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Couples counselling helps if you both have an open mind...


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I thought I'd post this here, instead of the relationship section, because the core of the subject, is about improving yourself, and communicating better.

 

My fiance and I love each other a lot. We have much in common, we are a team, with have similar goals, we can be honest and open with each other, and there is total trust,

 

Our biggest problem, is we argue too much. We fall into the same old bad communication patterns. I chase, he retreats. It's a classic pattern. I get upset, he gets angry. He says, stop, I keep arguing. And one feeds the other...and so the cycle goes on. Often ending in tears, shouting and yelling.

 

We've been able to identify the problem, and have even reduced the amount we argue quite a bit since we were first together. But we recently decided we could do even better.

 

So today we saw a counsellor, and talked about the problem. We walked in each with an open mind, and ready to try. She really helped us identify where our differing communication styles come from, and how our family upbringing has influenced us, and contributed to our different fears and habits.

 

She also came up with a few practical suggestions.

 

The best one... to set aside a time each week, to discuss any issues which have been troubling us. This discussion time will also have a time limit. We can even make a list if we want, with issues we'd like to clearly raise. This achieves two things:

1) It makes me happy, because I know I'll get the chance to air my feelings, when he will listen calmly

2)It makes my fiance happy, because he knows he won't have to listen to me go on, every time I get upset, and am emotional, but will be able to listen, when we are both feeling calm, and some things may have even resolved themselves!

 

We are ready to give this a go. It was the first time we'd seen this counsellor, and we both related to her very well, and thought she was great. :) By the time we actually get married, we'll be a calm peaceful couple! :D

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This is so cool! I am so glad to hear that you're doing this. I'm sure it will be a great success.

 

Had I been able to talk my ex-husband into couples therapy, I'm sure I'd still be married right now. But he was dead set against it. It's so sad, because I feel like we really belonged together.

 

You're so lucky to have a partner that agrees to go. Good luck with it!

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