Consolidated discussion - The Friend Zone

[somedude81]

Plenty of women have fallen for guys they werent too initially attracted to.

And how many of those relationships started out as, we got drunk and made out?

 

Drunken makeout aside, I've never heard of a woman falling for a guy she wasn't attracted to at first.

I think she said zero physical attraction. So, in your case, perhaps the woman has A cup breasts, boy-cut hair and is black, but you both have plenty of common interests. Do you think you could 'become' attracted to her? 'Decent looking' is really quite subjective.

Very interesting how you have to bring up an extreme example to support your point. The fact of the matter is, if it was a white girl with normal hair and normal breasts I would have no problem becoming attracted to her even if I wasn't at the start.

 

But what I meant about women, is even if she normally goes for average white guys, she can meet a guy who is white and average, who has everything in common with her, and for some reason will not become attracted to him.

[Els]

Very interesting how you have to bring up an extreme example to support your point. The fact of the matter is, if it was a white girl with normal hair and normal breasts I would have no problem becoming attracted to her even if I wasn't at the start.

 

But what I meant about women, is even if she normally goes for average white guys, she can meet a guy who is white and average, who has everything in common with her, and for some reason will not become attracted to him.

 

Very revealing answer, SD - in fact, I think therein lies the crux of the entire thread. You said someone 'decent looking' - I mentioned a black girl with short hair and A-cup breasts. In no way is she considered 'not decent-looking' by society as a whole - she isn't obese, ugly, excessively old or physically deformed. In fact, I'm sure some guys would get the hots for her. But she isn't your taste. As for the woman and the white 'average' guys, what if HER taste is black guys with an affro do? Why does she HAVE to be attracted to 'average white guys'?

 

And isn't that what this entire thread is about? You exclude some women because they aren't your taste. Some women exclude some men because they aren't their taste.

Edited July 24, 2012 by Elswyth

[Leopard]

The reason the friend zone exists is for the exact reason you stated: for men you like but aren't attracted to.

 

Can you overlook it? Sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. I did with my boyfriend and i'm really happy I did.

[carhill]

Expect to be FZ'ed if.....

 

The lady starts telling you her deepest and darkest secrets before any sexual activity occurs. I've yet to see an exception to this.

[GoodOnPaper]

And isn't that what this entire thread is about? You exclude some women because they aren't your taste. Some women exclude some men because they aren't their taste.

 

The philosophical logic isn't much comfort when it seems like women exclude you all the time. Sure, you can say that I exclude some women from consideration but 999 times out of 1000, they won't be aware of it -- and even if they were, most likely they wouldn't care because they wouldn't be interested anyway. On the other hand, we guys are painfully aware of every exclusion because we're trying to make the initial contact. When the exclusion-to-success ratio reaches a certain level all the logic in the world won't take away the hurt.

 

I actually thought the thread was about attraction vs. emotional compartmentalization (separating "friendship" and attraction). I can't think of a guy who would invest hours in meaningful conversation with a woman -- barring things like she being a relative, a close friend's fiance/wife, or way outside his dating age range, etc. -- if he didn't feel attracted. Many women don't seem to have a problem with this, though -- I first had it done to me at age 17 and many many years later, I still don't get it.

[somedude81]

Very revealing answer, SD - in fact, I think therein lies the crux of the entire thread. You said someone 'decent looking' - I mentioned a black girl with short hair and A-cup breasts. In no way is she considered 'not decent-looking' by society as a whole - she isn't obese, ugly, excessively old or physically deformed. In fact, I'm sure some guys would get the hots for her. But she isn't your taste. As for the woman and the white 'average' guys, what if HER taste is black guys with an affro do? Why does she HAVE to be attracted to 'average white guys'?

It seems you glanced over a part of my post. Here' I'll point it out for you.

But what I meant about women, is even if she normally goes for average white guys, she can meet a guy who is white and average, who has everything in common with her, and for some reason will not become attracted to him.

