echoparkdude Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 First of all, I have to admit that I am a jealous boyfriend. I get very jealous when my girlfriend compliments other guys. Even though I know I have nothing to worry about. How can I stop being so jealous? Some examples. I get a little bit jealous when she compliments movie stars like Clooney. Maybe I'm feeling a little bit insecure because I am not white, why does she loves these white guys. She's white, btw. I get jealous of all her ex-boyfriends just because they came before me. I get jealous of her 23 year old cousin because she thinks he's really fun and gets excited when she talks about him. How can I stop being so irrationally jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Chill the f*ck out before you lose her. Dude, you're being jealous over movie stars and her cousin?! Trust her until she gives you a reason not to. You've GOT to deal with these issues. You'll realize that as you age, that stuff doesn't matter as much. Because the bottom line is that if they *wanna* do it, they'll do it, no matter how jealous or possesive you are! Lose the thoughts before you end up losing the girl. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 First, let me say that I do understand your feeling of irrational jealousy. Sometimes when we love someone, we can't control ourselves and worry ourselves to death about non-existant problems. Try talking yourself through your jealousy. When you start to get jealous you can start listing all the ways that your GF makes you feel good. List to yourself all the evidence you have that she loves you. You could even have a Mantra to repeat in your head like "(her name) loves me and wouldn't hurt me." Or something. Just an idea. Try to control your feelings, because you don't want to lose her over your irrational thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 I agree with HoldOn and Tikibrandy about trying to control your feelings. As long as her exes ...are just exes, and not a big part of her life anymore you don't really have to worry about them. Consider her cousin the way you'd consider one of her girlfriends....he's her cousin, not someone trying to hit on her And start commenting about female movie stars too. It will make you feel better and understand it's no big deal. I also like HoldOn's idea about listing to yourself all the ways she makes you feel loved whenever you are feeling irrationally jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Thanks Pyrranaste! I guess I have some experience in this matter. I used to have a horrible boyfriend who made me feel totally insignificant. If I questioned anything he did (Like forget to come home until morning), he made me feel like I had the problem. Also, he was a huge liar and manipulator. Anyway, I dated him for 3 years. Then we broke up and I was single for 2 years. I'm dating a wonderful guy now, but I have left over insecurities from the @$$hole. So, I just keep repeating to myself that "NewGuy is NOT the bogeyman, he's a good guy and he loves me." It helps prevent my mind from wandering into all the ways he could hurt me. Echo, don't lose a good girl because you can't control your feelings! Link to post Share on other sites
jmd28 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 and it's a hard thing to do!!! First I must refer you to my post "Insecurities and jealousy about porn are getting the best of me & making my life hell" found in the marriage section. My views to things vs opinionated others helped me to "see" what the problem was. Jealousy is something you cannot put an end to unless you go to the root of the source. Do you have insecurities about yourself in any way (i.e. self body image, or you're not good enough)? Or things that your GF has never made you feel, you just feel on your own, but apply it to your everyday life and relationship? I suggest you talk to her about your insecurities and admit them out loud so she can help you get through them. But realize too, that jealousy is something within your self that is going to take more on your part to get over than it is for your GF to help you get over. Sometimes voicing it is more real and easier to deal with than keeping it inside your head and letting the worst possible scenario go through your head every time you get jealous because it only makes you madder and more insecure. These thoughts and feelings will only get worse and intensify with time if you don't talk about them. Putting a halt to something small before it turns into something big will always have a positive result. Don't get me wrong though, some types of jealousy are completely normal and rational reactions. You just have to draw the line for yourself. And keep telling yourself when these jealous thoughts get too overwhelming, "She has given me no reason feel this way and she doesn't deserve my angry reaction." Then pull her aside and let her know whats going on right at that moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Babyface24 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 I have the same problem. I am very jealous of my gf. She is very beautiful. I dont even like other guys to look at her. I will mean-mug them. I also do not allow her to talk to any ex's. My thing is if she has been sexually active with any guy before me she cannot talk to. Guys know when they see a female they have been with you dont forget what you have done with them. I told her I dont even want to be where they are. I want to get over my jealousys. But it is hard though... Link to post Share on other sites
jmd28 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Babyface24, Question... Do you actually picture the sexual things you did with a past girl when you see her? Do old feelings spark up? This isn't going anywhere, I just thought I'd ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author echoparkdude Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 thanks for all the advice, it's pretty helpful and it's nice to hear different perspectives on things. in the end, i have to admit that i know all these things already. i know my jealousy is irrational since she hasn't done anything but i still can't stop feeling the way i do. you dont want to have it happen, you want to prevent it. and i want to stop making her angry by bringing up my jealousy. unlike other threads, i think it's nice that this thread finds a solution. i will take that mantra idea, thank you Holdon. My mantra: She loves me, she wouldn't hurt me. If she leaves, she'll leave and I love her so I'll let her go if she wanted to. It helps me. Link to post Share on other sites
Babyface24 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Yea... sometimes. As far as old feelings I dont have those any more. My thing is you have shared something with someone you tend to not forget. Specially guys. We never forget those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Unlucky In Love Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Echoparkdude, If you are not happy with your girlfriend's comments about other people, she may not be the right girl for you. I dated someone like this too. My ex-boyfriend used to always talk about his ex's and comment on people's butts and hollywood attresses bodies. I found it mildly offense at first, and really irritating over time. It let me know that he wasn't marriage material that's for sure. I think people should be sensitive to their partner's feelings about comments like this. If I were you, I would also start commenting on women the same way that she does men, as someone else said. You should also keep your eye out for a lady with better manners. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 "If you are not happy with your girlfriend's comments about other people, she may not be the right girl for you." ...I don't think that her comments are that insensitive. To talk about a movie star or your cousin should not be off limits. Echo admitted that he is overly jealous, so I think this girl is probably not doing anything wrong. I totally agree that each member of the couple should be sensitive to the other's feelings, but you can't completely block out members of the opposite sex, especially if it's your cousin! Echo, just remember your mantra and focus on the good things your gf says about you! Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Are you serious? Guys never forget what they've done with women? When they see a woman they've slept with, they remember exactly what it was like? When I run into an ex-boyfriend, I can not remember what it was like to be with them. It is all a blur. Though I do remember if it was good or not, I do not remember specifics or have sensations. Can any other guys give their 2 cents? Link to post Share on other sites
Babyface24 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Why do you think there is a double standard?? Cuz guys run their mouths when they are with other guys all the time. A woman is not going to spread that around like that specially when they are not in a relationship. Thats why I say a woman always gives more than she thinks she is giving when she has casual sex. Yea its wrong to give a girl a bad name on those circumstances but sad to say when you sex a loud mouth, depending on your area, your name is secretly mud. Guys brag on this stuff alll the time. Its inevitable. Guys never forget. They can describe everything. Whether bad or good it doesnt matter. Link to post Share on other sites
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