My girlfriend going to Vegas. Long story.... Is it time to break up?!

[spice4life]

It makes a big difference as to why she hides her status if he is married or commited to another. That's why I asked why he posted in this forum. If he's not married then this should be posted in cheating flirting and jealousy or the dating forums.

 

Razraz, again, why are you posting this here? This is a forum for OW's and OM's involved in affairs.

[d'Arthez]

Razraz, again, why are you posting this here? This is a forum for OW's and OM's involved in affairs.

 

Since he is a first time poster, I assume it was a case of "I need to get this of my chest (and do not look where I have posted it)".

[razraz]

Since he is a first time poster' date=' I assume it was a case of "I need to get this of my chest (and do not look where I have posted it)".[/quote']

 

thats exactly what it was. I apologize for the wrong forum!

[razraz]

First of all a big thanks to all of you for your input. It's really good to see all opinions.

 

I logically understand she wants a vacation. I logically understand that vegas could be fun. The way I feel about it all is a different story tho.

 

I do trust her. I have to. I believe she won't cheat on me and this is something I have to believe.

Aside from cheating tho, there are situations in life that I think people in any kind of relationship should avoid as much as possible. I might be old fashion about this but I don't really want a drunk dude trying to pick up my girlfriend just because she's in a group of single ones.

At the same time I don't think she would want for that to happen to me either.

 

I know she might have been trying to fix things after numerous fights by offering to pay for me to go. I just think that it was a bit too late. It's not about my ego or anything. I simply believe in making effort.

 

When we started making plans for vacation it's not like i chose florida. We both thought it'd be a good idea. We both seemed to agree that it's pointless going to a party spot because we both go out here in Chicago and trust me we have both done our share of partying.

When it came to doing any kind of research about vacation for us, it was all me. After the whole vegas thing came up it was 300 websites about vegas events on memorial day etc etc. It just doesn't seem right.

 

I wouldn't even mind her going there if it wasn't for that constant talk about a relaxing vacation with me. I would be okay with it if it wasn't for the fact that Vegas is super expensive on memorial day and florida is simply cheaper.

I wouldn't be hurt in any way if she really couldn't afford to pay for the both of us. Just do something that actually shows she wants to go with me.

I hate how she goes shopping 2-3 times a week now for dresses, shoes etc because she's preparing for vegas. She got her hair done. This week she's doing 1000 extensions in her hair. Started a diet. It just makes me feel like crap.

 

What she said " I need to think about myself " just totally ****ed it all up for me.

I'm not ready to break things of with her. I don't really know what to say to her either.

Each time this was brought up it ended with an argument. Now I constantly have it in the back of my head.

I really would like for someone to give me an advice of how to explain any of this to her.

[wellwhynot]

First of all a big thanks to all of you for your input. It's really good to see all opinions.

 

I logically understand she wants a vacation. I logically understand that vegas could be fun. The way I feel about it all is a different story tho.

 

I do trust her. I have to. I believe she won't cheat on me and this is something I have to believe.

Aside from cheating tho, there are situations in life that I think people in any kind of relationship should avoid as much as possible. I might be old fashion about this but I don't really want a drunk dude trying to pick up my girlfriend just because she's in a group of single ones.

At the same time I don't think she would want for that to happen to me either.

 

I know she might have been trying to fix things after numerous fights by offering to pay for me to go. I just think that it was a bit too late. It's not about my ego or anything. I simply believe in making effort.

 

When we started making plans for vacation it's not like i chose florida. We both thought it'd be a good idea. We both seemed to agree that it's pointless going to a party spot because we both go out here in Chicago and trust me we have both done our share of partying.

When it came to doing any kind of research about vacation for us, it was all me. After the whole vegas thing came up it was 300 websites about vegas events on memorial day etc etc. It just doesn't seem right.

 

I wouldn't even mind her going there if it wasn't for that constant talk about a relaxing vacation with me. I would be okay with it if it wasn't for the fact that Vegas is super expensive on memorial day and florida is simply cheaper.