Want to try again

 

PS: Just in case you didn't get it, her taste is average white guys.

 

For the record, I have had crushes on two black girls so far and I think they both had short hair.

 

The reason the friend zone exists is for the exact reason you stated: for men you like but aren't attracted to.

 

Can you overlook it? Sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. I did with my boyfriend and i'm really happy I did.

How/why did you overlook it Leopard? Was it a decision you had to make?

Edited July 24, 2012 by somedude81

[Els]

The philosophical logic isn't much comfort when it seems like women exclude you all the time. Sure, you can say that I exclude some women from consideration but 999 times out of 1000, they won't be aware of it -- and even if they were, most likely they wouldn't care because they wouldn't be interested anyway. On the other hand, we guys are painfully aware of every exclusion because we're trying to make the initial contact. When the exclusion-to-success ratio reaches a certain level all the logic in the world won't take away the hurt.

 

I actually thought the thread was about attraction vs. emotional compartmentalization (separating "friendship" and attraction). I can't think of a guy who would invest hours in meaningful conversation with a woman -- barring things like she being a relative, a close friend's fiance/wife, or way outside his dating age range, etc. -- if he didn't feel attracted. Many women don't seem to have a problem with this, though -- I first had it done to me at age 17 and many many years later, I still don't get it.

 

I understand, I really do. I did not say I don't sympathize with it. Simply saying that there is no difference between the genders where it comes to requiring at least SOME attraction for love to develop. It's just the manner in which rejection is experienced that differs. Plenty of girls have never been asked out by a single reasonably decent guy in their lives, ever. One may say that they faced 'less' rejection than you, but doesn't change the fact that their exclusion-to-success ratio is as high as yours.

 

It seems you glanced over a part of my post. Here' I'll point it out for you.

 

Want to try again

 

PS: Just in case you didn't get it, her taste is average white guys.

 

See, you don't KNOW what her taste 'normally' is. She might have had crushes on or dated 'average white guys' for the most part, but that does not necessarily mean that being 'average white' is what is important for her, or that it is the reason she disqualifies other guys who are also 'average white'. What if she is into guys with certain professions, personality traits, hair, dressing, height, income, behaviour, manner of speech, etc, but those guys just so happened to be 'average white' as well?

 

For the record, I have had crushes on two black girls so far and I think they both had short hair.

 

Then why the aversion to my initial post? Could have just said 'yes, I might have become attracted to her', if that was what you genuinely feel could have happened.

Edited July 24, 2012 by Elswyth

[somedude81]

See, you don't KNOW what her taste 'normally' is. She might have had crushes on or dated 'average white guys' for the most part, but that does not necessarily mean that being 'average white' is what is important for her, or that it is the reason she disqualifies other guys who are also 'average white'. What if she is into guys with certain professions, personality traits, hair, dressing, height, income, behaviour, manner of speech, etc, but those guys just so happened to be 'average white' as well?

 

 

 

Then why the aversion to my initial post? Could have just said 'yes, I might have become attracted to her', if that was what you genuinely feel could have happened.

The whole entire point of my first post is that women are more picky about looks then men are.

 

Introduce a man who normally goes for average white girls to ten average white girls and most likely he can be attracted to all of them. Introduce a woman who normally goes for average white guys and introduce her to 10 average white guys, and there is a chance she she will only be attracted to a couple of them, most likely the best looking of them, if she's attracted to anybody at all. Getting back to the guy, he'd probably think that they all were cute, and be happy with any one of them.

[kaylan]

The reason the friend zone exists is for the exact reason you stated: for men you like but aren't attracted to.

 

Can you overlook it? Sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. I did with my boyfriend and i'm really happy I did.

:eek:

 

[ThaWholigan]

:eek:

 

Leave her, we've exhausted that discussion enough. Hopefully they live happily ever after I say.......

[MrNate 2.0]

In b4 11th page.

