Narcissistic Injury...what now?

[dsw31]

This is a serious question. (hypothetically speaking)

 

 

When a narcissist suffers a terrible narcissistic injury & wants to get help, how should they proceed?

 

Therapy?, Psychologist?, Psychiatrist? Psychotherapist? Counselling?

 

And then what?

 

The narcissist will not believe that someone else is smarter or right.

 

If they do happen to meet a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc., that they actually respect, they'll most likely begin to develop romatic feelings, or shut down when it takes serious work on their part & won't be able to continue

 

 

Can a narcissist heal themselves if they're self aware?

[TaraMaiden]

Is this the same scenario as your bipolar ex-?

Are we talking about the same person?

 

A narcissist is a narcissist to everyone else but themselves.

to themselves - they're perfect - everyone else is flawed.

[threebyfate]

What's a narcissistic injury?

 

If you're talking about self-mutilation, that's more borderline personality disorder behaviour.

[dsw31]

Is this the same scenario as your bipolar ex-?

Are we talking about the same person?

 

A narcissist is a narcissist to everyone else but themselves.

to themselves - they're perfect - everyone else is flawed.

 

Ok...I'm going to be completely honest (since this is an annonynous forum)

 

We are talking about me.

 

And it's actually a myth that a narcissist thinks they are perfect.They have very deep seeded insecurities so they put on an act & charm people into giving them supply.

 

It's very rare to see a narc get help until they have a serious narcissistic blow.I just had mine.Realizing that my ex has either Bipolar or BPD makes me realize that this is totally out of my hands now.Knowing that I can not manipulate this situation in my favor is crushing!

 

Also just so all know-Bipolar/BPD/Narcs are always attracted to each other

 

The BPD/Bipolar partner will always "win" because they have all the power in this kind of toxic relationship

[threebyfate]

Did you self-diagnose or were you diagnosed by a professional?

[dsw31]

I self diagnosed but this is something I've been aware of ever since I can remember.

 

Here's an example of what I did today

 

I've been sad all day & had a good cry in my car, on the way over to go run an errand.

I was literally feeling pitiful all day, & then the minute I had to interact with people, I transformed in a funny, charming, charismatic person.Five people crowded around me & we joked & laughed.I felt like they were my puppets.Made me feel ok for a bit & then back to my reality...I can't make my ex love me.

 

I am dead inside.

[TaraMaiden]

This isn't narcissism.

This is normal.

everybody has a persona, a mask they put on to face the public.

I am not the same person I am at work, as when I'm with family.

you put on a 'front', a layer which opens up to people in an amiable and sociable, gregarious way - but in reality, they're not seeing the real you.

that's not their privilege.

 

Everyone does this.

[threebyfate]

Do yourself a favour. Get a professional opinion.

 

With most personality disorders, emotionally healthy individuals will display similar behaviours. It's more about degrees of the symptoms instead of the behaviours themselves.

[TaraMaiden]

Do yourself a favour. Get a professional opinion.

 

With most personality disorders, emotionally healthy individuals will display similar behaviours. It's more about degrees of the symptoms instead of the behaviours themselves.

Quite so.

You feel you're going to a narcissistic extreme, but in fact, I would be prepared to bet that it's just because your emotions are at an edge right now.

Everything is magnified because of your break up.

So you're bound to see the contrast as being a disorder when in fact, it's normal for someone in your situation to behave and feel like this.

not everything has a label.

[dsw31]

Quite so.

You feel you're going to a narcissistic extreme, but in fact, I would be prepared to bet that it's just because your emotions are at an edge right now.

Everything is magnified because of your break up.

So you're bound to see the contrast as being a disorder when in fact, it's normal for someone in your situation to behave and feel like this.

not everything has a label.

 

I don't think you guys get it.This is real narcisissm.I literally consider people objects & don't care how it affects them.I have even outsmarted grown ups since I was a child.

I can not be in a healthy relationship because it bores me.

I appreciate you guys telling me that this is normal but I know it's not.

It has just never bothered me before because it's how I thrive.