I wouldn't be hurt in any way if she really couldn't afford to pay for the both of us. Just do something that actually shows she wants to go with me.

I hate how she goes shopping 2-3 times a week now for dresses, shoes etc because she's preparing for vegas. She got her hair done. This week she's doing 1000 extensions in her hair. Started a diet. It just makes me feel like crap.

 

What she said " I need to think about myself " just totally ****ed it all up for me.

I'm not ready to break things of with her. I don't really know what to say to her either.

Each time this was brought up it ended with an argument. Now I constantly have it in the back of my head.

I really would like for someone to give me an advice of how to explain any of this to her.

Now you don't want her shopping or spending her money on herself either? Why wouldn't she need to think about herself, obviously you aren't? She offered to pay, you said no. I think you're upset becaues she has the money to do fun things and you don't.

I personally enjoy when I can afford to spend money on those I love, it's nice to be able to do that for someone, maybe she was feeling the same way and you turned her down. So then I'd be of a "well the heck with you then mentality and go spend some of it on me." And it does seem to be all about your ego, almost every point you've made points to that and you wanting things your way.

[d'Arthez]

I personally enjoy when I can afford to spend money on those I love, it's nice to be able to do that for someone, maybe she was feeling the same way and you turned her down.

I fail to see how an offer to lend OP the money can be seen as spending money on him. Mind you, it is an offer that came in existence only after many an acrimonious argument.

Edited May 12, 2012 by d'Arthez

[razraz]

Now you don't want her shopping or spending her money on herself either? Why wouldn't she need to think about herself, obviously you aren't? She offered to pay, you said no. I think you're upset becaues she has the money to do fun things and you don't.

I personally enjoy when I can afford to spend money on those I love, it's nice to be able to do that for someone, maybe she was feeling the same way and you turned her down. So then I'd be of a "well the heck with you then mentality and go spend some of it on me." And it does seem to be all about your ego, almost every point you've made points to that and you wanting things your way.

 

It's not that I want her to spend money. I'm not jealous of her money. The fact that my finances are bad right now doesn't mean I'm jealous of anyone.

Its the fact that she will end up spending hundreds of dollars on clothes that I won't see her in. It means that if she and I were to go on vacation together and she were to pay it still wouldn't cost as much as her 3 days in Vegas.

How do you think it makes a man feel when a women is trying to do this huuuge transformation because of going somewhere where she'll be around strange guys?! Do you think I'm just supposed to be joyful about it? Seriously?

 

Also I didn't turn anything down. I simply refused to borrow money for a luxury. I think that my offer after our fights, to book a trip to florida in 2-3 months and me giving her money back for cancellation of Vegas was way beyond a compromise from my side.

 

Also she still has those moments when she tries to sugar coat things and say " I wish I was going somewhere with you " what do I say to that????

[spice4life]

I think you are too focused on other guys if you trust her. It doesn't really appear that you do. Maybe she just wants to go and fun with her friends before she decides to settle down? Is a short vacation with her friends really worth all the fighting? If how she approaches her life is not really what you want in a partner then maybe you should reconsider a relationship with her. You can't force someone to fit a mold that you want if it is not who they are. It's better to just step back and reaccess if this is someone you want to spend your life with.

 

Personally speaking, after everything I've been through, I wouldn't be involved with someone who didn't want me to enjoy a short vacation with my friends. For instance, I'm going to europe in the summer and if no one can go, I'm going anyway. I'm not going to put my life on hold for anyone anymore. I want to enjoy it because I've earned it. If I end up invlved with someone before I go and they can't go, I'm going anyway. Maybe she just wants to have some fun for now with her friends. If you trust her then what is the issue?

[Woggle]

Were you burned in the past by somebody you trusted? Once a man gets burned simply walking to the store becomes suspicious in a woman. It's not right but betrayal installs all kinds of alarms in a man's brain.

