The villaine, the homewrecker, the whore...

[MMTFRA]

Why wait around for Judgement Day when I have all the infallible gods here...jumping on the chance to criticize me?! lol. Seriously everyone, I made a mistake and I admitted it! What else do you want....me to wear the scarlett letter and be burned in the center of Paris??

 

You can sit here and launch negativity bombs on me all day, but the point is...HE initiated the relationship, knowing he was already in a commitment with someone else. And just like every other warm-blooded person on this earth...yes, maybe I was craving affection and adoration. There, I said it! I liked the attention and I had feelings for him, so I let my emotion cloud my judgement. Mistake made, lesson learned, and now we are moving forward in a better direction!

 

As I have said a million times (but must have written in invisible text, since no one seems to grasp this), I want to apologize to those I have affected by my actions, supply the proof of his manipulation, and get the hell out of dodge! By sending the proof, I don't expect sympathy...I just want them to have a 2-D view instead of just understanding the story from his mouth, from which the river of lies flows.

 

Thanks to your messages and after gathering my dignity bit-by-bit, you're right....why do I care what his friends think?? I have friends of my own and will focus on positivity and productivity instead of trying to tally off who is on my side and who isn't. I apologized to the two I confided in about this situation, so if they want to come around after the dust has settled...ok. But I need to surround with people I KNOW will be on my side and have my best interests in mind.

[MMTFRA]

Also, I wrote the SO last night. She just wrote back to say she would really like to see the messages. I actually went ahead and told her that I blacked out sections that I really didn't think she needed to read, as they would be very hurtful and she doesn't need more of that. They were very graphic sexual messages, so I really don't think much will be lost on the general idea. So yes, while she knows I have edited the files....she knows his way of writing and certain words he uses. I am fluent in French, but you can definitely tell the difference in the way we write. Not to mention there are video messages and Skype instant message screen shots that you can't really alter.

 

We are pretty civil with one another, so I hope we will able to bring closure to the other. She just sent me a message on WhatsApp (messaging app) to say that she would like to speak after I'm done with lunch.

 

Again, I have no ill-well towards her...quite the opposite. The fact that I want nothing to do with that selfish A-hole helps me to separate from any emotion I had before and to be compassionate towards her, because I really can't imagine the hurt she must feel right now.

 

"There are many shady people in this world. You are the only person that is going to take care of you."

 

Thank you for this, QuietStorm! I read it before going out last night and it has really stuck with me. I guess I let my guard down and was a bit too naive this time. Won't happen again, as I know what to look for.

[findingnemo]

Wow!! I just read this thread. You know what? Meet the SO. Tell her everything. Be aware of her feelings though and try not to be too emotional. Remember that she may be hearing all this for the first time...probably. Don't forget that she is ultimately the victim here. While you do have things that you want to get off your chest, you are only telling her because you need the truth to be known.

 

I have a question. Is he French? Are his friends French? If they all are then there's an explanation for their behavior. They were simply trying not to get involved in the fallout.

 

As for feeling victimized, you have very right to be angry about what he did. He lied to you and he manipulated you. He has no right to go around telling funny stories about you. It's good you've owned your part in the A but this shouldn't deny you the right to the truth coming out. Telling his friends is a waste of time though because it makes no difference. Telling his SO will bring you closure. You will find out the extent to which he lied to you and to her.

 

I wish you both a good and productive meeting. And I hope she throws his lying, cheating, manipulative a$$ out the door soon!

[MMTFRA]

Hello everyone! Yes, he is French and so are his friends. Add on top of that they are athletes....so there's your double-dosage of psuedo-ego to cover up the insecurities, competitive nature in every aspect of life, sense of entitlement, and constant need for approbation.

 

The SO and I chatted for long periods throughout the weekend....swapping stories and comparing lies he told about one to the other. We were very civil to one another and were equally shocked by the amount and depth of this man's lies. I apologized again and again....she responded by saying I was betrayed too, that he doesn't deserve either of us, and that he has YET to take responsibility for his actions!

 

So as for me, the deal is done...I have the closure I wanted in knowing the truth. I have blocked him from all means of correspondence and will now work on repairing my reputation and moving forward in my life. She says redeeming himself and repairing the damage done will be "mission impossible" after she saw the messages. However, with ten years and a child factored in, plus his amazing manipulative skills...I see them staying together. While that makes me sad for her because no normal person can lie that frequently and without hesitation, I really do wish them the best...together or separated. She seems to be a very nice person and I regret that we were both brought into this mess.

 

The SO has sent messages, wanting to ask more questions and stay in contact. And while I really do want to help her, I feel I've supplied her with enough info to begin the decision-making process and any other sorting out needs to be done between her and MM.

[Summer Breeze]

Hello everyone! Yes, he is French and so are his friends. Add on top of that they are athletes....so there's your double-dosage of psuedo-ego to cover up the insecurities, competitive nature in every aspect of life, sense of entitlement, and constant need for approbation.

