Do you think he's cheating??

[Sarantt]

Hi,

 

My boyfriend and I recently split up for a couple of weeks then decided to give things another go but starting from the beginning. We are seeing each other about twice a week at the moment, and he feels this is normal for a relationship in your twenties. I'm not so comfortable with this, but that's not totally relevant.

 

The last time I saw him I found out he has put a password on his phone and has started to turn it to silent when we're together. He has always been very open with his phone in the past. When I asked why it was on silent he said he changed it when we were broken up and I was trying to contact him and had just forgotten to change it back. He then took it off silent, but when I saw him a few days later it was silent again.

 

I have a really bad feeling about all of this. He once told me he had a password on his phone when he was with his ex because he was cheating on her, but I don't feel I can ask him if he is because he will get angry with me and wouldn't tell me the truth anyway if he had been.

 

Any ideas how I can deal with this? I have always trusted him in the past but his behaviour at the moment seems so odd it's made me question this.

Would you say this is suspicious behaviour? Please help!!!

[january2011]

There may be perfectly good reasons for his behaviour. However, there are a number of red flags in your post. You don't agree with how often you see each other, his secretive behaviour with his phone mirrors previous behaviour in a situation when he cheated, you don't feel that you can bring this up with him becase he'll get angry and you don't feel that he'll tell you the truth anyway.

 

I think that the trust in this relationship has been broken. And if you can't talk openly about it for fear of his reaction, nor will you trust what he says anyway, I don't think this is a great foundation for a long-term relationship.

 

Perhaps with time and consistent trustworthy behaviour on his part, you might learn to trust him again. However, in my opinion, once the trust has been broken it's never really the same again and there'll always been some nagging doubts. Some people can live like that. I, personally, could not, so I'd advise you to walk away before you invest even more time and energy into this relationship.

 

Edit: A quick review of your previous posts also suggests that the lack of trust is an issue for both parties. I'm sorry, I think that this relationship is not recoverable.

Edited May 12, 2012 by january2011

[carhill]

If you're truly 'starting from the beginning' after a breakup, that implies what is at the beginning for nearly every dating dynamic; non-exclusivity.

 

My best advice is to communicate about and discuss the parameters of 'starting from the beginning' with him directly.

 

An example from a marriage would be, if separating, communicating ground rules for 'dating others' during the separation. What is acceptable; what is not. If agreement cannot be reached, in that situation or this, perhaps it is healthier to make the split permanent and move on.