Now that I've experienced this injury, I am devastated & really want help but

I honestly don't feel like there is a professional that I can actually respect

(Except Dr Drew Pinsky) I admire him

[TaraMaiden]

I don't think you guys get it.This is real narcisissm.I literally consider people objects & don't care how it affects them.I have even outsmarted grown ups since I was a child.

I can not be in a healthy relationship because it bores me.

I appreciate you guys telling me that this is normal but I know it's not.

It has just never bothered me before because it's how I thrive.

Now that I've experienced this injury, I am devastated & really want help but

I honestly don't feel like there is a professional that I can actually respect

(Except Dr Drew Pinsky) I admire him

 

Fine, ok.

Maybe we don't get it.

It's unsafe and risky to make assumptions based on self-diagnosis - however, let us assume you're right....

 

When a narcissist suffers a terrible narcissistic injury & wants to get help, how should they proceed?

 

Therapy?, Psychologist?, Psychiatrist? Psychotherapist? Counselling?

you seem to not wish to pursue this avenue, due to your admitted lack of respect for anyone in these professions....

 

And then what?

The narcissist will not believe that someone else is smarter or right.

....so that would definitely eliminate that option then.

 

If they do happen to meet a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc., that they actually respect, they'll most likely begin to develop romatic feelings, or shut down when it takes serious work on their part & won't be able to continue

Wouldn't a narcissist actually believe that therapist is developing romantic feelings for their narcissistic client?

And that's a serious question.

If you don't care enough about people to consider their feelings, why would this possibility bother you?

You might respect the therapist professionally, but wouldn't you disregard any emotional involvement?

 

 

Can a narcissist heal themselves if they're self aware?

well that depends....if they really want to, anyone can do anything.

[dsw31]

Fine, ok.

Maybe we don't get it.

It's unsafe and risky to make assumptions based on self-diagnosis - however, let us assume you're right....

 

 

you seem to not wish to pursue this avenue, due to your admitted lack of respect for anyone in these professions....

 

 

....so that would definitely eliminate that option then.

 

 

Wouldn't a narcissist actually believe that therapist is developing romantic feelings for their narcissistic client?

And that's a serious question.

If you don't care enough about people to consider their feelings, why would this possibility bother you?

You might respect the therapist professionally, but wouldn't you disregard any emotional involvement?

 

 

well that depends....if they really want to, anyone can do anything.

 

To answer your serious question...yes they will believe it, if it's really true.

 

Narcs are masters at picking up on other people's emotions.

 

It would not bother me to have or recieve romatic feelings from a professional,I just know once the Dr realizes it-the sessions must end immediately.

 

This actually happens frequently.I think it's because ALOT of professionals are actually higher performing Narcs/Bipolar/Borderlines themselves & like I said before-They are magnets to each other.

 

 

Thanks for the kind words & for not judging me.

[TaraMaiden]

Darling, I'm playing pseudo-mum to a young trans-gender with suicidal tendencies, my H. is passive-aggressive and has anger issues, and my daughter is bisexual.

what's to judge?

[whichwayisup]

I don't think you guys get it.This is real narcisissm.I literally consider people objects & don't care how it affects them.I have even outsmarted grown ups since I was a child.

I can not be in a healthy relationship because it bores me.

I appreciate you guys telling me that this is normal but I know it's not.

It has just never bothered me before because it's how I thrive.

Now that I've experienced this injury, I am devastated & really want help but

I honestly don't feel like there is a professional that I can actually respect

(Except Dr Drew Pinsky) I admire him

 

Not kidding here, but why not try to contact him and see if he'll help you? I do hope you get help, it seems like you want to change and rid of some insecurities you have inside.

 

It's very rare to see a narc get help until they have a serious narcissistic blow.I just had mine.

 

I've been sad all day & had a good cry in my car, on the way over to go run an errand.

I was literally feeling pitiful all day, & then the minute I had to interact with people, I transformed in a funny, charming, charismatic person.Five people crowded around me & we joked & laughed.I felt like they were my puppets.Made me feel ok for a bit & then back to my reality...I can't make my ex love me.