[wellwhynot]

I fail to see how an offer to lend OP the money can be seen as spending money on him. Mind you' date=' it is an offer that came in existence only after many an acrimonious argument.[/quote']

 

She also offered to BUY his ticket to Vegas so he could go with her unless I missed something.

[razraz]

No i wasn't burnt in the past. Also my girlfriend isn't 22 and young. She's turning 30 this year. She's been having plenty of going out time. She actually asked me a few months ago if i was so to say " done " living A single guys life because she's ready to be serious and committed. She wanted me to reassure her that I was too.

I don't trust what she says. You're right. I don't believe her that she didn't know how pissed I'll be about Vegas. Would you if you were me?!

 

I understand your point about not stopping your life for someone. If you're focused on yourself while you're young and want to enjoy trips etc thats great but you should stay single. Getting involved in a serious relationship means sharing your life. The good and the bad.

[d'Arthez]

She also offered to BUY his ticket to Vegas so he could go with her unless I missed something.

I admit I had misread that. Sorry.

 

After even more acrimonious arguments she did. But honestly, if she had wanted him to come she would have made that offer immediately. Not after half a dozen arguments without any positive resolution. Each unresolved argument builds resentment's for the other's position, and for the other to compromise to a shared position.

 

If anyone would have gotten in a serious argument with a SO about something they both feel so strongly about, and are unable to compromise on matters, you simply do not want to go, because the emotional investment has become too big. In this case, OP would have already made up his mind that he would have a miserable time in Vegas. If she does not understand what has happened, and persist in blaming him for the whole situation there is a problem. The same is true for OP.

 

I am certainly not of the opinion that he is without blame. They are both to blame. And that is why I still stand by the advice I have now posted twice in this thread.

[spice4life]

don't trust what she says. You're right. I don't believe her that she didn't know how pissed I'll be about Vegas. Would you if you were me?!

 

I understand your plight, but after being involved with a man who went home to wife after spending time with me, I can't say that I would be. Perhaps you should just break up with her if tis upsets you so much.

[spice4life]

OP, since she makes decent money then why can't the two of you still go on vacation when you can afford it? If she makes enough money then she can afford that too right?

[Chi townD]

I think I know where you're trying to go with this. The last time she was in Vegas was for a Bachlorette Party that turned out to be a Break up party due to some "unsavory" photos that surfaced. So, you don't like the fact that she's "returning to the scene of the crime".

 

Now, she's going on this vacations without you and leaving you behind. Yeah, she has offered to buy the trip for you. But, I have a feeling that you're too proud to except her money. And she's been going out with you long enough to KNOW that you would turn that offer down. Therefore, it was a moot point to ask to being with. And she knew it. However, you can't get mad! Because she offered!!!

 

What I find disturbing is that she doesn't add you in her relationship status on her Facebook and she untags all pics of you and her together. She's telling you that it would affect her tips at work? I'm calling BS on that one. How the hell would it affect her tips? REALLY?!?! Guys don't care if they're single, engaged or married. They have enough liquid courage in them, they're going to flirt with her and throw their money around for a little attention they may get from her. So, that's BS.

 

I'm in Chicago, IM me the name of the bar. I would love to go in there and offer a twenty as a tip and say "OPPS!!! I saw your Facebook, your in a long term realtionship. Nevermind, here's a buck."

 

I mean,....please.

Edited May 14, 2012 by Chi townD

[mandylin]

I don't think he is over reacting.

 

He said he could afford to take both of them on vacation in a couple of months. she has since spent that time crying, whining and trying to guilt him into agreeing it's ok for her to go while he stays home.

 

I will go even further and say that she already knows him well enough to know that he isn't going to accept her money. she made the offer knowing he WOULDN'T accept it. she knows him well enough at this point to know that he sees it as HIS responsibility to take care of THEM as a couple.

 

She only offered to lend AFTER a load of argument. She also already knows he is going to be sensitive to the situation after they spent the last year arguing over what she did the last time she was gone to vegas.

