pink_sugar Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 So my dad either usually tells me to call him on mother's day, because he believes he was both mother and father to me. He was a single parent and he resents my mom and the fact that she wasn't able to provide for us financially. He won't relent. That is what father's day is for. Mother's day is to for women and to celebrate the female role models in your life. Mom, Stepmom, grandma etc. This year he expected me to call one of his ex's that he believes gave me guidance. I am friends with that ex and I aknowledge her and the things she did for me. But the thing is, she told me years ago when she met me and my dad, that her intentions were not to replace my mother nor did she have a desire to be in a mother role to me. She said she wanted to be a friend to me and give me guidance. Her and my dad were together about 4 years. I aknowledge her on her birthday and christmas and talk to her occasion. She also doesn't have any children of her own and given she didn't have a desire to be thought of as a mother, I think it would be inappropriate to call someone and wish them a happy mother's day when they aren't a mother. My dad likes to go into the past and talk about how I was "angry" when I first moved in with him at 8 years old and wasn't very nice to her. Me and his ex are beyond thinking of what happened 11-12 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Ask him why he insists that you do something that's against her wishes. Tell him that while you'll always appreciate how he was there for you and raised you on his own, this is a decision that's yours to make. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted May 15, 2012 Author Share Posted May 15, 2012 Exactly. While I'll always appreciate she was there for me, I've felt like she was more like a best friend to me more than anything all these years. Despite her being 53 and me 23, I feel like she is more of a good friend than a mother to me. Of course being older, she would give some guidance when prompted, but she never mothered me. (Raised me, disciplined me or reprimanded me etc). We are happy with our relationship the way it is. It would be different if she were to have lived with my dad or married him and was my stepmom, but she wasn't. I'll tell him what you said if this comes up again. I cannot believe why he needs to bring up all of his exes and what they did for me or how they were a mother figure to me. Basically anything he sticks is d*** in he'll find some way to say how she was a mother to me. Even the one who was only 7 years older than me and he married just for her to get her visa. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 From the information you've given, I suspect it's due his animosity against your biological mother. That's his problem though. You're an adult and can make up your own mind about who you contact or acknowledge. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted May 15, 2012 Author Share Posted May 15, 2012 Exactly on the dot! Link to post Share on other sites
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