theJakeFury Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Ok so, here is the lowdown. My gf is pregnant with my child. Lately she has acted extremely distant. Going as far as making me sleep on the couch every night, locking the door telling me not to bother her at all (going in the room, texting, talking, etc.), constantly nagging about the smallest thing like making tea incorrect. Also, I came home today from work and my guitar was moved from the spot I had sat it yesterday when I played it in a manner I wouldn't lean it against the wall. Also, she doesn't eat peanut butter, but there was a spoon with peanut butter on it in the sink. And she says this guy she "is annoyed by" messages her on Facebook all the time. I say you don't have to reply, she says I know, I don't want to be mean though. When she takes a bath, not a shower, she takes her phone with her saying she gets on Facebook while she's in the bath. Maybe she thought I wouldn't connect the two? Maybe I'm just overreacting and she's acting this way because she is pregnant. Advice would be extremely helpful Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Hi JF, What are your intentions with this woman? Are you jealous? Are you commited because of the child? Once we have established this - what are her intentions? May I remind you that you are not married, ie. no commitment has been expressed. I believe that it should not be until both of you are serious about marriage. Right now you are not a man with a plan but a man with a dick! Link to post Share on other sites
Author theJakeFury Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 We have both expressed desire to marry the other before she became pregnant. And both agreed that we would put those plans on hold until after our baby was born. She has always said she isn't a cheater (has never cheated on anyone) and I have given her no reason to cheat. Like I said though, her behavior has become rather odd. She has never acted like this. No affection, barely can hold a conversation, her phone is attached to her hand. I also wonder how anyone could go along with her with her symbol of commitment so blatantly obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I would suggest that you resolve your suspicion by placing a voice operating recorder in her room. Should you pick up negative feedback, express your concerns of lack of trust. Her behavior merits this. Suggest a polygraph Her past reaction could be post natal depression. Link to post Share on other sites
MediumRare Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 The fact that the house is being tampered with in unusual ways is a red flag. She may very well be having an affair in your very own home. I know my WS was and I didn't know it for a fact until some of my things went totally missing (OM was stealing from us as well..). I would suggest a keylogger on her computer and perhaps her phone. Once you have her passwords, you can see the evidence. If she sets her phone down, you should quickly try to recover it and see her texts. Many Android phones have a bug you can look up too. If she leaves it password locked, if you page and click answer, then "Back" it will be on the desktop unlocked. Google for similar bugs/work-arounds for cell phones. Sometimes you can even read their SIM cards on PC's and laptops with smartcard readers, etc. etc. The call to place a voice-activated recorder is a good one. Just be prepared for what you might find. It can be devastating to recover texts, IM's and Facebook messages from a cheating spouse. The things they say about you and about each other can be very shocking. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. It sucks but it happens. Good luck and much strength to you! Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 You're here because you know in your heart your GF has an OM and the kid may not be yours. Time to put key logger on PC, hide DVAR in the house and her car, check phone bill to find out who the OM is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author theJakeFury Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 So here is the latest.. Still the same behavior (no communication, living like roommates, anything I try to talk to her about ends up in a heated argument). She also puts all the blame on me as to why we haven't got any money saved for future expenses (baby, etc.). I use my entire check to pay bills. The ENTIRE check. I have no money left over. She is a server at a local restaurant so she makes at least $50 every shift which we use to get groceries, etc. In addition, we have agreed to let her handle where the money goes and to what extent. I trust her with it, or I did. Lately she has eaten out at least once a day. Most days, twice. Last night she left after an argument, didn't say where she was going, when she would be back. Two hours later I text her and ask where she is to which she replies, "on my way home". She gets home with a to-go cup from a restaurant on the other side of town after the argument we had was about money saving (she drove all the way there and ate, using our money). Now I think back to conversations we have had. The particular restaurant she went to, she had complained about a guy working there whose mother had previously tried to hook them up before we met. Now, I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not. I've never met the guy and wouldn't recognize him in a crowd. I'm just, I feel like there is WAY too much distance for us to be partners about to bring life into the world. Another red flag. She always leaves in pajamas. The other day when I was leaving for work I noticed she had a rather nice dress shirt in her backseat. I'm not one to jump to conclusions or make accusations without knowing everything. I keep in my mind that she had never cheated on anyone nor have I given her reason to. I have been supportive 100% of the time. Soon I will start a better paying job in addition to the job I have now. Am I being to subtle with the situation? What am I not seeing? Link to post Share on other sites
rubberduck Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 From a womans point of view.. I got a bit funny like that when I was pregnant too. I got really annoyed with everything (hormones maybe?), really badly needed my own space as I felt like my body was being taken over by this life inside me and I didn't 'own' it any more. She might just be freaking out, and pregnancy for me magnified things SO much.. let her have some space and see how things go. Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 She is cheating... and probably ****ing another guy. There is a GOOD chance the baby isnt yours... Dont sign the birth certificate until you have a dna test done. Start taking care of your own money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theJakeFury Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Ok, so we've come to the conclusion that something isn't right. Not saying cheating because like I said, I don't have hard facts. The thing is it is extremely difficult to get hard facts. I don't have access to her phone because she is locked in the bedroom. We aren't on the same phone plan yet because we are still in the early stages of living together so that rules out that. How do I get evidence this way? I can't go spend $$$ on equipment or spy programs because I don't have the money. Wtf do I do? I really love her but I'm not going to put myself through that ESPECIALLY if it isn't even my child. Out of all this, I would want that to be the single truth that comes from this situation. I would be devastated if it wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Big red flags. 1) on stupidbook all the time and at strange times, 2) a locked phone that never leaves her side. 3) unaccounted for absences. You absolutely 100 percent sure this is your child? Just askin' Link to post Share on other sites
Author theJakeFury Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 I really want to follow her so I know, but I don't trust myself with not acting if I see something. And, I really think it is my child because I remember specifically the night we had sex and I didn't pull out at all. And this was before all this odd behavior. Like when we were happy. Before we lived together. I understand just because you're having a child together doesn't mean you're meant to be together, but if this is true, could I have full custody of my child? I don't know how that works. Does infidelity even matter in court? Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I don't know why your accepting this type of behavior (pregnant or not). IMO assume she is cheating and accept it. I'd lay it out to her plain and simple that your not happy and your thinking about moving out. Its much easier to understand the behavior of others when you put yourself in her shoes. Pretend that your her and the changes in her behavior in every negative way. Ditch the b*tch! Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Tbh, most of these changes can be explained. Peanut butter may be because of craving. Quitar moved may be because it was annoying there. Arguments may be because of hormones. The one that can't be explained is stupidbook obsession. There may be an EA forming there. I would still snoop though. Link to post Share on other sites
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