Two different views on reconciliation

[GardenDiva]

Ok, I would like opinions on a relationship issue. I have a philosophical difference on how to repair/forge a new relationship with someone. One of us says we have to address old stuff and that we can't build a new house on a shaky foundation and the other says that sometimes you have to knock down the whole structure and start anew (i.e. no rehashing or bringing up the past.)

 

Opinions please with examples if possible! Thanks!

[Krytie TV]

The only way you can have a chance in reconciliation is to understand and face what it is that caused the break. To ignore the antecedents to the breaking event does nothing to fix the issues that made it happen in the first place.

 

One Krytie's opinion.

[turnera]

Ignoring and pretending something isn't there will NEVER allow you to move forward. All it means is that, in the future, which you can't see right now, ANOTHER situation will come up - they always do - and whatever issues you had will just resurface. And then you'll have wasted another XX years on someone you're incompatible with.

 

Sit down, discuss it, and decide if you can still choose each other (as friends, partners, whatever) DESPITE your differences.

 

And if you can't, hash out what compromise it would take on BOTH your parts to be able to create a mutually beneficial environment.

[turnera]

And here's a secret: Nearly always, the person pushing the 'forget it happened and start over' agenda is doing so because they don't want to (1) admit their faults, (2) understand their faults, or (3) CHANGE their faults.

[GardenDiva]

The person who chooses the "move forward" way isn't necessarily at fault though. I do appreciate the responses. Thanks!