ICantStopLovinHim Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Thanks kia but i feel like its the 12 step program ya know? And i just took aa HUGE step back i emailed him i opened myself up for hurt again especially because he isnt responding i know he got it for all I know he probably never even read it and now i feel sssoooooo much worse than i did......i need the strength to let this man go.....but the love we shared is far greater than my ability to just "forget " him....I would do absolutely ANYTHING to go back in time and never meet him it hurts so much.....I called my BF to try to make myself feel better but it didnt do anything but make the guilt worse......all i want is the MM to ackknowledge that i am hurting because he is so happy with his family that doesnt include me Sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
ICantStopLovinHim Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Originally posted by yogurtu Please ask God to help you let go of your relationship with your MM. You did the right thing by breaking up with him. Your boyfriend deserves better than never measuring up to your memories of your MM. Your child deserves better as well, and you do, too. Let your MM go. It was not meant to be, and I applaud your courage to break it off with him. He may say he is hurting, but he is better off where he is right now. Rededicate yourself to your BF; it'll pay off so many times in the long run, and now you are not giving 100% of yourself, you're wishy washy because of someone from your past. That's all it is, your past. Please let your MM go for good and start anew with your BF, give him everything you've got; and when you do, you may be surprised that you could get some of the things your ex-MM used to give you, only because you finally decided to commit instead of being on the fence emotionally. Yogurtu Yogurtu Thank you so much for your kind words Yogurtu , but i feel like it is much more than jus my past....its my life my heart he was and is my everything...UGHH just saying it hurts me. I cannot give my BF my all ( you see i havnt gotten it back) I dont know how to give 100% when i gave my MM 110% and it broke me. Saying forget him and move on you will be happy just doensn't work for me i dont know why......I feel bad that i started a relationship before I allowed myself time to heal from the one i was leaving.....i know i did the right thing by leaving the MM I just didnt know doing the right thing would hurt oh so much. I dont understand how he got so much power over my heart. My BF has it all he is cute out going and above all a great dad. But i cant make my heart do what my mind tells it too. He was a good distraction for a little while but my feelings for the MM are so strong they just wont fade. I cant believe I emailed him today Boy dont i feel stupid he never even wrote me back.....*sigh* I am so pathetic Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 HI, I feel all of those things. I hate it. I don't know how to PM you. I tried but it didn't work. Kia, I will email you later on okay? Try PM me, Icantstoplovinghim Hang in there ok? Wouldn't it be cool if we all lived in the same state???? Wishing right?>>> Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 O.k., I'll look out for your email sugar Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 hi ican'tstoploving him, Has he emailed you back yet? What you wrote about 110% is me. I told my counselor yesterday that I will never get over him and all of this. It's a constant reminder when I look at our daughter everyday. All the lies and dreams from him haunt me. All his loving emails and telling me I was the one that got away, I was his dream girl, princess, ugh.. What else. I want to forget about him. I can't. I have been lying to myself and counselor for all this time. I'm even crying as I write this and its not even 8:00 am yet. I don't sleep at night. If I do I dream about him and maybe that is why I can't sleep, or don't want to sleep so I don't have those dreams. He has no feelings at all. His feelings stopped the day he forced to tell her. He threw me to the curb so fast. Just like that, I was history. Amazing what when do and not have any emotions or feelings. He has a cold heart. I don't even think he has one. It's one way (his way) or nothing. I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I think I am better off dead. No one would miss me. PM me, I don't know how, I tried but it didn't work. Thanks! (I'm here for you) Link to post Share on other sites
ICantStopLovinHim Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 hello other women im sorry I did pm you my email addy. i didn't know you didnt get it. I will try again i dont know why it didnt work Im sorry for what you are going through. I was wondering one thing you are still with your husband right? what does he say about your daughter? Im so sorry you have to have a constant reminder of him i know you love your daughter ( i hope she looks just like you) Anyway no my MM didnt email me back He did something worse i am ashamed to say he called me yesterday at 9:00 a.m. And right now almost 24 hours later i still am replaying the conversation in my head. He just asked me what i wanted from him ....too make a long story short he said he wants me back in his life ( but he never once mentioned leaving her) He asked me if i loved my boyfriend.......I didnt even know how to answer him we only spoke for 20 minutes and i was speechless the entire time. I hate to admit it but right now i was wishing it was yesterday just to hear his voice again.......I love him there is no way about it.....I hate it but i love him......... man i am so hopeless Link to post Share on other sites
