"Love Addiction" - valuable info all OW should read

[kiababy]

It's great to hear from you Otherwomen, I was wondering how you were. Sorry to hear how things are going though. It's funny...actually not funny, kinda sad, that months ago we were all dissing your MM for some of the freaky stuff he does, yet the feelings are still there aren't they? I say that to make a point.

 

That 'Love Addiction' stuff is dead-on. No matter how f****ed up the MM is....once you're hooked it's like the most dangerous drug you've ever tried. You know it can destroy your life but the high is so good you just want more.

 

How are things at home? Are things with your hubby any better?

 

Interesting that you were the beautiful popular girl in high school....I wanted to be you lol. I was the skinny, painfully shy nerd with glasess - not ugly but very very shy and I probably never smiled.

 

You got all the guys - I didn't have ONE f***ing date in high school. Yet here we both are, in the same boat.

[sinner]

That 'Love Addiction' stuff is dead-on. No matter how f****ed up the MM is....once you're hooked it's like the most dangerous drug you've ever tried. You know it can destroy your life but the high is so good you just want more.

 

 

Replace MM with MW, and the truth of your statement burns.

[kiababy]

Ouch! Sorry honey, didn't mean to leave you out. Did you read it? It seems like everything is geared towards other WOMEN. How does a man relate to those symptoms?

[Mr Spock]

I knew I was in deep sh*t when I realized a BIG part of the happiness in my day was awaiting correspondence from my MM. I was addicted to that. I still don't feel that I fit in to most of the categories in that article, because in my own mind I was treating the relationship like normal getting to know you dating even though it wasn't. So I started to try and get away from being mad or upset or hurt or depressed when I didn't get contact. I have a life, I don't need it to revolve around a man.

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by kiababy

It's great to hear from you Otherwomen, I was wondering how you were. Sorry to hear how things are going though. It's funny...actually not funny, kinda sad, that months ago we were all dissing your MM for some of the freaky stuff he does, yet the feelings are still there aren't they? I say that to make a point.

 

That 'Love Addiction' stuff is dead-on. No matter how f****ed up the MM is....once you're hooked it's like the most dangerous drug you've ever tried. You know it can destroy your life but the high is so good you just want more.

 

How are things at home? Are things with your hubby any better?

 

Interesting that you were the beautiful popular girl in high school....I wanted to be you lol. I was the skinny, painfully shy nerd with glasess - not ugly but very very shy and I probably never smiled.

 

You got all the guys - I didn't have ONE f***ing date in high school. Yet here we both are, in the same boat.

 

Hi!

 

I'm still here....not doing too much either.

Things are the same here, like roommates basically.

I'm lonely and bored.

I always thought I would be the happinest person because I never had a problem dating guys. It doesn't matter if your popular and stuff, because you could be alone. I felt alone in HS too even though I had a boyfriend. I think it's because I moved to another state to live with my dad, and I hated living there with his gf and her 3 kids.

My class reunion is coming up in August, 20 years!!! I'm not going though. We had 39 people in our class. I went to the 10 year one and it was so lame, and the idiots are still the idiots, etc..... I just feel like having anyone looking at me with a big letter A on my chest. Plus my classmates were not all perfect either. We all have done things in life. I think my ex friend turned me in because I was really really happy with MM. She was struggling with her own marriage at that time. Still she had no right to tell her. I would never do that to a friend.

 

So how are things with you?

How do we exchange email addresses so we can chat???

 

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I knew I was in deep sh*t when I realized a BIG part of the happiness in my day was awaiting correspondence from my MM. I was addicted to that.

 

 

This is so true of what I was doing.

I was so happy when he called me sometimes 5 times a day, and everyday when he was on business trips. From the airport, on the way to the airport and when he got to his destination. I miss that so much. We used to text each other. I miss that. I lived and breathed for that. Now I don't know how to get him out of my system.

I'm sure he is doing fine now.

I can just imagine all the lies he told his wife when my ex-friend told her.

You know all those bad things he used to tell me about his wife. He probably told her all the same things.

It's hurts to know that, know what I mean?