 

I am dead inside.

 

So the above is the N injury you suffered? Realized that your ex s gone and you cannot get her back, control her etc?

 

I googled N injury and came up with this.

What is Narcissism: narcissistic injury

[Exit]

Reading this thread is making me feel like a narcissist! I think the biggest thing that keeps me thinking about my ex 6 months down the road is that I "lost", it's the injury to my ego that hurts the most, not actually missing or loving this person. And I went to therapy for a few months and by the time I was done I was probably starting to think that me and the doc wanted to bang each other. LOL!

[gaius]

I can tell from your posts here you aren't a narcissist. Big ego yes, manipulative yes, narcissist no. Sorry to disappoint!

 

If you think you need to explore your issues in therapy and are afraid of falling in love just get a female therapist. I highly doubt it will do anything to solve your problems but it might give you tools that are helpful to better understand yourself.

[Taramere]

I don't think you guys get it.This is real narcisissm.I literally consider people objects & don't care how it affects them.

 

Lack of empathy doesn't automatically mean you should diagnose yourself as being narcissistic. You might enjoy reading Zero Degrees of Empathy by Simon Baron Cohen (yes - he is related to Borat, but don't let that put you off). It considers various temperaments or conditions in which lack of empathy features. As extreme as psychopathy (lack of empathy, lack of conscience) or in some cases autism.

 

One person can't gift empathy to another. Some people who lack empathy might be fascinated by a counsellor who seems to have a great deal of empathy, because that counsellor becomes somebody they can use as a model. Learn to mimic them in order to fake empathy successfully (for social relationships, work purposes etc). I'm not sure who that benefits in the long run.

 

If you lack empathy then the important thing is to learn how this can cause problems in your relationships, and how to manage those problems. Believing that somebody (a counsellor, lover, friend etc) could magically instill you with that sense of connecting with/caring about others seems like a recipe for disappointment. Both for you and for them.

 

It would be like trying to gift a 100% unmusical person with a love of music....or somebody who has no sense of smell with an enjoyment of a particular perfume. Somebody who lacks empathy is automatically bringing a serious problem to their relationships, because any emotional connection others think they have with you is just a lie.

 

I personally think it's much better that people who lack empathy - and who rarely, if ever, connect emotionally with others be straightforward about it. Focus and build on other strengths they could bring to a relationship - rather than enlisting the futile efforts of others to help them chase this mythical pot of empathy at the bottom of a rainbow.

 

Of course a lot of people are not going to want a relationship with you if you lack empathy...but there might be others out there who value other things more highly. Things that you can bring to the table with some effort. Whether somehow along the way you will suddenly discover a sense of empathy and connection with other living things that you didn't have before....who can say?

 

I believe, though, that if you book a counselling session with the belief that counselling is going to bring you 100% to life, you're likely to be solely disappointed.

[dsw31]

I can tell from your posts here you aren't a narcissist. Big ego yes, manipulative yes, narcissist no. Sorry to disappoint!

 

If you think you need to explore your issues in therapy and are afraid of falling in love just get a female therapist. I highly doubt it will do anything to solve your problems but it might give you tools that are helpful to better understand yourself.

 

Gaius...

 

I got the vibe that I like you,from your posts (ever consider the fact that you might be one?) lol.

 

But seriously, I'm not here to try to convince you guys that I am one.I know I am.

 

I might try a female therapist but I don't think I'll respect one.I'll know I can outsmart her.

[dsw31]

Lack of empathy doesn't automatically mean you should diagnose yourself as being narcissistic. You might enjoy reading Zero Degrees of Empathy by Simon Baron Cohen (yes - he is related to Borat, but don't let that put you off). It considers various temperaments or conditions in which lack of empathy features. As extreme as psychopathy (lack of empathy, lack of conscience) or in some cases autism.

