Is She Cheating?

[vinceyb]

I received a notification that some guy liked a photo on my wife's Facebook page and said he was a friend of hers. I asked her who this guy was and she said she did not know. I left it at that.

 

A hour later I again asked her and told her that he is a friend on her facebook. She said that he is a friend of her sister's Facebook and so she accepted him as a friend too. I logged into my Facebook and went to my wife's Facebook page and looked for him being listed as a friend, he is hidden.

 

I asked her why he was hidden and she said she forgot to add me as someone who could see her friends???

 

I then went onto his Facebook page and her sister is not listed as one of his friends???

 

She became very defensive and angry with me saying that I am accusing her of something when all I did is ask her as a concerned husband who this guy was.

 

This has left me very suspicious and confused.

[ctes300]

Sorry to say, that's very sketchy. If not yet, she probably has a wandering eye. They always seek the support and affirmation from the nearest guy before making a move. Watch if she hides her cell phone or brings it in the bathroom when taking a shower.

[irin]

sketchy yes. but if she was cheating theyd probably be a bit more careful, then to show any signs publicly on facebook, unless they wanted you to know. its probably someone who is trying to flirt with her.

[Professor X]

sketchy yes. but if she was cheating theyd probably be a bit more careful, then to show any signs publicly on facebook, unless they wanted you to know. its probably someone who is trying to flirt with her.

Doesn't quite explain why she marked him as hidden and "forgot" to add her own husband as one of those can see.

 

I say pretend like you forgot about it but keep your eyes open, as mentioned above, see if she doesn't leave his cellphone alone (i.e. takes it with her to the toilet/shower), see if she starts going out more often, dress up differently, wear make up if she hasn't, etc etc.

[Reddice]

This story brings back memories... and not the good kind. She is hiding this guy for you, she is lying about where she knows him from and she is trying to putting guilt on you when you start investigating. I've been in the same spot and I can tell you right here and now: She's either cheating on you or has been taking all the steps to do so.

 

My advice: Do a preemptive strike. If this guy has a GF, contact her through facebook and tell her you're suspecting something. If he is single, tell you wife you want a divorce. Believe me when I say that just threatening will not do a damn thing. As soon as she thinks that the coast is clear, she will proceed with her previous plan.

[Chi townD]

I agree, it does sound like she's hiding him from you. But, the FB stuff you have isn't enough to call it. Like the Professor said, you need to play dumb right now. She now knows that you're suspicious. She's gonna hide her tracks a little better until she thinks that the coast is clear. So, play stupid.

 

In the meantime, you need to put a keylogger on your home computer and find out who she's e-mailing and where she's going on the web. If she has an iPhone, chances are she charged it up on that computer. If she did then the iphone probably sync'd up with the computer. Therefore, there's a hidden file on that computer that has text conversations from that phone (even deleted ones). You need to look up software programs that will retrieve this file for you. It's called like, iphone file extractor. Get an itemized bill from your phone company and see if there's a number that is on your bill frequently, but you don't recongize it. Find out who's it is. DON'T ASK HER!!!! Do a reverse phone look up.

 

Then, you need to go to the hardware store and Best Buy. At Best Buy, pick up a couple of Voice Activated Recorders (VAR) and at the hardware store, pick up a sheet of heavy duty velcro. Then, hide one VAR in the house where she normally talks on the phone. If it's in the kitchen, find a good hidden place there. Then, use the velcro and secure the other VAR under her drivers seat. Find out who she's talking to when she's driving.

 

But, play stupid until you get something concrete. Good Luck!

[ctes300]

At some point she will need to see this guy. She will plan a night with 'the girls'. Maybe you can put an app on her phone that will track where she is like they do for kids.

[g450]

Oh man this brings back painful memories for me as well.

 

I did the VAR thing as well. Never could get into her laptop with a keylogger because she decided one day out of the blue to password protect it and all her accounts. That in itself was very telling. She wanted to hide something.

And her cell phone was with her all the time. Even when she showered. That was another clue.

 

You have to go into detective mode as others have said. Dont make the mistake I made though, that is...NEVER give your intel away. Keep it to yourself until you have enough proof that there is something going on.

[dasein]

Welcome to the forum. IMO you are right to be concerned. The anger and defensiveness is a tell. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Reddice]

I wouldn't recommend going all Sherlock Holmes on her. You're not her father, you're not her supervisor, you're not her warden. Trust me, I've been there and done that. It's only going to make you feel more miserable. Besides, you're not with her during the day. Do you truly knows where she is? All this paranoia is going to tear you down.

 

The fact is: You are now in a relationship with someone you can no longer trust. This should be your main focus now. It's no longer a healthy relationship. Do you want to stay in such a relationship? If I could do my relationship all over again I'd get the hell out when the first signs of infidelity showed up. I know now that the end result would have been the same nonetheless.

Edited May 10, 2012 by Reddice

[Chi townD]

I wouldn't recommend going all Sherlock Holmes on her. You're not her father, you're not her supervisor, you're not her warden. Trust me, I've been there and done that. It's only going to make you feel more miserable. Besides, you're not with her during the day. Do you truly knows where she is? All this paranoia is going to tear you down.

 

The fact is: You are now in a relationship with someone you can no longer trust. This should be your main focus now. It's no longer a healthy relationship. Do you want to stay in such a relationship? If I could do my relationship all over again I'd get the hell out when the first signs of infidelity showed up. I know now that the end result would have been the same nonetheless.

 

I disagree. I think that the OP has EVERY RIGHT to know what's going on in his relationship. Because, if she is cheating and being shady, you know damn well she's not going to give anything up. So, since she isn't going to be forthcoming with the truth, he might as well find out for himself.

 

You can find thread after thread here about people breaking things off and blaming them for their break up. Thinking that they were at fault for not being a good boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. People would beat themselves up for it. Only to find out later that our Ex's left us for someone else.

 

So, I wouldn't put blinders on this. I would want to know the truth.

[Reddice]

You can find thread after thread here about people breaking things off and blaming them for their break up. Thinking that they were at fault for not being a good boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. People would beat themselves up for it. Only to find out later that our Ex's left us for someone else.

 

I still blame myself sometimes for the break up even though she left me for someone else. I sometimes still wonder if they were just friends and it was my paranoid behaviour which drove her into his arms. I sometimes still wonder if I didn't appreciate her enough during our relationship that she had to look for "love" elsewhere. I sometimes still wonder if I could have turned the tide at some point. I guess those questions are always unavoidable no matter what happens.

 

 

So, I wouldn't put blinders on this. I would want to know the truth.

 

We already know the truth. We're just delaying the execution. Even assuming she hasn't cheated on him, we still have the trust issue to deal with. If we assume that she is not cheating, we have to conclude that she does not trust him enough to tell the truth. As a result, he has now also lost trust in her. With everything she says or does, he will now have to wonder if that is the truth. Is she really with whoever she says she is? Did she really just leave for lunch? Is she really just shopping? Is she really not picking up the telephone because she's at the cinema? Even when I wasn't sure my ex was cheating, these questions constantly crossed my mind. They cross everybody's mind when the trust is broken. Being paranoid is not a healthy state of mind. So whether she is cheating or not... this will not end well.

Edited May 10, 2012 by Reddice