decided to break up

[headsashed]

he did the same thing too- he wanted to see me but he just "didn"t know". Its one thing to be accomodating its another thing when you slowly ease into the role of doormat. And he broke up with me right when I voiced my opinions that I was being taken for granted.

 

You are better person because you TRIED.

 

I tried yes,tirelessly,not that it did any good,she took me for granted,she got me to become that doormat again and i blame myself for letting her,its killing me but ive only got myself to blame.

[gibson]

I tried yes,tirelessly,not that it did any good,she took me for granted,she got me to become that doormat again and i blame myself for letting her,its killing me but ive only got myself to blame.

 

Stop degrading yourself and look / focus on the positives!

 

You decided to give her another opportunity and she didn't meet her end of the bargain. After a short amount of time, you decided to call it quits.

 

This is a good first step and something you should be very proud of!

 

Your problem...

 

Fall in love with yourself!

 

Your self-worth, self-respect, dignity, approval, boundaries, identity, validation, etc. should come from WITHIN!

 

Focus all of your time, effort and energy on this! There are 1,000's of books on this or better yet, go see a professional to help you along in this journey. It will be LIFE CHANGING!

 

Once you do this...

 

You will change the "playlist" (what you are saying about yourself to yourself) in your head. You will learn the benefit, value and the power of Boundaries and holding yourself and others accountable to them will not be something you have to think about or struggle with again.

 

Once you fall in love with yourself...

 

You will never again welcome, allow, tolerate or agree to let ANYONE to mistreat, use, abuse, disrespect, etc. you again.

[headsashed]

hi chi town,i didnt see your post,sorry lol,but i love that quote,its so true.

gibson,your right,so right,the problem which has always been the problem is me,from within myself,i used her to make myself happy,feel good etc,instead of being happy from within myself. I honestly think thats my main problem and has been for a very long time.

 

Ive read some of my older posts and i see where i was layed back when we reconciled and let her do the work,it worked and thats because i felt i owned myself again,its only been the past month or so since its all gone down hill and thats when ive switched back to my old self and let her own me again,if i had stayed strong,loved myself,treat myself etc then i know i wouldnt be in this situation,i would have walked away with my head held high.

 

Will the games start again chi town? who knows lol,i think too much has happend for the games to start all over again and she will just go do her own thing,sleep with random guys, but everytime i say that they do lol. I have had 1 txt today from her saying she is really sorry but i made her make the decision to end it with me cos i wanted to see her yesterday after she returned from holiday ( she got bk at like 3pm ) . I havent replied nor do i intend to,i just think its stupid to switch the blame onto me,oh and i actually wanted to see her yesterday because i was ending it myself,she just never knew.

[Chi townD]

Wait...she pretty much told you that YOU forced her hand to end things because you wanted to see your girlfriend after she's been away for some time? Uh...huh...yeah, okay....LAME!!!!! I could have BOUGHT her a better excuse!! She must feel soooo empowered!!!

 

Yeah, the games have started. She was screwing around on holiday. You know it and I know it. Sooner or later (given her past) the guilt is gonna get to her and she's going to up the contacting. I mean, the relationship JUST ENDED and you've already gotten one text.....

[fetish1980]

Well headashed, i'm sorry for your pain. I guess you kind of took one for the team. I remember your story from 7-8 months ago and reading this story makes me kind of happy i chose not to go back with my ex.

 

Your ex seems to really want you for empowerment and control. When she's feeling lonely, she has to have it from somewhere. That's why she comes off charming at first, then she flip flops back to her old self.

 

What's done is done! Yeah, feel crappy for a few days then suck it up and get out there and start dating. I'm not saying that you need to rely on someone else to make you feel better about yourself, but sometimes it really does help to kickstart yourself in to gear towards getting past it.

 

I personally don't think she's going to have much luck in finding happiness elsewhere. She seems to feed off power and control too much and doesn't even really seem to have a stronghold on her own life and what she wants.