He told her that we were very much in love. Well if he did tell her that, then why would she of still stayed???? I don't get it.

He is gross and even though I still love him inside and always will, I hate him for everything, he said one thing and did another. I never once did that to him. I knew where my heart was 100%.

[kiababy]

I'll PM you my email address. It's terrible that you feel so 'marked', but sometimes guilt makes things seem worse than they really are. You feel like everyone knows and is staring at you. It's probably not as many people as you think. You made a mistake - it's over. Stop beating yourself up and concentrate on raising your little girl and trying to find some kind of happiness. If you are really so unhappy with your husband, maybe you should think about what you want to do.

 

I hate the idea of divorce, trust me, but how much unhappiness can one person bear? You don't feel loved, and maybe your husband is not doing what he needs to do to make you feel loved. Everyone needs a certain thing to make them feel alive. Maybe you just need a little time to yourself to think about things clearly, it must be tearing you up inside trying to deal with everything at once. If you're not happy, chances are your husband isn't either; he deserves to be loved too.

 

I'm O.K. thank you, no changes yet.

[otherwomen]

[font=arial]Hi Kia,

 

I got this email from him today[/font].

 

[color=red]I am not wishy washy at all. I was just thanking you for sending information about her. It was nice of you. I do think of you both often, and that is NOT WISHY WASHY. You are both part of my life forever, whether I see you or not.

 

I have done a lot of reading about all of this. It says that I should have not contacted you at all from the beginning because it is actually not helpful for YOU for me to continue to keep contact with you. It said it would cause you to be confused and would only hurt you more[/color]

 

I can't stand it when he sends me emails like these. I hate even emailing him, because it makes things worse. He is Mr. Know it all now. He belongs to the book club of the month. Where the heck does he get off? Does he think he is the cat's meow?? Hey, he didn't have to confess to his wife. I hate him right now. I have been nothing but nice to him since that cold, april night he told his wife. When just the day before we were in bed together telling each other how much we love each other. I cry all the time still. I hate him for coming into my life telling me that if I stuck with him he would make my life 99% better, because of my pittiful marriage. Yeah he got me didn't he? While all the time he was screwing me having the best sex ever and then having sex with her. Maybe he just fell in love with me because of the sex. He always complained that his wife was not open and did not want to try anything new and only liked one way.

 

I was nice to even email him pictures of our little girl.

I could not do anything.

But I do.

And all I get is **** from him!!!

I wish I could move out of this town and state.

It has been nothing but trouble and pain for me.

I don't wish him to die, but I wish he would leave too.

I have been driving by him lately and it hurts to see his face!!

We don't wave.

I saw his wife yesterday and she was staring so much.

I bet she doesn't know half of what he told her.

If he told her how much he loved me, do you really think she would stay???

Really??

I know if my marriage was good (as least I thought so) and my husband told me he was in love with someone else, I would be so gone, because I wouldn't be able to touch him again.

 

I have all these things going through my mind on how much I want him to suffer and go through the pain I have gone through.

 

I don't want to know we are in his life forever, no matter if he sees me or not.

I hate that so much.

 

How do I deal with everything???

The counselor does not work.

I'm here in the same situation as I was before we got together.

Nothing has changed for me.

And look at him, well he has his happy, little family still, and still having sex.

Nothing has changed for him.

She isn't leaving him.

 

I'm so hurt, mad and jealous.

 

[kiababy]

So, the bottom line is:

 

1. He already told his wife.

2. She has forgiven him.

3. He has conveniently found some 'research' that says he should never have contacted you again in the first place.

4. You are still Addicted to him - you're driving by him......

 

If I were you I would NEVER EMAIL him again. I know he started it, but he also finished it. Don't write any more or send any more pictures. You need to work on YOU now.

 

I have no idea how to go about the healing part, I wish I did - but lots of others on here do know what helps. Not what takes away the pain but what helps.

 

I sent you my email address via PM, write me if you want

[otherwomen]

Yeah he had to tell his wife, my ex-friend told her first, so he gave in by telling her.

 

I meant I see him in town and we drive by each other...lol...sorry...I read what I wrote, sounds like I'm a stalker. I run into him, because this is such a small town. I mean small. It sucks too.

