you'll be very clear about how you feel about him and how you feel when you are with him. Good luck and I'm so proud of your strength - (there isn't a cheerleader smiley so the bunny is cheering for you - stay strong) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts