decided to break up

[headsashed]

Yup,thats right,ive had enough. If you read my last thread then you will know that she just wasnt spending time with me at all,well,i had a talk with her about it and i thought we had turned a corner,she agreed to all i said and started to be with me a little more,i mean,she even stopped at my house lol. This lasted about a week, what started me off again was the fact that last week i had asked her to spend friday just gone with me as she was goin on holiday the following monday for a week with her friends,thursday came and her friend who she is goin on holiday with asked if she wanted to go have a drink saturday with her,i didnt mind as i thought i was goin to spend friday with her. Well friday came and i had finished fixing her car and then she went shopping with her friend,i didnt see her that night,saturday came and i saw her for about 30 mins and she went to stop at her friends,so she blew me off friday even though id asked her days before to have some time with me,but she couldnt do it,yet her friend asked her the day before and she went,no questions asked. That got me a lil angry.

 

Now here comes the problem, TRUST, ive tried my hardest to start trusting her again but she isnt making it easy for me. How can i trust someone who constantly blows me off for her friends? Also she has gone abroad for a week and we both knew it would be a little hard for me as i dont 100% trust her yet. Last night i txt her to let her know my phone was being cut off today so she wouldnt think i was ignoring her if she txt me or anything,i also told her to enjoy the rest of her holiday and that i love and miss her,i was being nice,she hasnt replied at all,not even to say thanx and ill see you when i get back. I know shes on holiday and she wants to enjoy herself and thats why i have left her alone since she went,i just thought i needed to tell her incase she thought i was ignoring her. I know she will have got my message but shes chose to ignore it,hence shes makin it harder for me to trust her. Its not been easy since she left and its not getting any better,so how can i be with someone i cant trust and is making little or no effort to build that trust again.

 

I havent told her were breaking up yet cos she is on holiday until tuesday,im gonna tell her when she gets back,i dont have a choice,i cant keep feeling like this.

[MIK1000]

Yup,thats right,ive had enough. If you read my last thread then you will know that she just wasnt spending time with me at all,well,i had a talk with her about it and i thought we had turned a corner,she agreed to all i said and started to be with me a little more,i mean,she even stopped at my house lol. This lasted about a week, what started me off again was the fact that last week i had asked her to spend friday just gone with me as she was goin on holiday the following monday for a week with her friends,thursday came and her friend who she is goin on holiday with asked if she wanted to go have a drink saturday with her,i didnt mind as i thought i was goin to spend friday with her. Well friday came and i had finished fixing her car and then she went shopping with her friend,i didnt see her that night,saturday came and i saw her for about 30 mins and she went to stop at her friends,so she blew me off friday even though id asked her days before to have some time with me,but she couldnt do it,yet her friend asked her the day before and she went,no questions asked. That got me a lil angry.

 

Now here comes the problem, TRUST, ive tried my hardest to start trusting her again but she isnt making it easy for me. How can i trust someone who constantly blows me off for her friends? Also she has gone abroad for a week and we both knew it would be a little hard for me as i dont 100% trust her yet. Last night i txt her to let her know my phone was being cut off today so she wouldnt think i was ignoring her if she txt me or anything,i also told her to enjoy the rest of her holiday and that i love and miss her,i was being nice,she hasnt replied at all,not even to say thanx and ill see you when i get back. I know shes on holiday and she wants to enjoy herself and thats why i have left her alone since she went,i just thought i needed to tell her incase she thought i was ignoring her. I know she will have got my message but shes chose to ignore it,hence shes makin it harder for me to trust her. Its not been easy since she left and its not getting any better,so how can i be with someone i cant trust and is making little or no effort to build that trust again.

 

I havent told her were breaking up yet cos she is on holiday until tuesday,im gonna tell her when she gets back,i dont have a choice,i cant keep feeling like this.

 

 

You need to get out of there ASAP mate and never look back. I'd go as far as to say that you shouldn't even pay her any respect when you do break up with her. Just tell her it's over and don't even explain. Don't speak to her again when she starts begging and pleading.

 

You've wasted too much time with this girl mate, she's a lost cause.

[headsashed]

i agree,the only respect im showing is that im leaving it until she gets back from holiday,not that she will be bothered anyway. She has txt me a couple of times since she has been away and rang me once while drunk,that was her 1st day there. I had the doctors yesterday and she txt me asking how it went and she stopped talkin halfway through the conversation (yesterday afternoon) so last night i sent her that txt about my phone being cut off,not even a thanx or anything,ive wasted my time with her,simple as that.