[headsashed]

chi town i honestly think she did something on holiday,ive even asked her lol,obviousley she said no but i think otherwise,i mean,why else would you not want to see your bf after a week on holiday. Being tired is a pathetic excuse,ill try remember the txts from that day lol,she started off txting me when she landed and it was all normal stuff,then i saw her about an hour later in the car heading home and she waved and smiled,like all was normal right? bear in mind she had stopped replyin to my txts after an hour. 2 hours later i had a funny feeling something werent right plus i wanted to see her to end it like adults,here goes:

 

me: btw i got some work of ******

her: eh?

me: my last txt u didnt reply to about work.

her: ok

me: you dont seem very talkative

her: im tired

me: i take it im not seeing you today then

her: dunno

me: something aint right

her:what u mean?

me: i didnt see you too much before u went away and you go away for a week and still dont want to see me

her: im tired and im working for the next 9 days

me: so really i wont see much of you then

her: dunno

me: well something aint right,just be honest with me

her: about what

me: well u dont want to see me after not seeing me for a week,to me u either dont care or something happend on holiday

her: im tired and nothing happend on holiday but think what you want

me: hmm,u just need to be honest with me

her: ok then,i dont think its working

me: ok,if thats case then end things if you want

her: ive tried to make it work but its not working

me: so u make all those to plans with me before u go on holiday and act normal while on holiday then come back,dont wanna see me then tell me its not working,i think something has happend,so end it then

her: ok its not working so lets end it then:

me: ok

 

thats basically how it went,then i got that txt yesterday,it went something like this,i really am sorry,i didnt want to end it but you made me make up my mind when you wanted to see me,i really am sorry.

 

The least she could have done was see me in person and say it,oh and i remember abit of another txt,she said she had been thinking it for a while now,to me she has 100% cheated.

 

Life goes on now,no matter how hard its going to be,i slept a little better last night but had the worst dream ive ever had about her,i felt like crying this morning but i didnt,i just jumped out of bed and sorted myself out.

[Chi townD]

Yeah...just read the text convo. Yeah, something happened. Look at all the one to two word responses. Of course she would break up with you over text. If she did it face to face, she knows that you know her well enough to figure out when she's lying. Hard to tell when it's through text.

 

So, now I don;t need to tell you what you need to do next. But, I will anyway

 

HARD NC!!!! COMPLETELY DARK!!!! Don't answer a damned thing!

[headsashed]

Its going for be hard nc for me,im actually being helped out with nc too cos my phone should be cut off at some point today.well,outgoing calls and txts,so i cant contact her if i wanted to,pplus facebook im blocked on lol. Ive not heard a thing off her today so thats a good start too,i know its gonna be a long hard road but i know ill get through it in the end.

[fetish1980]

I don't know if you saw my last msg but this would be a perfect time to get out there, start dating, and forget about her. Hoping you didn't allow your emotions to get too wrapped up in this retry. Even though you were planning on ending it, i still know how you feel for her being the one to do it.

 

Anytime a text message goes with those nonchalant, one-word answers, that usually means they've checked out of the relationship. It's no longer about listening to you or fulfilling your desires. She was a complete b%%ch about it. I feel your mistake was waiting on her to do it. Maybe you didn't want to break it off because you were too scared to or thought you'd feel guilty later on, I don't know.

 

Your only option to keep your dignity at this point is cold turkey. Don't even reply to her messages or any breadcrumbs she will throw at you. Let her realize how valuable you are and let her feel the pain of losing you.

 

fetish

[headsashed]

thanx fetish,i didnt see your last post,sorry,i didnt put too much emotion in at 1st but once it seemed to be going downhill i did,i was tryin to make it work. Im not so fussed about her ending it but it gets to me that i believe she cheated and thats why she ended it,broken promises etc. As for 1 word txts,ive done many of those to her when im angry or something but i know what you mean,that convo i posted early isnt 100% accurate but its nearly there,she did put a few 1 word txts in,so did i tbh. Im going cold turkey too,its my only option.