ICantStopLovinHim Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 P.S. sweetie you are NOT better off dead you have a daughter who would miss you and still needs you......I am not going to tell you to forget him because i KNow i cant its not easy.....I wish i was a success story that could tell you in time its easier but it has been almost two years for me and its no easier now than it was then. We need each other nena Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 Otherwomen - you are NOT better off dead!!! Over him??? Your children need you - they are the two most important people in your life. I know the pain is too much to deal with but there would be much more pain for those that love you if anything happened to you. And you would not be punishing that bastard or his wife either. They will go on with their lives regardless of what you do. You need closure sooooo badly. I replied to your email by the way. It's really long, sorry. Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
leilab Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Otherwoman - At times I feel the same way. Every day is a struggle to win the upper hand over my sadness and despair. I still feel like I am not a whole person and think daily, hourly about the how and why. And then it ends with the thought that I will never really understand. But when I come home I see my little girl - my 7 year old - and I KNOW FOR A FACT that she loves me 100%. Not 50%, not 30% - she loves me completely and totally. And when I am sad or blue, she always tries to cheer me up, like bring her doctor's bag and determining why I am sick. True love should not hurt - and I realize that even though I may love my ex-MM 100%, he does not return that. I know how hard it is to have loved and lost. But you have to hope that you will find love again some day. You may never forget how much you love him, but someone may come along that you will love deeply in another way. But you must give yourself the chance to heal - and you must be patient. On another note - perhaps some antidepressants would help as well. Never say no to modern technology. And it may help you to stabilize your mood. Hang in there - we are all in the same boat - and we need to keep encouraging each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 Great point Leilab - yes, Antidepressants do help - I've been taking the 'blue pills' for the last 2 years. Before that I would burst into tears and cry uncontrollably for no reason. They don't cure anything but they make it easier to cope. I can't believe your therapist hasn't suggested that Otherwomen! Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Hi, Oh I am on them. Have been forever. I take lamitical too for moods. It doesn't help. That is why we are going to try EMDR. Its suppose to work wonderful and my counselor says it would help me put those thoughts of him in another part of my brain. It hurts to know that he doesn't care. But if is wife didn't confront him you can bet he would be here right now screwing me. I try to remember and think about what he was like way back, and how ugly is he, and gross and a loser. I know that sounds terrible, but he is and was all those things. He never GF;s before. No one ever wanted to go out with him. His wife only had one BF, because she is the same way. Maybe that's why they are together. They both have the same cold-heart. He knows that my daughter is his. I recently told him that she's not. I lied and told him the test was fake and he was not that name he made up. She looks like me and him. Thank god she is beautiful and didn't come out looking like him and his family. I have been told that she should be modeling. She is 3. People call her a mini-me. Anyways, I take pills and pills everyday. I was burned so bad and believe in him and his promises. I really thought it was true love because he told me over and over again it was. I hate living in the same town. He told his wife that it was my decision to move back here.... I wish I could show her the email says it the other way around. thanks everyone....for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 he wants to get a court order in regards to my daughter. He wanted to take her away to be with his dyke..... She is all I have left. He is a friggin jerk. Has to rub it in my face about his 40th b-day party on sat. and how there are 60 people going. nice huh?? Link to post Share on other sites