 

The SO and I chatted for long periods throughout the weekend....swapping stories and comparing lies he told about one to the other. We were very civil to one another and were equally shocked by the amount and depth of this man's lies. I apologized again and again....she responded by saying I was betrayed too, that he doesn't deserve either of us, and that he has YET to take responsibility for his actions!

 

So as for me, the deal is done...I have the closure I wanted in knowing the truth. I have blocked him from all means of correspondence and will now work on repairing my reputation and moving forward in my life. She says redeeming himself and repairing the damage done will be "mission impossible" after she saw the messages. However, with ten years and a child factored in, plus his amazing manipulative skills...I see them staying together. While that makes me sad for her because no normal person can lie that frequently and without hesitation, I really do wish them the best...together or separated. She seems to be a very nice person and I regret that we were both brought into this mess.

 

The SO has sent messages, wanting to ask more questions and stay in contact. And while I really do want to help her, I feel I've supplied her with enough info to begin the decision-making process and any other sorting out needs to be done between her and MM.

 

A huge well done to you!!!!! I think you're absolutely right not to keep contact. You did what you set out to do and now it's time to let it go and move forward for YOU. You could be answering questions for a very long time while she makes up her mind. Not that she should do it quickly but it'll do nothing for you to always be dredging it back up.

 

I'm so happy for you!

[MMTFRA]

A huge well done to you!!!!! I think you're absolutely right not to keep contact. You did what you set out to do and now it's time to let it go and move forward for YOU. You could be answering questions for a very long time while she makes up her mind. Not that she should do it quickly but it'll do nothing for you to always be dredging it back up.

 

I'm so happy for you!

Thanks SO much! I am already starting to get backlash, but I feel I did the right thing and I no longer feel this need to contact him and seek out the truth. I just feel a huge weight has been lifted and I can now move forward, with a hard-learned lesson behind me.

 

Thank you for your amazing support...not sure I would be at this point without it!! Your positive criticism (I'm making that up if it doesn't exist!) and believe that despite the circumstances, I am still a person and deserving of a voice really means a lot and something I am really appreciative of!

[findingnemo]

Well, well...rarely does someone get out of this as gracefully as you have. About the backlash....forget about it. It will soon pass when they all have some new scandal to talk about.

 

The SO sounds like she will be fine. She may stay for a while but it would be only to get all her ducks in a row. What a jerk!! His SO loses her dad, has to move away to take care of family business and he cheats. Incredible? Not really. Cheaters will find a way to make life's tragedies be all about them.

 

I do think you shouldn't just ignore her though. Be kind. Remember that for you it's quite easy to disentangle yourself. She has to deal with the SOB for years because of their child. Politely tell her that you need a clean break from this guy and his friends. Athletes are a whole different subset. Too many groupies, too much time away and freedom to do whatever they want...it can be a recipe for disaster. But since there are many who don't screw around, I guess it boils down to character. The ones who have loose boundaries are bound to use the opportunities offered.

 

You have very right to want to be treated decently. You did the decent thing and talked to the SO. Not many people do that. It requires a certain type of bravery. So bravo to you. Start again...this was a lesson to learn and you did.

[MMTFRA]

Well, well...rarely does someone get out of this as gracefully as you have. About the backlash....forget about it. It will soon pass when they all have some new scandal to talk about.

 

The SO sounds like she will be fine. She may stay for a while but it would be only to get all her ducks in a row. What a jerk!! His SO loses her dad, has to move away to take care of family business and he cheats. Incredible? Not really. Cheaters will find a way to make life's tragedies be all about them.

 

I do think you shouldn't just ignore her though. Be kind. Remember that for you it's quite easy to disentangle yourself. She has to deal with the SOB for years because of their child. Politely tell her that you need a clean break from this guy and his friends. Athletes are a whole different subset. Too many groupies, too much time away and freedom to do whatever they want...it can be a recipe for disaster. But since there are many who don't screw around, I guess it boils down to character. The ones who have loose boundaries are bound to use the opportunities offered.

 

You have very right to want to be treated decently. You did the decent thing and talked to the SO. Not many people do that. It requires a certain type of bravery. So bravo to you. Start again...this was a lesson to learn and you did.

Thanks again! I really couldn't have done it without the support of the message board, so the credit goes to you! I would probably still be wallowing and fretting about what would come of this mess instead of taking care of business like a big girl.

 

People will talk, and they have a right to. I can either give them more to talk about...or lay low and let their gossip grapevine whither until they find themselves bored and looking for a new subject of interest.

 

I really hope she leaves him because she seems like a really decent, stand-up woman who is just trying to do the best for her and her child. But that's her choice to make, obviously.

 

OH!! And the trip to Brazil that he paid for....when she read the messages where he begged me to go, and offered to pay for my flight, she hit the roof and said "he borrowed money from ME to go to that tournament. So it was actually ME who paid for your flight and everything else!!!" I felt horrible and offered to reimburse her...but she said "I'm not like that, so don't worry about repaying me. It will come out of his pocket among the other things he owes me for...and child support."

 

Whew! Good riddance!!! What a mess of a man!