How do i found out?

[Dave D]

My GF dumped me like 8 months ago saying she just wants to be friends. Fine, i just told her that i couldn't and to not call me anymore. She got mad and said "FINE!!!" We stopped talking for a good while.

 

She just recently started calling me again. Why would she start calling me again? She is being really friendly. How do i found out if she is just wanting someone to talk to until she finds another man,(in other words, using me) or maybe she realizes that she still has feelings for me? How do i found out if she wants to get back together or she is just f*cking with my head? Could she have realized that she still has feelings for me? How do i found out?

[Tony T]

Right now, there may be a limited time only window in her heart for you to get back in.

 

However, she dumped you before and for obvious good reasons in her head. If she was so disposed at that time, it is likely she will do it again.

 

My feeling is that she is using you to fill some void until another man comes along. Don't buy into it. Why reverse the healing process, peel off the scab on your heart, only to have to go through it all over again at some later date.

 

It is also very possible you mean a lot to her as a friend. She wanted to be friends after the break up and you refused. Maybe she thinks enough time has passed and perhaps you would be open to a friendship.

 

I gather from the tone of your post you aren't ready for much of anything with her right now. Go with your gut.

[Paulie]

If you decide to not take Tony's advice (and I'm not suggesting that you don't)...

 

My advice here, if you do have feelings for her, (and I suspect you do) is to go into this with HOPE and not expectations. That will help you have a healthy outlook on this.

[Rogue]

Don't women usually have other women to talk to about stuff? Why do they always have to be "friends" with their ex-boyfriends?!??

[Tony T]

Rogue:

 

The friends thing is a bunch of crap. They never mean it. It's just a way of making them feel less guilty and a bit better in the pain of a break up. Once the dust is cleared, they are more often than not well on their way to a different life, without the friendship of their ex.

 

There are times when they are so insecure that being friends might give them a certain measure of security that if things don't work out in the world, they can return to the arms of the ex...at least for a period.

 

But I promise, in the majority of cases, they just want to be gone. And as a practical matter, their next boyfriend will usually strenuously protest contact with the ex, making a friendship impossible anyway.

[Deejette]

I agree with Tony, this "let's be friends" stuff is garbage. I read about it over and over again on this site and it comes a close second to "I need space."

 

They are both cowardly statements. The first is to keep the doors open and not really achieve closure. The second is an evasive tactic to prevent closure.

 

Some people can't stand the finality of a break-up so instead of a clean break, they drag it out into a sloppy, messy thing that is neither love or friendship. It is weakness and cowardice. It keeps people hanging on instead of getting on and finding a more fulfilling and honest relationship.

Rogue: The friends thing is a bunch of crap. They never mean it. It's just a way of making them feel less guilty and a bit better in the pain of a break up. Once the dust is cleared, they are more often than not well on their way to a different life, without the friendship of their ex. There are times when they are so insecure that being friends might give them a certain measure of security that if things don't work out in the world, they can return to the arms of the ex...at least for a period. But I promise, in the majority of cases, they just want to be gone. And as a practical matter, their next boyfriend will usually strenuously protest contact with the ex, making a friendship impossible anyway.