viktorious11 Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 So, for those of you who haven't been following my story, my wife and I of 2 years are divorcing, and we are doing counseling to help us end our marriage. If that even makes any sense... (she wants out, I'm still madly in love and want my family together) Now, I want her back so badly, that when she reinforces the fact that she no longer wants it, my brain starts with Insane Crazy thoughts. Has anyone else experienced these: -I need to move far far away from everyone. -Maybe her new BF will adopt my son because the pain of seeing my ex w/ new man will be just way too much to bear. -I wish my wife and kid would vanish from the planet so that I could start anew. -Or, better yet, her new BF's plane goes down on his flight to LA. etc. etc. (Don't worry you don't need to call the cops, I'm not gonna start murdering people- but I can guarantee I won't be cordial with my ex whatsoever throughout this process once it is finalized 100% over. I'm kissing her butt now trying to get her back, but the minute I see her with her new man, I won't be able to handle it.) What do I do!? I love my son to bits- I don't wanna be a deadbeat dad- but the pain is so strong, atleast right now, that I may just do some really, really stupid/mean things down the road just to get back at her. Just to make her life miserable. Are these feelings normal!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 So, for those of you who haven't been following my story, my wife and I of 2 years are divorcing, and we are doing counseling to help us end our marriage. If that even makes any sense... (she wants out, I'm still madly in love and want my family together) Now, I want her back so badly, that when she reinforces the fact that she no longer wants it, my brain starts with Insane Crazy thoughts. Has anyone else experienced these: -I need to move far far away from everyone. -Maybe her new BF will adopt my son because the pain of seeing my ex w/ new man will be just way too much to bear. -I wish my wife and kid would vanish from the planet so that I could start anew. -Or, better yet, her new BF's plane goes down on his flight to LA. etc. etc. (Don't worry you don't need to call the cops, I'm not gonna start murdering people- but I can guarantee I won't be cordial with my ex whatsoever throughout this process once it is finalized 100% over. I'm kissing her butt now trying to get her back, but the minute I see her with her new man, I won't be able to handle it.) What do I do!? I love my son to bits- I don't wanna be a deadbeat dad- but the pain is so strong, atleast right now, that I may just do some really, really stupid/mean things down the road just to get back at her. Just to make her life miserable. Are these feelings normal!?!? Yes Vik, they are all normal things to fantasize about, and i think guys that have been in your position (like myself) would admit to having at least some of them. Its the stress, and a desperate desire to get away from that any way you can, I'm betting you cant sleep very well and when you do you tear the bed to shreds as well. Find something you can do to burn off that stress. Exercise works for some people and it did help me a little. For me, the best therapy was a trip to the gun range, but thats just me. Some people opt for batting cages, or beating it out on a set of drums. Find what works for you. TOJAZ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author viktorious11 Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 Very true. I can't do this to my son who I love so dearly.I keep fantasizing that she will want to make it work for his sake- but it's just not gonna happen. Although, I still wouldn't mind if Mr. BF's plane went down, I'm not gonna lie Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Although, I still wouldn't mind if Mr. BF's plane went down, I'm not gonna lie Accidents happen, just don't be around any airports for awhile and let the cards fall where they may. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
confused and broken Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Those feelings are completely normal... Listen to Tojaz I highly recommend hitting the gym... You can burn off some steam and feel better about yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
analystfromhell Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Those are positive feelings I think- particularly how your love for your son raises it's head up through all the baggage and keeps your focus on the straight and narrow. Interactions with her are inevitable through keeping in mind how she abandoned you (and the family) should help you get over them. Perhaps it's the family unit, not her really, you want back? If so, why not see during the divorce process you can get a Guardian Ad Lidem (GAL) involved and do your darnedest to get primary custody of your son? It's definitely worth the fight especially given the circumstances. The process worked out great for me- despite being in a very female friendly state. I wish you and your son all the best.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author viktorious11 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 I appreciate the sympathetic responses. For some reason, we both do not care to involve lawyers- and quite frankly, as the person making more $$, i would surely lose that battle. People have mentioned to me to fight for full/primary custody, but here are my honest concerns: -Child needs his mommy, too. -I'm scared of being a single Dad- i don't like being alone. -I'm still admittedly a bit irresponsible and stuck in some "college-lifestyle-tendencies. It's like we fell in love right after I graduated college, so I never even got to know myself. I had a lot of uncontrollable resentment towards her because I was robbed of my freedoms. So, she gave them back to me and now my brain is just everywhere as I'm just now accepting that I have to grow up- but I lost my wife in the process, thus making me not want to grow up afterall. Ugh, hope someone can help me try and make sense of all that. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I appreciate the sympathetic responses. For some reason, we both do not care to involve lawyers- and quite frankly, as the person making more $$, i would surely lose that battle. People have mentioned to me to fight for full/primary custody, but here are my honest concerns: -Child needs his mommy, too. -I'm scared of being a single Dad- i don't like being alone. -I'm still admittedly a bit irresponsible and stuck in some "college-lifestyle-tendencies. It's like we fell in love right after I graduated college, so I never even got to know myself. I had a lot of uncontrollable resentment towards her because I was robbed of my freedoms. So, she gave them back to me and now my brain is just everywhere as I'm just now accepting that I have to grow up- but I lost my wife in the process, thus making me not want to grow up afterall. Ugh, hope someone can help me try and make sense of all that. It takes two to break a relationship Vik, you have your part and she has hers. I like this post of yours because your showing a lot of maturity in how your looking at things and being brutally honest with yourself. Thats hard to do, there are many people who can't. There are a lot of people who scream to fight for full custody, or the favorable settlemement. Those are people who are trying to "win" at divorce. In the end divorce has no real winners, everyone comes out damaged. Thinking clearly, and responsibly is taking the high road. A much better road to walk in the long run. Follow your instincts here and do what you think is best for your family. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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