Boyfriend confessed to sexting. Stay or go?

[MaybeMilitary]

So my boyfriend of over a year admitted to me a few days ago that he cheated on me about 2 weeks ago with his ex girlfriend. Now he was the one who approached me (I had zero idea anything was wrong) and told me he had been texting his ex for a few weeks (approx 3) and one night it turned into sexting and she offered to send him nude pics which he accepted. He said that as soon as he got them he felt awful and the next day deleted them and told her he could never talk to her again, deleted her off his Facebook and deleted her number.

He said he didn't tell me straight away because he didn't have the balls and wasn't sure how to approach it. But in the last 2 weeks he knew it was wrong to say nothing and that if we wanted to make it work he would have to come clean.

When he first told me all he did was cry and say how sorry he was and doesn't know why he did it and he would do anything to stay with me. I said that I need time to think. He did call me again the next day and said similar things along the lines that he would do anything to regain my trust etc that I can look through his phone etc

I did ask if I forgave him did he realize I might have insecurities, and jealousy for a while and that it might be months before I even remotely trusted him. He said it doesnt matter if it takes years he is willing to make me feel safe and loved again.

 

So I'm pretty torn. I love this guy more than anything and as much as I want to throw him under the nearest moving bus I would also kill myself to save him. He seems remorseful but I've always thought 'once a cheater always a cheater'.

I want to give him a second chance. do you think I should?

Does anyone have any stories of a partner cheating and never doing it again?

And if so how did u regain trust or do u always think about it?

 

Any and all advice very much appreciated

 

Thanks

[Leigh 87]

Was it only sexting? Not ONLY - it is a terrible offence, but are you sure that is the full extent of what he did? Fist of all, I would tell him that if he has done anything else, to come clean now. Tell him whatever the outcome, u will at least have respect for him if he confesses any other wrong doings.

 

After you try your best to get the whole truth out of him, I would consider having time apart, and seeing he is is truly that into you, so as to hold off on other girls, because he cannot get over YOU.

 

A reconciliation may be sucessful, however, you need space to think, first. Get into the gym more, learn something new - doing things that improve your confidence, when having GUY troubles, is seriosuly a GREAT way to distract yourself, and take time for yourself.

If it were me, I think I would have time away from him, I would work out more and do things to feel more confident and better myself and focus on ME. ENjoy some single time!

 

Furthermore - focusing on your fitness and trying to generally improve yourself, which often gets forgotten when your in a relationshi and bothering with another persons feelings - getting fitter, for instance, will improve your mood and allow you to think clearer, and in turn, be able to really come to a better desision ( since your thinking optimally, due to your body functioning well).

 

 

Do not just take him back. DEMAND respect, and the poster " ninja" says... crying and confessing is better than hiding it, yes, however; it is nto enpgh to win YOU back.

YOur a great women, who can find another guy who WILL NOT do what he did to u. SO, take time away from him, and ifh e wants you back, he needs to work for it.

If he truly wants u, he will not esily move on.

[MaybeMilitary]

Thanks for your advice! Sure enough I actually got a 3 month membership for the local pool the day after he told me. Swimming always takes me to my happy place lol.

 

We are actually doing the long distance thing atm as he is in the military. He only had local leave once and I visited him for it (same day he told me) so its very unlikely he could have met up with her plus she lives in tasmania so thats like a plane ride over. Really there is no way it could have been physical.

Surprisingly enough I don't feel angry. I was obviously very upset when he told me but Ive had a few days to think and feel a lot calmer now. This is not the first time Ive been cheated on (by an ex) but it is the first time I actually believe he is sorry.

I want to be very careful about how I deal with this situation. This is his first time away and it is understandably very difficult and even frightening for him. Im really the only one he discusses his emotions with so I don't want to abandon him if we take time apart.

 

When I asked him for a reason he said he didn't know why. Only that she texted him and it's been so difficult that he just wasn't thinking. To me this sounds like a dumb excuse but then again i have very little idea what he is going through.

