Author headsashed Posted May 24, 2012 Author Share Posted May 24, 2012 Im sure that if she does keep contacting me then there will be times where ill get the urge to reply,but i know i wont,ive been there before and look where its got me. She has no limits,no nothing,she just doesnt care aslong as she can smile,im defo not down for that. I know she has been putting statuses on facebook to try get at me,friends have told me so,but i havent bit at all,it just shows her immaturity,ive also told these friends that id rather not know what shes putting because i just want to move on with my life now. Atleast now im acting mature about things and doing what is best for me,she will self destruct in time and i will do the opposite,ill be happy once again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Im sure that if she does keep contacting me then there will be times where ill get the urge to reply,but i know i wont,ive been there before and look where its got me. She has no limits,no nothing,she just doesnt care aslong as she can smile,im defo not down for that. I know she has been putting statuses on facebook to try get at me,friends have told me so,but i havent bit at all,it just shows her immaturity,ive also told these friends that id rather not know what shes putting because i just want to move on with my life now. Atleast now im acting mature about things and doing what is best for me,she will self destruct in time and i will do the opposite,ill be happy once again. Good for you! And good for you for instilling boundaries with your friends in terms of keeping all information about her away from you. Keep posting here to vent or if you have an urge. I think you're going to be alright, H 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author headsashed Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 I think ill get there in the end geegirl,ive had a small confidence boost too,BUT maybe im wrong for doing so,i dunno lol. Ive been registered on this dating website for many years,way before me and my ex got together. My friend is also on this site and he's been using it alot so i thought ill give it a try and try talk to new people. So last night i went on and i got a message off this woman,attractive,more my age and has a good career,we was talking for hours and it got to like 3am and i told her i had to go as i was super tired,ive checked my messages this morning and she wants to carry on talking with me. We had a good chat about everything really,just not my ex. Im not planning on meeting this girl or anything like that because its way too soon for me,ive only been single just over a week but it just felt so good that she messaged me and i was constantly making her laugh and she actually wants to carry on talking. Im not going to use her or anything like that either. Am i doing wrong for chatting to this girl so soon? i dont really feel guilty or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) I think ill get there in the end geegirl,ive had a small confidence boost too,BUT maybe im wrong for doing so,i dunno lol. Ive been registered on this dating website for many years,way before me and my ex got together. My friend is also on this site and he's been using it alot so i thought ill give it a try and try talk to new people. So last night i went on and i got a message off this woman,attractive,more my age and has a good career,we was talking for hours and it got to like 3am and i told her i had to go as i was super tired,ive checked my messages this morning and she wants to carry on talking with me. We had a good chat about everything really,just not my ex. Im not planning on meeting this girl or anything like that because its way too soon for me,ive only been single just over a week but it just felt so good that she messaged me and i was constantly making her laugh and she actually wants to carry on talking. Im not going to use her or anything like that either. Am i doing wrong for chatting to this girl so soon? i dont really feel guilty or anything. Personally, I believe that if you want to heal and you want to fully focus on yourself, the attention should be solely on you. There will be time for you to engage with the opposite sex when you're whole again. Getting on a dating site is a form of filling a void, masking the pain because of your need to feel desired and validated. Now someone pays you attention, it almost makes you forget about your ex and what's ahead of you. You feel wanted again. It eases the pain. Again, hiding away from what you need to be focusing on and that is finding you again. You're looking outward, not inward. You mentioned that you're not complete and and that you're not fully there to present a confident and strong H to another woman, not at this time, so why is there a need to be on a dating site engaging with the opposite sex knowing that you're not able to give anyone anything at this point in your life? And what happens if at this vulnerable time, you attach to this woman and she in time rejects you. You've not only failed to heal from your first breakup, but now you're affected by someone else. And when you're hurting this way, you cannot make good choices for yourself emotionally. Your heart is still doing your thinking. It's making your choices. The heart never makes good choices when it is wounded. You have to heal and when you do, your brain takes over and that is when you are emotionally and mentally sound enough to make right choices for yourself. At this point, even if you have someone with a dozen red flags standing infront of you, you'll ignore because you will emotionally latch on to escape. If you truly want to get H back and be the person that you want to be, then no one gets in until you take care of you. If I were you, I would deactivate the dating site, and give yourself at least 6 months to focus all your energies on you. If after that you want to get out there again, great. But you're broken right now and it's not fair to those that legitimately want to find a healthy partner on a dating site and not someone that is still hurting from the pain of a recent ending. Whether it's just for fun or not, you don't know how this will escalate or where it will go so the best thing is to avoid anything that can derail you and just turn the attention and focus back to you. Edited May 25, 2012 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) If some unknown woman gave you a confidence boost, it is obvious that you need to feel desired and validated as I said earlier on. It has nothing to do with confidence. Your confidence should be cultivated by YOU and for yourself, and it's something that you should feel from within. You don't get it from external sources but more so finding belief in yourself again. She doesn't even know you and you've given her that much power to instill confidence in you. You're mistaking confidence with dependence. Edited May 25, 2012 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
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