Broke up with her, and regret it ALREADY !

[engineer0308]

HEY !

 

So me and "Ana" have been dating for 3 years and a half, and I am in my early 20s and I am also 2 years older than her. Weve had small arguments..medium and even HUGE arguments just like any couple. Weve broken up a couple of times, and shes always come back telling me how she misses me, how things don't feel the same and how she still loves me.Got all the background info? OK!

 

My girlfriend and I were having a normal conversation like any other day in December, and she had this "plan" . She wanted us to get engaged for the next 3 years while she was finishing her studies in New york and ultimately get married when she was finished.At the time I was madly in love with her, and I was all for the Idea...At the time. As things progressed, she became obsessed with the Idea to the point in which we talked about it every night...and it was beginning to scare me. I started noticing that as great as my GF is, some of her qualities are not the ones I would want the "Ideal wife" to have. So I tried avoiding the topic as much as possible, until we had an argument about it. I asked her for a break and that didn't last long. 3 Days later she sent me a massive text message about how she loved me and stuff, and it completely changed my mind. Things went back to normal for a week or so until she had left to Atlanta for the weekend while she was receiving an award for being...EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT . While she was gone however I posted up a very muscular picture of myself on Facebook and she flipped out when she returned. She started saying that those are some things she wouldnt want her "future husband" to be doing and I retaliated with some saying of my own and things have changed drastically. She tells me that she loves me...but she isnt sure that she wants to be with someone she wont end up with in the "future" . I asked her to just take things slow..but it hasnt been the same. she is now "too busy" at times to reply to any of my texts, and will reply minutes before heading to bed. Me being in love with my GF, it upsets me that she isnt as "in love" as she was and I truly miss how things were. Ive been complaining and nagging and asking her why things arent the same, and ways we can change them..but The more I ask and push, I feel like I push her more and more away. The worst feeling in the world is to feel like youre giving 160% of your heart to someone, and only receive 30%. She confessed to feeling like I dont love her, or how Im only "used " to being with her. So I walked to her house from where I was staying in the rain because I didnt get the chance to tell her that I loved her the night before. It was a 3 hour walk through a bunch of backroads. But when I got there I called her, told her to look outside and told her how I felt. She asked If i was mentally ill for doing such a thing. (guess it only works in the movies huh?) .I tried taking the initiative of showing her how much I truly care, but nothing. So last night while hanging with my buddies I sipped down some beers, and the alcohol made me think a little clearly (or so I think) . The problem is that I miss how she treated me. But she feels confused with everything that is going on. SO i decided that breaking up with her might be best because it would allow us to take some time and reflect on our relationship, Make her miss me again and want things to return to normal, and also stop me from feeling this way.

 

 

 

** Important**

I will admit however, that Ive hurt this poor girl a couple of times in the past . shes mentioned how Ive broken her heart, and how it might never feel the same. One time me argued, and she admitted to trying to overdose on pills because the feeling of loosing me forever was too much for her heart to take. (NO SHE IS NOT SUICIDAL ! Weve all been there and felt the same way!! ) So I dont blame her for being defensive, or having her guard up. Hell, if she came on this site you all would probably suggest for her to act the same way !

 

 

All I want to know is, Was I right in breaking up with her? and If not, DID I JUST FINISH RUINING EVERYTHING?! :(

 

NOW that things are the way they are, Ive realized how this woman is much more than I gave her credit for. she is my Best friend, My lover, my Everything, And it just sucks to know that this might be the end.

 

If you need anymore info Feel free to ask !!

[Svet74]

Give each other space for a good month then talk about possibly getting back together.

[Boynextdoor]

HEY !

 

So me and "Ana" have been dating for 3 years and a half, and I am in my early 20s and I am also 2 years older than her. Weve had small arguments..medium and even HUGE arguments just like any couple. Weve broken up a couple of times, and shes always come back telling me how she misses me, how things don't feel the same and how she still loves me.Got all the background info? OK!

 