I did write a letter telling him how I felt and what was going through my head. I thought if he really cared then it might hurt him to know what pain I was in and that even if he doesn't it is still a good idea for him to know (i now very nasty of me)

Just so I know when you say things like make him work for it, what exactly does that entail? Because he is always super attentive, open and honest (lol until now, except he did tell me) always there for me at the drop of a hat and just a really decent guy. Im not sure I know what I need from him to make this better other than time??

seriously appreciate ur advice Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

I am actually FROM Tassie myself:) Want me to egg her car? JOKES!

 

Hmm. So,the other guys who cheated were serious, unfeeling jerks ( cmon, who DOESN'T feel bad when they seriously hurt other people)... and your guy seams like he feels bad about it.

 

I would still not just tale him back right away. Make him prove his love for you, or his feelings for u if your not yet in love.

 

 

I sure as hell would not just take my b/f back if he cheated, and I love him to bits!

 

YAY for the gym membership, go get killer confidence ( not saying that you don't already;P) and make it about YOU for a while, and see if he likes u enough and is crazy enough about u to come back to u. If not, u will find a guy who will be that cray for u. That would not cheat; and if he did hypothetically cheat, a guy who would grovel and beg for u back even months AFTER u stop seeing him.

 

Work out, increase your social circle, learn new things, and make it about you:) Improving your confidence is great for even really confident gals:) AND, as I said, will put u in a better place in which u can then deal with this GUY.

[Radu]

I am actually FROM Tassie myself:) Want me to egg her car? JOKES!

 

Hmm. So,the other guys who cheated were serious, unfeeling jerks ( cmon, who DOESN'T feel bad when they seriously hurt other people)... and your guy seams like he feels bad about it.

 

I would still not just tale him back right away. Make him prove his love for you, or his feelings for u if your not yet in love.

 

 

I sure as hell would not just take my b/f back if he cheated, and I love him to bits!

 

YAY for the gym membership, go get killer confidence ( not saying that you don't already;P) and make it about YOU for a while, and see if he likes u enough and is crazy enough about u to come back to u. If not, u will find a guy who will be that cray for u. That would not cheat; and if he did hypothetically cheat, a guy who would grovel and beg for u back even months AFTER u stop seeing him.

 

Work out, increase your social circle, learn new things, and make it about you:) Improving your confidence is great for even really confident gals:) AND, as I said, will put u in a better place in which u can then deal with this GUY.

 

That's probably illegal, hope you aren't taking that part of the advice.

 

If the guy is truly remorsefull and you don't find any extra stuff, you might want to forgive him, but you will never forget it.

The bright side is that he fessed up to it [assuming he wasn't scared of being found].

[PegNosePete]

Hmm. Long distance + sexting + the EX + nude pics + not telling you immediately + not deleting the pics until the next morning + unmarried + 1 year relationship.....

 

Nope, I would not play that gamble. Chances are very high that it will happen again. Time to move on.

[make me believe]

I agree with Pete. I don't understand why people even bother staying with boyfriends or girlfriends who cheat on them. Husbands, wives, or somebody you have a child with is different. But you have only been with this dude for a year and he's already f*cked up. This doesn't bode well for the future. And also the fact that it was with his ex would upset me even more than if it was with a girl he knew from school/work/etc.

 

All of his crying and dramatic proclomations of he'll work for "years" to get your trust back is just so.... :rolleyes: Like, give me a freakin break. It's lame and typical drivel from a cheater. Whatever.

 

Also, I would take note that he isn't actually taking responsiblity for what he did. He did it "because she texted him first" and "he wasn't thinking" and "it's been so hard" (what's been so hard? What is he going to do when things get "hard" again the in the future??) NONE of that is owning up to what HE did. He is trying to blame it on his ex girlfriend, on the situation.... anything but on himself, which is where the blame lies.

 

If I were you I would dump him. He isn't a decent guy. Decent guys don't text their ex's for weeks on end behind their girlfriends back, sext with her, and accept naked pics of her. They just don't.