My boyfriend seems distant, What should i do ?

[Brookiedoll87]

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My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year. Lately , when i talk to him on the phone he seems distant. It seems as if, he doesnt even want to talk to me. When we see each other on whatever day it maybe, he still acts distant. I dont understand what is the matter with him. He says he sometimes he "needs space." He claims i dont let him do anything or go anywhere. But thats just it... he does everything he wants to do , but i do nothing. He often makes promises he can not keep. I wish he would just tell me what his problem is, but he makes me guess whats wrong all the time. He doesnt treat me fair, its his way or no ones way. I really do love him, but i just want him to try and understand things from my point of view. I have no intentions of breaking it off with him. How can i make him understand me? What could be wrong? He is always telling me he loves me, and he wants to be with me for a very long time but i just dont understand where he is coming from either. I am just confused. Help... Please.

[unreal]

Brookiedoll87:

 

The same thing happened to me. I hate to put bad thoughts into your head, but after that "distant" and "need for space" thing started, my relationship ended within 2-3 weeks. The only thing I can recommend is for you to instigate a "talk" about your feelings towards him. Express to him now how you feel truly about him and that you are there for him. If that doesn't help, there is nothing you can do. Leave the ball in his court to decide what he wants and that you will support his decision. I mean really there is nothing else you can do.

[Brookiedoll87]

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Thanks Unreal, i guess your right. I just don't know how to talk to him anymore, he's just got me all confused. I want him to talk about it but every time i try to have a REAL conversation with him, he changes the subject. I mean , i have had to have patience with him , but it wearing thin quickly.

[Starnette83]

[color=red][font=arial]Hey girl,

 

I read ure problem, trust me ive been there with my bf so much..ive been with my guy for over 3 years, and when he acted this way i was aloof..and i would be more clingy cuz i got scared he was starting to lose interest..so id whine and even cry.."why r u acting this way with me?" .."I want to talk to u and u just wanna hang up, this is not right"...and stuff like that...the more i got liek this, the worst things got between us, he became more distance and careless towards myf eelings..i really didnt know what to do anymore, i had tried talkingt o him , even complained to him about it, i would go and see him and thought that it would help, so we'd kiss and stuff but eventaulyl he would act wahtever with me again..anyways girl...this doesnt work!!!!

 

what does work...DO YOUR OWN THING!!! stop being concerned for him, dont ask him "whats wrong" anymore...instead when he acts distnat...u keep ureslef away too..once he sees u pulling away he will be drawn to u..i know its pathetic but guys hate not having a challenge, and once they know ure all in love with them and always want to see them they lose interest...so girl u can still change things..trust me if u dont he might try the break thing..and u dont want thatl....so next time ..just say ure busy..when he calls u..or instead of him cutting it short..u cut it short!!! KEEP DISTANCE and hewill come to you!!! write back!! and good luck[/font][/color]

[supergirl79]

I had the same thing happen to me, and is still happening to me, and I had many of the same reactions you did! I'd cry or something, and he'd push away further - or he'd tell me I don't let him do anything he wants to, but he did everything he wanted to! He just says that when it comes to hanging out with me and apparently he doesn't want to! it's frustrating because in a sense I feel rejected, like he's not attracted to me anymore or that there may be someone else - which could be the case, but I'm not sure? It's interesting to hear that other men are the same way and I think i need to try and force distance between he and I too - maybe he'll come running back! It sucks you have to play games when you're in a serious relationship - shouldn't have to be like that, ya know? Let me know how it turns out....

[Brookiedoll87]

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Ya'll are a really great help. I went to go to a friends house, an when he called, i told him " I'm Busy, i cant talk now... Love You ...BYE" and he was shocked. So i went to call him like he asked and immediately he acted "worried" as if i had went off an cheated on him. I couldn't help but laugh as a Reaction to the way he reacted himself. As i am Replying to him, he's on the phone. He's very talk-active and interested in me. For once, i feel like the center of attention. And c'mon lady's... not being "self-centered" but ya'll know its good to feel like the center of attention once in a while !!! Thanks , and keep my posted on ya'lls relationships. Its good to know i'm not the only one out there who's dealing with "GUY TROUBLE." I'm sure i will have another problem soon... Trust me, i know how HE is ! Thanks again

[only1Honey]

Brookiedoll87 or anyone else:

 

I've been with my man for a couple of years. The relationship started great! Conversation, eye contact, holding hands, kissing, hugging. That all stopped after several months. I thought well, he's used to the relationship he feels he doens't have to keep up the love. I didn't say much, tried unsucessfully to get some kisses, tried to be all polite...

 

Things improved for a while.

 

After not working for a year simply because he didn't want to, he got a job working in a bar (maybe now he can start paying for stuff)

He started getting distant again. Worse than before. He'd not come home until 5 or 6 am. Bars here close at 2:30. Then he developed a routine of work, internet porn, sleep, eat, more porn, shower, work.

 

I love porn as much as anyone. Frankly I'm not into 18 year olds. Too young for me. That's all he looks at. We literally have thousands of teen pics, movies of teens, teens losing their virginity. I know I look good. Okay I'll be 30 in Sept. but I'm 5'3, 125 pounds, tanned. Hell I'm a stripper that makes good money. I've got people hitting on me all the time. Everyone except my boyfriend who's busy with his deflowering videos and teenagers playing with themselves.

 

This happened for a couple of months.

 

I started looking for a place to live. I think one of my friends told him how I felt because after a drunken spree he's all crying and saying he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I told him if I wanted to feel like I was living with a brother or a roommate I'd do just that.

We either had a relationship with kissing, hugging and other stuff we used to do, or let's just call it quits.

 

Why does he pay attention to what other people say I say. But coming from me he ignores it.

 

Things improved for a while. (Yeah like a couple of days) I got some kisses at least.

 

Then it was back to the ol' routine. Except this time he started coming home at around 3-4 am.

 

Fine! I'll go online and look at guys. hahahaha... He started noticing what I was doing (maybe it was because I was hogging up the computer) and he asks me if that's what I want, those tight pecs, hard bodies of the hot men I'm looking at.

 

I told him the same line of s**t he told me. No I'm just looking. Then he tells me the men I look at online make him feel fat. (He hadn't worked out since forever so he is a little) I ask him if those girls are what he wants. I tell him sure I can drop another 10 pounds or so but I can't age regress. He says no...

 

Now why is it that when he looks at the teeny boppers he says doesn't want them? But when I look at guys he says I want them and that's what I'm looking for?

 

I may be a stripper but I'm calm, reasonable, intelligent. Don't play "stupid" games with me. So why is it when I politely inform him of how this makes me feel he ignores it? Why are the things I want not important?

 

The last time I went to go run an errand with him he went to speeds in excess of 95 mph. In a 67 pickup. I've never driven 85. I tell him calmly that 95 was fun but can we slow it down some now please.

 

Totally did the opposite. I stayed quiet to he woulnd't know what he was doing to me.

 

I need help, advice, whatever. I lost my family in high school and I can't talk to my friends here (town's too small)