My girlfriend and I were having a normal conversation like any other day in December, and she had this "plan" . She wanted us to get engaged for the next 3 years while she was finishing her studies in New york and ultimately get married when she was finished.At the time I was madly in love with her, and I was all for the Idea...At the time. As things progressed, she became obsessed with the Idea to the point in which we talked about it every night...and it was beginning to scare me. I started noticing that as great as my GF is, some of her qualities are not the ones I would want the "Ideal wife" to have. So I tried avoiding the topic as much as possible, until we had an argument about it. I asked her for a break and that didn't last long. 3 Days later she sent me a massive text message about how she loved me and stuff, and it completely changed my mind. Things went back to normal for a week or so until she had left to Atlanta for the weekend while she was receiving an award for being...EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT . While she was gone however I posted up a very muscular picture of myself on Facebook and she flipped out when she returned. She started saying that those are some things she wouldnt want her "future husband" to be doing and I retaliated with some saying of my own and things have changed drastically. She tells me that she loves me...but she isnt sure that she wants to be with someone she wont end up with in the "future" . I asked her to just take things slow..but it hasnt been the same. she is now "too busy" at times to reply to any of my texts, and will reply minutes before heading to bed. Me being in love with my GF, it upsets me that she isnt as "in love" as she was and I truly miss how things were. Ive been complaining and nagging and asking her why things arent the same, and ways we can change them..but The more I ask and push, I feel like I push her more and more away. The worst feeling in the world is to feel like youre giving 160% of your heart to someone, and only receive 30%. She confessed to feeling like I dont love her, or how Im only "used " to being with her. So I walked to her house from where I was staying in the rain because I didnt get the chance to tell her that I loved her the night before. It was a 3 hour walk through a bunch of backroads. But when I got there I called her, told her to look outside and told her how I felt. She asked If i was mentally ill for doing such a thing. (guess it only works in the movies huh?) .I tried taking the initiative of showing her how much I truly care, but nothing. So last night while hanging with my buddies I sipped down some beers, and the alcohol made me think a little clearly (or so I think) . The problem is that I miss how she treated me. But she feels confused with everything that is going on. SO i decided that breaking up with her might be best because it would allow us to take some time and reflect on our relationship, Make her miss me again and want things to return to normal, and also stop me from feeling this way.

 

 

 

** Important**

I will admit however, that Ive hurt this poor girl a couple of times in the past . shes mentioned how Ive broken her heart, and how it might never feel the same. One time me argued, and she admitted to trying to overdose on pills because the feeling of loosing me forever was too much for her heart to take. (NO SHE IS NOT SUICIDAL ! Weve all been there and felt the same way!! ) So I dont blame her for being defensive, or having her guard up. Hell, if she came on this site you all would probably suggest for her to act the same way !

 

 

All I want to know is, Was I right in breaking up with her? and If not, DID I JUST FINISH RUINING EVERYTHING?! :(

 

NOW that things are the way they are, Ive realized how this woman is much more than I gave her credit for. she is my Best friend, My lover, my Everything, And it just sucks to know that this might be the end.

 

If you need anymore info Feel free to ask !!

 

 

I hear you dude! Had the same experience also. We men we get complacent that we have someone in our arms to understand us and just be there for us no matter what.

 

I've had the same situation well I was in denial at first up until I realized how I've been a d-bag to her. Well the thing is that I've tried to change it. There was this time that I messed up bigtime and she just didnt say anything nor do any just accepted me and all.

 

As ive remembered how she look she looks so devastated. We made love and she was in tears while doing it.

 

Now I decided to focus on her and nothing but her. So we got back fine up until the strongest storm came. We were both vulnerable and weak. I was about to resign my job out of growth issues and her with her exams.

 

We ended up blasting each other and nagging each other so Ive said the lamest word I can think of "that I was trained to be alone remember? " So there, I broke her heart. But honestly youll never know what it is when its shoved in your face entirely.

 

She felt so bad that time called her friend that she was so scared of me leaving / letting her go because she loved me so much. And I was her life.

 

 

Se the mess? so i tried to win her back and all that crap that a guy can think of. Needy clingy desperate time desperate measure style. There you have it she left me. She gave up of herself.

 

Worst day of my life. 3 days ago she said the same thing. I was immune already because ive been doing the NC thing. Trying to focus as to how to win her back or will I ever win her back.

 

Man! Now im in tears.

[engineer0308]

Thanks, Thats exactly what Ill do. What I hate the most is how those "friends" convince them to do something most of the time, even if its against what they truly WANT to do, and not follow their heart. But summer vacation is coming and I hope we can truly have a sit down, without any friends involved

[Boynextdoor]

Thanks, Thats exactly what Ill do. What I hate the most is how those "friends" convince them to do something most of the time, even if its against what they truly WANT to do, and not follow their heart. But summer vacation is coming and I hope we can truly have a sit down, without any friends involved

 

Ryt bro. You'll never know until you do. Eventhough they are fully determined to move on without you. Well that is what their feeling is telling them because one they are trapped with the feeling of all the negativity that you did.

 

Time will tell really if the love they feel for you is like what they say.

I remember my ex telling me "I was her life" but the house went down when I said that lamest word. Well I was weak but then it was not an excuse. I was really in pain before our talk. No one can talk to me right or what not.

 

With time they will find out if they miss you or no. If they really do love you or no. Or if they will be able to live without you or no. Basically its the connection that brought you together that will or may not make a difference.

 

I have to wait for 4 months since the exam is by June 30th/July 1. So this is the start where she try to unwind and have fun with every1. Sadly without me. So ggrrrr! but this is not the right time since this is the time she figures out things by herself first. after 2 months w/c makes it 4 mo's in total will be the upcomming results for the nursing board exams.

