thenewme Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Okay, I would like some advice from everybody...I've been reading a lot of posts and threads, and a lot of people have really good advice, so I'm hoping there will be some for me! I am going to keep this really generalized, as there is not enough room here for everything. I met and married my man in 1999. We had some really good times, but we also went through tough times - loss of job ( by both of us within months), adultery (his side), depression (my side), separation due to work (first me, then him within weeks). Anyway, he calls me after we've been separated for 4 months and says he doesn't love me as much as he should anymore, and he's divorcing me. My world fell apart - absolutely devastated me. Skip ahead a few months - I've gotten myself a job, an apartment, and I've enrolled myself and my son in therapy, which has greatly helped us deal with emotions. I've 'grown up'. I realized all that I had done to hurt him and our relationship. We recently visited him (he lives out of state for work) and it is the post-visit events that confuse me. We have been separated per his wish for almost a year, yet he has NOT FILED for divorce, or even legitimized the separation. And since we've been home from visiting him, he has been calling, for no reason. This is completely reverse of his M.O. from the last year, where he calls bi-monthly to speak to our child. He's talking only with me most times, and we're laughing and teasing, and there's been a lot of flirting. I'm scared to make a move. I am cautious to raise my hopes, because it also raises the height from which I may fall. But is he perhaps taking things slowly because during our visit he saw I've changed? I'm trying to take each convo/day as it comes and enjoy it without trying to blow it up into the 'What does this mean?' conundrum... I guess I'm just wondering if there's anybody out there who's gone through a similar situation and if there's any pointers or observations that can be shared with me. Thanks for reading this...hopefully wasn't too boring! Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 It sounds like maybe he's aware of the changes you've made and is testing the waters. Don't jump into anything, though. Often time, people find that they go back to their ex because they realize being single is not so much fun. They get lonely. They romanticize their past relationship. They only remember the good, not the bad. They wind up in the same spot they were before the breakup. But if there was a lot of love, and you've both made positive changes, it could work out. If this is something you want, then you can encourage him by talking with him and being open. You have something big in common-a child. That is reason enough to try to work things out. I wish you the very best. Link to post Share on other sites
thenewme Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 He has been EXTREMELY flirty lately with me either verbally on the phone or through text messages...and while it is fun to be like that again with him....I'm wondering if this is normal. Is this what the divorcing spouse does everyday? Is he just playing around with my head, as he still hasn't filed, and he's the one making the advances? Help! Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 It sounds like he may be interested in giving it another shot. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, though-he could be messing with your head. The best thing for you to do is be open. If you want to give it another try, you're going to have yo resolve the issues that caused the breakup in the first place. If you don't, they will just fester and get in the way of your new start. Will he talk openly with you about your relationship? Can you confront him about it? Link to post Share on other sites
thenewme Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Well, it's been about a month and a half since my last visit to him, and the entire time has been wonderful, to a point. It's like we're practically phone dating. We have talked with each other almost every day. We kid each other, support each other, flirt, and just talk for hours. Last night he mentioned, though, that he's been talking to me more than our son lately. I apologized, to which he said 'Don't. It's been really fun'. Then he asked how I was. In the middle of a conversation. It kind of seemed like perhaps he was testing my emotional stability before shoving the papers down my throat...not that it's happened. As far as I know, he still hasn't filed for the divorce. And I still haven't asked, because I have enjoyed the last 6weeks too much, and I keep hoping that if we can keep this up, he'll remember why he fell in love with me...he's already bringing up past pleasant memories, despite stating a year ago that we had no 'good' history together.... Anyone with any advice, please help... Link to post Share on other sites
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