Help Please!

[V]

I have been with a guy for the past year. He treats me good and we had a great relationship and it wasn't just on my end. The first four months of our relationship was the best the I have ever experianced. He would come home every weekend to be with me and we were so close. We would stay up and talk before bed and wake up together and lay in bed talking for two and three hours. He would call me in the middle of the night to hear my voice, we just clicked in every aspect of a good relationship. He told me everything even to the point of admitting that I have been the first girl to treat him right and to show him affection with out wanting something in return and I've been the first girl he could actually talk and tell anything too. There are a whole bunch of other good points, but they are too many to list. I have never had a person treat me the way he has. He was in a bad two year relationship where he got his heartbroken by her and a few of his other past girlfriends. Now he wants me to be with him but he also wants to date around and not committ. We have broken up several times over the course of this year, but he always comes back after a few weeks. He always says he misses me and then were fine for a month and it's back to him want to date other people. He claims that he doesnt' want to just be involved with me because he's also scared that he will get involved with me to deep and I hurt him. He knows that I am I love him, but he won't leave me alone while he gets being with more than one person out of his system. I told him that we need to spend some time apart. The longest we've been apart this year is two weeks, I suggested a month and he said that he didn' think he could do that and he claims that he has feelings for me. He says that he wouldn't tell me he felt a certian way unless he did and every time we split I leave him alone (no calls, no letters) and he always comes back. This has happened at least 5 times this year. I love him so much, but he is 21 and he has a lot of emotional scars and committment issues. I am 23 and this may sound stupid, but it's what I have been going through so it's basically like he misses me when I am gone, we get back together and it's fine for about a month or two and then he feels himself getting too attached and he heads for the hills, but he comes out of hiding in a couple of weeks when he's missed me. He suggessted a compriamise where we would be be happy, but I don't see where we will when I want a relationship, but he dosen't want to committ to one and he wants me at the same time. This is so hard for me because this is the first person that I have ever been in love with. I am sorry if this post has been extra long, but I am kind of long winded and I like to talk.

[Lydia]

I have been with a guy for the past year. He treats me good and we had a great relationship and it wasn't just on my end. The first four months of our relationship was the best the I have ever experianced. He would come home every weekend to be with me and we were so close. We would stay up and talk before bed and wake up together and lay in bed talking for two and three hours. He would call me in the middle of the night to hear my voice, we just clicked in every aspect of a good relationship. He told me everything even to the point of admitting that I have been the first girl to treat him right and to show him affection with out wanting something in return and I've been the first girl he could actually talk and tell anything too. There are a whole bunch of other good points, but they are too many to list. I have never had a person treat me the way he has. He was in a bad two year relationship where he got his heartbroken by her and a few of his other past girlfriends. Now he wants me to be with him but he also wants to date around and not committ. We have broken up several times over the course of this year, but he always comes back after a few weeks. He always says he misses me and then were fine for a month and it's back to him want to date other people. He claims that he doesnt' want to just be involved with me because he's also scared that he will get involved with me to deep and I hurt him. He knows that I am I love him, but he won't leave me alone while he gets being with more than one person out of his system. I told him that we need to spend some time apart. The longest we've been apart this year is two weeks, I suggested a month and he said that he didn' think he could do that and he claims that he has feelings for me. He says that he wouldn't tell me he felt a certian way unless he did and every time we split I leave him alone (no calls, no letters) and he always comes back. This has happened at least 5 times this year. I love him so much, but he is 21 and he has a lot of emotional scars and committment issues. I am 23 and this may sound stupid, but it's what I have been going through so it's basically like he misses me when I am gone, we get back together and it's fine for about a month or two and then he feels himself getting too attached and he heads for the hills, but he comes out of hiding in a couple of weeks when he's missed me. He suggessted a compriamise where we would be be happy, but I don't see where we will when I want a relationship, but he dosen' me at the same time. This is so hard for me because this is the first person that I have ever been in love with. I am sorry if this post has been extra long, but I am kind of long winded and I like to talk.

 

Dear V-

 

I want to be blunt with you. I know you really like this guy and he obviously has some fun with you but girl he is playing you for a fool. He can have his cake and eat it too as long as you let him. Get out while you still can. I dated a guy just like him and trust me - they never change!!!! You V have to make the decision that you are worth more than a "part time committement". I guy is a guy and you are a sure thing baby so be ware and forget about him because anyone who is worthy of your time and your love will be around for keeps!!!

[Cookie]

When people love each other, they don't stray like your boyfriend. I think that his prior 2 year relationship hurt him much and in a weird way he's compensating his damaged ego through dating many women. But he does like you and he wants you around because to him that means "security". Apparently you've been giving this guy the door-matt security he needs when ever he's not dating other women. Do you really want that?

 

I've been there myself and it really hurts and it was so hard to resist him when ever he came back...but when I did say nomore, I felt so empowered and I regret not doing it earlier. so good luck!