Ok so he cheated back

[SocialButterfly]

I had a feeling he's been wanting to do this for a long while but still had hopes he would at least be the better person.

 

Just found out through a short message he left open that the girl's name is really Cassandra but he calls her Cassie. In one of the message I'm reading it's saying:

So Cassie, did you had a good time last night? I hope we can meet again some other time. Let me know. I'll just tell my gf I'll be busy working.

 

I have yet to confront him about this. But is this still worth trying, now that I can't trust him either? It still sucks and I'm just as hurt as he was then but mainly I'm angry.

 

If I'm correct, I'm suspecting he knew this girl for a while (I'm thinking months after my cheating): all that time leading me on saying how I was forgiven and would still work it out.

Edited May 12, 2012 by SocialButterfly

[Radu]

I don't know your backstory [would be nice to include links and a short reminder on it], but i found the last part funny coming from a cheater.

[d'Arthez]

And you remain in this dysfunctional relationship why?

[SocialButterfly]

I don't know your backstory [would be nice to include links and a short reminder on it]

Yes this is from last year when I first joined in this site.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/268892-bf-still-mad-about-8-months-old-cheating

 

And this is from about 2 weeks ago:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/322938-bfs-female-friend-contacts-him-often

[SocialButterfly]

And you remain in this dysfunctional relationship why?

I was thinking it would get better but now I think it's really over.

[d'Arthez]

I have briefly looked through the earlier posts you made a year ago. Because you have not been on for a year, it is hard to really know what your daily relationship was like.

 

The two of you may well have been flogging a dead horse, but not been able to admit to such a state of affairs. He obviously had issues with you cheating, but I am sure you had some issues with him as well. I doubt revenge was his prime motive. Which suggests there were other major concerns in your relationship, that the two of you could not / would not address. Sometimes people grow apart, and cannot get the relationship going again as something positive.

 

Perhaps it is time to call it quits. If you feel that way, it is your call to ask him about the details of this "Cassie" incident. But bear in mind that what you get to know, cannot be "un-known", which could give rise to a host of trust issues. Only you can decide if that is something you can live with.

[SocialButterfly]

Yeah you're right I'm about to throw the towel. All I can say is I did tried my best to gained back his trust then and sadly it has gotten to this point.

 

I'm still upset because at least I didn't have sex with the other guy while he did went all the way with her. In that sense it makes his cheating worst.

[d'Arthez]

Degrees of relativity mean nothing in the long run.

 

When you do decide to throw in the towel be careful. If you don't give him an explanation, he may decide to spill the beans on his own about what happened between him and Cassandra. That might be info you are not really waiting for. Especially not if he suddenly decides to bring up his views of why the relationship was not working, and what could be done to improve matters.

 

Obviously, things did never really improve in the past year. Even if the two of you could get a few good months more by suddenly making the effort, chances are you will run into the same issue again and again.

 

Better to save yourself the additional heartache and go your separate ways. As painful as it is, I think that is the best option you have at the moment.

[PickMeARose]

I'm still upset because at least I didn't have sex with the other guy while he did went all the way with her. In that sense it makes his cheating worst.

 

In reality, cheating is cheating regardless if you "went all the way" or just foreplay. Its not exactly about what you did, but the fact that even got to that point.

 

I've cheated before, and have been cheated on. And either way..its gonna be hard, but getting out of the relationship is probably for the best because once that trust is broken, its very very hard to get it back.

[SocialButterfly]

Ok I just broke if off hours ago. He was upset and has called me twice, trying to ask me back. I didn't answered it.

[SocialButterfly]

Aww poor you. Good for him on not being a door mat and getting it someplace else like you did. The feeling sucks right ? I believe you really dont feel anything about him cheating emotionally, you are just mad he one upped you. Now all he has to do is dump you.

I broke it off myself.

[coltsfan1]

Socialbutterfly- I hate to say it but I have to aggree with SOME of what previous posters have said. I don't think you have true remorse, but regret I believe you do. At your age you may not understand but regret and remorse are not the same. Judging by both your previous threads you are not taking full responsibility for YOUR actions. You DO NOT get a break because you JUST blew the guy but didn't let him bend you over.

 

I think regardless of who broke up with who it is for the best, however I will say this. You both have a true 2nd chance opportunity. In a few years after you both have done some growing and maturing as people you may run into each other again. This is the only glimmer of hope you have, but by my assesment YOU need to do the growing.

 

I will also say this, because you cheated doesn't make it right for him. If he said he forgives you he should. But you need to learn that this ALL is YOUR fault. 15 days is nothing, look at the men and women who have husbands/wives in the service. They go to Iraq/Aphganistan/Korea for months/years at a time. Does that give their partners the right to cheat?

Edited May 14, 2012 by coltsfan1