BlueHeart Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Hi all!! Im new here and have been reading posts for a few days now, hoping to find someone to talk to for support. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with seperation or divorce. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, sometimes I think going back to him will end all this pain. I was married to my ex husband for 15 yrs and have 2 children with him. We have been divorced for 2 yrs. I tried to work things out in the marriage, but he would not listen and just wanted what he wanted. He sexually abused me by crossing boundaries. One day I woke up, I snapped, it was like I had a breakdown! He said and did some aweful things to me and that was my last straw with him! I asked him to leave. I had soo much resentment, anger and hate for him , I wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me! He started to date so I decided to date also ( which was the wrong thing to do) We fought for months, resenting each other for what had happened. We have never been able to follow thru with the no contact thing! We have tried it but neither of us can do it, we are both weak!! It lasts for a day or 2 then we are back talking again. I did end up getting myself into a relationship with someone who is a very nice man! He wants to live with me and build a life we have been together a year now. I have grew to love him but Im finding out that maybe he was just a rebound, which is sad!! I Don't want to hurt him!! UUUGGHHH, I hate myself for allowing someone into my life at a bad time!! Im very open with him and he knows I have concidered going back to my ex husband but he still keeps hanging in here for me cuz of the love he has for me! I would love to move on with him, problem is I'm not entirely over my ex! My ex has been begging me to give him a second chance and that he says he has realized the terrible things he has done to me and that does not want to lose me for the rest of his life . He put himself in therapy and is now on depression meds and is working on some behavior problems that he has! He is getting much better! Now that all the resentment and anger and hate that I had for him has vanished, I'm starting to feel as though I should give him another chance at our family, but I'm scared!! Have any of you that has been divorced ever reconcile with your ex husband , give him another chance?? If yes did it work out, was it better than the first time you were together?? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Nope for me. Two ex husbands and there is no chance of reconciliation with either. Although I do like having them both as friends of mine, but there are very good, real reasons why they are my Ex's and I have no desire to travel that road again. I do wish you luck though with what you choose. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
milla Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 It sounds like your husband is making a very real effort to change, and you do have two children together. That in itself to me is a huge incentive to reconcile. BUT, there were huge reasons you walked away from the marriage and I would think about those long and hard before you decide if you want to go back, especially if there was abuse involved as you say. That would make me very apprehensive to be potential walking back into an abusive situation. How long has your ex-husband been in therapy now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueHeart Posted June 23, 2004 Author Share Posted June 23, 2004 He has been in therapy for 6 months now, but the jerk did something today that really made me mad!! He was suppose to pick his daughter up to take her swimming and he blew her off!! Never even called her. That just reminds me how he was in our marriage, never spent time with the kids and I had to do everything! He probably stayed up late on the computer looking at porn or chatting to women he meets on date sites, that he slept in!! The kids have complained to me about their dad spending alot of time on date sites chatting and not spending quality time with them! Which is sad, but I feel he is hurting his relationship with his kids and I don't think he needs me to tell him that!! Oh well, guess he really isn't changing as much as I thought! Thanks for the advice!! Link to post Share on other sites
FreeGirl Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 From what you say about your exhusband why would you possibly want to reconcile with the jerk? Wake up - you have a decent guy who's trying his darndest to treat you decent and all you can think about is your ex? Picture you and your ex. Now take a big pair of scissors and cut that umbilical cord that has the two of you tied together - tell yourself you deserve better and clear you mind of thoughts about getting back with your exhusband. His an EX for a reason! Nothing will change if you go back to him and you sound like you're still way too pissed at him - how on earth will it ever work? Give the new guy a chance - tell your ex - no reconciliation, it's over. You just miss what you had and with your ex being the father of your children you'll always feel a certain way about him but save yourself years of grief and force yourself to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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