I feel numb in my relationship not sure to break up or not

[sydneyhendrix05]

I feel like I should break up, but am not completely sure. I kind of checked out of my relationship about a year ago emotionally and am just not into it. There is little to no romance, maybe like once or twice a week. Kissing just doesn't seem right anymore. We get along fine and rarely argue, but it seems like more of a friend thing. She always hangs out in the bedroom watching movies and I like being outside doing stuff. We spend maybe 2 hours a week actually doing something other than errands together. We've had sex about 5 times in the relationship in 7+ years. Our lease is running up and I feel like I should end it, but in a way it feels like I could sign another lease for money savings, but then I'm stuck another year and not happy at all. Plus living together for financial reasons seems wrong. Should I break up or sign another lease with her? I also feel no excitement when I see her. Picked her up from the airport and wasn't excited to see her honestly. We don't hug and maybe kiss once a week. We're both 26. I'm her first relationship.

[rAFC]

I feel like I should break up, but am not completely sure. I kind of checked out of my relationship about a year ago emotionally and am just not into it. There is little to no romance, maybe like once or twice a week. Kissing just doesn't seem right anymore. We get along fine and rarely argue, but it seems like more of a friend thing. She always hangs out in the bedroom watching movies and I like being outside doing stuff. We spend maybe 2 hours a week actually doing something other than errands together. We've had sex about 5 times in the relationship in 7+ years. Our lease is running up and I feel like I should end it, but in a way it feels like I could sign another lease for money savings, but then I'm stuck another year and not happy at all. Plus living together for financial reasons seems wrong. Should I break up or sign another lease with her? I also feel no excitement when I see her. Picked her up from the airport and wasn't excited to see her honestly. We don't hug and maybe kiss once a week. We're both 26. I'm her first relationship.

 

Wow, in 7+ years you've only had sex together 5 times?!? Do either of you ever try to initiate sex?

 

Only you can decide if you want to spend another year with her, but you sound more like friends than lovers. Personally, if I were in your situation, I would have been out of the relationship a loooong time ago.

[sydneyhendrix05]

I used to initiate sex all the time, probably close to everyday, but I was always turned down so I stopped asking. I think eventually I just assumed it was a no so I stopped asking and didn't initate anything. When we do have sex I don't even orgasm because I'm not into it at all. She tries to initiate sometimes now, but I'm just not into it. For Valentines day I flew her cross country as a last ditch change my mind thing and spark romance again. I bought everything and she didn't even get me a card.

[Pod81]

Sounds like she is totally taking you for granted. Is that something you want in a girlfriend?? Personally, I don't think it's worth being in a relationship that's like a bland, old marriage. If it was a case where you're happy and she's not, then that's different and you might want to do something to salvage the relationship. But the fact that neither of you seem that happy and are bored with each other, then you might as well break up with her. But the thing you need to ask yourself first is...do you love her as more than a friend? If no, then break up. If yes, then perhaps a break would be helpful. As a suggestion in case you do date someone else in the future, do NOT live with your girlfriend for the long-term because that frequently leads to old married couple syndrome.

[sydneyhendrix05]

I'm not happy at all mainly because the relationship is so boring. We don't have much extra money after the bills, but there's still free entertainment like biking, or any form of exercise or game. I'm beyond bored and I've told her this a ton of times. I do think she takes me for granted, but she'll never admit to that. I think she's definitely happier than me. She seems to think this is how relationships are and I don't think she'd ever break it off, even though in the past she's mentioned she wasn't happy at all. We do live together so that complicates the break too, but I could just go to a friends or my parents for the last months of the lease. I know I'd be happier single. It would be a big relief.

[TaraMaiden]

...Would she even notice if you moved out?

Somehow, i think you'd both get over it pretty quickly.

 

I think it's time you spread your wings and moved on with your life.

If she wants to find another room-mate - up to her.

 

go NC, of course.....

[sydneyhendrix05]

What does NC mean? She'd notice if I was gone because she uses my car everyday for work because she has none, she does try to do sexual things now maybe once a week or so, but I'm just not into it at all so I make no effort. Like I just don't buy condoms so we can't have sex. I'm also not really attracted to her anymore. I don't really have fun with her so that's part of it. We both basically sit inside in opposite rooms all day and night so there's not much contact.

Edited May 13, 2012 by sydneyhendrix05

[TaraMaiden]

NC - means - no Contact.

looks like you're 3/4 of the way there anyway....

 

Honestly, this is utterly hopeless.

you've both abandoned this dry, unsavoury and frankly useless existence and it's dead in the water.

Just call it a day.

I know it's difficult to even summon up the desire to do that, but just look for another apartment and go your own way.

You owe her nothing, and likewise, it seems that she's not beholden to you for anything.

Tie up the loose ends and get a life, guys!

[ChelleBelle08]

you need to end it. It seems you feel bad because she will have a lot of trouble without you. That is an extremely long relationship for people your age to be unhappy for that long. You guys are young, you should be having sex on a daily basis. If u feel the need to help her out until she is on her feet, then do it, but get out. you guys should be happy and in love and wanting to do fun things together. Move on and see what the world has to offer you.

[sydneyhendrix05]

For a young couple I agree we should be having more fun and more sex. The problem is I can't afford paying two rents at one time. I hate being stuck here faking the relationship thing. I could go home to my parents for a couple months. That wouldn't be great, but I could manage for a couple months. I do feel bad for the no car thing plus she'll have to find a place of her own.