misty514 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Hello, I am in this forum because i NEED SOME ADVICE!! I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs. Before I met him he was in a rebound relationship with a woman whom he had been with for about 2 yrs. He was also separated from his wife for about 2 yrs as well. We met by chance and love blossemed. We have been through so much since we have been together from almost being homeless to not having money to eat..and stood by each other through it all. Here were I need the advice. About 6 months after we started dating I was introduced to hi(ex)wife and son. They had come to our house to get acquianted. Since then his son comes every other weekend and his son and I have a great relationship. Now, we have bothe discussed him getting a divorce. With so many finacial obligations after being broke for so long any extra money we had went to my bankruptcy his dmv surcharges and all the other debts that we didnt have the money to pay because of being unemployed for almost 2yrs. He has expressed that he knows how I feel and that he wants to file as soon as we scrap together the 500-1000 bucks it will cost. By no means is this a race to get him sown the isle, but I really need the legal attachment ended...any advice Link to post Share on other sites
wellwhynot Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Many places have legal aid, where attorneys would work pro bono or for very small fees. Can you create a "divorce jar" or something and put a set amount and any extra you can a week in that? A job doing pretty much anything, even for minimum wage a couple nights a week flipping burgers or on weekends would earn that money pretty fast. I hope things are better for you financially now. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Do an online search for 'free divorce services' in your county. Many counties offer a website and/or free services that you can use to download, fill out, and even file paperwork that would typically go through an attorney's office (and therefore cost you too darned much). If the divorce is uncontested, and there are little/no assets and debt to divide, it should be relatively simple and easy to accomplish. You might also simply call your local courthouse and ask them if they're aware of any such divorce assistance services offered in your county. Link to post Share on other sites
Author misty514 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 I just feel like broken record sometimes, and we really have not had any extra money for anything. We live in NYC so everything is expensive, so with that said I feel aw if the opportunity to just get it done has not really happened. My fear stems from wasting time. My previous relationship of 8 yrs has me somewhat scarred. I wasted my time believing a man who said we would get married, but then once I started going for my Masters deree and he was suppose to step up, he bailed, I was crushed. It is always inthe back of my mind...what if that happens again. I know my boyfriend loves me, he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I do believe in love so of course I am able to give a chance to a man who wants me in his life. He tells me these things all the time. I guess my previous relationship has me paranoid.. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 What I want to know is what happened that brought all of these emotions to the forefront. You were with him and you never felt the urgency. Now you are at that point where you need conformation that this relationship is real. What happened? Is is getting older? Too much time has passed and you want a title? Do you have an engagement ring? Has he brought up marriage? You seem like you want the security of knowing he is yours and then you back off as though no title is needed. What do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author misty514 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 When we first met, he was completely upfront with the fact he had been separated for 2 yrs before we even met, he was dating someone else. I knew his situation so I didnt crowd him or pursue him, he pursued me. We spent a couple of months just hangin out getting to know one another. He had ended the other relationship and wanted me to be exclusive with him. I gave it a chance...that was 2 1/2 yrs ago. He has brought up getting divorced and also spending the rest of his life with me. I met his son about 6 months after we stated dating, also the (Ex) wife, we all get along fine. There are no secrets, we are not hiding from anyone, everyone knows we are together. Met his parents been on vacation with them 3 times. I guess the reason I really want the legal ties separted is that we are moving forward in our relationship, moving to a bigger apt, he is up for a serious job offer soon and just do not want any legal hassles.. He knows how I feel about it and said if it was me in the situation he would feel the same. That being said, we have been through some of the most horrendous money problem the last 2 yrs, both of us were unemployed and by the time we both started working the amount of debt we had was ridiculous. We were almost homeless, and had nothing. So when we finally got jjobs we had to pay everything off, so there was no extra money for anything else. Now I have just finished my bankruptcy & he court costs, so only now can we even think about trying to save the 500-1000 bucks for the divorce.I always check to see if we are still moving forward and he says yes, you know that is what I want, so this is not so much as a race to get him to the alter but to sever the legal stuff. But I do think it would be nice for his son to see us married... since he always asks me anyway when I am going to marry hihs daddy...would just make things better in the eyes of the court, because he eventually would like his son to come live with us!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I think it would nice for you to see yourself married. Lets not talk about the son. Not that he doesn't matter but I want you to focus on your wants and needs. Don't use that factor of the son wanting it as a reason. You have a relationship that's been through some rough times so the LOVE is there. Good times and in bad you have already proven he would be a fool not to marry you. I always tell people where there is a will there is a way. Your past relationship issues is not going to help you. If you need to feel secure then ask him to marry you. Get a Cracker jack box ring and propose. Don't feel "ashamed" as though you are pushing him up the isle. You want to know that this relationship is all that it is and it seems you need something solid. Not just promises. Money comes and goes... The two of you need to find the funds, also his wife can chip in since it is HER DIVORCE. I am sure she would oblige. Sell whatever you can to get the money. Make this a priority. His divorce is your new kidney. Look at it in those terms. It needs to happen. You seem stressed about this still being an issue and the last thing you need is stress. Ask for what you want and need. Don't apologize for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author misty514 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Share Posted May 17, 2012 That was some of the most insightful advice and wisdom I have ever received. Thank you..you helped me see things clearly....Hope your life is blessed with love! Link to post Share on other sites
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