 

I would say that she is working him, she knows the score perfectly, and at 30 years old... she has enough growing up to do that he will be waiting YEARS if he wants to marry an adult.

 

Ideally this situation needs redirected to the real issue: broken trust.

[samslick]

My marriage ended for somewhat similar reasons as to what the OP is giong through. Only in my case, my ex wife was totally broke all the time, and did girls trips to vegas and miami multiple times during the year, but never helped me with the mortgage, bills, groceries, etc (plus went out to local clubs/bars 3-4 nights a week). She too hung out with a lot of her single female friends and I would find many pictures of my ex with random dudes I never had met.

 

To me, any female who is willing to go out and party without her signicant other behaving like someone who is single isn't worth the time of day. It's clear where her boundaries are and where her level of respect for you and the relationship are.

 

How would your g/f feel if you had pictures of you with hot chicks in skimpy clothes partying with you? How would she feel if you took vacations alone with a bunch of your male friends?

 

To be clear, I think going out with friends to get away is fine, especially if the trust is clear and there aren't underlying issues in the relationship. If there are issues already, this kind of crap will only get worse. Trust me, it ended a 8 year relationship in my case.

[Almond_Joy]

After reading your follow up posts, raz, I have a different perspective on your relationship. When I read your first couple of posts I had the impression you two were in your early or mid-20's with little relationship experience.

 

By now, you both should know what you want in a relationship. It sounds like your gf wants a lot more space to do her own thing than you think a committed partner should expect or want. This isn't something you can do anything about. Either you make peace with her doing her own thing while in a relationship with you, or you end the relationship. You can tell her how her going out makes you feel but there's no guarantee that things will change as a result.....

[Radu]

I'm going to try to make the long story short. I'm gonna try because

it's too complex and I want you to see both sides of the story, not

only mine.

 

 

Due to the fact my girlfriend is a bartender and doesn't want to kill

her clients/tips she would never put "in a relationship" on her

facebook nor would she ever allow any pictures of us up on her

facebook or mine if I were to tag her in them. Pictures from vegas

trip with guys however, appeared on few of her friends facebook pages

and it was all okay until I saw them.

Last year my girlfriend went to Vegas with few of her girlfriends for

what was supposed to be a bachelorette party but turned into a

"divorce" party. Pictures showed up on websites of her partying with

random guys at clubs, vip booths etc. She didn't mention any of that

after she came back from her trip so I wasn't thrilled and felt lied

to. We had many fights about that.

ok, this is ... weird in my way of thinking. I'm thinking if this is like other jobs where it's best you don't do this.

Entertainer, exotic dancer [xxx clubs], you get my drift. This is a huuuuuuge red flag.

I find her reason to be beyond messed up.

In a way she's selling something for money, and that to me means she doesn't value what you two have that highly.

 

2012 has been fiscally the worst year of my life and I'm having a lot

of business related issues and expenses that just keep piling up on

me.

sorry to hear that

 

We've been together for a year and a half and have been planning a

trip to florida together. Just a nice getaway for the 2 of us. Extra expenses

didn't allow me to go. My girlfriend was quite upset about it because she

said she really needs a vacation so she can relax and get away from it all.

She would mention how badly she needs to relax at least twice a week.

relaxing with your SO is very important

A day after we looked at deals online and were ready to book our getaway

my business took another hit and several thousand dollars later I'm nearly

out of money and can't afford a vacation at the moment.

At least not for another 2-4 months.

 

Recently 3 of her single friends started planning a Vegas trip for

memorial day weekend. My girlfriend asked me what I think about her

going to Las Vegas with them.

Vegas has a pretty bad reputation. A poster on these boards actually ended a long relationship when he found out that at a bachlorette party his fiance gave a male dancer a blowjob and all of her 'friends' egged her on only to keep quiet later.

I assumed she knew my opinion about it since

she has brought up going to Miami with her best friend a couple of

times in the recent

months. I always told her that Miami isn't really a spot to "RELAX".

It just felt off to me that

someone who constantly mentions a relaxing vacation at the beach with

me wants to go to one

of the biggest party spots in the US.

spot on

I told her I wouldn't be happy about about her going to Vegas,

especially for memorial day weekend.

I actually got mad that after what we've been thru last year that she would

even consider going. Keep in mind that my understanding was that she

really wants a vacation-not a party weekend

with her girlfriends.

she wants to get away with them, not a vacation.

Keep in mind that they can also keep quiet in the name of the sisterhood.

 

After she brought it up several more times I finally said " Fine, Go".

I was clearly upset about the whole thing. I just decided

that she will know what to do and won't decide to go, just wait for us

to go together which is reassured her we will.

 

A few days went by. I was really down, almost depressed about whats

happening to my business, and her going to Vegas made

me feel 10 times worse.

nice timing

A week later we had an argument about it and I said that I don't think

it's appropriate for her to go with single girls, especially after

all those times she told me she needs to relax. The end of that

argument that the trip is booked and there's nothing that can be done,

that she wishes it wasn't cuz if she did know how I truly felt about

it and told her she shouldn't go - she wouldn't. She said it was a

misunderstanding.

now it was out of her hands, delegation of responsability ... she really wanted to go

Also I forgot to mention that we've had plans with my cousins to go

to our family cabin on the lake which she pretty much cancelled by

going to Las Vegas.

which didn't cost much probably, and you could have afforded, and it was also time for both of you two to spend together.

 

Another week has passed and I was as unhappy as I was before. I

contemplated breaking up with her because I couldn't stand the fact

that a girl with whom I want to be

for the rest of my life with would still choose Vegas over me,

regardless of me being nearly depressed about it.

you have a good head on your shoulders, unlike some of the ppl who post here

We went out for one of my friends fiance's birthday and after way too

many drinks I got all emotional about it. I just couldn't let it go

and started an argument at a club.

I was an ******* because this wasn't the right place and time for it.

Because of alcohol I actually ended up crying in front of her friends

( so embarrassing ).

We went to her house after that. Didn't speak about it next day

because we were too hungover to even talk.

Monday was the day where it all came back to life. I once again

explained how I felt and how I felt about her going to Vegas and why.

She told me that after her past 4 years in a relationship with a guy

who always promised her things and never went thru with them she needs

to think about herself.

things as in relationship stuff, or as in ... assets ?

She said that I cannot guarantee her that in 2 or 3 or 4 months we

will actually go on vacation and that going to Vegas was an

opportunity for her to actually go somewhere.

this is where she told you she doesn't love you

 

I just want you all reading this to know that my girlfriend has

offered me to lend me money to go on vacation in Florida and I can pay

her back whenever. I said no because last thing I want to do

is borrow money from my girl and vacation in my opinion is an extra in

life and there are things of higher priority then that.

The vacation in florida for the both of us would come up to 650

dollars for 5 nights if we were to go towards the end of July.

Her Vegas trip was 500 plus she took her busiest day at work of where

she makes about 500. We all know that Vegas on memorial day weekend is

as expensive as it gets.

She actually offered to buy me a ticket to come to Vegas with her

after all the arguments but I refused because I would feel like the

5th wheel and I felt like it's something I pressured her into doing.

I also brought up the point that she could've spent the same amount of

money that Vegas will cost her into vacation for the 2 of us. She

makes great money and can afford it. My birthday

is a week before memorial day weekend and her's is 3 weeks after that.

I feel that if someone tells me 2 times a week how much they want to

go on relaxing vacation with me and then chooses to go to Vegas

because an "opportunity" comes up isn't really someone I want to be

with.

 

I want to know your opinions about it and sorry for the long read.

Please ask me anything if whatever I wrote seems unclear. I wrote all

that from my heart which at the moment is a total mess....

