when the dumper comes calling

[quasimoto]

so here it is, a good two months since she had requested some time off as it were. she has mailed three times since, and all three times i have been polite and short, not giving an inch in terms of revealing myself.

 

my birthday was sunday, and i expected not to hear from her, but yet i received an email wishing me a happy birthday with the greeting line saying "all my best." the message prior requested a chat with me, which i thoughtfully declined as i'm in the middle of preparing for a big exam next week and do not want to be distracted.

 

my goal was to wait until the end of next month to actually see her at our mutual friend's wedding, by which time it would have actually been nearly six months since we'd seen each other in person (given a day or two spent with one another.) however, i'm starting to feel the pull of wanting to talk to her, mainly due to the fact that we haven't once had any conversation since we took time apart, let alone about what had happened to us. i would like to extend myself to say that i'm free to be called at her will, but i don't want to open the door to defeating myself. i think it is unfair to give the impression that i'm punishing her, when in fact i am busy working on making myself strong again.

 

at this point i'm not going to call her, but i guess i am ambivalent about how to handle this.

[jmd28]

If you two have broken up, and you are willing to accept that its over, I think you should be strong too. You've worked hard staying away for 6 mos. and that is not an easy thing to do. DO NOT give in if you are not willing to go through again whatever it was that broke you guys up in the first place.

 

Breaking up is hard and it takes a while to get over somebody. Seeing her or talking to her right now seems to be too soon if you have to ask if it is. Are you 100% over her, or do you want her back? Has it been long enough for you to miss her, but not long enough to tell whether you are ready for communication with her. For most initial break ups, when they start talking too soon, they end up re-kindling the flame, but only for the time being. This is a mere effort just to see if it is really truly over, or if it is something worth salvaging. But after you get your answer you are left with this.. the same emptiness you worked so hard to get over.

 

The questions you are having about talking to her now, are the very same questions she is asking herself. She is weaker than you and it sounds like maybe she is the one that called it off and is having regrets. Its not uncommon for a girl to have a great guy and not know it until they've ruined it, where then they want to try and get it back. Don't fall for this. If what you guys had was real, it will happen on its own time, naturally. But you questioning it is a big indicator that now is not that time. Good luck to you.