 

When I don't email him, he will email me and ask me why I haven't emailed him.

It's a no win win situation for me.

White he sits there looking all goody goody.

 

He put me through the wringer for over 3 years.

Now he can live with the pain of never seeing our child we had together.

Why should I give in and let him ruin my little's girls happiness.

He is so stubborn and so cold.

 

My step-sister knows about it all, because after I had to talk to someone, she is someone I should have talked to in the first place instead of my ex best friend. I learned my lesson there. Well my step-sister couldn't believe I was with HIM. She said he was always a nerd and seemed like a pervert, and that I have always had decent men all my life, she said he was totally gross. ..... See we all went to school together. My step-sister is funny, I love her, she makes me laugh about it, to try to help me cheer up. She understands the pain, esp. being so in love with someone plus having a baby with them to boot.

It's not easy.

If we never had her, I wouldn't give a crap about him.

But I do not want him in her life, as in partial custody.

No way, I went through alot to have her, putting my health at risk.

He doesn't deserve to share her happiness with him.

He deserves nothing.

 

Anyways....what is a PM

 

Deb

[kiababy]

PM stands for Private Message. Click on the Loveshack Homepage that lists all of the community forums, and scroll down the right hand side. It will tell you how many Private Messages you have. Click on that and you'll be able to read them

 

Sounds like you know what you need to do because he is no good for you, and for your daughter from the sounds of it.

 

You also have a great friend in your Sister-in-law, if she is able to cheer you up, for heavens sake spend more time with her!!!

[otherwomen]

hi kia!

 

I sent you an email on your email account!!

 

Look forward to chatting with you!

[otherwomen]

[font=courier new]Here is emails from ex-MM and ex best friend, they lie......[/font]

 

 

 

I was being sarcastic about the fitting into my life thing Debbie.

I will NEVER EVER EVER be out of your life or out of love with you.

I don't look at anything we have done as a mistake. I look at it as the best part of my adult life.

I will try harder to understand you and be more affectionate toward you.

Please don't leave me. I love you

 

 

Debbie;

 

How can I make you feel more appreciated? I don't know. I just know that I am so happy that you are in my life, and that wanted to move up here. I love having you so close, I know we don't see each other alone as much as you would like, but I just enjoy being with you ANY time. I don't care if other people are around or not.

 

I know all of this is not the ideal relationship, but I never want to give you up. I'm sorry that we are stuck with what we have, but I will do my best to make it worth it for you. I know it's worth it for me.

 

I love you DEBBIE!!!

 

D[color=red][/color]

[leilab]

Other Woman,

 

When I read your email I feel sick to my stomach - it is in those moments that I am actually glad that I went through with the termination of my pregnancy. During that period of deciding I knew that I would not be able to live hte rest of my life not knowing that "he" was maybe not going to be there for my child or me. And with a child you never can really be done with that guy. I don't know how you are doing it. I think I would have to move to another city, state, whatever it took to get away from him.

 

You are killing yourself here girl. Maybe I am wrong but I don't see how you can move on with your life if you continue to have to see him in town.

 

In my case, I am totally miserable without my MM but at least there is not any salt being poured on the open wound on a continual basis.

 

I'm sorry I cannot be of more help to you - but I can truly understand what you are going through.

[otherwomen]

hi lielab,

 

 

You are so right when you said you can never be over the MM when you have a child together. Plus we were best friends and went to HS together (20 years ago, lol (old). It's sooo hard.

 

And to think I uprooted my family to another state, back to this hell hole of a town, when I got out of it right after HS. I hated this town in HS and I hate it still. I'm a real idiot.

 

Do you want to know something else? This will make you cry or sick, it makes me both. After our little girl was born, I had my tubes tied, because we were very sexually active together, and I thought it would be ok, because that way I wouldn't have another baby. I thought he would like this, because he had not planned on birth control. I can't take the pill, etc. I have blood clotting problems, and take blood thinners, etc. So, that's what I did. Thinking I did a good thing. Yeah, okay. I have always wanted 4 children and now I can't have another one. It's too risky and expensive for a tubal reversal. I feel scummy and gross that I did that. He didn't even give a crap, just as long as he knew he didn't have to pull out.