 

thanks

 

Your relationship has several problems :

1 - she doesn't love you

2 - she prefers to remain in single lifestyle, it's almost like you 2 are FWB

3 - she used her superior earning power over you and set the tone in the relationship. You are financially down, you cannot afford certain things. When that happens it's normal for couples to actually go down to the posibilities of the lowest earner. She did not do this.

4 - when you were down, she didn't give a flying **** about it, she went to Vegas even though she could have been at the lake, by your side.

5 - she offered you money to come with her, instead of getting what it was all about, for the Vegas thing and even the offer was half-assed.

6 - her earning power is based on being a hot party girl serving drinks and pretending to be single to flirt a bigger tip. Do you see this as a future wife ?

 

She doesn't love you, and i suspect the 'things' is actually catering to her needs ... financial needs.

That job of her's will only hold out as long as her looks hold out.

 

End it, the SO should not be cause of drama when you feel down, he/she should feel the need to do anything to lift your spirits.

Edited May 14, 2012 by Radu

[nofool4u]

Due to the fact my girlfriend is a bartender and doesn't want to kill

her clients/tips she would never put "in a relationship" on her

facebook nor would she ever allow any pictures of us up on her

facebook or mine if I were to tag her in them.

 

Using clients as an excuse to not put "in a relationship" on FB is a load of bunk.

 

She doesn't want other men to know she is in a relationship. She wants to keep her options open. Simple as that.

 

 

 

Pictures from vegas

trip with guys however, appeared on few of her friends facebook pages

and it was all okay until I saw them.

Last year my girlfriend went to Vegas with few of her girlfriends for

what was supposed to be a bachelorette party but turned into a

"divorce" party. Pictures showed up on websites of her partying with

random guys at clubs, vip booths etc. She didn't mention any of that

after she came back from her trip so I wasn't thrilled and felt lied

to. We had many fights about that.

 

She lied and was partying it up in Vegas with other guys. Whether you'd have proof or not of cheating, that alone is enough of a good reason to cut your losses and get rid of this shifty chick.

 

 

2012 has been fiscally the worst year of my life and I'm having a lot

of business related issues and expenses that just keep piling up on

me.

 

We've been together for a year and a half and have been planning a

trip to florida together. Just a nice getaway for the 2 of us. Extra expenses

didn't allow me to go. My girlfriend was quite upset about it because she

said she really needs a vacation so she can relax and get away from it all.

 

Looks like she already got away from it all, and you, when she went to Vegas.

 

 

I told her I wouldn't be happy about about her going to Vegas,

especially for memorial day weekend.

I actually got mad that after what we've been thru last year that she would

even consider going. Keep in mind that my understanding was that she

really wants a vacation-not a party weekend

with her girlfriends.

 

She knows she crossed the line the first time, she has to be dense to think you'd be comfortable with her going again.

 

After she brought it up several more times I finally said " Fine, Go".

I was clearly upset about the whole thing. I just decided

that she will know what to do and won't decide to go, just wait for us

to go together which is reassured her we will.

 

A few days went by. I was really down, almost depressed about whats

happening to my business, and her going to Vegas made

me feel 10 times worse.

 

Thats just it, I wouldn't do anything that would make my SO feel uncomfortable. I would completely understand if a SO didn't want me to go to Vegas without her. Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, and they don't call it Sin City for nothing.

 

 

 

I want to know your opinions about it and sorry for the long read.

Please ask me anything if whatever I wrote seems unclear. I wrote all

that from my heart which at the moment is a total mess....

 

thanks

 

Sounds like you have a party girl on your hands that doesn't want other men to know she is in a relationship.

 

Cut your losses and find a decent woman that won't engage in questionable behavior and activities, and knows what being in a committed relationship means.

[razraz]

I think I know where you're trying to go with this. The last time she was in Vegas was for a Bachlorette Party that turned out to be a Break up party due to some "unsavory" photos that surfaced. So, you don't like the fact that she's "returning to the scene of the crime".