[geegirl]

i agree,the only respect im showing is that im leaving it until she gets back from holiday,not that she will be bothered anyway. She has txt me a couple of times since she has been away and rang me once while drunk,that was her 1st day there. I had the doctors yesterday and she txt me asking how it went and she stopped talkin halfway through the conversation (yesterday afternoon) so last night i sent her that txt about my phone being cut off,not even a thanx or anything,ive wasted my time with her,simple as that.

 

I'm sorry H. I think the writing was on the wall. Trust is fundamental in a relationship. It's not given but earned and once you break it, the chances of it ever being the same or ever being repaired is very slim. The fact that she is not doing her part to help reinstill that in you again is telling. I think your relationship has stagnated and in some way regressed. Only upward and forward if two people want to really work at repairing what was once broken. If all you are experiencing is hurt and confusion, then it's time to step away. I am sure she will try to change your mind and even if you are steadfast in your decision, she may continue to harass you. If you are completely certain that things will never change and she is not the one for you and that you DO NOT want to keep repeating the same patterns, then you will stick to your decision and keep moving on. I hope you keep strong.

[headsashed]

thanx geegirl,i made this decision based on trust,i simply do not trust her 100% and that alone is not good. Before she went away i decided that during these 7 days i would sit and think about our RS and so i have been doing,this is the conclusion,it has to end. I understand she is on holiday etc and thats why ive been quiet and let her do her own things but to ignore me is just horrible,i was only been nice to her. I wished this girl was the 1 for me but her idea of a RS differs to mine on a huge scale now,not like it used to be. As you said,trust has to be earned and she simply isnt doing that and trust is whats causing me to think this,i bet u can imagine whats going through my head right now as to why she hasnt replied to me since yesterday afternoon,im most likely wrong but she isnt making it easy for me to trust her.

[headsashed]

i totally agree with you fluorescent,i was blinded in love,i know im alot to blame too,i gave her all myself again instead of only giving her part of me until she earnt that trust again. She sucked me right back in and i let her. I doubt she will ever change either so now its time to be the man i used to be and walk away.

[geegirl]

thanx geegirl,i made this decision based on trust,i simply do not trust her 100% and that alone is not good. Before she went away i decided that during these 7 days i would sit and think about our RS and so i have been doing,this is the conclusion,it has to end. I understand she is on holiday etc and thats why ive been quiet and let her do her own things but to ignore me is just horrible,i was only been nice to her. I wished this girl was the 1 for me but her idea of a RS differs to mine on a huge scale now,not like it used to be. As you said,trust has to be earned and she simply isnt doing that and trust is whats causing me to think this,i bet u can imagine whats going through my head right now as to why she hasnt replied to me since yesterday afternoon,im most likely wrong but she isnt making it easy for me to trust her.

 

I completely understand what you feel. My last relationship was with a man that cheated on me and while at the time I had no solid proof that he was with someone else, I took a break from him for 3 months. At this time he kept pursuing. I knew I couldn't go back and it started going downhill. I was "fortunate" enough to catch him in the act at the tail end. It will never be the same. And even if that person takes a turn for the better, that little devil will always be there poking your mind. When that trust is broken, and that person continues to exihibit behaviors that do not instill any faith in the relationship, then it's time to walk away.

 

Have you ever considered trying a few sessions of therapy or even speaking to a counselor just to get yourself emotionally and mentally organized. Maybe if you are able to speak to someone you can better see the realities of your situation. It will also help you learn about yourself. It's time you start setting boundaries for yourself so that you will be able to structure your life in ways that will not allow you to make the same mistakes you made with her.

[Warrior]

hahahahaha what a bitch man, sorry its just very funny... dump her and do it fast man......

[KathyM]

Well, I didn't read your other thread, but just based on your OP, it sounds like she's not that into you, she takes you for granted, and she values her friends a lot more than her bf. Sounds like a very one-sided relationship, and you're not getting much out of it. If someone doesn't value you enough to make you a priority in their life, it's time to get out of the relationship. It's too imbalanced, and you are allowing her to treat you like a doormat and disrespecting you. Time to cut it off and find someone who will invest time into the relationship.

[headsashed]

Thanx for the replies people,you are all 100% right and i have known it for some time. Bottom line is,im a little boy in a mans body when it comes to emotions. Geegirl hit the nail on the head in a previous post,she said something along the lines of "either if not both of us are just scared to face the world alone so we stay with each other just for the sake of it" . Ive just been tempted to txt her and end it because i just dont want to wait until tuesday to do it face to face like an adult as its driving me crazy but txting it while she is on holiday is just immature in my eyes.

