SomedayDig Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 From previous threads I've had some of you know the background, but just in case: My wife had a 5 year affair with the xOM and I uncovered it on 3/6. It's been a tough road the past 9 weeks, but I've learned that I'm a tough m-f'er. She has been extremely transparent and honest and that has helped me work through a ton of crap in my head. The mind movies have dissipated to the point of maybe one or two a day instead of one or two a minute! I don't check the cell bill every hour to see if there are texts going on or calls. So, I was just sitting here an hour ago doing some work on the computer when I got an email notification. I checked my email and that's when I saw the other BS's name. She was responding to the email I sent her last month when I asked if he told her how many times he screwed my wife in their basement and spare room. The email was simple. To summarize it said "I thought it was only at your house and 1 hotel one time." Well, that proved to me that the xOM is exactly the f'ng coward that he was when I confronted him on the phone on 3/6 and he begged me not to tell his BS. He hasn't told her 1/50th of the truth. Hell, it was 4 hotels and at his house every other month for the last 3 years! So, I followed my gut and I spilled everything from my wife's and my journal to her. I am still shaking with the adrenalin. My fingers could barely type back to her. I suggested one thing to her, though: Do NOT let him see the email. Ask him the specifics and you will know for a fact when he is lying. Don't show your cards. The other question is, is it wrong for me to be happy that she kicked him out of the house and now he's gonna get even more wrath from not telling the truth? I mean, seriously...I'm happy. It might be wrong, but I ain't gonna lie. To hell with him. Yeah, my wife is just as f'ng guilty for screwing him. At least she had the nerve to give me the truth. Maybe his balls got stuck inside her or something. Who knows. Cuz he sure doesn't seem to have them. EDIT: Oh, and thanks LS for having the "Find Sexy Singles" ad on my computer....LMFAO 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I think you are doing fine He's digging his own hole. Are you just telling her things or have you provided some kinda proof? She might be questioning things. For me the facebook conversation I found was pretty damning. It had personal info about their family that would be hard to find out otherwise, and info on OM and OMW's sex life. I gave her a transcript of the whole thing. Also I had emails from the OM, basically confessing and telling the story from his POV, I included those as well. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 It's good the other BS now has more of the truth. As far as feeling happy -- I think it is completely natural to like to see justice and to not like to see injustice. xOM is suffering some consequences for his own actions and decisions which were selfish and hurt others. That is some justice. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SomedayDig Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 NH...I told her I have copies of the texts they sent to each other and the hotel receipts. Also the Paypal account that she used to pay for the rooms. Yeah...he didn't even pay for the f'ng hotels!! LOL Also, I gave her specifics on where they lived prior to where they do now. She knows I've never been to either of their houses ~ no reason to have been, so that's another thing. Also, I mentioned his satellite offices that he told my wife he could meet her from if she was ever out of town. I haven't gotten a reply from her, but if I do, I'll let you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SomedayDig Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 Thanks wo...that's the word I was looking for! Justice. Well, it's been served and I feel good about it. His BS needed the truth. Hell, she deserves nothing LESS than the truth. I am sad that she had to hear it from me and that he was such a f'ng coward that he couldn't admit to his wrongfulness. Then again, I don't think I expected any less from a scumbag, smarmy lawyer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 She was responding to the email I sent her last month when I asked if he told her how many times he screwed my wife in their basement and spare room. The email was simple. To summarize it said "I thought it was only at your house and 1 hotel one time." Uh oh. Hehehe:lmao: Da crap is gonna hit the fan now:cool: So, I followed my gut and I spilled everything from my wife's and my journal to her. I am still shaking with the adrenalin. My fingers could barely type back to her. I suggested one thing to her, though: Do NOT let him see the email. Ask him the specifics and you will know for a fact when he is lying. Don't show your cards. Good idea. Let him walk right into it. And you know he will. The other question is, is it wrong for me to be happy that she kicked him out of the house and now he's gonna get even more wrath from not telling the truth? Nope. Not wrong at all. I mean, seriously...I'm happy. It might be wrong, but I ain't gonna lie. It isn't wrong. What he and your wife did was wrong. Lying to his wife is wrong. Your telling the truth is in no way, shape or form wrong. So don't worry about it. Yeah, my wife is just as f'ng guilty for screwing him. At least she had the nerve to give me the truth. Maybe his balls got stuck inside her or something. Who knows. Cuz he sure doesn't seem to have them. Does your wife know you sent this email and that her x-f-buddy is gonna be catching heat? If so, what was her reaction