Struggling, recovering and moving on

[Pebbles62]

I found this community while doing research on how to survive/recover/move on from what I'm realizing was a relationship with a sociopath. The brief version of the last year...

 

First, I use the term relationship very, very loosely. Over the past year, we've seen each other off and on...mostly off. Things exploded at Thanksgiving 2011 and we didn't speak until St. Pat's Day 2012. I was doing well and had gotten past the worst and for some stupid reason, I emailed him and threw myself right back down into the pit again. During this time, he'd moved on to the point of actually living with his new target but didn't bother to disclose that to me when we started communicating again. He said he'd been working and trying to get over me and I fell for it hook line and sinker. Fast forward to two weeks ago, his email was hacked and in a 60 minute period I received forwarded emails that sent my world crashing down again. In the last 12 months, he's been with countless women, is still married (his family lives out of state and he was working here) and planning a life with the woman he's basically living with.

 

I'm simply numb and wondering how I could have ignored all the red flags that I now realize were not only waving but jumping up and down screaming in my face. I know I am a very trusting person, want to believe people are good and try to give people the benefit of the doubt but I never considered myself a stupid person until now. I'm very thankful that he didn't use my financially but he sure drug me through the mud emotionally.

 

I'm struggling to put everything into perspective and know that only part of this is my fault. I should have paid attention to my gut feeling and didn't so that is my baggage to deal with. My emotions all over the place...anger, frustration, disappointment, betrayal, denial, sadness, revulsion and fear. I don't want to let this one man change he way I view all men and potential future relationship but right now I'm afraid it will.

 

That's my story, I'm here trying to put the pieces back together and am so thankful for a community like this.

Edited May 13, 2012 by Pebbles62
spelling

[ladyabstrused]

I'm sorry you had to go through all that and for that amount of time. I'm glad though that this is sooner than later. We have to keep seeing the positives in a situation to keep going in life otherwise we will just be lost. I wish you the best in mending the pieces of your life together.

[Pebbles62]

I am very thankful for the short time frame and that it was only emotional trauma. I'm reading so many stories here and although mine is painful, I realize how lucky I am. Others have been hurt so badly and it makes me very sad that they are suffering so at the hands of others.

[ladyabstrused]

Yeah. It does open your eyes to the other parts of life. Sometimes, I even see my own problem in another person's post here....and it can change perspectives and understanding to an extent.

[Pebbles62]

After finding out that there were numerous women in his life, I thought I'd better make sure I hadn't been exposed to anything. The tests all came back negative and that is a huge load off my mind.

[ladyabstrused]

That's really great news. I'm glad the tests came back negative.

 

That's the last thing you'd want to happen to you right now. Phew.

[turnera]

When something bad happens to me, I tell myself that it happened so I can learn. And grow. And improve. After all, if you hadn't met him, you still wouldn't know to pick your men more carefully, right? That's a good thing. You should be selective.

 

My DD21 has only dated one guy in 3 years of college - and she's fine with that - because her standards are so high (no jocks, no guitar players, no smokers, stuff like that). But even she got taken for a ride with the one guy she picked on OKC, who she wouldn't even meet in person for 3 months. He seemed wonderful, said all the right things, but turned out to be manipulative, insecure, and controlling. After he kicked her out of his apartment one night, I convinced her to dump him, and she did, and of course a month later he comes crawling back; she said no. And she's glad.

 

My point is that no matter how careful you are, you're gonna find some creeps. But what matters is what YOU do once you find out. Find your own strength, know your convictions, and if you find yourself in a situation that makes you compromise them, walk away and consider it one more learning experience. Practice.

[CopingGal]

Pebbles62, I dated a man who had sociopathic tendencies and narcissitic personality disorder traits. I talk about it throughout the coping forum entries so I will just be brief here in the abuse forum. He psychologically abused me, lied to me over and over again, used me, cheated on me, and treated me terribly, threw other women in my face, and then harassed me. It was the most painful thing I had ever gone through. He is a sick and twisted, evil person who thinks it's acceptable to use people and treat them terribly.

 

The only thing that works for me is NC. I've broken it some times to tell him off, but I always end up feeling worse. The only thing that works for me is absolutely no contact at all. So instead of telling him off, I write in the forums how I am feeling. I hate him and I wish I never met him.