Tried everything to move on! Any ideas?

[devol]

It's been six months now since we've broken up and I must have tried everything to result in a clean open relationship with my ex. We tried being friends and hanging out, but 3 days later we get into another argument over the phone about something stupid. Which leads to her hanging up and not wanting to talk anymore.

 

So now that I stopped calling, I've tried so many things to get over her.

Surfing, Jamming in my band, skate boarding, running, hiking, and swimming. Among other things. I even worked on a b grade motion picture as a 2nd assistant director. Although I've kept myself busy I still find myself drifting back into depression. Crawling back into a bottle. Waking up to the common hung over and the "aw ****" feeling. It's clear to me now that I haven't been home in several days, that I truly messed up by pushing it all those six months apart. Within that time she's already been with one other guy. He's in a military and ended up having a one night stand with her. He played her, but within her eyes she didn't even know it was coming. I did.

 

Although she did what she did, I forgave her and tried to keep her as my friend. We don't talk now or even say HI.

I'm trying everything I can to cope with this and move on. Living on a small island doesn't help, and moving off isn't an option to the obligations I have here. It's similar to living in a small town. Everyone knows everyone. Detaching myself from her presence, means detaching myself from my friends as well. Not to mention I even got a plane and split the island for 10 days just to thinking things over. I ended up coming back missing her more.

 

I admit. The reason for us not being together is because of me. I live with those thoughts in my mind everyday and am reminded by the scars on my arm. I'm not going anywhere, and neither is she. Were stuck on this rock am-ounce each other. I just wish I could find a way to move on. I wish she would go away. But none of those things have happened. I've given up trying to get back with her in my mind. But I sure within time we can be friends again. If you understand the island lifestyle or a small mid west town, things move slower then most places. Emotions linger deep, and with her bitter it could take years for her to talk to me again. It could take years for me to get over it.

 

I know I still love her, and will always. I just wish I can find something else.

 

It's been 13 days since I last talked to her. It will be longer.

 

Hard to eat, Hard to think. Six months in, still hurting. Drinking and smoking away. Help anyway you can guys. Input!?

[estakado]

Well at least you guys have time and distance. If there is anyway to talk to her and let her know again how you truly feel then you should tell her and if she still is not with you then you do the right thing and forget about her. Use the talk as closure and move on. It hurts now but in time you will heal. I'm in the same boat as well not knowing everyday hurts but you got to realize that she aint the same girl and that she made the choice to end things not you. So as long as you keep that angle and remember to forgive yourself a little then you can move on.

[georgie]

Wow. Your letter really got to me. I am in a situation right now where I know my relationship is over but he and I are still sort of hanging on in a ridiculous way. He ignores me, has NO time for me and is really short and mean when I call him. I am so so afraid to confront him because I know what he is going to say. He will say yes it's over. I just can't bear to hear the words. It's like if I don't hear the words I still have this tiny bit of hope that we can fix this and that it's just a phase.

 

Now hearing how much pain you are in after all this time really scares me. How in the world can I let go? I have thought to myself.......well if go to the gym, or if I go visit family, or if I get a job...........blah blah blah.........I think if I do these things I will be so busy that I will just forget him. What in God's name can I do? I just can't bear to think of how much time I will be in pain. I lost my mother and my sister in sudden tragic car accidents a year apart 10 years ago and the worst part of it was not knowing how long that profound pain would last. It was horrible. Now I have terrible issues of abandonment and I am afraid to end a bad relationship because it seems like a death to me.

 

This is my first post on this forum and I don't know if I'm allowed to give a personal email address but if you would like you can email me at rwooleyn@aol.

[Good2Go]

Sometimes a person is still willing to be your friend once the relationship is over. The minute they see you still have hopes or dreams, they have no choice but to cut off contact.

 

It doesn't mean they are evil. Maybe they sincerely would remain your friend, but can't do so due to your unreal expectation.

 

When someone breaks up with you, they mean they no longer want that type of relationship with you. If you can't deal with that, don't pretend to play friends hoping you will change their mind. You are wasting you r time and ruining what friendship is left.

[sexxyltnchick]

I know what your going through. You go to your phone checking if u have any missed calls, you look at the clock around there lunch time, praying maybe they might call. But the calls ain't there, and neither is the hope. I'm sorry to tell u this, but she is over u if she was willing to sleep with someone else.

 

I'm sorry...she is over you.

 

I haven't spoken to my ex in 3 weeks after i found out he had a hood rat with him. We were together for 3 years, but he lied to, cheated on, and beat me. The funny thing is I do forgive him, and I want him back. No, I don't think I am crazy...

 

Don't try to lie to yourself. It's not a friendship u want! You want them back. Sorry to say this, but they're not the same person u fell in love with. It's somene else... someone u don't know...someone who wants to hurt u...someone that, if they were to get back with u, it's for pity, and nothing more.

 

Write a letter explaining everything u feel: things u wished u said, things u wished you had done, and seal it. Mail it to yourself...and then read it every day that passes by. You're further apart, but be strong. Don't contact them. Do whatever u need to do. I promise it gets easier and totally dead inside, but I feel there is still some light at the end of the tunnel. Pray to God. Remember, he wouldn't put something in your path u can't handle.

 

Good Luck!