Thinking...

[Got it]

Got it,

 

See Miss Bee's first post in this thread. It explains how a lot of MM are just shallow and immature in thinking they can just get some on the side, and it not effect their marriage or wife.

 

And I disagree. One I don't believe that it is MM specific to do that and I actually beleive that there are deeper reasons why someone cheats than just a piece on the side. Humans, by nature of all mammals, are innately lazy. We tend to follow the path of least resistence. Having an affair is actually putting in an inordinate amount of energy before, during and after that would run contrary to the shallow belief of wanting a piece on the side.

[Danie]

And I disagree. One I don't believe that it is MM specific to do that and I actually beleive that there are deeper reasons why someone cheats than just a piece on the side. Humans, by nature of all mammals, are innately lazy. We tend to follow the path of least resistence. Having an affair is actually putting in an inordinate amount of energy before, during and after that would run contrary to the shallow belief of wanting a piece on the side.

 

 

I disagree with this. It's not laziness that makes people generally follow the path of least resistance. I think mostly people (and mammals) learn to be who they are throught their overall life experiances. I do agree that there are deeper issues that sex at play for the WS....even deeper than 'somethings missing' or what have you. I'd think that the deeper issues would be unique to the individual.

 

Also, I think for the most part the WS has no intention of being caught therefore, in thier minds, they are risking nothing- they plan not to be caught.

[Got it]

I disagree with this. It's not laziness that makes people generally follow the path of least resistance. I think mostly people (and mammals) learn to be who they are throught their overall life experiances. I do agree that there are deeper issues that sex at play for the WS....even deeper than 'somethings missing' or what have you. I'd think that the deeper issues would be unique to the individual.

 

Also, I think for the most part the WS has no intention of being caught therefore, in thier minds, they are risking nothing- they plan not to be caught.

 

Okay but that is a pretty well known observation. If lazy is throwing you then put in conservative on energy. Darwinism would dictate that wasted energy is a very negative thing, you will run yourself ragged and thusly leave yourself exposed to danger in different areas. So conserving energies helps continue one's existence. Lol, mammals learn who they are? Really? I am looking at my cat right now and not sure if she knows who she is? I guess she thinks she is pretty hot stuff based on her antics. Though I am not sure who taught her that she is queen of the world, I need to slap them upside the head.

 

In regards to WS being caught, while yes a WS usually is not wanting to be caught that does not mean that the possibility of such does not cross their mind. It crossed mine plenty of times, just how much it cares is the big question. At some point in the affair enough time has taken place that the realization of a dday does come to ahead. There are always near misses that makes a person realize all that is at stake. I think there is a very small delusional few or have such inflated ego's that they can continue on with no sliver of knowledge that a dday is a real possibility. Again the question is, at that point, how much do you care?

[stillwater]

Okay but that is a pretty well known observation. If lazy is throwing you then put in conservative on energy. Darwinism would dictate that wasted energy is a very negative thing, you will run yourself ragged and thusly leave yourself exposed to danger in different areas. So conserving energies helps continue one's existence.

There are a lot of things animals do to attract mates that waste energy, just for the sake of wasting energy! If you have so much energy/resources that you can afford to waste some of it, it proves to another that you probably have good genes. For example, if you're a deer and you can put so much energy into growing a huge rack every year, it means you're probably doing ok for yourself. Similarly, many human males are attracted to females that have the extra energy to grow a huge rack too

 

Seriously though, as far as expending so much energy that you run yourself ragged, lots of animals do this during mating season. Deer-car collisions spike during mating season because deer are running around like crazy. In general wasting energy is a bad thing, but when it comes to spreading your genes, it seems all bets are off.

 

And to veer back toward the topic, I'm sure some people do feel that their M is for show, or that they aren't their real selves in the M. It seems this requires a lot of wasted energy too, pretending to be something you're not.

Edited May 17, 2012 by stillwater

[MissBee]

I believe there are assumptions based on the above but I don't know of any one study that actually proves it. I know that it is assumed that men cheat for sex but there are also a number of studies that show that the emotional desires are a big(ger) reason why men cheat as well.

 

I think it is an underestimation of the male gender to follow some of the assumptions as I think they are far more shallow than the actual reasons. I do believe that men, in general, are less emotionally self actualized so they may take a shallow reason on why they are doing what they are doing but that is not necessarily the real reason.

 

I respectfully disagree that there is gender specific/hard wiring on the reasons why the gender's cheat. I think we are much more complex than what society has ruled to be gender specific.

 

 

Hey Got It,

 

I never said that the only reason men cheat is for sex or that there is a gender specific reason for cheating, where every time a man cheats it is for X reason and when a woman does it is for Y reason. I am definitely not that simple-minded. I am not sure if you're trying to argue that there are no differences between how men and women process, interpret, go about certain things or if you are simply saying that it is nuanced and that men don't only cheat for X reason and women for Y. If it is the latter, I agree and wasn't trying to say that, but I don't think any school of thought would try to assert the former.The point I was making, which you also support in bringing up the less emotionally self-actualized man-which is a function of how society socializes the genders-is that women and men may exhibit very different reasoning and rationale for their behavior.

 

I just did a quick survey of literature on infidelity on JSTOR and the first article I clicked, "The Cheating Heart: Scientific Explorations of Infidelity". They went through various gender differences with regards to infidelity like women having a broader definition of infidelity, more men's infidelities tend to be one night stands than women who had one night stands, and of course marital dissatisfaction tending to be higher among unfaithful women over unfaithful men. The point is, that within studies, the studies themselves find gender differences in the kinds of actions men and women perform w/ regards to infidelity and also the rationale and reasons men and women give to others and themselves about it. My initial response to wellwhynot was not about proposing an exhaustive list of why men cheat or why women do, it was answering her question about the specific rationale of feeling like the marriage is a sham and saying that more women will probably have this reasoning or assume this reasoning than men who do.

Edited May 17, 2012 by MissBee