canadiangirl1972 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 ...That is so totally me. Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Really... you have to share it with me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Otherwomen, he can’t take your daughter away. You’ve been the primary caregiver, you’ve been there to raise her from day one. Say he does take you to court, worst case scenario: he wins visitation. You dress your little angel in her nicest outfit, drop her off and don’t ever let her see your anxiety or hostility towards him. Don’t let him make her the pawn in this whole thing. I’m telling you this because I’ve been on both sides of the custody issue. My parents didn’t finally divorce until I was 14, before that there were year and years where I had visits with my dad. My mother made it as horrible as possible, she would say terrible things about him and he said nasty things about her in return. I was caught in the middle and I hated them both. Being an only child made it even worse, there was only me to absorb their s**t. I get along fine with my dad now, but I still have huge issues with my mother…..probably due to the fact that she took my ex-husbands side during my own divorce and actually SAT BESIDE HIM IN COURT!!!!! Anyways, she supported my ex in his bid to try to get sole custody of our two boys. He lost – we have joint custody, which I’m fine with, and you know what? He only takes them half of the time he demanded during the custody hearing. So, next time he threatens court action tell him that’s fine, that you look forward to your daughter spending some nice quality time with him. You think his wife is going to take your place? No way sweetheart. You are her MOTHER. Children will beg to stay with the worst, most abusive mothers…..you are nothing like that and have nothing to fear from them. This is the time when you need to hold it together- in public and in front of your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Thank you Kia. He like to threaten be all the time with this. He knows he can. She doesn't even like him. My other two kids don't like any of them, including his mom and dad. They are so totally wacked. I put some stuff in a bag, and hid it down a new development behind a rock, told him to go get it, I don't want any of it in my house anymore. It was a t-shirt, a teddy bear, tons of photos, and get this.....a vibrator...lol...I don't want that in my house, some toy we used together....remember I told you he liked it up the butt, ha ha ha...well that is in the bag. He sent me an email last night and said that he didn't get it. That means a worker down there must of seen me and grabbed it. I never told him what was in it. But it was the street right near his. Only one mile from my house...yuck. IT's funny, because of the photos were of him and his family. With his dyke wife...sorry I think it is so funny. I never liked his wife from the start. I think that is why I never felt guilty sleeping with him, loving him and all of that stupid crap i fell for. I also thougth she was manly, a cold heart and a dyke want a be. Thank you for making me smile, I was crying... that is all I do. I'll keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 You're welcome doll....by the way, does your doctor know that the pills are not helping you? If they aren't working he should take you off them, or switch to something else. I work for a pharmaceutical manufacturer and sit in many meetings about what drugs actually do to the human body; there are all kinds of side effects associated with medications. If they don't work for you, why subject your body to the unwanted toxins? Pharmacists are a great source of information with regard to drugs too, you might want to mention it to him. Just something to think about. Stay strong sweetheart Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Oh thank you. I'll email you on the other one to tell you what I take. I am so weak.. I hate myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 You're very very vulnerable to his bulls**t, that's all. He is an evil pr**k for the nasty stuff he emails you, especially pulling your daughter into it. Suggest a good gay bar for him to visit, where he can get all the butt action he needs!! grrrrrrrrrrr .............. I'd like to have half an hour with that guy - I'll give him some butt action all right - I'll rip him a new hole he can use........ Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 He sent me this long email about how it was all my fault we got together. I will send it to you on the other email later ok.. I can't stop crying...and crying .... and crying... Link to post Share on other sites
ICantStopLovinHim Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Hello other , kia....... I just wanted to tell you other go back up and read what you wrote you said he is ugly he is a looser and he likes it in the WHA????? Come on now you know you deserve much better than that......No Need to cry over him no man is worth .......like I am one to talk right? But anyway like kia said dont sweat the court thing either i dont think his wife would want him to try to take her from you would she? The best he would get like she said is visitation my ex husband tried to take me to court and take my other two kids from me as well he was using "spousal abuse, and abandonment" As his reason.. in the end i got fulll custoday of both of them and he never takes them even half of the time he was fighting for.......but i understand your dilema if it was me i wouldnt want my daughter around her.......YUKKK Do you ever try to talk to other men? I tried that one too......although this is weird I must say after my MM callled me two days ago its like I dont think about him as much.. I guess its because i know he still wants me back and i want