My fiance is having second thoughts, the wedding is in 2 months!

[audreyjo]

My fiance and I got engaged back in September of 2011 and out wedding is set for July 2012. He and I had been friends for three years before we started dating and out wedding date is set only a few days before or two year anniversary.

 

Now all of the sudden, last night he said he's having second thoughts. We're young and he's worried that he won't get to do all the things he wants in life. That's a normal worry right? I'm 99% sure this is pre-wedding jitters but if it's not I don't know what to do! I've been trying to explain to him that getting married doesn't mean he can't hang out with the guys, go to weekend childish events he likes like Comicon, and that kind of stuff. I told him all I ask is that he remains faithful to me and he said that's not the issue at all.

 

So I'm really confused. I've always helped him get what he wanted. Always. I'm right there beside him helping him achieve his goals. If anything I thought I would be the one freaking out ready to throw in the towel. Now I'm just upset and confused and distraught. My family loves him, I love his family. The wedding is in 59 days... How do I tell everyone it's off it he decides he can't do it? How to I tell my parent's that all their money is wasted? We live together, everything is in our names, the lease, the car, the bills, everything. I can't even imagine it happening... What do I do to help him see that being married isn't a one way trip to hell?

[audreyjo]

*sorry for all the mistypes. Can you tell I'm a little shaky and upset?

[TigerCub]

I don't think you can tell him something to make him see.

 

You shouldn't need to convince someone to marry you - that's all I'm saying.

 

One thing to be appreciative of though is that he's honest enough to tell you what's on his mind. I think that takes a LOT of guts and should be commended. I know the message isn't what you want to hear, but at least he's not a coward and you guys seem to have the kind of relationship where you can really talk to one another.

 

When he said that he's afraid he wont do some things - ask him to list some of those things and clarify what he has in mind.

 

You said you guys are young - how old are you both?

Also, have the both of you had other sexual partners and experiences in the past?

[CarrieT]

Very important info needed - how old are you two?

[TaraMaiden]

I would, if I were you, consider counselling, because really, this is make or break time.

Neither of you, I'm sure, want to make the mistake of committing to something that ultimately either constrains you, or forces one of you to toe a line you're not ready to follow.

 

Counselling will not necessarily make this marriage go ahead - or work, even.

 

counselling is undertaken to clear your mind, level the playing field, and permit expression - free, liberated expression - in a positive and constructive way.

 

Communication is important, but in most cases, we modify what we say, out

of fear of expressing ourselves, or the desire to avoid hurting the other person.

 

Counselling helps you be in a 'safe' place where a counsellor will guide, steer and "arbitrate" the discussion, but you guys will have to do the work and come to an amicable, mutually acceptable conclusion.

 

Counselling will not solve your problems, but Counselling will at least show them in their true colours so you know what you're looking at.

 

Ultimately, the solution will be up to you two.

 

But I really think you need a counselling environment to resolve this situation before it's too late.

[audreyjo]

Thanks everyone! We actually sat down and talked about it and apparently I was WAY overthinking what he said. We are actually in pre-wedding classes and it's be very helpful. I'm very thankful that we can discuss these things and have deep conversation. I'm pretty sure everything is fine The things he wants are life changing. Just small goals that he knows he can make as long as I don't have a problem with it and I don't. So thanks for the input!