my b.f.'s ex is out of line, right?

[little lamb]

here's my little scoop, i've been dating this guy for a few months, i met him at college. We live 12 hours apart, and because of work and life basically, seeing each other a normal bit over the summer is unrealistic this year. I understand that, but his ex-girlfriend, of 8 months, which was last february until he left for school (we began dating in teh fall) is still telling him she'd do anything to be with him, and still loves him. She knows he has me now, and she has been dating someone else for 4 years, she just never let my b.f. know that as she was dating him. Now i know that he's smarter than to go back to ehr, but she's beautiful, and he says he wants to be a positive light her life. So he might hang out with her, or give her a call. When i told him it would seem like he was investing energy into seeing her, she'd go crazy and want to be with him, he got a bit upset and said i wasn't trusting him. Well i've had no reason not to trust him, i'm just concerned. Plus his friends from home are stil friends with her, so what if they all hang out together??

 

I don't want her to mess with his mind. And she's made it clear she will, by sending emails and the like explaining she loves him, not her current b.f. and she'd do anyting to be with him, even while i was dating him she was out of line and disrespectin her b.f. and me as his girlfriend. He is away for a few weeks, away from her and i as he's at camp, but he'll be there end of july and august. I told him it'd be disrespecting my new relationship with him if he went and hung out with her. He says nothing would happen, and i believe hed go with that intentnio, but this girl is beautiful, and i think she'd really make it hard for him not to respond to her "seduction". Am i being an anal girlfriend? or do i appear to be not trusting? Its not that i want to be, i am just hopeing to save him from her stirring up his emtions, she used him emotinoally and physically last summer, and now...I am his girlfriend and i don't want to see him feel his wounds reopen. Plus i don't want there to be damage to our relationship. Help? What do you think? Do you think it's wrong for him to go to her (no prior friendship to their relatinship)? or am i the one off base here? Is there a way to sensitive to his feelings while nicely asking him not to see her?

 

P.S. im sorry about making her sound bad, this is the truth of what has happened, but i am sure she's nice, but this is her weakness,and i don't want it to affect my boyfriend.

[Pyrannaste]

Forget for a moment the fact that she is out of line ...concentrate on the fact that *your boyfriend* is out of line.

 

IMO it is very inappropriate of his to hang out with an ex *who is trying to get him back*.

One thing is keeping in contact with exes when neither is still interested....

I don't see anything bad in hanging out with exes if there is no attraction/interest left on *either*part AND your SO is okay with it, but hanging out with someone who is telling him she still loves him, and who is trying to mess up your relationship is totally out of line.

 

he says he wants to be a positive light her life

 

*cough*bullsh*t*cough.

 

In the best possible case, he is hanging out with her because he likes the attention and a beautiful woman trying to get you back is a big ego-boost.

In the worst case, he is considering getting back with her.

In *any*case, he is damaging your relationship, not respecting your feelings, and acting selfish.

 

He should be telling her to cut off the love-emails crap and reminding her she has her own boyfriend instead of accusing you of not trusting him.

[undecided]

oh no,

thats a red flag girl.

 

if im hurt by a girl really bad, like your man in this situation, i stay hurt forever. i get better by not talking to the one that hurt me. ever. your ex lovers dont make your new friends. to me it seems like he is keeping in contact to keep options open incase somthing happens, like say.... you break up with him, or he moves back home or whatever reason. my hurt in the past killed feelings i had for that person. but friends are a dime a dozen. there isnt any reason your bf should be friends with this girl. i would have a trust problem here.

 

i dont know what you can do to impend the upcoming situation. worse case. you have to weigh the odds to determine your decision. what are the odds of this person keeping you happy, vs what are the odds this person will do the worst and hurt you. someone who doesnt respect your wishes... doesnt respect you.

euthenasia the relationship, may be the best option now to prevent more serious damage.

 

unless you can talk to him and actually 100% be sure (if youre not there you cant be sure) that there is no further contact.

 

maybe he believes her? sounds like he doesnt learn from his mistakes easily.

[little lamb]

Thank you both for you help. I don't want to damage my b.f.'s image. I wasn't sure if it was just a guy things and the

he likes the attention and a beautiful woman trying to get you back is a big ego-boost.

that seems like it might be the biggest factor here. My b.f. is a sincerely nice guy, he'd literally give anything he had to benefit someone else, and he made it just seem like i was selfish here. I have a tendency to worry about things, even things out side of our relationship, so he made it seem like i was being petty. Anyhow, he says it doesn't matter if other people agree with me, he's not in it for her, he just wants to be one positive person in her messed up life. I said the same, that ex's don't make a good friend, especially when you know she's going to be working twice as hard o get him back, remind him of old pleasures. I told him, she is not ready for a friend, because her mindset wasn't there yet. Maybe i am just looking objectively, well i am, and he's still subjective.

 

Is it possible, that i am a replacement for his lost love? Just a question that ran across my mind? I mean he's mentioned once that i kiss like her....i mean it wasn't a big deal like at that time, per say, but its still stuck with me. Its awful trying to figure things out, i think its one of the most agonizing things.....feelings to figure out....well let me know what you boys think...

[little lamb]

delete

[undecided]

i never compare my ex girls to others. its not fair to them, and its hurtful, and i especially dont like them mentioning a single word about their exes. i like to think they never existed.

 

i havent forgiven anyone ever either.

 

i dont know why your man is helping her. to me it seems like she didnt hurt him enough to cut her off.... but that may not be the case.

i hate to think hes seeing you to temporarily replace her.... but i would weigh your odds, trust your instinct before somthing emmensly bad happens to your feelings in result of this.

 

id like to see other guys opinions on this

 

i had an ex of 3 months that cheated on me hardcore like she didnt even care, then came crawling. she lived across the hall from me for another YEAR and i never made eye contact or spoke to her.