Rorschach64 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Background story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/289896-not-sure-what-happened-end 10 months ago my ex-f left me/falsely accused me of cheating and it felt like the most devestating thing ever. Not only did I feel that it was devestating, I felt cheated, slighted, used, and made a fool, who travels for 32 hours of travel by flight and hands over a not so cheap laptop just to get dumped. Of course, I had no idea what I was walking in to when I arrived there but I should have, damn those rose tinted glasses (right term?). I had no choice after attempting all possible ways of reconcilliation/throwing logic at the problem but to go NC, since I'll be damned if I was going to be second best and accept friend status, that July of 2011. I guess some would call me lucky not to have had my ex try to reach out to me at all, even to return my property. What has it gotten me after all this time? A decent portion of my sanity, enough to do very well in my medical studies, confidence reaquired, a great deal of understanding with relationships, but also a sense of pessimisim about females. Though the most tiresome and troublesome is that my ex-f still lingers in my mind and heart. She remains there still, thankfully not as bad as before, and I have no idea why. I cannot accurately depict this feeling I have when I think about her, it feels like longing for her and the good memories we created together, but, on the flip side, there is only frustration plus a feeling that it wasn't ever real. The notion that it wasn't real makes me feel lost, angry at myself, and only serves to further my pessimism. I guess, I am ranting here tonight because, for one, I accidently stumbled on a picture of her on my computer (deleted it promptly, of course) and now all I can think of is "I just don't know anymore." Otherwise, still glad I haven't broken NC, so that's a positive. Link to post Share on other sites
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) Background story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/289896-not-sure-what-happened-end 10 months ago my ex-f left me/falsely accused me of cheating and it felt like the most devestating thing ever. Not only did I feel that it was devestating, I felt cheated, slighted, used, and made a fool, who travels for 32 hours of travel by flight and hands over a not so cheap laptop just to get dumped. Of course, I had no idea what I was walking in to when I arrived there but I should have, damn those rose tinted glasses (right term?). I had no choice after attempting all possible ways of reconcilliation/throwing logic at the problem but to go NC, since I'll be damned if I was going to be second best and accept friend status, that July of 2011. I guess some would call me lucky not to have had my ex try to reach out to me at all, even to return my property. What has it gotten me after all this time? A decent portion of my sanity, enough to do very well in my medical studies, confidence reaquired, a great deal of understanding with relationships, but also a sense of pessimisim about females. Though the most tiresome and troublesome is that my ex-f still lingers in my mind and heart. She remains there still, thankfully not as bad as before, and I have no idea why. I cannot accurately depict this feeling I have when I think about her, it feels like longing for her and the good memories we created together, but, on the flip side, there is only frustration plus a feeling that it wasn't ever real. The notion that it wasn't real makes me feel lost, angry at myself, and only serves to further my pessimism. I guess, I am ranting here tonight because, for one, I accidently stumbled on a picture of her on my computer (deleted it promptly, of course) and now all I can think of is "I just don't know anymore." Otherwise, still glad I haven't broken NC, so that's a positive. Schach, you are kickin ass dude, make no mistake. Honestly man, time and acceptance you know, that's the key. I think a new chick will be the rubber stamp too. (I'll add that I know exactly what you are going through, I don't want to think about her, but my mind likes to play that sick game with me, but it has lessened over time, again, time, and acceptance, acceptin the irrefutable fact that she will never come back...maybe it is refutable, but it is better to accept that it most likely is not. This is not a hard science after all, just time and acceptance, and some new leg too). Edited May 13, 2012 by ToyWithMe812 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Share Posted May 13, 2012 Thanks for replying, You are 100% correct. I guess I was just feeling exhausted last night about everything, plus been having a decent amount of dreams about my ex of late, heh. Maybe I need another year to bleed this out, thankfully I have a good control on NC as it is the only solution, god knows I have nothing to even say to her anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
jennisfora Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 i also wonder if any of it was real. it is a struggle. if it was real, how can someone's feelings change overnight? if it wasn't real, all the good memories are a sham. i don't know what to think anymore. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Share Posted May 13, 2012 To us it seems like an over night change, but in reality it was a gradual process. My situation was a gradual process with the assistance of an outside male. What makes me question it was the fraility of the dead relationship, that's all it took, an outsider to destroy it. The relationship was not worth fighting for or even talking it out? Alas, this is where maturity comes in to play. I don't hate her or wish ill on her but I thank her for the good memories, even if they were full of falsehood. I think there is too many elusive feelings/emotions to point an accurate source of anguish, probably why I keep on rambling haha. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 She remains there still, thankfully not as bad as before, and I have no idea why. I cannot accurately depict this feeling I have when I think about her, it feels like longing for her and the good memories we created together. An ache....... xx Stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 Thanks smokey. I will not let this beat me. Link to post Share on other sites
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