alfie1_2 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Hi Guys, 4 weeks on from ILYBINILWU and my wife is still adament that we should have a proper sepertation, sell the house etc. This is something that I have resisted so far. I don't want to move out as it is my home as well and i couldn't be without my boys. We are still living in the same house and i am trying to follow the 180 but failing. The rules mean limited social interaction, keeping it business-like, and i am having real trouble with this. I don't want to come across as being off and drive her further away, allow at the moment i'm not sure this is possible! Just wondering if any of you guys had been able to follow the 180 with any success. I really can't imagine not being with my wife and kids - not gonna do anything stupid to myself - but my live would be empty Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Well, let's look at this practically. Do you have a joint mortgage? If yes, it's either sell the house and divide the proceeds, or one of you keeps the house, you get three independent valuations, take the middle value and give the other person half of the balance remaining, after the mortgage would be paid off. If it's in one person's name, that person can decide whether to stay or sell, but the other person still merits half the sale proceeds. As for the boys, you can reach a mutually acceptable agreement and either go for full or joint custody. if you can't decide what to do, the court will. On an emotional level, keep going with the counselling, and suggest joint marriage counselling, but tell her this, because it's true: Counselling . is . not . designed . to . keep . people . together. No, it's not. Counselling provides people with a safe, level and even playing field where each partner can express themselves calmly, openly and safely, and really reveal what is on their mind and discuss things logically with an eventual hope of a healthy compromise. What's more, Counsellors are not there to do the work for you. They arbitrate and guide, suggest and open up avenues of further dialogue, but their job is neither to teach nor preach, and they can't fix anything. You have to fix ‘anything’. The problem is - both people have to want it. Because one person, on their own, cannot fix what ails 2 people. A relationship is a partnership, and both people are 100% responsible for their 50% of the partnership. 'Blame' is more proportional, but the responsibility of relationship maintenance goes right down the middle. You are both 100% 'Responsible' for your 50% of the relationship, and as such you have to be accountable for that, and see what has happened to affect that. you need to talk, and you need to talk soon. contact an organisation called 'Marriage Care. They don't charge but request donations. Find one in your area. (see the box, bottom left, marked 'find your nearest Centre'). I used to work with them, and they're very good. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Try the free tape recording interviews (5) and readings (free) of Homer McDonald. You are perfect for his 3 sentence technique. Listen and read the material over and over, so you understand it deeply, before you impliment it, if choose to. Cause if you back down, you'll not look too good. I had the honor of speaking to him. He totally shifted my paradigm. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
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