my bf is in a fetish yahoo!group.... why it makes me unconfortable??

[Pyrannaste]

hello,

 

I need some opinions on yet another subject.

 

My bf yesterday told me he registered in a fetish yahoo!group about 'playing the gynecologist' sex games. he has this fantasy of using speculums on me, which we acted out several times and which is very okay with me.

He said he signed in mainly for downloading/looking at the pics/clips stored in the group.

He would not tell me the name of the group, he would prefer I didn't look for it, and that I didn't register too.

He said to "trust him".

 

I asked him not to contact any of the group female members, expecially if they are from Italy, and he agreed.

 

Now, there are no *real, rational* reasons why I should be unconfortable with it.

- the group language is english. My bf's english is not very good. (he lives in Italy, like me) It is very probable that he'll not even post message to the group (which I guess would be okay with me), he agreed he not to contact privately any of the female group members. And not to reply if any lady contacts him. (which he probably didn't even think about in the first place when he registered to the group).

- he told me he just registered to watch the clips/pics.

- It is very possible that 90% of the group members are males. It is very unlikely there are any female members from Italy.

 

So why am I feeling worried about this?????

It is irrational but I have a huge insecurity attack. Anyone has any advice about how to overcome it?

 

 

I guess that comes from when two years ago I bumped on a post of his in an italian forum about sex, where a girl who never tried to masturbate asked how to masturbate, saying "she really *wanted* to get pleasure from masturbation" and he replied "Write to me at this e-mail address and I'll explain it to you if you want to know, I am not replying on the forum because your post sounds like a joke" (which was true, it looked more like a post from an horny male teenager).

 

We had a big argument (where he refused to acknowledge he did something out of line).

I guess it is possible he was sincere when he said he did not want to try to have cyber sex with her, or jerk off at the idea of explaining a girl how to masturbate, but he just wanted to help. Yet even if his intentions were totally innocent(which i am not too sure of) he still was out of line to me.

And instead of apologizing he insisted he did not really do anything bad, that I was snooping(browsing the internet for traces of him), that I was controlling and a possessive nagging gf.

 

I guess I just never got over that.

 

But again, when that argument happened I had never told him that that offering to privately explain a girl how to masturbate, even with innocent intentions, was not okay with me. I just *assumed* he'd think it was not okay too.

 

This time he *told* me he registered to the yahoo!group(I appreciated it) , while I'd have never found out on my own, he *told* me he was looking for other similar groups, I am positive he has not been sex-cybering with ladies so far, he agreed not to contact any ladies privately.

So I have many reasons not to worry.

 

Any advice about how to overcome this?

[Debster]

I must admit - I HATE going to the gynecologist, so the idea of acting one out with my fiance gives me the weebeejeebies.

 

Pyronnaste - I got to tell you, i'm reading a lot of posts from you where you talk about your boyfriend doing this and that and how it hurts you. First of all, whether or not you have a rationale for feeling this way, is inconsequential. The fact remains that it hurts you. Why be with someone who would repeatedly do things that he knows you don't appreciate? It seems like your boyfriend has a very active sex drive or requires a lot of stimulation. Decide right now if this is ok with you. If it isn't, get out.

 

You have a right to your feelings.

He has a right to his actions and sex drive.

If the two rights don't get along,

the relationship is wrong.