Working on Me, Choices and Consequences

[analystfromhell]

I've tried to keep a pretty complete thread of "what's up with that" going as things have twisted and turned in my marriage and the relationship with my wife. Since we've been with the new MC (around January) after the 1st one kind of gave up, I've been more positive and some inklings of admissions of dishonesty have come out from my wife. Not about the EA yet, but perhaps that's coming.

 

It's the "perhaps" element which is giving me pause. I've got pretty strong reasons to believe she still holds feelings and regret about her relationship with him and she's not exceptionally inspired by her relationship with me. We both have issues and here's the rub.

 

This is my second time around- no kids this time thankfully but all my bros/sis have divorced and are in second long-term relationship. My first one lasted 17 and this one has been 9 thus far. Since I've been pretty diligent about my IC, I've hopefully begun to address my own issues but while the current state of my marriage is both somewhat frustrating and unfulfilling for both of us, it's MUCH better than the first time round in terms of drama. So, how does one decide if it's worth staying where I am or moving on?

 

I realize I have issues and it's likely those will carry to any new relationship. I want to solve those regardless. Ending this one would leave me very sad and feeling like a relationship failure. It would also be somewhat touchy as we work for the same company though not together. I have no idea what the prospects for either my becoming someone who inspires her nor her doing that for me- in nearly a year of counseling I'm not sure how far we've come or can go- we certainly haven't gotten to full disclosure in the MC office or outside. She is a closed book most of the time and I think she feels I disregard her worth and opinions among other issues.

 

So, yes- these are answers I need to arrive at myself but I'd appreciate outside perspectives. The other people I can talk with IRL are too close to the issue I think.