to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SomedayDig Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 nofool...As soon as I hit the SEND button I called my wife to tell her what happened. Her comment was "Good. If he can't come clean the way I have then he deserves what he gets". I'm actually looking forward to meeting with the MC in an hour or so and talking about this. My wife asked me if I needed her to come home early to be with me. She could tell I was pretty f'ng wound up with the adrenalin and all. I could hear that she truly wanted to comfort me and she told me I had done the right thing. I told her I was okay and that it'd be better for her to come home just in time for us to drive to MC. It's only a 5 minute drive to the MC, so I don't want to "waste" any kind of reaction from myself or her in a car. I also want to see her reaction in person as I bring it up. I need to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 SDD You did the right thing. Btw where did the OM get his law degree, he is dumber than dumb. Did he really think this would go away and you would just whimper into your corner and not disclose the truth to his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 nofool...As soon as I hit the SEND button I called my wife to tell her what happened. Her comment was "Good. If he can't come clean the way I have then he deserves what he gets". I'm actually looking forward to meeting with the MC in an hour or so and talking about this. My wife asked me if I needed her to come home early to be with me. She could tell I was pretty f'ng wound up with the adrenalin and all. I could hear that she truly wanted to comfort me and she told me I had done the right thing. I told her I was okay and that it'd be better for her to come home just in time for us to drive to MC. It's only a 5 minute drive to the MC, so I don't want to "waste" any kind of reaction from myself or her in a car. I also want to see her reaction in person as I bring it up. I need to see it. Oh please update us how the MC session went and what your wife's reaction to outing her x-lover is. If she gets mad at what you did, then she is still defensive about him. If she understands what you did and isn't worried about xOM having a hard time with the wife, then perhaps your marriage has a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SomedayDig Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 Furious...he obviously didn't know who he was messing with when I became involved. I gave him the option that night on the phone: Tell your wife the entire truth because if you don't I will. I guess he thought we were playing poker or something. Well...I had the f'ng royal flush. He didn't even have a pair (pun intended!) nofool...I will let you know. She was not defensive in the least on the phone, however I still need to see her reaction when I bring it up in MC. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 The other question is, is it wrong for me to be happy that she kicked him out of the house and now he's gonna get even more wrath from not telling the truth? I mean, seriously...I'm happy. It might be wrong, but I ain't gonna lie. To hell with him. Hellz NO!!! Don't feel bad for that scumbag. He didn't feel bad for you every time he boned your wife. Please please please tell us if she writes back with what happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 If you think it is justice to kick out the cheating spouse, why didn't you kick yours out? For the record - I totally think that telling the BS was the right thing for you to do, and I do think you are certainly justified and allowed to be happy about how everything is being played out. but I wonder in terms of my question above. Is it that you're proud of his BS for doing what you couldn't do, or do you feel that your WS should get more of a pass because she fessed up eventually whereas he didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
bosunmate Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 If you think it is justice to kick out the cheating spouse, why didn't you kick yours out? For the record - I totally think that telling the BS was the right thing for you to do, and I do think you are certainly justified and allowed to be happy about how everything is being played out. but I wonder in terms of my question above. Is it that you're proud of his BS for doing what you couldn't do, or do you feel that your WS should get more of a pass because she fessed up eventually whereas he didn't. I do think the fact that she fessed up could give her a pass for now as long as the TT is finished. Good for you Someday:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I do think the fact that she fessed up could give her a pass for now as long as the TT is finished. Good for you Someday:cool: Thanks for the answer. what is TT? (I'm assuming a reference to the affair, just don't know what it stand for) I kind of figured that confessing would make things better, but I also wondered if maybe (no offense intended to any BS) - but maybe its hard for some BS to really deal out "Justice" the way they would really crave because they still have feelings for the one that hurt them - so when they see another BS do it, it kind of gives them that satisfaction. Again, no offense intended, just wanted to understand if there is any truth to that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Thanks for the answer. what is TT? (I'm assuming a reference to the affair, just don't know what it stand for) I kind of figured that confessing would make things better, but I also wondered if maybe (no offense intended to any BS) - but maybe its hard for some BS to really deal out "Justice" the way they would really crave because they still have feelings for the one that hurt them - so when they see another BS do it, it kind of gives them that satisfaction. Again, no offense intended, just wanted to understand if there is any truth to that. TT = Trickle Truth. TT makes the A about 20x harder to deal with, because the WS just keeps confirming they aren't to be trusted. So instead of rebuilding trust, it gets damaged more and more and more.... Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 TT = Trickle Truth. TT makes the A about 20x harder to deal with, because the WS just keeps confirming they aren't to be trusted. So instead of rebuilding trust, it gets damaged more and more and more.... Thanks NH! And that totally makes sense - proving to be a liar over and over not only makes it harder to be trusted ever again, but I'm sure compounds the pain of the BS. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) The other question is, is it wrong for me to be happy that she kicked him out of the house and now he's gonna get even more wrath from not telling the truth? he did it to himself. he should've come clean when he was questioned about it. like you said, he didn't realize he was dealing with a more savvy poker player. just because he's a lawyer doesn't mean he's all that bright. he's lucky he wasn't dealing with someone like me 'cause i'd really make his life a living hell. after talking to his wife - as you did just now - i'd send him a text reading- "Good night, sweet prince." I mean seriously, i'd make him wish he never existed. he's lucky you're not that type of person. to all you cheaters out there, pray that you don't f*ck with the wrong guy or gal, 'cause it won't be pretty. some people don't care about going to jail, either. Edited May 9, 2012 by Artie Lang 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I have wondered if someone else could answer emails other then BW or BH.Because my husband looks at my emails when he wants.I know this is late in the post but just a thought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I have wondered if someone else could answer emails other then BW or BH.Because my husband looks at my emails when he wants.I know this is late in the post but just a thought. Scattered has a great point SDD. How sure were you it was the OM's wife who emailed you. Is there any way you can speak to his wife and confirm it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Scattered has a great point SDD. How sure were you it was the OM's wife who emailed you. Is there any way you can speak to his wife and confirm it. The question the the OMW\BW sent doesn't sound like something OM would want to ask to me. It invites more proof and info to be sent to that email account. He'd be committing suicide... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SomedayDig Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 Really quick right here cuz we just got back from MC and I need to take my daughter to gymnastics. It was her business email account. The one I sent the first 2 emails to. This was responding to the one I sent on 4/16. As for me, my wife has finally come clean. I believe her because she TT'd me for the first month until she saw me break down in front of her. The enormity of that coupled with me telling her I was gone unless I knew everything got her out of her fog. She has been extremely forthright in everything since. I absolutely did NOT want to hurt his wife. As a matter of fact, a week or so ago I posted in my "Questions" thread about how guilty I felt for sending that email and finding out that she'd kicked the OM out. I'll chat more later. Gotta take care of my little girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SomedayDig Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 Ok...our MC session was good for one reason. When I brought up what happened, before my wife could even say anything the C looked at me and basically said who am I to divulge the dirty little secrets to his wife!!!!!?? Now, I don't know if this was a ploy or whatever, but you shoulda seen my wife's hackles go up. She looked at the C and said, "I don't think what he did was wrong in any way. I actually think he did exactly what he should have." Again, don't know if it was the C's intent to provoke my wife to see her response, but it was what I wanted to see. Okay. I know I said I'd get more into stuff, but ya know what? I'm gonna watch some tele with my wife and eat a shrimp quesadilla that I just made! Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Very rarely do MC's advocate exposing to OM/OW's BS in fear of BS's going bat**** and doing something violent. MC's are only protecting their own back in fear of being sued if something dangerous were to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Very rarely do MC's advocate exposing to OM/OW's BS in fear of BS's going bat**** and doing something violent. MC's are only protecting their own back in fear of being sued if something dangerous were to happen. My MC wasn't keen on the idea either. But she's a limp noodle, I felt like I could bend that woman any which way... In the end she basically told me that she wanted to make sure I wasn't doing it for revenge. Now Steve Harley (marriage coach, infidelity specialist, son of Author of His Needs Her Needs), told me I did the right thing and OMW had the right to know whether it helped my case or not. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Put the counselor in your shoes, and then ask them what they would want in that si2ation? Tell the truth? Or lie? Are they advocating keeping secrets? If so, fire them. -ol' 2long 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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