 

Now, she's going on this vacations without you and leaving you behind. Yeah, she has offered to buy the trip for you. But, I have a feeling that you're too proud to except her money. And she's been going out with you long enough to KNOW that you would turn that offer down. Therefore, it was a moot point to ask to being with. And she knew it. However, you can't get mad! Because she offered!!!

 

What I find disturbing is that she doesn't add you in her relationship status on her Facebook and she untags all pics of you and her together. She's telling you that it would affect her tips at work? I'm calling BS on that one. How the hell would it affect her tips? REALLY?!?! Guys don't care if they're single, engaged or married. They have enough liquid courage in them, they're going to flirt with her and throw their money around for a little attention they may get from her. So, that's BS.

 

I'm in Chicago, IM me the name of the bar. I would love to go in there and offer a twenty as a tip and say "OPPS!!! I saw your Facebook, your in a long term realtionship. Nevermind, here's a buck."

 

I mean,....please.

 

She actually brought up " me going to Vegas with her" again yesterday. I realized I had a lot of miles on one of my credit cards to pay nearly for the whole thing. The thing about Vegas though it's not the expense of getting and staying there. It's the walking around money because you go there to party not only lay by the pool. Reason why we always talked about florida is because we agreed (at least I thought we did) that it's really pointless to go out of town to spend money on going out that we could do here.

I know Chicago isn't Vegas but we have plenty of nightlife here...

 

I don't think he is over reacting.

 

He said he could afford to take both of them on vacation in a couple of months. she has since spent that time crying, whining and trying to guilt him into agreeing it's ok for her to go while he stays home.

 

I will go even further and say that she already knows him well enough to know that he isn't going to accept her money. she made the offer knowing he WOULDN'T accept it. she knows him well enough at this point to know that he sees it as HIS responsibility to take care of THEM as a couple.

 

She only offered to lend AFTER a load of argument. She also already knows he is going to be sensitive to the situation after they spent the last year arguing over what she did the last time she was gone to vegas.

 

I would say that she is working him, she knows the score perfectly, and at 30 years old... she has enough growing up to do that he will be waiting YEARS if he wants to marry an adult.

 

Ideally this situation needs redirected to the real issue: broken trust.

 

You are right about her wanting to pay for me Mandylin. It's just simply too late. To be honest if it were me in her shoes I'd book a trip for the both of us and go somewhere, without asking her. I'd show some effort. Now, I know I cannot expect the same behavior from everyone but it's that lack of effort shown that bothers me.

I could agree to go with her. Pay with my miles and just sit by the pool but the issue isn't about me going or not going. It's about her wanting to go in the first place. Not trying to figure out a way for the both of us to go.

I'm not perfect in the relationship. I know that. We've been together for a year and a half. We both have been wanting to move in together but because of me we haven't been able to. It sucks because she blames her going to Vegas partially on that. To her it's because she has no guarantee of things going the way we plan and that she has to think about herself.

I just think it's kind of wrong for her to expect me to go thru with all "grown up things" in this relationship while she's acting like this.

I love my girlfriend and I do think she loves me to. Every single time she makes those "not relationship like" decisions tho, she kills my desire to actually try to make our thing grow.

[razraz]

My marriage ended for somewhat similar reasons as to what the OP is giong through. Only in my case, my ex wife was totally broke all the time, and did girls trips to vegas and miami multiple times during the year, but never helped me with the mortgage, bills, groceries, etc (plus went out to local clubs/bars 3-4 nights a week). She too hung out with a lot of her single female friends and I would find many pictures of my ex with random dudes I never had met.

 

To me, any female who is willing to go out and party without her signicant other behaving like someone who is single isn't worth the time of day. It's clear where her boundaries are and where her level of respect for you and the relationship are.

 

How would your g/f feel if you had pictures of you with hot chicks in skimpy clothes partying with you? How would she feel if you took vacations alone with a bunch of your male friends?

 

To be clear, I think going out with friends to get away is fine, especially if the trust is clear and there aren't underlying issues in the relationship. If there are issues already, this kind of crap will only get worse. Trust me, it ended a 8 year relationship in my case.