 

One person can't gift empathy to another. Some people who lack empathy might be fascinated by a counsellor who seems to have a great deal of empathy, because that counsellor becomes somebody they can use as a model. Learn to mimic them in order to fake empathy successfully (for social relationships, work purposes etc). I'm not sure who that benefits in the long run.

 

If you lack empathy then the important thing is to learn how this can cause problems in your relationships, and how to manage those problems. Believing that somebody (a counsellor, lover, friend etc) could magically instill you with that sense of connecting with/caring about others seems like a recipe for disappointment. Both for you and for them.

 

It would be like trying to gift a 100% unmusical person with a love of music....or somebody who has no sense of smell with an enjoyment of a particular perfume. Somebody who lacks empathy is automatically bringing a serious problem to their relationships, because any emotional connection others think they have with you is just a lie.

 

I personally think it's much better that people who lack empathy - and who rarely, if ever, connect emotionally with others be straightforward about it. Focus and build on other strengths they could bring to a relationship - rather than enlisting the futile efforts of others to help them chase this mythical pot of empathy at the bottom of a rainbow.

 

Of course a lot of people are not going to want a relationship with you if you lack empathy...but there might be others out there who value other things more highly. Things that you can bring to the table with some effort. Whether somehow along the way you will suddenly discover a sense of empathy and connection with other living things that you didn't have before....who can say?

 

I believe, though, that if you book a counselling session with the belief that counselling is going to bring you 100% to life, you're likely to be solely disappointed.

 

Thanks for the book recomendation Taramere!

I will give it a look.

I honestly don't believe counselling will help me either.Maybe what I'm looking for,from the doctor, are anti depressants to get me feeling normal.I can mimic empathy with the best of them.I'm just desperate for some kind of help because I feel dead.

Edited May 11, 2012 by dsw31

[xxoo]

I might try a female therapist but I don't think I'll respect one.I'll know I can outsmart her.

 

That's what you'll tell yourself, as reason to not see a female therapist, and instead see a male therapist where you have more illusion of control (perceiving attraction, whether it is there or not).

 

Perception and reality are not the same.

[dsw31]

Ok...

 

Maybe you guys are on to something.

 

I'm not sure if being with a Bipolar/BPD/NPD has actually made me crazy?

 

Or if I may actually have Bipolar/BPD/NPD?

 

I know I have most of the NPD traits but, never really realized how much my moods go up & down.

 

Learning about this disorder has been a bit too much to take, emotionally.

 

Like today... I am having the worst depression I have ever experienced.I am finding it so hard to be at work, had moments of uncontrollable crying, & I literally had a few moments where I felt like my brain is on top of my head.

 

I know it sounds nuts but that's the best way to describe it.

 

Today would have been the 3 year anniversary of the first date with my ex.

 

It made me realize that during this time of year, he's having his mania.He's out there acting like a cassanova having sex with all kinds of women.Probably not thinking about me at all.

 

I have decided to really seek some kind of professional help.

 

I'm not sure that talking it out will help but, I'm looking for a real diagnosis to see if I have Bipolar/BPD/NPD or any combination of them.I know I'm depressed for sure .I'd like to see if medication should be my next route.I am afraid of taking the meds though..

 

Does anyone know if I should be visiting a therapist? Psychologist, psychiatrist,Psychotherapist? Etc??

[TaraMaiden]

Does anyone know if I should be visiting a therapist? Psychologist, psychiatrist,Psychotherapist? Etc??

I would, in your shoes, be seeking a referral or recommendation from my doctor.

[dsw31]

Ok, thanks Tara!

 

Do you think it's sufficient enough to say that I've been experiencing depression?

 

Or do you think I need to mention the possibility of personality disorder stuff?

[TaraMaiden]

I think in the genuine interest of helping what ails you, you could do both.

 

The more info your Doc has, the more comprehensively s/he may be able to help.....

[2sunny]

It's best if you have a professional assessment.

 

Research shows most narcissistic behavior doesn't respond to therapy very well.

 

But it's best to find out what your issues are.

 

Don't give up finding solutions.

 

Try emdr therapy - that may help?