[geegirl]

Thanx for the replies people,you are all 100% right and i have known it for some time. Bottom line is,im a little boy in a mans body when it comes to emotions. Geegirl hit the nail on the head in a previous post,she said something along the lines of "either if not both of us are just scared to face the world alone so we stay with each other just for the sake of it" . Ive just been tempted to txt her and end it because i just dont want to wait until tuesday to do it face to face like an adult as its driving me crazy but txting it while she is on holiday is just immature in my eyes.

 

There is no need to text it today. If you are steadfast in your decision, in your mind you are already broken up. A decision that you have made for yourself. That is all that matters. When she gets back, you can tell her that you've spent this time evaluating this relationship and it's over. This time away will also give you the space you need to regain some mental clarity and peace within yourself.

 

But why do I have a strong feeling that you want to text her because you are hoping for a reaction?

[headsashed]

There is no need to text it today. If you are steadfast in your decision, in your mind you are already broken up. A decision that you have made for yourself. That is all that matters. When she gets back, you can tell her that you've spent this time evaluating this relationship and it's over. This time away will also give you the space you need to regain some mental clarity and peace within yourself.

 

But why do I have a strong feeling that you want to text her because you are hoping for a reaction?

 

I dont know if i was looking for a reaction or not,im just over thinking i suppose. I didnt text her anyway,if i had then she would either not reply or just twist it round and say she hasnt replied because shes trying to enjoy her holiday so really there was no point in texting her.

[geegirl]

I dont know if i was looking for a reaction or not,im just over thinking i suppose. I didnt text her anyway,if i had then she would either not reply or just twist it round and say she hasnt replied because shes trying to enjoy her holiday so really there was no point in texting her.

 

Yes, you're most likely anxious. It's a hard decision to make and it's understandable that maybe a part of you is bargaining and a part of you is resilient. There is no point in texting. If you know in your heart it is over, that is all that matters. Try to use this time to gain some clarity and some mental peace. You can state your case when she gets back.

[headsashed]

Yes, you're most likely anxious. It's a hard decision to make and it's understandable that maybe a part of you is bargaining and a part of you is resilient. There is no point in texting. If you know in your heart it is over, that is all that matters. Try to use this time to gain some clarity and some mental peace. You can state your case when she gets back.

 

 

I just need to relax until she gets back,lol. On another note im going to the coast tomorrow for a stag night so that should be fun and should help me forget about a few things.

[geegirl]

I just need to relax until she gets back,lol. On another note im going to the coast tomorrow for a stag night so that should be fun and should help me forget about a few things.

 

Good, go out and have some fun and distract yourself.

[headsashed]

Well,its officially over,just not how i planned lol. Since my last post on this thread my now ex had txt me each day a few times and i just went along with it and acted normal,this morning she landed back in england and started to txt me,everything going normal and then i saw her in her brothers car heading home,she waved and smiled at me,you know,like everything was fine. A few hours later id heard nothing so i txt her basically wanting to see her as i wanted to end it,she said she was tired etc and that alone had red flags,not seen me for a week and still didnt wanna see me,hmm lol,so i told something was wrong as to why she didnt wanna see me,cos any normal partner would,all i got was she was tired. I understood that but all she had done was flown 2 hours. Anyway it was obvious she didnt wanna see me so i just asked her to be honest with me,it took a while but in the end she just said it werent working,shes felt like this for a while,i did retaliate and ask her why she has done and said what she has but that was just me being stupid,i was goin to end it with her anyway lol. So ye,it ended via txt grrr,and she did the dumping again lol.

 

Im obviously gutted and i was honestly ending it today anyway but just not over damn txt,this makes me think something happend while she was away. Now i have to start again,its only been a few hours and ive already deleted literally everything,i just have to go a different route this time,no biting to her txts if she contacts me,no doing anything,i know its going to hurt for a while but thats life and tbh ive known for a while that it wasnt working,probably why i dont feel as bad as i should,even though im still super heart broken. Atleast ive got LS members to help me

[headsashed]

Its hit me harder than i thought but thats life, i didnt have much sleep last night and ive not ate much,not to mention horrible dreams already lol,onwards and upwards i say though,it can only get easier.

[MissBrunette84]

It gets easier, I know thats not much help but it does. I was in your same position really but he was the one doing wht your ex did to you. You are right not to bite at anymore texts. I hope you feel better soon, you do deserve better

[headsashed]

Thanx,time will heal me i know that,just wish it would hurry up lol,ive not heard from her today either so thats a good thing,plus ive deleted everything so i can contact her,start as i mean to go on.

[gibson]

Props to you for being true to yourself and seeing her / the situation for what it really is.

 

What is it?

 

I wrote the following in your last thread and I even give you advice how to break up with her "properly":

 

Quit giving YOUR power and happiness to someone else and stop settling for less than you want / deserve.