 

To be honest I don't mind her going out. I give her **** about it sometimes but it's for different reasons, not just going out itself. Usually those little lies or when I feel like she's trying to exclude me....

I know there are issues that make me over react a bit in certain situations. We haven't addressed them tho, and as long as we don't this will not change.

 

You brought up an interesting point about " how would she feel if?!"

I go out once in a while. She does too. On our own. I find nothing wrong with that.

I never have any pics up with anyone ever. I actually behave like I'm supposed to. I'm very cautious as to what I'm not supposed to do because I don't want her to feel like I'm up to no good.

I really feel like a lot of her white lies when she goes out or what not are because she feels like she can't tell me the truth. She says I'm to jealous etc etc but the truth is I have never actually said anything about the things she told me about herself.

 

Yesterday was a sunday. After she woke up, she spent 2.5 hours looking for new bathings suits. I just sat there quietly, did my thing. The truth is tho that I cannot ****in stand that. It really bothers me when I see her shopping for al these things before Vegas. Buying bathing suits, dresses, shoes. She actually dragged me to a store yesterday before we went to dinner to look at shoes...because she needs them for Vegas. I don't even remember one time she tried that hard to look so nice for me and that sucks.

There are still 2 weeks left before Vegas. I'd like to bring up the convo but I'm not really sure how and what for. Seems like everything has been said and neither one of us is willing to give in.

In the end it seems like I'm gonna be the one tho cause I'll stay here and she'll be there!

[PegNosePete]

Due to the fact my girlfriend is a bartender and doesn't want to kill her clients/tips she would never put "in a relationship" on her facebook nor would she ever allow any pictures of us up on her

facebook or mine if I were to tag her in them.

I didn't read anything more than this because your post is kind of long, and because I think this sentence will set the tone for the remainder. BIG RED FLAG here. This is not acceptable.

 

Basically she wants other men to think that she is single and available so that she gets more tips from blokes cracking on to her?? Does she tell these men that she is single when they talk to her also? If you guys were to get married, would she wear a ring? Why is she facebook friends with these guys anyway?

 

Umm NO! This is a complete deal-breaker dude! You should not put up with this behaviour in any way shape or form!!!

 

Maybe id she were a prostitute I can understand taking her wedding ring off but she is not, she is a bartender, last time I checked a bartender's job is to serve drinks, not to be a professional flirt.

[razraz]

I didn't read anything more than this because your post is kind of long, and because I think this sentence will set the tone for the remainder. BIG RED FLAG here. This is not acceptable.

 

Basically she wants other men to think that she is single and available so that she gets more tips from blokes cracking on to her?? Does she tell these men that she is single when they talk to her also? If you guys were to get married, would she wear a ring? Why is she facebook friends with these guys anyway?

 

Umm NO! This is a complete deal-breaker dude! You should not put up with this behaviour in any way shape or form!!!

 

Maybe id she were a prostitute I can understand taking her wedding ring off but she is not, she is a bartender, last time I checked a bartender's job is to serve drinks, not to be a professional flirt.

 

 

I know that by now some people know she has a boyfriend. She says she would change jobs if we got engaged and stuff. I'm actually a lot better about me not going to the bar now than I was a year ago, because I understand what her job consists of so whatever.

The facebook thing however is still bullcrap to me. Doesn't bother me on daily bases but it did happen so I can't erase it from my memory. The truth is that it all adds up. I do think that if the facebook issue was fixed by her changing her status and not her deleting her facebook all together it would have been fine.

[PegNosePete]

Yes, she has deleted the evidence rather than fixed the issue.

 

The issue is that she thinks it is part of her job to flirt with other men and to deceive them into thinking they have a chance to get with her, in order to get money out of them. Whatever happened to getting tips by providing a good service? I wasn't aware that part of that service involves pretending to be interested on a personal level, unless this is a strip bar or something??? She is not an honest person. I would end the relationship ASAP. This is not the kind of person to have a long term relationship with.