rejected_lost Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Hi, I got in touch with this girl in my college on facebook since we never got to talk in person given we aren't in the same class... we got on well and she came across as a decent girl though flirty like most girls out there... exchanged numbers and all and started texting and calling a lot... she used to initiate 90% of it and it looked as though she's really interested in me... once will we were talking on the phone I asked her about her relationship status... she said she's committed to a guy in her hometown(I belong to the same city) but things are not going well with him... we continued talking and chatting on the phone and it really seemed as though she's very interested... As time passed by, we met once while in our home city for holidays and went for lunch... it went well... she kept on calling and texting... we returned to college and this continued... and then I started to fall for her... she has a best male friend in college with whom she spends a lot of time... but still she continued to text me and call me a lot... we couldn't meet cause she didn't want people talking about us... and once she even suggested we stop all contact while in college since his best friend didn't like her talking to me so much and that she would meet me once we go home for holidays... I didn't like it and confronted her about it and made it clear that if she wants me in her life, she cannot do this to me... eventually she spoke to her friend about it and decided to keep contact with me... I was becoming insecure... I know I shouldn't but it just happened... I started liking her once her attention started to ease off a little bit... I expressed my liking for her through a text(agn not a wise thing to do) and she responded in the negative... but still kept on calling and texting... we came to our hometown for summer holidays and now it seems as though she's getting on well with her bf and that obviously meant she doesn't call or msg me that often... however, we do meet frequently for a smoke or a snack... say thrice a week or even more but it looks evident that the magic is gone... I still like her a lot and I want her as a friend but I want more cause she's so amazing... I even tried expressing my care for her over the phone once again but she didn't respond favourably... I think she was interested initially but now that she's doing well with her bf, she wants me just as a friend... plus she is also in touch with a couple of his other good male friends over text and phone that I feel sidelined... it hurts to see that all the attention she used to shower on me when we were in college is gone... I miss that a lot... but more importantly I hate to see the girl I like to much walking away... the silver lining though is that she does msg me once or twice a day and at times I too initiate a conversation which I hardly had to do when she was so into me... What do I do now? She means a lot to me but she has a bf whom she says she will marry and she has her other close friends too while I too am a good friend I feel... but just that... is there any chance of winning her heart? I know it's not right to steal someone else's gf but she did show a lot of interest initially so that's what is tempting me... and I know my feelings for her are genuine and I can be a better bf... but then someone else could be better than me too... so am very confused and do not know what to do... should I just be by her side as a friend and continue meeting her just like a friend... at times I feel I try too hard though... kindly provide your valuable inputs so I can get a sense of direction to get over this... cause it's affecting me real bad... Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I've been there...and it really does hurt. You do have to make a difficult decision though: is the emotional stress worth keeping her as a close friend? She seems like she was using you as a cushion when things weren't going well with her boyfriend. Now that things are good, she's backing off from you...and in the meantime you developed feelings for her. It's rough, but my advice is to back away a bit. Don't hang out with her as often and decline the constant requests to hang out or talk. You don't have to go complete no-contact with her, but reducing contact will allow you to move on and get over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rejected_lost Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 I've been there...and it really does hurt. You do have to make a difficult decision though: is the emotional stress worth keeping her as a close friend? She seems like she was using you as a cushion when things weren't going well with her boyfriend. Now that things are good, she's backing off from you...and in the meantime you developed feelings for her. It's rough, but my advice is to back away a bit. Don't hang out with her as often and decline the constant requests to hang out or talk. You don't have to go complete no-contact with her, but reducing contact will allow you to move on and get over her. Thanks NateC... it was getting too much for me to take... if she always saw me as nothing more than a friend or even a good friend, she wouldn't have kept on texting and calling me so much... I sent her a msg 2 days back telling her one last time that I like her and since the feeling is not mutual, we should stay away and cut all contact so I can get over these feelings... since then she texted me once telling me how she won't be able to smoke anymore since I was her only company for smoking... and last night she texted me saying she doesn't think she'd like to be friends with me again... It's hurting me to see I'm losing a friend but I understand she has become an obsession and it would be better to lose her completely than to suffer while being friends with her... Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Thanks NateC... it was getting too much for me to take... if she always saw me as nothing more than a friend or even a good friend, she wouldn't have kept on texting and calling me so much... I sent her a msg 2 days back telling her one last time that I like her and since the feeling is not mutual, we should stay away and cut all contact so I can get over these feelings... since then she texted me once telling me how she won't be able to smoke anymore since I was her only company for smoking... and last night she texted me saying she doesn't think she'd like to be friends with me again... It's hurting me to see I'm losing a friend but I understand she has become an obsession and it would be better to lose her completely than to suffer while being friends with her... You did the right thing. In a way, you stood up for yourself and your feelings. Bravo to you. It'll be tough, but you can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rejected_lost Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 You did the right thing. In a way, you stood up for yourself and your feelings. Bravo to you. It'll be tough, but you can move on. That felt good... thanks agn... just hoping I move on soon and I know some day I will find the woman of my dreams who will like me the way I like her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author rejected_lost Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Guys... I've screwed it up again... and all the suffering and torture is back... Like I posted a couple of days back that I've cut all contact with this girl... I made a mistake of replying to one of her texts and then fell for the trap again... we had a heated argument through text and then I asked her out for a smoke... after that she msgd me all day like she used to when in college and I felt better... last evening I texted her asking what she was doing and she replied she's going out for dinner with her bf who got a new car... that hurt... and the attention which she gave me came down again today as I was the one initiating conversations... she wants me as a friend and no matter how hard I try to be just that it's affecting me like crazy and it's like either I do not feel like replying at all or I feel like texting her all the time... In that argument we had I happened to ask her if all she wanted was friendship why did she keep on texting and calling me all the time while in college... she replied saying that it's human tendency to know and prefer someone when new... I don't know what to make of it but whatever it is I'm feeling the pinch again... like I said I've screwed it up... I asked her out for a smoke after the argument and now I do not know what to do... my friends asked me to stay away from being friends but I've messed it up... I'm going crazy... I can't concentrate on my studies and it hurts... she replies everytime I msg but I can feel that spark is gone... she doesn't consider me to be that important anymore... I can't understand what to do... this is making me feel like staying away from other girls too cause I feel every girl uses me when they want emotionally and then they just go away when they want... the meaning of love and friendship is changing for me and given so much burden on my head pertaining to academics, career and this especially is driving me nuts... at times I feel there's no point in living anymore... yes this might be an overreaction but it's because I'm either in love with her or am obsessed... where do I go from here? Please help... Link to post Share on other sites
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