 

Ive just been for a few drinks at my local.her brother works there and i get on well with him,so get this,as he served me i said to him i take it you have heard about me and ur sister,he looked confused,so i told him we had split up,he then told me he didnt know we was back together,wtf,ive been goin to hers alot since january lol,so i said well didnt u know since ive been at yours all the time,he then said "thought you would have taken the hint". omg,even he knew lol,on my walk home i saw the horrible 1 drive past so i just put my head down and didnt acknowledge her,was esier than looking at her lol.

[gibson]

You said you were going to stop contacting her or responding to her and you sure enough within hours of you saying that you get into it with her about what she did or didn't do on her vacation.

 

Then you go to a place where your Ex's brother works and talk to him about his sister. "thought you would have taken the hint" Even her own brother thinks there is something wrong with you.

 

Do you really need this to get so bad and messy that cops and restraining orders have to come into play to save you from yourself?

 

Seriously... It's time for you to get some professional help with this situation.

[headsashed]

You said you were going to stop contacting her or responding to her and you sure enough within hours of you saying that you get into it with her about what she did or didn't do on her vacation.

 

Then you go to a place where your Ex's brother works and talk to him about his sister. "thought you would have taken the hint" Even her own brother thinks there is something wrong with you.

 

Do you really need this to get so bad and messy that cops and restraining orders have to come into play to save you from yourself?

 

Seriously... It's time for you to get some professional help with this situation.

 

 

i havent been in contact with her,that conversation was from the day we broke up,as for goin to the place where her brother works,well its my local and i didnt know he would be working,yes i spoke to him about her but it was just passing coversation,nothing else,what i posted above was literally all that was said between me and him.

[headsashed]

am i misssing something here? i havent spoken to her since we broke up,that convo i posted was the convo when we broke up,not after. Yes i spoke to her brother at the pub,hes a decent guy and i didnt know he was working. Restraining order and cops? you really think im that bad,ive done nothing at all since we broke up,ive not spoke to her or anything. So in my eyes im doing nothing wrong am i? unless im missing something here.

[Chi townD]

Nah, I get it. You conveyed your break up conversation and the interaction with the brother. Which is fine, because it sounds like the brother and her don't talk much.

 

Just stay NC and make changes in your life. NO CONTACT FROM THIS POINT ON!! HARD NC!

[headsashed]

Ive been NC since tuesday when we broke up,my ex and her brother dont really talk much tbh,i plan on staying NC till its all over and done with,as much as im hurting theres no way am i gonna feel as bad as i did back in september - january.

[headsashed]

So the truth came out,she slept with someone while on holiday,an holiday rep,her friend told me today,out of the blue i got a msg of facebook telling me i deserve bettter cos my ex cheated on me with an holiday rep.

 

Whats funny is that i feel no different,im not hurting nothing near as bad as last time,ive had 2 crappy days since we split up and the rest ive been pretty ok,ive slept and ate ok,either its not sunk in yet or im just not botherd?

[headsashed]

Im not feel too bad today considering everything,maybe im just in denial or something.

 

Anyway,ill explain a little more from my last post. Yesterday her friend sent me a message on facebook saying basically that i deserve better and that my now ex cheated on me on holiday,i replied and said thanks and that i had a feeling she had anyway,she then sent me her phone number and said ring her,so i did. She told me that she rung my now ex the day she got back from holiday and thats when she told her she had slept with this holiday rep,i asked her why she is telling me all this because she is supposed to be my ex's friend,all she said was she isnt really much of a friend,just the way she acts is horrible and i thought you had a right to know. We had good conversation after that about life in general,was actually a good conversation and we have decided to keep intouch,as friends ofcourse.