to SOOOO bad i miss the touching kissing UGHH i miss it all..........i need a drink Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 HI, I gave him back everything...he picked it up. I couldn't throw it out. I thought it would be best to give it back and he can throw it out. well he threw the tie tack I gave him, I paid almost $200 for it. He threw it right in the trash can. He could have given it back to me. I would of hawked it something, but to throw it in the trash can, I cannot forgive him for that. I guess the dyke told him too. She would LOVE to get her manly hands on my daughter, because when we were all friends she loved her to death, and was suppose to be her god-mother.....so she would love it...and they would be the perfect little family along with their other two brats who are just like them. Amazing how their kids turned out jus like the both of them. Stubborn, cold, emotionless. They are both of these. I am so upset he threw it in the trash. Just like that. I have a husband, but not in love with him That is why I never felt bad. I live here in a gorgeous house with no love, no making love, no nothing. I will never have that EVER again. I can't believe I have to go on like this forever. A loveless no love-making love life. No romance, compassion, nothing at all. It makes me want to get up and run away. I am crying so hard right now. Because he threw it away in the trash... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Otherwomen - you WILL have love again...after all this pain and sh*t is over with. I understand what you mean totally about the big beautiful house and loveless marriage. Had that too, left it because I hated being married to the man I was with. At least your husband is loving and kind. I would rather be alone than have to live in a loveless house. Well, my situation just went down a couple of notches.....not with MM, oh no, that one is stronger than ever....but today my boss, VP of Sales - called me into his office. Head office is selling off our division. I'm out of a job. He's a great guy and wanted to give me the heads-up. He is going to a much bigger company the first week in September and he asked his new boss there if he could bring me over.....they won't know until they get his position (a new division head) set up. In the meantime I guess I'll go back to waitressing....go to nursing school....I'll do something. I know this doesn't belong in this topic but it's the thread I started so.....sigh.....everyone has their stuff to deal with....... Link to post Share on other sites
ICantStopLovinHim Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 OK hold on a second.......what do you mean when you all were friends and SHE was going to be your daughters god mother? You mean you and her got along while you were with her husband?? Oh man thats bad. I didnt know you knew her wow Mama trust me i know EXACTLY what you mean about being in a emotionless and loveless marriage I got married at 20 because i was pregnant with my second child by this man needless to say by the time i had tha baby my EX husband had cheated on me so much i had become numb to it so i started seeing my MM but me and my NOW EX husband didnt part we lived together more as roommates rather than husband and wife we never even slept in the same room for the last two years of the marriage. But finally I LEFT him when i thought my MM would leave his girl for me and then around 7 months later I realized that wasnt going to happen......so i left him too......you say you cry because he threw it away? did he tell you he did or did you see him do it? maybe he just said that to make you upset? Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 We were all friends, the 4 of us with our kids. We went to FL twice together. They came over EVERY weekend. They were both to be her godparents. It was too late, her baptism was 1 month after everything. My ex friend told his wife everything about us. I shouldn't have confided in her. So he went home that night after work and she grilled him and asked him until he couldn't take, cracked and told HER everything!!! Except for my little girl... So I was history. He didn't even care about me. my mom died 2 weeks after and I was a mess and he still didn't care. Not one bit. If the tables were turned, I can bet you that he would have been on my butt. But he was cold, and left me like that. Threw me away. Look up EMDR, that is what my counselor referred me to try with a doc who does it, so monday is my 1st time...read about ok. I hope it works for me.. It was messed up situation with everyone. I never told my husband, only that we were together once. He told his wife everything...well I guess he told her it was all my fault, and I made him love me and have sex me and all of that. No wonder she is not leaving. He lied to her about the whole affair, turned the tables on me. I just decided not to step into quick sand and tell my husband. We haven't slept in the same room for 6 years!!!!!! I haven't made love with him for over 3. I had to when haley was conceived to make it look good. I was already pregnant. Its a lovely life I have. Ever hear that song by Bryan Adams? "the best was yet to come" Well listen to it and the lyrics that is me. Link to post Share on other sites
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