 

She is going through that "phase" (G.I.G.S.) that a lot of people her age go through. They are fun to date when you go with the flow and just want to have fun. Pursuing, trying or being in a relationship with them is a total nightmare.

 

She is going to be selfish, self-absorbed, flaky, fickle and has zero attachment or commitment to you. This isn't a reflection of you, just "how the cookie crumbles" when you date in this age group.

 

Let her go be single (which is what she really wants), sow her wild oats and get it out of her system which will take a while (years).

 

Typical Phase 4 G.I.G.S. behaviour...

 

She had a string of bad "single" days and thought being back with you was best. After a short amount of time and still having G.I.G.S. she realizes she made a mistake. She is begging and pleading with you to break up with her (through her words / actions). Problem is, you have no boundaries, self-respect or dignity and you are not receiving the message. She feels bad about coming back to you and she is acting the way she is now to get you to break up with her so she doesn't have to be the bad guy again. If you don't dump her soon, she will "escalate" things by treating you even worse in hopes that you break up. If that doesn't work, she will self-destruct it by cheating on you and make sure you find out about it.

 

Stop being a chump and set her free. Please don't wait until she "escalates" and the two of you allow this to become a horrible mess.

 

Just tell her you aren't happy and this isn't what you were looking for. She knows she is jacking around and that you are not happy. She also knows what you want and what you are looking for. Problem is, she isn't ready for that yet and won't be for a long while.

 

I bet when you dump her, she will agree, respect and thank you for doing so.

 

Note:

 

Don't fall for the "No, you are what I want" or "I will get better" crap. She is talking years down the road and not in the present tense. She is also trying to be nice and make you feel better for giving her a second chance.

Edited May 16, 2012 by gibson

[headsashed]

thankyou both for your replies, the harsh truth is the utter truth and nothing else,i saw the red flags but failed to act on them because i was scared,scared of losing her and i just wanted to make things right. It became a 1 sided relationship then,i werent happy,i was constantly upset and angry, this is why i was using this week to seriousley think about the RS and so i did and i decided it was best to break up,i didnt get to do it,she did it,over txt,not how i wanted it to happend but its happend.

 

The reasons why its all gone pear shaped are irrelevant now,i dont need answers or anything,i just need to move on with my life for my own sake. I know many wont believe me when i say i wont bite,contact her etc and tbh i dont blame you because i failed to listen to many people when they said that this RS wouldnt work,again,i went with my heart and not my head,its shot me in the foot so to speak. I take some blame because i should have jumped as soon as i saw the red flags.

 

Now to the promise,i promise i wont speak to this girl ever,shes toxic and for my own sanity and well being i 100% need to stay away from her which im going to do,no matter how hard and long this road is. I deserve someone who treats me right and that will come when im fully healed. I have done everything possible to move on at this moment,as in deleting all pics,phone numbers etc,the only thing i need to be is strong now. I believe that she will still contact me and thats where i need to be strong,will i be? well theres no way im becoming as depressed and messed up as last time so the answer is yes.

[xpaperxcutx]

I just went through something similar and while the pain is still fresh, overtime it becoms numbing. The fact that they didn't bother to contribute their fair share in a relationship makes things worse- how can someone be with you when they don't even make time to see you?

[headsashed]

I really dont know,what hurts me is it feels like ive been strung along for ages,she said said she had been thinking it for a while,so why make plans with me only a week ago,even txting me normal yesterday morning,its mind boggling to say the least. As much as im hurting i dont think it will as bad as last time, well atleast i hope not. Its her loss because i know im a good person.

[xpaperxcutx]

I really dont know,what hurts me is it feels like ive been strung along for ages,she said said she had been thinking it for a while,so why make plans with me only a week ago,even txting me normal yesterday morning,its mind boggling to say the least. As much as im hurting i dont think it will as bad as last time, well atleast i hope not. Its her loss because i know im a good person.

 

he did the same thing too- he wanted to see me but he just "didn"t know". Its one thing to be accomodating its another thing when you slowly ease into the role of doormat. And he broke up with me right when I voiced my opinions that I was being taken for granted.

 

You are better person because you TRIED.

[Chi townD]

Christ on a Bike...

 

HEADSHED!!!! Here we go again, dude!!! I'm going to quote a very famous spanish philosopher named George Santayana who once wrote this in The Life of Reason Vol.1, Reason in common sense 1905-06. He wrote:

 

"Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it."

 

So, anytime she texts you? Read the quote. Anytime the phone rings and it's her number? Read the quote. Anytime she comes around your house? Dive under the kitchen table and read the quote...

 

It's starting all over again.