 

I know she will pass it. So this time she is enveloped with positivity and all of the good things in life. But still there is the uncertainty. I still have to give it a shot because I know I messed up. But I LOVE HER DEARLY.

 

eventhough we are this now I just cant find any reason for me to hate her.

[engineer0308]

Yea I understand, Honestly... Last year we broke up because of a similar situation..there was a girl in the picture and she was doing everything my gf wasnt. Morning texts without fail, calling all the time, being there...and I dumped my gf for her. After 4-5 months she texted me saying how she made the biggest mistake of taking "US" for granted and not showing how she felt and such. Just hope its one of those times..

[Eddie Edirol]

After 4-5 months she texted me saying how she made the biggest mistake of taking "US" for granted and not showing how she felt and such. Just hope its one of those times..

 

This wont be one of those times unless you stay away from her, and stop trying to win her back. You leave her alone for a couple months, and let her miss you, let her know what she lost. If she doesnt touch base with you after that time, then she realizes that she didnt need you as much as she thought, and you have to let her go. If you keep trying to win her back, she wont be able to miss you, and you will completely obliterate her attraction to you. BTW, movies are always bullshyt, the stories are never realistic. Dont follow them.

[engineer0308]

Thanks Eddy ! I will thanks for the advice ! ill keep you all posted !

[Pod81]

I am in a similar situation as you. I broke up with my gf because I felt she was unappreciative, didn't put much effort in the relationship, and took me for granted. She admitted to me that it was because she felt "something was missing" and that she "didn't love me as much as she should." She came back a few days later and asked to work things out. In response, I proposed a break involving NC for 50 days being that I couldn't trust her fickleness. I agree with Eddie. You need to let her come to you and show her that you think she's expendable. If she doesn't fight for the relationship, she either doesn't love you enough or has completely checked out of it. If she does come back and want to fix things, don't fold too easily - offer a no contact break. Both of you need to take time to think things through rationally. As a guy, you need to maintain the upper hand in this relationship. You can't be begging for her back cause not only will that make you look weak, you'll be giving her the upper hand. Girls tend to be turned off by that.

[ChelleBelle08]

GIrls are turned off by neediness, and as a girl, i feel guys are as well. After being dumped by a guy for an ex gf, for no other reason besides him still being in love with her, I cannot for the life of me beg and plead for him to come back.

 

Where will that get me besides showing him he made the right choice and can obviously do better than a girl who is freaking out. i did all i could do for him. He would not open up.

 

Guys, playing games is DUMB. putting a time-line on NC or following "rules". Guess what, there aren't any. if you broke up with them, and they are a strong independent girl from what this one sounds like, you need to be the one to contact her. She is not going to stoop low, to crawl back to someone who broke up with her, and obviously who did not see her for who she was.

 

GIRLS NEED CONSTANT REASSURANCE of feelings. in a relationship, and out of one...men do not. I would not be turned off by a guy i was seeing re-contacting me. I actually feel that is the mature, and manly thing to do and would make me so very happy. You shouldn't obsessively contact her and want things back to normal, but some small random cute texts, or a plan to see each other in the near future....letting them know you are still interested and you care are all that we need..

[ChelleBelle08]

You need to let her come to you and show her that you think she's expendable. If she doesn't fight for the relationship, she either doesn't love you enough or has completely checked out of it. If she does come back and want to fix things, don't fold too easily - offer a no contact break. Both of you need to take time to think things through rationally. As a guy, you need to maintain the upper hand in this relationship. You can't be begging for her back cause not only will that make you look weak, you'll be giving her the upper hand.

 

SHOW HER SHE'S EXPENDABLE??? who taught you to be in relationships. that is the last thing a girl needs in this society. One where media portrays how they are "supposed" to look, and men who no longer have any morals. There are no "upper hands" anymore. This girl is smart, strong and independent as I am. She does not deserve or will take being treated that way. STOP THE GAMES, COMMUNICATE, AND BE TRUTHFUL. we are more simple than you make us. Just be straight. women and men are equal now that women have careers and are in the work force as are men. She is not expendable. do not make her feel that way.

[engineer0308]

Well.. Sorry ladies ^ but the guys were right on this one.

I did not contact her and oddly enough, a bunch of girls started posting on my wall asking for dinner plans and "hanging out" now that I was single (its like you girls have a RADAR! ) . and she texted me on friday asking to watch a new Michael Ealy show, (whom I look VERY much alike ) and I told her that it has been recommended and didnt reply to her text. Saturday came along, and she asked if we could meet up , or at least skype at night but I was too busy to do either. And then Sunday came along , and her home almost caught on fire (probably due to her lousy cooking jk. jk.) and I immediately called her. She went on and on about how if the house would have exploded, or if she would have died, that the only person she would've missed was me.. Every day that passes by, I feel less - In love- I guess you can say..and I HONESTLY wanted atleast a month of NC..not a week...

 

Any suggestions?