[oaks]

I believe this describes it quite well:

 

THERE IS NO ESCAPE - Dating Fails - Missed Connections, Dating Sites, & Breakups

 

[irc333]

Actually, I'd say it's women who work this way. As was noted before, a man isn't even going to bother getting to know a woman he doesn't find attractive

 

Sure he will....I have talked to women at parties or gatherings I didn't particular find attractive. I don't selectively mingle. I just wouldn't ask her out that's all.

 

I feel like men who say they find just about every woman attractive is being dishonest. What they mean is they find most cute women attractive.

You'd be surprised how many women I have found attractive that MOST men don't.

 

I'd say I'm one of those unique men that it doesn't take all that much for me to be physically attracted.

[ptp]

I know that most of it has to do with physical appearance as in if you aren't attractive you will get friend zoned, but are there personality characteristics too?

 

What are somethings that a guy does or doesn't do that makes you think of him as a friend as opposed to a boyfriend?

[mesmerized]

Personally, if he is an ass****e, I friendzone him. Yes, I've done this before. I'm not a drama lover like some girls out there. I want a guy who is attractive and who I feel safe and comfortable with.

[TLY22]

If I have feelings for someone, then they won't get 'friend-zoned'. Simple. I have one male friend who is incredible, and everyone thinks that I should've dated him, but I simply wasn't attracted to him. There were no feelings for him, so I was just his friend. It's as simple as that. Whereas a few months later I met a guy who I instantly fell for, and now we're dating. You can't force yourself to like someone just because they're a great person. If the feelings aren't there, then they're not there.

[USMCHokie]

I understand the intent of your question, so I only mention this as a quick aside, but guys do not get friend-zoned. Guys friend-zone themselves. If you are unhappy with the type of relationship that a girl is willing to offer you, then you shouldn't settle for that relationship.

 

The choice is yours and yours alone.

 

------------------

 

Now back to the topic at hand.

[USMCHokie]

If I have feelings for someone, then they won't get 'friend-zoned'. Simple.

 

This. It's as simple as them not having any romantic attraction towards you. It's no different from a woman you cold approach at a bar "rejecting" you; no matter the reason, whether it's physical or non-physical, the woman did not find you romantically desirable.

 

You shouldn't distinguish the reasons you're in the "friend-zone" with the reasons you don't get a girl's number. A rejection is a rejection.

[MrCastle]

Guys who fail to escalate get friend zoned. As someone else stated though, they do it to themselves.

 

I make my intentions known, if the girl shuts me down, I don't settle for a consolation prize where she gets all the benefits (attention, ego stroking, emotional tampon, etc) and I get nothing. That's not a friendship.

 

If I'm not dating you, we're not talking. Simple as.

[cerridwen]

He doesn't give off a sexual vibe/makes me wonder about having sex with him.

 

If he's sexy because he's great at innuendo, flirts well, knows how to use his body language to send a message of sexual interest, its unlikely I'll be friend zoning him.

[USMCHokie]

...its unlikely I'll be friend zoning him.

 

Aside from my disagreement with the idea that women friendzone men who are interested in them, what's the difference between men you "friendzone" and men you simply "reject"? Is there any difference...?

[cerridwen]

Aside from my disagreement with the idea that women friendzone men who are interested in them, what's the difference between men you "friendzone" and men you simply "reject"? Is there any difference...?

 

To you, there's probably no difference but in my book, I reject someone I don't care to ever know/see again.

A FZ is when there's no sexual interest but they're a great person who I'd continue to want to know.

[MrCastle]

Thanks for being a friend!

 

Traveled down the road and back again.

[cerridwen]

I will never let that happen to me. It's either all or nothing.

 

Good for you!

 

Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidante.

[MrCastle]

Good for you!

 

Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidante.

 

And if you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew. You would see the greatest gift would be from me and the card attached would say "Thank You For Being A Friend".