Cupcake Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 How long is it supposed to last? Do the two partners ever decide to get serious and get married? And if one or both of the people decide to get serious with other people, do they STOP having sex with each other? I'm just wondering because I've been approached by a lot of men who want this type of arrangement with me. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 To me sex is something that should only happen between two people who are in love with each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. I know that's not everyone's view of it, but "sex buddy arangement" sounds really dangerous. Not only the chance of sexually transmitted diseases, but also the heartbreak that could come if you happened to fall in love with one of your partners, and they didn't return the love back. To me this kind of setup just disrespects yourself, and I think everyone would deserve better. And no one can tell you if you could possibly fall in love and get married with one of the members, all people are different, and that would just have to be a chance you'd take if you decide to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 The questions you have should be worked out before you get involved. Different couples have different 'rules' about this. In my 'perfect world', sex is much better between 2 people that truly care for each other and feel comfortable and have a lot of trust in the other person. But sex buddies can be a great outlet, as long as they're both on the same page with the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Of course men want sex buddies. IT's like eating at a good restaurant and not having to pay for it. What it is not that good is them explicitly addressing that to you. I am not accusing you of anything, just that men feel the attitude of a woman. How available she is by the way she responds... Talk to some of your girl friends, they always give great imput, should one have the courage to ask the right question. You have to think about what sex buddies represents: just sex! Not only no relationship - as in they are free to sleep around, but also no emotion. That's the bad part. Monday had this post once saying; we end up marriying the people we're dating, so watch out whom you're dating". I say one ends up falling inlove those whom she sleeps with. You are totally right about asking questions: how does this end? when does this end? What's everyone supposed to say, feel or do? I am not saying that I do not agree with sex buddies, I can see the appeal of it. But one should know what to expect out of it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted June 24, 2004 Author Share Posted June 24, 2004 I am not accusing you of anything, just that men feel the attitude of a woman. How available she is by the way she responds I just recently got out of a serious relationship. So I'm on the dating scene again. So far, I've met three different guys in the last month. They were all very nice. But on the first date, they want to have sex. One of the three just told me up front that he was looking for a sex buddy. He was married, and had no intentions of leaving his wife. No one is searching for anything serious, yet they all want to have sex ASAP. And I don't pressure anyone into anything serious because I'm not really looking for anything serious either. But I would like to get to know someone before I have sex with them. I'm not celebate or anything like that. However, when I express my views on sex with the men I meet, I usually end up having one date with them, then never hear from them again. The married man actually told me that I wouldn't ever find a man unless I changed my views about sex. Now clearly this is depressing for me, since I just had my heart broken from the last relationship. I thought I'd be able to meet people, hang out with them. And just enjoy casual time with them. When I date, I even pay my own way to make sure they don't get any ideas. I really don't want to change my views and start having sex with every man I meet, hoping that he will be "the one." It's really depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Don't change your view on sex just because some loser who is cheating on his wife anyway tells you to. You don't need someone like that in your life anyway. He is totally wrong about not finding a guy unless you change your view of sex. Not all guys are losers (I know, hard to believe) and there are some out there that are looking for what you are looking for. A nice relationship where you can just be casual, and there is no guarantee that each evening will end in sex. I respect you for your view on sex, too many people just go out and have sex with everyone they date. That's not healthy physically or emotionally. Don't change your views just because someone tells you to. There is a nice guy out there waiting for you, and if you go around having sex with everyone, he might not find that appealing, and you could lose out on someone who would have been perfect for you. Don't give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted June 24, 2004 Author Share Posted June 24, 2004 Thanks a lot Honey2005. That really makes me feel better. It's just really hard to believe because my ex told me I would never find anyone else. Then he became seriously involved with someone else, 4 days after he and I broke up. It's been a month now, and the two of them are in love. Yet he calls me every now and then just to see how I'm doing. And it really makes me feel sad. I don't want to get back with him because I broke up with him since he was cheating on me. But I am jealous that he already has someone else, and I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Oh, cupcake, men try! It's their priviledge! It is called wanting to take advantage of some one - you. Like a predator who fells that his pray is weak. Only because your ex is back on the dating scene doesn't mean you have to. And how can you say that your ex is inlove with his gf when he calls "to check up" on you? He's only twisting the knife in your wound! Learn to protect yourself better and do not answer his calls. Most importantly, date exclusively because you feel like it, not to look for some one who would take the place of your ex. I think your ex was right and wrong in the same time. You will never meet someone like him - that's where he's right, there are little chances -but you will meet someone new, most probably different from your ex. And that's not necessarily a bad thing at all, since he cheated on you. So what if he's in a relationship? He is not being honest with her and most probably he's using her emotionally, for I have never met a person to be over their ex in 4 days! After the novelty wears off and his gf will see what she go herself with, I doubt she'll be that happy! Now, cupcake, if you still have unresolved issues, if you have feeling for your ex or if you are still grieving after him, if you're looking for someone to "save" you, don't date! Happiness must come from within, allright? And don't date just anyone. Trust your instinct, even if the guy seems ok. It will save a lot of trouble and heart acke! You're a decent person, keep looking and keep the faith. Curly Link to post Share on other sites
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