 

Around 7pm last night my ex txt me and said she was calling to mine after work to pick her things up,not theres much anyway,so what did i do? grabbed my wallett and went to the pub lol,no way was i staying in. Around 8ish she rang me and i didnt answer,then i got a txt saying she was at mine,i never replied. An hour or so later she was txting again sayin we need to talk,i never replied because ive nothing to talk about. At 6am she sent another txt saying if i want to get my own back then thats upto me......WTF,ive ignored everything,i dont want to get my own back,i just want to get on with my life.

[headsashed]

She has nothing of mine,ive only got a few things of hers which tbh she doesnt even need so theres no point in meeting her for anything. If i do ever bump into her then ill show no weakness,i think her doing this has made me realise things and become stronger towards her,if she wants to be an immature little girl that sleeps about then thats her problem,not mine anymore. Im just gonna continue to ignore anything she throws me way,its pointless and stupid reacting to someone like her.

[headsashed]

Well if your determined to stick to that course of action good for you. Give her stuff to her brother and then send her a text saying you dropped the stuff off with him and that you never want to hear from her again under any circumstances..Job done, move on..

 

Im sticking to it,if i wanted i could just drop her things off at hers after 8pm tonight cos i know she has gone to work,i could txt her annd say that but she wont listen,she never has done,so its probably just easier to not txt her and just ignore anything she ever says to me. I just dont understand why im not feeling that bad,i should be in tears and everything.

[headsashed]

Yup it was only my ego,its actually better its ended this way because i can finally see her for who she really is,shes the total opposite of the girl i fell inlove with and she will never ever change. In the end its her loss,i know im a good person with a good heart but i do have issues of my own to deal with which this relationship has shown me,like emotional immaturity,i have to learn. Maybe this was just a stepping stone in my life that was meant as a lesson to learn from to become the man i need to be if im to live a successful and happy life.

[Chi townD]

Pack up all of her stuff and throw it in a box, then drop it off at her place when you know she's not going to be there. Then, that's it. You took away one of her excuses to continue to contact you.

[Chi townD]

I just dont understand why im not feeling that bad,i should be in tears and everything.

 

 

Because you know it was coming! It was only a matter of WHEN! You've emotionally prepared yourself for this possibility. Or perphaps, you're just done getting hurt by her.

[headsashed]

Because you know it was coming! It was only a matter of WHEN! You've emotionally prepared yourself for this possibility. Or perphaps, you're just done getting hurt by her.

 

I am hurting,but not that much,i was preparing myself for this and i hope your right that ive done getting hurt by her. The only thing that gets to me is i always tried,i never cheated or anything and this is what i got done to me,just hope my next gf appreciates it more than my horrible immature ex

[headsashed]

omg,she just turned up at my house,i was sat reading this forum having a cuppa and she walked straight in,i only said 1 thing "get the f**k out", she just said ive come for my stuff,so i gave her them and just told her never to come again,she said dont worry i wont be coming again,then slammed my door and left,all she had here was 18 cigerettes in a packet and an old freeview box,that was her that said she doesnt want her stuff. Pathetic to say the least. Atleast now she has no reason to come ever again.

[Chi townD]

I am hurting,but not that much,i was preparing myself for this and i hope your right that ive done getting hurt by her. The only thing that gets to me is i always tried,i never cheated or anything and this is what i got done to me,just hope my next gf appreciates it more than my horrible immature ex

 

 

Dude, there is 7 billion people in this world, and a lot of them are girls. Don't get hung up on one that treats you like complete dirt. It's safe to assume that she's aware that you know what happened during her holiday. I have to admit, I was a bit surprised at the size of her balls for showing up at your place given that the only things she had at your place was a pack of stale cigarettes and a freeview box (whatever the hell that is).

 

I said this months ago and I'm going to say this again. She's not done. You won't hear from her for a while, but she will contact you again. OR you see that she's driving by your place a lot. By the way, I hope you've blocked her on your FB, set up a different e-mail account and deactivated you old account. And finally, change your phone number. Heal and move on. Travel and meet people.