SilverSong22 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Dear Loveshack Community, I came here because I need help. I wrote a previous letter but I cut it because it went very long and so here's too attempt #2. My sweet love has a problem, he is emotionally abusive. I have tried to get him to agree to a couple's counselor, and a psychologist. But he has repeatedly blown that off. His most recent excuse was the he is perfectly normal, and doesn't need to see one, and he's of the opinion that neither do I. What might you suggest? I have tried the following: throwing a few of his own words back at him, result: raging angry sweetheart smashing his fist into my head, and asking if I wanted any more of that. keeping more people around, being socially open and inviting people to the apartment. result: an increase in verbal and emotional abuse, and he treats me like a house slave. involving more people in our relationship, how it's going oh see we sweet loving couple, how is your relationship going? result: angry words in private, and threats of physical violence if I don't keep our relationship private. doormat approach that spirit I had? Oh it's gone, see I'm a doormat now, a living, breathing doormat. Nothing interesting here. result: threats of breaking up, telling me he's going to kill himself and die if I don't go back to the way I was before, blaming himself for breaking my spirit, demanding to know what the HELL is wrong with me, and physical abuse to try and get any reaction out of me. extremely spirited appraoch, that spirit I had, yeah it's back twice as high than you. result: physical abuse, extreme verbal/emotional abuse puppy dog approach, after being emotionally and physically beaten, tell him I love him, and kiss and hold him (or try to anyways) result: more physical abuse, pushing me away calling me 'crazy', "you insane bitch, I don't want love." normal slightly spirited self approach, defensive but otherwise not reacting to anything he says unless it hurts bad. Then with tears when it does. result: 40+ minutes of abusive language, demands, slurs, put-downs, and degredation talk. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Have you tried the 'walk away and leave him' approach? He doesn't think he has a problem. You do. And given that he has escalated to physical violence, I do too. I strongly suggest that you get yourself out of this relationship and far away from him. Your love is wasted on him and you are not trained to deal with his behaviour. I'm concerned that if you do not walk away, you're going to end up in a life-threatening situation as his emotional and physical abuse escalates. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) Well I got my ex into therapy and he pretended to take it seriously. I've learned if someone is psychologically abusive or emotionally abusive, you just leave them. I thought the psychologist would fix him. But the job was too big for the psychologist because my ex is such a liar. I think that therapy is good for couples to get along better. But if one partner is abusing the other, it's time to go, because now you are talking about changing someone's personality, which takes years if and I mean if, it can be done. If he is emotionally abusive...the only answer is just to leave....sorry. You call him "my sweet love" but he hits you. He is NOT your sweet love. He is a sick, violent person and you need to stay away from him. Sorry, sorry, but it is true. Being physically abusive makes things even worse. He is dangerous. Stay away. Edited May 23, 2012 by CopingGal Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Call a domestic violence hotline and get some advice. This man is a creep and very, very sick. Link to post Share on other sites
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