 

When my son graduates I asked my husband if we could move, he is all for it. He doesn't know everything. I never wanted to step in quick sand, he only knows of just one time. It's better that way. My son will be going into 10th grade. I hope I can last this long.

 

Just the thought of him in this town with me. We have mutual friends. This town is so small. My graduating class had 39 kids. So now you can get the picture and only imagine. His kids go to the same elementary school as my other daughter, so she see's them. And I see them, I volunteer for the PTA. Of course, non of the kids know. It's not their fault.

 

But our litle one looks like his kids. When I saw his daughter at 5th grade graduation, she saw her and ran over to her, she misses her so much. I took a picture, and its beautiful. I can't give it to his daughter though.

 

I'm hurt, sad, angry and everything else.

I am miserable.

My mom died a year ago.

I don't have any other family.

My sister is in Michigan.

That's it.

So basically its just me and my kids in this hell hole.

 

Thanks for chatting with me....

I appreciate it.

[ICantStopLovinHim]

Originally posted by otherwomen

 

 

 

This is so true of what I was doing.

I was so happy when he called me sometimes 5 times a day, and everyday when he was on business trips. From the airport, on the way to the airport and when he got to his destination. I miss that so much. We used to text each other. I miss that. I lived and breathed for that. Now I don't know how to get him out of my system.

I'm sure he is doing fine now.

 

Hello Its amazing how much we have in common.... I feel the same way we ( me and MM ) used to email while at work at least 20 times a day for two years..we have been over for year and a half now and I still cant stop myself from checking that damn email every two mintues........its hard I know he wont write me even though i feel like I need him too so bad we all have mutual friends I am home now and one just left she was telling my how his only daughters first birthday party was............ Im so depressed right now......I am one who tried to move on I found a wonderfull man and i have a 7 month old son who i adore.......but the MM is the one on my mind every minute of every day I never thought i would ever meet someone who could understand what i am going through......but to me what we had was LOVE i mean we had so much in common so much to talk about we could walk in a crowded room and only see each other.......i mean after a year or so of being together his simple touch would send chills down my spine..........unfortunately i do not feel that with my BF i have tried and tried to feel the same way but the truth is i dont and for that i am so ashamed. I cant talk to any one here about it because they all think i am just being stupid I mean they say get over him you have someone you should feel lucky..I do feel lucky but that isnt going to change how i feel about the MM....I miss him i feel like he was a piece of me and now that he is gone i feel like i wont ever be whole......i want to email him soooooooo bad i mean at work i make myself close my email out just to resisit the temptation.........the last time i emailed him he said that i shouldnt do it anymore because his job was getting real strict about outeroffice email.........i think he just was trying to let me down nicely......i wrote him back after that telling him i was sorry and he told me that since i have a new family I shouldnt be talking to him. He once told me that he was hurt that i moved on......since it was my decision to break it up because he wouldnt leave "her" anyway hes hurt HA!!! if he only knew the pain I feel when i look at my BF and feel like i am betraying him so badly..........All i did was try to move on. And i cant even do that right. well guess i will go for now....thanks for listening. It does help to know im not the only one who ever did something stupid like this.......sure wish i had you guys near me to remind me why i left this man........

[kiababy]

There is so much sadness and pain involved with all of these stories. I wish I wish I wish I had never got involved with him. I feel awful that he makes me so happy....because I know one day the rug will be pulled right out from under me when I least expect it and it will feel like someone ripped my heart out of my chest...and stomped on it.

[yogurtu]

Originally posted by ICantStopLovinHim

Originally posted by otherwomen

unfortunately i do not feel that with my BF i have tried and tried to feel the same way but the truth is i dont and for that i am so ashamed. I cant talk to any one here about it because they all think i am just being stupid I mean they say get over him you have someone you should feel lucky..I do feel lucky but that isnt going to change how i feel about the MM....I miss him i feel like he was a piece of me and now that he is gone i feel like i wont ever be whole......It does help to know im not the only one who ever did something stupid like this.......sure wish i had you guys near me to remind me why i left this man........

 

Please ask God to help you let go of your relationship with your MM. You did the right thing by breaking up with him. Your boyfriend deserves better than never measuring up to your memories of your MM. Your child deserves better as well, and you do, too. Let your MM go. It was not meant to be, and I applaud your courage to break it off with him. He may say he is hurting, but he is better off where he is right now. Rededicate yourself to your BF; it'll pay off so many times in the long run, and now you are not giving 100% of yourself, you're wishy washy because of someone from your past. That's all it is, your past. Please let your MM go for good and start anew with your BF, give him everything you've got; and when you do, you may be surprised that you could get some of the things your ex-MM used to give you, only because you finally decided to commit instead of being on the fence emotionally.

 

Yogurtu

 

Yogurtu

[yogurtu]

Originally posted by kiababy

There is so much sadness and pain involved with all of these stories. I wish I wish I wish I had never got involved with him. I feel awful that he makes me so happy....because I know one day the rug will be pulled right out from under me when I least expect it and it will feel like someone ripped my heart out of my chest...and stomped on it.

 

You are so right, kiababy. My OW and I had this incredible thing and it ended when we least expected it, like you said. It's very painful and sad, our hearts are broken (my OW's, my wife's, and mine) and everyone is hurting now. I should have known better than what I did. I hope we can all start healing soon, and be able to love again, whatever happens.

 

Yogurtu

[kiababy]

I read what you posted in another thread about the 'new' seeming pathetic even though the 'old' seemed to suck. That was a truly awful statement. I've tried so hard not to be vulnerable and fall for him, to let him see that I'm continuing with my own life - and not seem pathetic, but now he's asking me to 'let go' and just go with my feelings. It doesn't help that he's dominant, something I've never experienced before.

 

It's so unbelieveably complicated...none of this was ever supposed to happen. It was a million to one fluke we even met. I have no idea how I ended up here.

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by ICantStopLovinHim

Originally posted by otherwomen

 

Hi I can't stop loving him.

If you want I can give you my personal email address and we can chat. We are so much in the same boat. It's been a 1 1/2 also.

I email kiababy personally, and she is so nice.

It's amazing how much we have in common and its nice FINALLY to have someone just like you to talk to.

All I have heard from other people meaning in my life that oh its not this and that, and its so immoral, etc. etc. I'm the bad egg.

He is thepefect one.

 

I don't know how to give you my email address. Let me know how to do it. Do I send a PM???

 

Thanks

[otherwomen]

Originally posted by yogurtu

I hope we can all start healing soon, and be able to love again, whatever happens.

 

Yogurtu

 

 

 

I still have not been able to move on and love again. Not even my husband. I will never love anyone as much as I loved him.

 

I hate him for everything, all the lies, promises etc.

This is why he will never in a million years be able to see "our" daughter ever again. According to me he has not right.

I don't care how hurt he is.

I don't care if he has an empty spot in his heart so he says.

He can take it all to his grave.

I don't feel bad for him one bit.

He's a perverted pig.

 

I wish his wife knew I was not the only one.

[kiababy]

I still have not been able to move on and love again. I will never love anyone as much as I loved him

 

That's my fear too - that I will never love again after him

[ICantStopLovinHim]

Yes other women i think you can just pm your email I need it right now. I know you guys will probably hate me for this I feel like an alcholic who was going sober and just had a drink..... :( UGHH i just emailed My MM what was I thinking???????I had too talking to my friend about him put him in my head I just had to write him I miss him sssssoooooooooo much i feel so foolish right now he must think I am an idiot.....i closed my email im afraid to see what his response will be>......you should see me right now im a riot I jump every time my phone rings thinking its him calling to tell me not to write him no more....OHH why did i do this?????? UGHHH yes other i need you to talk to please pm your email thanks

[kiababy]

We don't hate you. It's is exactly like an addiction to a drug or alcohol - it's hard to get him out of your system, even when you know it's destroying you. You're trying, that's more than some of us (me) are doing.